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What's On Your Mind Right Now?


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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

Some people can realize (or "actualize") their dreams. I can barely make it through a day.

I get that. Sorry you feel like this, @JD4010.

I don't even have dreams. I don't know which thoughts or feelings are truly me. 

Who the hell am I anyway.

I don't know what is real. 

 

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I remember when I was a little kid, I wanted to be an astronaut or pilot. I built all these models of rockets and planes. I had a whole bunch of books about flying and space flights. This was during the golden years of the space program, when they were shooting Mercury and Gemini capsules up into orbit using BDRs (Big Dumb Rockets). And then there was the moon landing!

But! It turns out I have a disease that has been eating away at my lungs and kidneys over the years. I couldn't have survived the training for space flight, and I probably would have washed out of being a pilot after a number of years. So my dreams crashed and burned, to use a metaphor.

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Random reason why I hate the internet at times:

Person who contacted me through a website and we've chatted for a while: 'Can I ask you a question?'

 

Me: 'Sure, go ahead'

 

And then nothing. At all.

And here I am a week later, wondering what the **** the question was going to be, and what happened to this person? And was it me? Are they okay? Did I pi** the person off or did the person get hurt and is in hospital or something? Like .... was it a personal question, a work question, a therapy question? What?

Whaaaat?

I hate you internet.

Edited by Tux
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On 3/31/2017 at 2:02 PM, Tux said:

Random reason why I hate the internet at times:

Person who contacted me through a website and we've chatted for a while: 'Can I ask you a question?'

 

Me: 'Sure, go ahead'

 

And then nothing. At all.

And here I am a week later, wondering what the **** the question was going to be, and what happened to this person? And was it me? Are they okay? Did I pi** the person off or did the person get hurt and is in hospital or something? Like .... was it a personal question, a work question, a therapy question? What?

Whaaaat?

I hate you internet.

You never know who's behind the screen ;)

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On ‎4‎/‎3‎/‎2017 at 7:12 AM, sober4life said:

Where did you sleep last night?:coopcray:

In the pines, in the pines where the sun don't ever shine, I would shiver the whole night through.

(a folk song covered by Nirvana)

Edited by mulberrypie
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On 4/3/2017 at 9:40 AM, TopekaK said:

You never know who's behind the screen ;)

The fact that people just dissapear like that is one of the bad things about the internet, it's anonymity lends itself to people who think it's funny to pretend to be interested in you and then drop you.

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Feeling guilty because I have to reschedule a dinner with my mother-in-law so I can fit in a hair appointment this week (only I'm going to tell her it's a doctor's appointment if she asks so it sounds more important). I hope she's not mad about it being rescheduled, but I have plans on Saturday for once and I want to look good. Writing it down it sounds really shallow but I really do need to do something with my hair. Just hope she's not mad at the inconvenience.

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4 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I'm in horrible shape. I've never weighed more. And I can barely walk from the parking lot to the office.

I started doing something about it. Found my old walking shoes. Walked 2 miles. Ate a cobb salad instead of a hamburger.

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On 3/31/2017 at 5:02 PM, Tux said:

Random reason why I hate the internet at times:

Person who contacted me through a website and we've chatted for a while: 'Can I ask you a question?'

 

Me: 'Sure, go ahead'

 

And then nothing. At all.

And here I am a week later, wondering what the **** the question was going to be, and what happened to this person? And was it me? Are they okay? Did I pi** the person off or did the person get hurt and is in hospital or something? Like .... was it a personal question, a work question, a therapy question? What?

Whaaaat?

I hate you internet.

did you ever get a response?

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It's so incredibly hard for me to function like a normal adult. I'm diagnosed bipolar 2 with social phobia, I feel like my only option is applying for disability benefits and I have no idea where to start. I'm only 20 years old and my anxiety holds me back from normal daily functioning, my bipolar makes me extremely uinreliable in the workplace, even on medication. I feel as though I'm a lost cause. I need disability as a safety net but since I'm only 20 I feel like I'm just going to get denied and I don't have the money to hire a disability lawyer. I feel like I'm on the cusp of giving up in this world. I've heard bipolar disorder alone is enough to qualify, and I also have co-morbid disorders that further prevent me from functioning. I'm just so scared for my future. I have a criminal record because of an episode of mania and not realizing what I was doing was wrong. Anyone have any experience with disability?

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Afraid I'm never going to figure out just what it is that isn't firing right in my head. It's been major depression, it's been bipolar 2, it's been mood dysregulation. I know for sure I have bad social anxiety and I'm depressed but there's something deeper going on here and I don't know what. Therapy doesn't seem to be doing squat, but I guess I have to give the therapist time to get to know me and form an opinion without jumping the gun. I just hate the lengthy process, I want to be better. I used to be so outgoing and wild and fun. And now, I have no ambition, no desire, nothing. My life feels like a hopeless wreck, I'm drowning in debt, unemployed, in the criminal justice system, and I just want to die and make it all go away. That's what's on my mind.

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