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What's On Your Mind Right Now?


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Can i do this? Should i try? Maybe it will be worth it for the experience. Maybe it will work out. Maybe ill actually be able to do it.

Maybe others are just being too nice to me out of pity. But why would they lead me like that?

Maybe it is worth a shot? Maybe i am too anxious to try.

So much pressure.

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Was going through some files of quotes, poems, lyrics that I keep: 

Chuck Lorre Vanity Card #431 
(partial)
Aired 11.21.13 (Big Bang Theory)

"I'm thinking of writing a children's story about a leaf on a tree who
arrogantly insists he's a self-made, independent leaf. 

Then one day, a fierce wind blows him off his branch and to the 
ground below.

As his life slowly ebbs away, he looks up at the magnificent old tree
that had been his home and realizes that he had never been on his own.

His entire life he had been part of something bigger and more beautiful
than anything he could have imagined."

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10 hours ago, Natasha1 said:

Can i do this? Should i try? Maybe it will be worth it for the experience. Maybe it will work out. Maybe ill actually be able to do it.

Maybe others are just being too nice to me out of pity. But why would they lead me like that?

Maybe it is worth a shot? Maybe i am too anxious to try.

So much pressure.

You can do it.  I'm being nice because I care about you.  I'm leading you to something I know will make you happy.  In the end you win or the voice in your head that feeds you doubts about yourself wins.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

Sadly there is really no point to any of it.  Our lives aren't any more important than the life of the spider I see on the wall.  All that matters is that we are doing whatever we want to do right now.

I don't seem to want anything other than just f-off...

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8 hours ago, Teddy545 said:

I've been thinking that I want more pets all day.  Now I'm not sure if I should add more responsibilities, I've been avoiding most of mine lately.  I'm also not sure if a new pet would make me happy. I have a cat but I'm not really a cat person.

Hi Teddy

I strongly suggest waiting. Please.  Do the best you can to give attention to those pets you have provided a home for. If you need help with their care, perhaps a friend can come help. If that's not an option, local animal rescue groups may be able to offer help. If you're in the U.S. Petfinder.com has a "Shelters and Rescue" tab.   

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21 hours ago, Teddy545 said:

I do give attention to my cat and I take care of her just fine.  All I have to do is food, water and clean her box everyday, then she wants to sit on my lap 24/7.  I bought her all of this cat furniture.  I don't know how anyone could struggle at taking care of a cat, I think they are the easiest animal to take care of.   I was talking about the responsibilities of taking care of myself, taking care of a human is much more complicated.  

Hi Teddy, I'm so sorry I misunderstood and didn't mean to imply anything negative about you. 

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Thinking about trying to get out of part of a long weekend trip this week with some friends. I don't want to get out of it entirely, because I know I will enjoy it, but feeling a little overloaded on social time this week, with the same friends. And feeling really anxious about the three of us sharing a room - I often have a hard time falling asleep with other people in the room and I've already had a few bad nights this week. Three more consecutive nights where I'm pretty sure I'll have a hard time sleeping feels like too much, especially since they want to do lots of physically active things during the day.

I'm debating between making up an excuse or just telling them the truth. Normally, I would make up an excuse, thinking that the truth wouldn't be acceptable and people would either think I was being a wimp or lazy or something and then not want to associate with me as much and/or try to pressure me into doing what they want.

And I'm trying to figure out how to make one of them let me pay what we originally agreed on, since I know if I miss a night, she'll try to tell me not to pay as much, which isn't fair to either of them.

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I'm thinking about the constant whammy that is my life. I was feeling really down when I arrived at work this morning--and then found out I have to attend a late night meeting where people will be busy not touching me with 10-foot poles. It's an impending disaster.

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how there are some people in life that are dealt all the sh**** cards, and i happen to be one of them. i'm thinking about this story i heard recently about a young boy who died by su***** at 15 after being depressed and having su****** ideations practically since he could talk... i am the same... but i've made it this far, 19 years. we will see what happens

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

I can't do this anymore.  I guess I'm trash.  Nobody likes me so I'm done.  I'm just going to go hide in the woods or in the closet like the monster I am.

No way. I like you. I like seeing you post.no hiding allowed. Keep your face here where we can see you.

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I'm really struggling with myself right now.  I'm struggling with my sexuallity.  That's what they say.  I never struggled myself.  I always knew but I was scarred.  I was scared to be me.  I hate that.  I remember talking to a friend a couple months ago.  I told him I'm crazy.  He asked do you hurt people.  No of course not was my answer.  I'm a wimp that never got in a fight my whole life.

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My doggy just got over an ear infection a few weeks ago and now she has a sty on her eye. She won't let us put a compress on it, I guess because it hurts. She's been sleeping a lot so hope she gets better soon.

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Do I want to go meet up with them for the rest of the weekend? I'm kind of feeling the irresistible pull of having the apartment to myself for two full days and how much of the cleaning project I started yesterday done in that time. But at the same time, I'm feeling disgusted with myself for once again being unreliable. I said I would go and now I don't want to. Which is more important, using this time to do something that will be a HUGE weight off my mind or keeping my promise to my friends?

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What's on my mind? The fact that my life has been one long, awful farce. I had no choice in being born into this sh!thole. But I guess I do have a choice when it comes to making an exit. Hey, it's "my" life (or lack thereof).

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