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Tungsten Aromatics

What's On Your Mind Right Now?

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What's on my mind right now? Nothing good I can tell you that. Another day of me waking up feeling annoyed that I didn't die in my sleep and that I have to face another day. I hate my life, I hate talking to anybody, I just want to be left alone. My doc prescribed a different medication, lamectol but after reading the side effects I am too afraid to take it. I am sick of living like this with no hope, nothing to look forward to anymore. I wish I could just end it but I don't want to hurt my sons or my 6 year old granddaughter. I weaned myself off of Effexor (the 4th anti-depressant I have been on) because I was starting to feel very suicidal. I was hoping my body's natural serotonin and the other stuff in our brain that contributes to mood would kick in since I had read something like that in a natural health manual. Hasn't worked out so far.

 

I've already decided to bail on Thanksgiving with my family. If it wasn't for my granddaughter I would do the same with Christmas. I don't even want to put up a tree. Her mother has abandoned her so she lives with her maternal grandparents during the week and with me and my adult son on the weekends. I love her but I don't want her around because I have to pretend to be happy or at least not miserable when she is here.

 

I have fibromyalgia so I hurt a lot physically and have recently been diagnosed with vocal cord dysfunction which causes me to have episodes of not being able to get any air in. I have had to go the ER three times in the last year. It is scary and I feel like if it happens again I will just shoot myself.

 

Where is God? Is there a God? If so why does he let people suffer?

Edited by ladybug2730

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I`m tired of this.I`m tired of these empty,numb feelings.I`m tired of the sadness.And then my feelings change to this middle feeling....I guess the best way to desribe this feeling is not being happy and not feeling especially sad.I hate that feeling.It`s like being a totally numb zombie and not really engaging in life because nothing gives you pleasure anyway.I`m tired of feeling nothing.I`m tired of being nothing.I guess I`m just plain tired.

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I`m tired of this.I`m tired of these empty,numb feelings.I`m tired of the sadness.And then my feelings change to this middle feeling....I guess the best way to desribe this feeling is not being happy and not feeling especially sad.I hate that feeling.It`s like being a totally numb zombie and not really engaging in life because nothing gives you pleasure anyway.I`m tired of feeling nothing.I`m tired of being nothing.I guess I`m just plain tired.

 

((((((((Lady))))))))  :coopcray: I'm so sorry :verysad3: . I'm tired of being tired also bud. I also just shift back & forth between sadness and anhedonia-pain, with the occasional bout of unfulfilling mania. 

 

I don't know how I'm gonna face up to 10 weeks of waiting for this Zyban (Wellbutrin) med to kick in. I'm only in the first week & I'm being reminded that things can actually get worse. From reading the Wellbutrin forum threads, apparently that's a common thing with this drug :verysad3: .  

 

It's cruel, this waiting period to see if an anti-depressant is even gonna work. I wish I could blame somebody for it. But, as usual, it's just the brain being an a**.

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I'm trying to figure out what to do until it's times for bed. There are several shows I usually like to watch that I've miss this week but really don't feel like watching them...and I wonder why, like right now, if I'm not surfing the threads I just sit and stare at whatever is on the counter or the floor? 

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Glad I just found this thread!! Tomorrow is a brand new day, full of new possibilities. Time to start anew. Talking to another company about a new position/new opportunity tomorrow. I hope this leads to something good. Lord knows I need it given how much my boss sucks. Had to shake off something that was causing me a lot of upset recently. But I feel better now.

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Thanks so much Jess!! :hugs: I just had to take an ativan for my anxiety for the first time in months... I'm so nervous about this interview. I haven't had to interview in over a year... ugh. I hate interviews. But I usually do well, so I shouldn't be scared.

 

Happy Friday to you!!! The week is almost over! :)

Edited by havehope

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What I feel right now is "why did I bother joining this forum"? I guess I keep hoping somebody will have some advice or a magic wand or something to help me.

 

Lovely community? Feeling of at least not being alone in the suffering? Just that helped quite a bit for me

 

It was nice with a little less of crushing loneliness

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What I feel right now is "why did I bother joining this forum"? I guess I keep hoping somebody will have some advice or a magic wand or something to help me.

Hi ladybug, first off, welcome! :welcomeani:

 

Sorry you're feeling down on this forum... please do give it a chance. It is a wonderful, supportive and very warm community of people. I haven't looked to see what you've posted, but I have found that by creating my own specific threads, and asking directly for help, guidance or advice or by asking questions to the community that I've gotten more responses. When I've posted and just rambled on about my life, I haven't gotten responses. Just some tips for you. Ask and you shall receive. Also know that everyone suffers from their own issues, but can provide very helpful insights and guidance on what may have helped them through darker times or specific issues. You will also not feel alone here... there is comfort in knowing that you don't suffer alone, and many here will tell you that you're not alone in what you're experiencing. Also know that most people aren't professional therapists here so there's no magical cure, but you can receive tons of support, relief and comfort if you try.

 

Here's a very active thread where you can get more immediate responses as well, for your reference:

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/113085-the-how-do-you-feel-right-now-thread-2/page-40#entry1244754

 

I hope you find the support you're looking for and need.

 

Hugs,

HH

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Wishing I could motivate to do the things I need to, but I just don't feel like it. I've been laying low most of the weekend and have spent a lot of time on chat and posting on DF. Maybe I'm distracting myself too much... I really need to get going on this certification course. Why am I dragging my heels? Because I don't want to study and put in extra effort right now? I should be excited about a new direction in my career.. I think I'm just burnt out.

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Discouraged that I am unmotivated to go above and beyond in my job... I've lost my energy to go beyond the scope of my role... my ideas don't get heard or listened to so what's the point?

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((((havehope))))  It's okay to say no!  Especially about working on holidays, that's not cool.

 

On my mind.... I don't want to get ready for work. I still have time to lay under this blanket just a little longer.

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kaniro, I know right?!? I put up a stink about it yesterday and told her I wasn't happy that she was asking me to work on the holidays. It may have worked... looks like we may possibly be farming out the work to others.

 

I still have to talk to her but yeah, I'm in full agreement... SO not cool, especially last minute when it was never part of the hiring agreement, and these days are on our Holiday calendar as time off. She runs this place like a circus, I swear.

 

I feel your pain about going to work too.... I'm right there with you!

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