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Long Time Suffer, First Time Posting

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I am in my mid 30's and I have been suffering depression for many years, only in recent years have I been diagnosed with Mixed Affective Disorder (apart of Bi-Polar) and serve anxiety! 
I am really battling my inner demons at the moment and outside pressures are taking it's toll on me, I am trying to don the brave face, but to be honest I feel like the hole is closing in on me. 
I thought that maybe coming onto an online forum might be helpful, right now anything has to be better than the feeling of just wanting to sleep and feeling fed up.
I have young kids and just can't simply do that!
thanks for reading! 

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I'm glad you found this forum, it can be so helpful talking to others who understand exactly what you are going through. I'm a single mom of a 14-year-old boy who has suffered from depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. for years.  I thought I had it under control but lately it has been rearing its ugly head.  That's why I came back here today after a long absence and saw your post.  


Are you on medications?  Seeking professional help?  If not, I hope you will as no one has to suffer like this.  I see my doctor in July and hopefully will get my meds adjusted or find another way to get back on the right road.  Being a mom with depression is tough.  My best advice is be as honest as you can with your kids, they understand more than you think.  My son came into my room last night with an anxiety attack.  Fortunately he knew what was happening and just needed mom (he slept on my bedroom floor).  


I know I'm all over the place here, but it's all part of the illness (feel free to read my profile).  I hope you find this forum as helpful as I have over the past several years.  There are a lot of groups I'm sure you can relate to and people are caring and do not judge. I hope things look up for you soon, for both of us.  Good luck!

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Thanks, taysmom1016, I am on medications, been trying different ones over the past 4 years especially, just don't feel anything works all that well for very long. A couple of ones I found to work fantastically well, seemed to give horrible ongoing side effects. So I am still very much a work in progress.

I have and are currently seeking professional help, I have tried different ones and I don't feel any better, in fact I find it just brings up things in the past I would rather forget, instead it feels like they need to re-hash old stories.

My 2 kids are aware that I am not the best and they are actually really good, but I feel guilty that I never seem to feel up and bubbly like I should be for the. Last year I had Hysterectomy after 4 years of ongoing flooding, bleeding and serve pain. The hormone medications just played with my head so much, it was then I went to psychiatrist around 3 years ago and was diagnosed with secondary Mixed Affective Diesorder. All those hormones medications had just taken its toll.

Now 12 months post surgery now, I am still fighting a major battle that I unfortunately thought was going to improve after having my Hyster and coming off all these horrible hormone meds.

It has not be case, now I just feel lost and I think it is because I used to blame my hormones for it all.


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I deal with a lot of female problems too, post Legionnaire's disease in 2008 that screwed up my whole system.  I've thought of just having them take everything out so I wouldn't have to deal with that every month (I'm 50, had my only child, don't need it anymore).  I'm afraid of the hormone imbalance also.  


I hope they find the right medication/therapy for you.  I know it's not a cure all, but it helps.  I try to force myself to do things I know I'm supposed to enjoy even though it feels like more of an effort tan anything else, but it does help in the long run.  Take care.

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