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I Feel Like I'm Wasting My Time


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i'm a 20 year old college dropout wanting to start a new university, i was doing industrial design and i made the horrible mistake (i don't even know if it really is) of dropping out of it after 2 relatively ok years, to persue my (no longer)dream of being a biologist, i've been accepted to start in september of 2015 but this dream is already fading after i discovered there is no survivability for biologists without the academic career path(at least here in my country), i feel horribly confused, i've dreamed of being an all important scientist, a completely romantic vision, as now i know that thats never going to happen because hey, billions of other fools like me want the exact same thing, and thats why 80% of all PHDS go unemployed, not only that but there is the problem of graduate school being living hell (as implied by grad students and recent professors themselves), it just doesn't seem worth at all going till your 30s to mid 30's without any financial and job security(even if minimal), and thats not counting the stress and pressure to do the boring things(publish), its not what i want, so now i'm here, wasting another year of my life doing nothing, studying in false hopes of doing better then i did last year on a exam (im horrible at exams) to get into a university that i have not chosen yet, i feel like a slob, i feel like my parents are pressuring on me, wich just adds to this ridiculous depression that i've been having for these months, like im never going to amount to nothing but the boring ordinary cubicle worker earning mid wage until i die. Still, being able to rely on yourself seems like a better plan then blindly following your dreams, if only i had some idea of what alternative i could have, everything else seems s***ty.

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If it makes you feel better I'm a 21 year old never gone to college do lack of funds and a borderline paranoid fear of debt.

Just what do you want to do as a biologist? 


Work with animals? I know one does not need to be a environmental genius to interact with animals. Hell at Seaworld the people that used to do the whale shows were doing monkey work, basically just life guards that played with sea monsters.  


What do YOU want out of life? Why is driving you so urgently, feel like your inadequate for a woman or dude?


By the way I sincerely doubt you can be that bad of a slob if your repertoire of knowledge is as vast as " I can build " and " I know how God builds " 

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i wanted to be a scientist basically, i have a deep interest in etology, but i also care alot about protein expression and other biochemistry related areas (wich i deem to be truly important for the advancement of biology as a science) i don't want to touch them cutsy animals, i'd rather observe them and understand how they work at a distance when at leisure time. but well i have an interest on all science really, even when it comes to the philosophy of science and epistemology, but i don't know if im cut out for the grad student life, i've been thinking about trying engineering or computer science or somenthing unrelated like architecture. 

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