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desperados

Do You Fear Of Living With This Illness All Life Long

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Yep, that is what I fear a lot. Even though I am not even sure if what I am experiencing is depression or just me not being able to cope with certain things in my life. I guess I am delusional that way. My diagnosis is not depression anyway, it is something called schizotypal personality disorder. Sucks big time. All I know is that I have not had a good day for over 2.5 years. I will try to give it another 11 months, because at that time I will be done with my 2 year therapy. I just cannot be bothered living like this anymore. Suicidal thoughts every day for over 2.5 years now, tried 9 different medications, been in therapy for over a year now. Just **** everything. Every day I read about people here wanting to get better so they can get back to work, and all I can think of is how pointless work actually is. Whatever, I hope I did not discourage anyone to keep on fighting. I would not want anyone to lose hope for themselves because of me. Just needed to get this out. 

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 Oh yes GoldenEve Dan must be your ''soulmate'' and your guardian angel whom capable of fully feeling your condition and having the ability or capacity to understand your emotions fully and be part in your world to support you till to the end :'(

You are absolutely right desperatos, I honestly feel that Dan is my soulmate  he understand me better than anyone and knows how to bring the best in me ( he gave back to me a part of my life that I thought was lost forever ).  I feel blessed to have found someone who deeply care about me and realize that it's not because I'm suffering from depression and anxiety that I'm worthless and incapable or doing great things.  I truly believe that anyone of us are more than capable of achieving things that we wouldn't imagine we could.  When we have great supporter that believe in us and are there to guide us nothing is impossible to achieve.  Peoples that knew me before my relationship with  Dan wouldn't recognize me now, I'm still Eve of course but with many improvement.  What Dan brought into my life is priceless, I now feel confident about myself and worthy off being love and appreciate for who I am. 

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Well one thing all you younger people have is a future!

Maybe they'll find a cure or you'll find the meds that make you feel great.

As a forty year veteran of this crap most of my life is behind me, and though I still keep trying, the best years are gone. Not wanting to sound bitter, but you still have the gift of time.

Keep the Faith

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I try not to fear anything. So no, I don't fear living with depression. I have since 2007, but it hasn't stopped me from doing certain things. As long as I can control it, and continue to prove to myself that it doesn't hold me back completely, I can live with it. One might even say it adds character. The struggle is real, and I know it because I have lived it.

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No, I don't. You have to PUSH yourself to want to get better. When you think " I'll never get better" "it's too hard" you're setting yourself up to lose. I can't really emphasize this enough. This is not a easy battle, but it can be won. It's up to you to win it.

Depression is an illness, yes, but a curable illness.

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I don't fear living with it, I have had it so long its just became normal to feel depression. I do admit though that I have given up on living what most other people would call a normal life, pursuing a family, higher education, promotions at work and so on because the stress is just too much for me. I can handle my depression when I just live a simple life. So basically in order to survive I have had to rearrange everything in my life to accommodate this illness and to keep it at manageable levels. It may sound pathetic to do such a thing, but all in all I have managed to find peace and contentment in doing so.

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