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Are You Generally A Good Person?


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You see I have this feeling. Call it a hunch, that even when I try to be the best version of myself, I automatically windup causing pain. Its a trend that hasn't stopped for 30 years. As much as I want to be a good person, do the right things, lead a joyful path... It gets ripped apart. So in essence what is the point of being a good person? To live up to social expectations of what "Good" is? F-that man.

 

Do you feel like being a good person means you get pooped on?

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Well in most cases for me personally the douche bags always seem to win. You can be a nice/good person but in the end you get pooped on all the time. It just happens... Myself, I'm considered a "good" person but can't for whatever reason even get a date.

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I AM a good person.  For certain definitions of good...

 

I can't remember ever knowingly trying to harm anyone, mentally, physically, or emotionally.  Oh, sometimes it's not within me to reach out and help people all the time, but sometimes I do, and I'm trying to get better at that.

 

Do my efforts backfire sometimes?  Yup.  Remember, all 7,000,000,000 of us have different points of view - different backgrounds, different educations, different tolerances for personal space, interference, different views of self.  So maybe sometimes our efforts are resented or fall on deaf ears.

 

But I try to learn as I go along.  I don't go into situations with perfect knowledge.

 

Also, certainly because I try to approach things from a very neutral, compassionate point of view, I eat a certain amount of crap.  I get screwed sometimes.  Again, I try to learn as I go along.  We're all allowed to make mistakes.  But hopefully only once, eh?

 

I hope you can revisit this attitude and remember some times where you've actually done good without repercussions - enriched someone else's lives.  And maybe you've done so without realizing it.  Sometimes we can impact others by simply providing an example of how to deal with life and those around us.  Maybe some folks are saying "say, abandonedalways is a decent guy... too bad things took a bad turn.  I'm going to try to be more like him... ".

 

Ultimately, we all have to live with ourselves.  What is your personal credo?  How do you try to live your life?  And are you living up to that?  How do you want to be remembered when you are 100 and they finally lay you to rest?

 

Best wishes.

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I would like to think that I'm generally a good person, if by good we mean having a sense of empathy and generosity to others. I think that a majority of people would agree that they try to do best by those closest to them (and in the context of their culture) and to have at least some decency for the rest. There are two ways, however, where I think the need to be 'good' can become a problem: 1) You try to make everyone happy all of the time. This is simply impossible. If you try, you will find yourself being taken advantage of frequently. Others will disrespect you because they know that they can get away with it. 2) You become zealous/self-righteous, attempting to rise above humanity. Others will react to this as arrogance and will have contempt for you because we all have our shadow/primitive side to acknowledge. I'm having to come to terms with this right now in that much of what I value is just not going to happen in reality. Whenever you're dealing with people, including yourself, you eventually hit a wall.

 

We are both 'good' and 'bad'. It's just a matter of finding the right times to entertain our 'bad' so that it doesn't take us over. Complete repression is dangerous.

 

Please contact this member for the video link. 

Edited by 20YearsandCounting
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I think my heart is in the right place. And my values are the right ones. But I'm definitely not incorruptible; I have my weaknesses were I'm prone to bad judgement.
I can be seduced. Sometimes, it annoys me that I'm not more rigid. And were I ask myself: "Hey, where's your integrity?"  Other times I simply just go with it. But I'm working on it! ;)
And if someone hurts my feelings or pride; or if someone is to me; unjust ; I can become really vicious. Words only, though. Some ugly words has come out of my mouth; were I've hurt others, intentionally. But words has also come out of my mouth, were which the recipient thought is was the most beautiful and touching thing ever: and was moved to tears by them. So the pendulum can swing both ways, I guess. And it's probably like this for everyone, and it's life!; you know?                    But my core is good; I think. And that's what others think of me as well, most of the time. That I'm a guy with a good core; but that I make mistakes. 

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I have been a very good person in my whole life.

But honestly I witness most good persons ended up being used and abused.

Many were considered to be weak, inconfident and unefficient and targeted as a prey.

On the other hand, I am seeing most a-holes were much happier and more successful in life.

They were often considered confident, strong and capable persons and admired or sometimes worshiped by other people.

People used to say "Women like a-holes". Mr. nice guys are frequently losers. It is again found to be true.

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We are ruled by two powerful forces in our brain: cognition (thinking) and emotion.

 

Our cognitive side tries to rule our decision making, problem solving and forward thinking. It's one of the more recently formed parts of our brain but it's allowed us - weak as our species is - to rule the planet for thousands of years. It's even given us the means to leave the planet in the same time period. It's very powerful.

 

Our emotional side, on the other hand, is much more primitive and extremely powerful part of our brain. It formed long before we began making tools and building things. It is the domain of love, fear, anger, anxiety, hate, revenge, shame and guilt to name a few. The emotional side is so powerful it can easily override the cognitive side. You can easily make decisions based solely on emotion - even though that's cognition's neighborhood.

 

So there's a constant tug of war between the rational mind and the emotional mind. It's in all of us and it's why good people will yell at someone who cuts them off in traffic. It's why good people will say hurtful things during an argument. It's why rational people will get married without a prenuptial agreement. The emotional side wins more than it loses. 

 

So we are all "good" people. Very few of us will intentionally do something specifically to hurt someone else.

 

Peace and love

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  • 4 weeks later...

I would say the point to being a good person is to be able to help others. The point of being a bad person is to watch other people suffer. People generally do things for a reason, or for the result/feeling they get from their actions. So I guess it depends what motivates you? Can you put your ego aside and find joy in the pleasure of others? Or are you all about your ego and find joy in knowing someone is suffering more than you? I think that is the difference between being a good person or not. And I do think there are situations where it seems like the good guy never wins - The harder you work the more people use you. The nicer you are the more people walk all over you. But a good person wouldn't see those qualities and take advantage of them, they would see a nice hard working person as an asset. In general though, I feel like people have good intentions and you wont always get pooped on for being a good person.

Edited by MarineBio
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I would like to think I'm a good person but sometimes I've reflected my actions and I know I've acted out irrationally which makes me not become a good person but I will still try my best to help others in need, and not just strangers but family members. People tend to forget that family members need help too. I've noticed that people go all means to help strangers and they feel good about themselves and they're proud of helping others, which I admire, but they neglect the needs of their family.

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I'd like to slightly amend my previous responses.

 

I did things as a youth which I am not proud of.  A bunch of "kid stuff" - frying ants with magnifying glasses, etc...  I guess my last fistfight was maybe when I was 15.

 

As an adult, I have at times acted selfishly to others' detriment.  I have also been resentful of some of the helpful actions that I've performed.  When I got divorced in 2001, I moved back in with my mother, and I was her primary caregiver for the last six months of her life - ensuring that she took meds as appropriate, cooking, taking her to doctor appointments.  IT did not come naturally to me, and I selfishly disliked it.  I regret those emotions, and have tried to amend my thoughts of late.

 

What are my instinctive reactions and actions?  In short, probably to help someone unless I perceive a physical threat to myself.  I guess I'm no hero.

 

In the past thirty months, since my mothers' death, I've donated or given away all of her clothes, about 3/4 of the household furniture, dishes, other household goods, books, much of my clothing, my bicycles.  Partly because I'm not using them but also so that I can see them put to use by others who can use them.  I continue to look for ways to streamline my situation and will give away or donate whatever I get rid of.

 

I like trying to help people on DF.

 

I was glad to participate in our local astronomy clubs' Library Telescope program, modifying and adjusting telescopes so that library patrons can check out telescopes and discover the wonders of science and space.

 

I haven't fully decided how/when, as I am in a transitional phase, but I will probably be looking for local volunteer opportunities in a couple of months.

 

I am still working on myself - some days it's hard to get out of the house - so the thought of volunteering seems daunting.

 

I have my regular charities.  When I got my first big tax refund earlier this year, I earmarked about 15% toward contributions.

 

Does that make me good?  Are any of us good all the time?

 

I dunno... I could be a lot better, I know.  I'm trying to work toward it.

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You see I have this feeling. Call it a hunch, that even when I try to be the best version of myself, I automatically windup causing pain. Its a trend that hasn't stopped for 30 years. As much as I want to be a good person, do the right things, lead a joyful path... It gets ripped apart. So in essence what is the point of being a good person? To live up to social expectations of what "Good" is? F-that man.

 

Do you feel like being a good person means you get pooped on?

 

 I believe that I am, and people try to take advantage of that or generally screw with me. I think unintentionally causing pain is just being human; it's impossible to please everybody at all times.

 

 I am "good" because my conscience would attack me otherwise and not let me sleep at night.

 

- Christina

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Also I think your intentions and the effort you put in matter more than the end-result. Take this scenario:

 

3 people are drowning in the ocean.

 

A. A worried person on the beach sees them, jumps in, gives it his all, but unfortunately cannot save all three drowning people.

 

B. A really dark-hearted, malicious, person sees them while zooming around in his boat and tries to roll past them without blinking an eye. The three people drowning are so desperate for life that they clutch on to his boat and make it to the dock. Inadvertently, the bad person saves all 3 people that he didn't care to help.

 

I think A is the better person, even if A didn't succeed.

 

- Christina

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