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Tungsten Aromatics

What's On Your Mind Right Now?

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23 minutes ago, gs22 said:

I so don't want to be an old lady. 

Thats been on my mind too. I don't want to grow up and be an old man. I am 48 now but since I was a boy I told myself that I would never grow up and become like the adults I seen in my life. But time keeps on ticking into the future, but I would still rather be young at heart. But there are still times that I feel like this...

make-us-lol-120113-21.jpg

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I can't tell if somebody's yelling my name or not, and it's worrying me. I keep thinking I here it but when I go downstairs nobody was calling my name. Ugh, I hate when this happens.

:/

Edited by Jalen

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11 minutes ago, Jalen said:

I can't tell if somebody's yelling my name or not, and it's worrying me. I keep thinking I here it but when I go downstairs nobody was calling my name. Ugh, I hate when this happens.

:/

I wish I knew what to tell you.  I know this has happened to me, too, though nothing lately.  It was all the more confusing when I lived in a house full of people; I couldn't tell who was calling who, or if anyone was being called.  I can see how distressing that would be.

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Thinking about silence. And how I enjoy it at times.. but then again, at times, feel so bothered by it. Or when I can't find a way to say what I am feeling and thinking. Then that lead me thinking about how as a kid I was so often told to be silent, not to disturb, "be a good girl", don't bother. And then in a long term relationship got told again and again not now, later, I know what you're thinking about, don't say this, don't talk like that, why you said that... or my words were not understood or they were twisted - and then it just felt easier avoiding to tell how I feel (which obviously is no good but that made life 'easier' for the time being). Gets harder and harder to say what's on your mind. It gets harder to put your emotions to words. Have been trying to learn to do that for a while now. And yet, I still notice that I struggle with it. I guess it takes time... a lot of time to let go of old fears.

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how empty i feel now. i was feeling great up until the last little bit. im doing things that are not healthy mentally or physically but its something i have no control over. At least not this time.

its funny how my mind lies to me about "who" is in charge. While this comes down to me it still feels otherwise.

Edited by Natasha1
typos as usual

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Well Monday is the day I get to leave this house behind and go to the new house.  This house is the house I grew up in as a child.  I left this place a million times but always end up back here.  It feels like walking into hell.  Someone is going to come and look at the place.  You know the money would be great but part of me wishes they don't want the place.  I'd much rather go buy a bulldozer and knock the place down to make sure I never end up here again.

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8 hours ago, The_Unwanted said:

The negative places that I dread certain people are trying to force feed me into. And their voices telling me that I should like it.

I know what you mean and it's the worst when they don't even seem to like it themselves.

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Feeling like I am finally getting together all of the things that have happened over the years. Nothing new but seeing things in a more.. structured way, I guess, if that makes any sense. Seeing that I should have done something earlier but it felt like giving up or that I had no right to make such big decisions. I've been remembering many things I have just wanted to forget.. and seeing how things never really had a chance of working out without me giving up being who I am and what I want & like... and that obviously won't work well in the long run. 

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15 hours ago, Nisemono said:

I've been feeling apathetic about everything. I've never experienced the ****ing abusive awfulness that some ****ing arseholses inflict, but I've never experienced love either. That's the stuff that makes life worth living apparently. Easy to say I love you but does anyone mean it? and what does it mean anyway? The questions a loveless loser asks.

Yes for a varying periods of time people have loved me in a non platonic fashion and I think they meant it, but it's never easy to be sure what they love about you is what they say they do, the things you want them to love you for or how big your wallet is. 

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Just thinking about how some people have the urge to be right, no matter what. And even though they wouldn't be right, they need to make it  look like they are right and others are wrong, perhaps even convincing themselves at the same time. No matter if it hurts the people around, all that matters is that you are right. Is it really worth it? :suspect:

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18 minutes ago, Nisemono said:

I've met people like this. Arseholes! Yes I've met arseholes.

 

It's difficult to say how I feel sometimes. Depressed, yes, but that word carries so many different states. It's like how the inuit have so many words for snow - because that's their world when they wake up in the morning, and calling it snow must seem inadequate. Same with depression. What sort of depression? Sad, bored, empty, emotional, unemotional, anhedonic, suicidal, scared of death, full of hate, full of unrequited love, life is a desert, life is too much. We need new words. The one word can't cover all of it.

Talking about snow... http://everything2.com/title/Finnish+words+for+snow :whistling:

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What's on my mind? It's this...why, oh why...why, god...WHY does every band I ever love end up evolving into something totally lame? I take it personally every time it happens, like they screwed me on purpose and are laughing up their sleeves at me about it. Every band I ever defend to the death for not sucking inevitably loses their minds and ends up sucking, and I end up looking like a d***. 

I could list some examples...but I don't wanna offend anybody...maybe some of the same bands I feel this way about, others feel the opposite. Like, they started out sh**ty but now they're great. LOL all a matter of perception and taste, I guess.

...but I still feel like Carrie at the prom when internet radio puts on a new Fall Out Boy song, and I have to cringe as I remember the bad ass kids who played a standing room only show in 2003 and rocked the everliving hell out of it...and now I have to listen to them thinking they're white Michael Jacksons with girl jeans.

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we humans are frustratingly binary, it's taken as a matter of course that the present is simply better than the past. But the way I see it, much of history isn't upwards progress but lateral movement.

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