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Acting Out Death? Tw


cbutterflies

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(trigger warning on whole post)

Hey..

Recently I've been acting out my death quite a lot. For example, I'll be sat in my chair and pretend I've slit my wrists and someone comes and finds me. or I'll be in bed at night and I'll act out a scene where I've just woken up in a hospital bed after attempting.

Sounds crazy I know.. what could this be/mean?

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My opinion is that it means you are telling yourself stories about your suicide. We tell ourselves stories about everything, interpreting from what we know, what we've experienced, and what we imagine. The stories aren't real, but we convince ourselves that they are. If you think of your thoughts in terms of stories that you tell yourself, it's easier to separate yourself from what you're interpreting and what's real.

You also sound like you're more interested in what happens afterwards, rather than doing it. These are fantasies I had almost constantly as a child and teenager, so I'm very familiar.

Do you write? Can you write your stories down instead of just living them in your head? Express it as a creative outlet rather than a ruminating one?

Maybe my advice is terrible. Don't let the fantasies become all consuming or so attractive that you forget they're just stories.

May you be safe. May you be peaceful.

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Do you think the focus if on someone finding you and being in hospital looking after you? I wonder if this is a way to say that you need love and support at the moment when you find yourself unable to say it with words directly in the same way. Dont use this means to commicate your pain if you can. Its scary using words but much more effective and affirming.

Edited by Fizzle
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I don't think it sounds crazy cbutterflies, but I do think it speaks to the pain you are in.

I think probably a lot of people think through scenarios like this....they just don't tell people.

Do you see a therapist? They might could help you work through the "whys" of this.

Sorry that doesn't help much....but just wanted to respond with "it doesn't sound crazy."

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