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Betrayal


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I am having a lot of anger and depression lately which seems to be fueled by religion. Some background:

My parents let me choose my own religion and never pushed anything. I grew up privately praying to God and asking for guidance and wisdom. After a terrible relationship my prayers became more exact, I started asking for God to intervene and send me a Godly man that embodied all the things I wanted and needed for a healthy relationship. In the oddest of circumstances I met my husband which happened to be the son of a preacher. He wasn't overly throw it in your face religious but he embodied honor and respect and the deep love I had been desiring. We moved in together and I found that he didn't have a relationship with his dad or that side of his family, due to his dad's psychotic behavior. Our relationship was perfect, then all a sudden his dad came back into his life. He contemplated leaving me because he said somewhere in the bible that God finds favor in the man who devotes himself to God. We broke up for a while and eventually got back together. We moved back to where my husband was from so he could be near his dad and his fathers family. This is when things changed.

All a sudden my husband became controlling, I was not allowed to have male friends, he only wants me to wear turtle necks or high collard necklines, and when I don't he says I should know better and should be more lady like. He constantly makes remarks saying that I am not at work, when I work with my father in laws girlfriend. There is no doubt I am at work, especially because I bring in the only income. But when i say he is accusing me of lying he says that's not what he said, but obviously I am lying, because obviously I feel guilty? His family is very pious and treat me like an ***** because I do not know simple Christian songs. I immensely abhor church or going to church due to their attitude (it's their families church) and hate other church's now as well and beginning to feel a deep bitter resentment towards God. I feel like I am betraying God, but I'm at the point I almost don't care. I've talked to my husband about all of this but he says I should not base my belief n relationship with God on others. He is completely right about that, but I don't know how to stop my seething hatred. Also whenever I talk to him about his family's disrespect towards me I am met with a "well you do this and this". Rather than a compassionate response. However when his family does him wrong, it's okay for him to vent. I just feel like I am not allowed to have feelings about the situation, and I feel betrayed by God since he knew this change would happen to my husband.

Sorry it's such a long vent. Hope someone reads it and can give me some perspective. Thank you.

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i am feeling a little awkward responding because it is about religion, something so important and real to people, but want to say something that may be helpful.

they sound quite legalistic and judgmental - the kind of people jesus got angry at who were missing the point in their rule keeping, he seemed to have a problem with arrogance not ignorance in the bible.

the dad seems to have quite a bit of influence on your guy and he sounds like he is becoming like his dad.

usually the one who loves the least has the most power in a relationship.

who made the rule about having to know simple Christian songs - is that in the bible as a prerequisite for attending a church?

where do these rules / ideas come from?

it is a pretty hierarchical low view of women - i am always a little suspicious about that angle.

when you mention they 'hate' other churches that sounds elitist and prideful and that does not sound very godly or pious.

maybe what you feel is correct.

maybe god would feel the same.

maybe it should provoke,anger, and create conversation, and even some course of action.

maybe the people and the church are not healthy - i would not assume all churches are.

maybe god did not make this happen to your husband - people making choices could be a part of the bigger picture, and there is i believe a possibility that its source is evil in a biblical sense (the book of job).

this is a pretty serious post.

i may be in over my head...maybe it qualifies as 'perspective' that you seek.

i hope i have not been confusing or upsetting to you - this is really important to you.

when i read it i thought i would just try to offer you something and hope it will encourage you in a tough place to be.

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I'm sorry this is happening to you. Because of tendonitis in both hands, I cannot write very much. Christianity to me is a religion of love. When it is true to itself, there is no hate in it. When Jesus was being crucified, He prayed: "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing." Anger is so often channeled into hostility, quarreling, judging, hatred, aggression and violence and/or a conscious or subconscious desire for revenge. To my understanding, Jesus transformed anger into mercy and forgiveness: into love. Miracle of miracles! Sorry I cannot write more. I do hope things get better for you.

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Seems to me that you married a daddy's boy which makes him not a man. I think your life is to intertwined with his family's life;you need your own life. I personally think that you should be working away from his family; obviously he's very controlling which the me indicates a lack of self confidence and that he's controlled by his father. In my denomination women don't wear pants, sleeves and long hair. Men wear only pants. We don't use jewelry, attend dances, etc but this our own personal choice. We aren't ostracized or anything close to it. We are often criticised for the way we choose to live but again this our choice. According to scripture a man an woman are to leave their respective families to start their own and not be dependent on their parents. It's not God's fault that you have a weak man who can't or isn't willing to stand up for his wife whom God gave to love, respect AND PROTECT. Many times we blame Him or others for our mistakes. Don't be mad at God be upset with your husband and maybe yourself AND do something about it if he's not willing. You don't deserve this, you like everyone else deserves a partner who loves them and is willing to stand up for them because of this love.

Rev. Frank

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As Maverick7777 said - this is really quite complicated, and I too will not be able to offer a great deal, and certainly not as wise as the other posters,

I feel that you are doing your absolute best in a difficult situation, and that maybe you expect God to have provided the solution. This often doesn't happen (for a host of reasons, imo) but I hope that you are able to trust in God that your prayers will be answered if not explicitly than implicitly.

Your relationship with God is more important than others' relationship with Him. (imo).

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Thanks for all your deep and thoughtful response. As you all stated it is very complicated but sadly that was only the surface of it all. Maverick, you hit the nail on the head with what Jesus says and teaches. Love all unconditionally, I mentioned this to my husband after his grandmother said a racist comment towards me and his response is " well she's getting old and senile." But in the next breath he will say how she has all her wits. It just hurts to hear his family, these supposed "christians" say the ignorant things they do and he just blows it off. It makes me depressed to know the world is this way and it makes me embarrassed to ever call myself a Christian. Now when people ask if I am Christian my response is: i believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior, but no; I am not Christian. I almost feel like saying it that way is disrespectful and that's not my intent. Meer, you're right I guess because I've received an answer before I am looking for God to fix it again, but he can't do that and take away my free will.

Vega I agree our lives are way too intertwined with his, I miss my family dearly and hope we can eventually move back there or find a good middle ground.

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The family sounds like religious fanatics... I don't like those controlling types who try to shame you,for doing nothing wrong for that matter. I don't believe this family is from God.. I also don't think you can blame God for these people and how they've treated you either. You have your own free will. Who is to say God sent you this man?

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