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Tungsten Aromatics

What's On Your Mind Right Now?

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Hi All -- This is a thread that you can state what's on your mind right now.

Thought's and feelings, emotions and ideas all count.

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I am unsure how to get control over things again. I see the logical, rational, steps to take but it is like I am stuck in quicksand. How do I remedy things that need to get done when I can barely pick up the phone and battle with myself on the bad days just to eat food?

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Self-entitled, rude, nasty, "me-me-me" people and the abundance of them in this world. Maybe it's not an abundance, their presence is just so aggravating, each one feels like dealing with about 20 people.

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there are so many advertisements everywhere... why are they so desparate for our attention when the more they fight for it, the more we switch off.

Edited by Waffles

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I'm really disappointed. I love music and I enjoy playing it, but I hate the way my voice sounds. My mind is telling me to give up and stick to listening. That would serve some relief from my self-hatred, so I guess I will.

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I am 56 years old, and haven't played catch nearly enough in my life. I wish I had someone to play catch with.

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I am on my 3rd day of new meds. and I am still getting sick from them , am I ever going to find the right combination ? will I ever find the ones that will work for me? I am starting to get scared, this illness may win after all

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I'm really disappointed. I love music and I enjoy playing it, but I hate the way my voice sounds. My mind is telling me to give up and stick to listening. That would serve some relief from my self-hatred, so I guess I will.

I know what you mean…. when I hear my voice on tape… I have always felt I sounded flat….. but I sing anyway… However, don't give up singing especially if you love to sing… Many people can't stand the way Bob Dylan sings…. or Lou Reed… I have even heard people complain about Neil Young's voice… Also, I read an interview where Bono (From U2) was saying when he first started, he could not sing very well… but he just practiced… he learned to find his voice... he didn't give up…singing and playing an instrument is such a release of depression …for awhile anyway…. when I am in my car driving… I am always singing… Please continue to sing for yourself... :smile:

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Been so blah lately. I think this weather has a lot to do with it. Cant decide if my downness comes from chemistry or situational. I think situational leads into the chemistry. I always want to get out the why of it all and the cause so I can fix it but maybe its better to just accept that you feel lousy and wait it out till you feel un-lousy again.

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I am on my 3rd day of new meds. and I am still getting sick from them , am I ever going to find the right combination ? will I ever find the ones that will work for me? I am starting to get scared, this illness may win after all

oh, please notify your doctor.. if your body is reacting with illness, they surely can't be good for you...

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A conversation I had with my mother. She said "In a worst case scenario, you'd just have to go on disability." There was nothing mean or condescending about what she said, it just terrified me. I am not against disability, but I JUST graduated from college and succeeded my first semester of law school. The idea of having to be on disability (permanently) after working so hard puts a hole in my heart. I know she said it to comfort me, and keep reminding myself that she did say WORST case scenario.

Edited by neurotic_lady89

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Whether or not I'm going to get some work out before a deadline next week. Only a few days to go and nothing so far.

:welcomeani: … welcome to DF...

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"What's On Your Mind Right Now?"

Everything. Everything is always on my mind and it's driving me absolutely insane. I'm not sure why, but I analyze everything to the point that it's torturous to be awake. I'm starting to really hate myself, or whatever is inside of me. I try to put into words what it's like to be alone with my mind, but I am always disappointed with concrete, human definitions. I have found no explanation. There are no walls for nurture, just an endless expanse of grandeur. There is no connection to the body or comfortable stand-still acceptance of what is known in the moment, but only a constant uncontrollable evolution and need for more understanding. There are endless thought trails, sometimes lasting for years. They intertwine and bleed all over each other, falling apart and continually wrecking havoc on my body. There is no identity, no conclusion, just an endless yearning. My head is a gaping hole in the dirt, and my body has searched all ends of the earth to fill it, but there is no shovel. It feels like there are hundreds of people living inside of my mind. It's perhaps comparable to the old angel and devil on the shoulder scenario, except not so black and white. It's more like one hundred people to every grey tone on the spectrum and they're so loud that I can't remember where my original voice is in all of this. I'm lost in the wall of sound, yet I can still feel a lingering presence that keeps me going. A vague memory, like walking on the surface of a forgotten dream. I'm floating in space with no convincing attachment to the words or motions my body puts out into the world, just the people they effect. Every attempt at finding myself or trying to dig myself out of this hole has just gotten me more lost. I sometimes have conversations out loud with the various 'people' living inside my brain. Talking to them used to help me feel closer to something truly convincing, but now they're just a lost cause like everything else.

That's what's on my mind right now. That times infinity, squared with shut up and topped off with a slight hint of, "I wonder what I should eat for dinner?" This now ends my probably off-putting attempt at describing my brain. It's no wonder why I have to listen to music at every waking moment.

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I`m worried about what new med the pdoc will put me on.I`ve had to stop taking the lamictal because of a bad reaction I had to it.I had to start taking lamictal when the lithium had unwanted side effects.I`m really tired of all this.

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"What's On Your Mind Right Now?"

Everything. Everything is always on my mind and it's driving me absolutely insane. I'm not sure why, but I analyze everything to the point that it's torturous to be awake. I'm starting to really hate myself, or whatever is inside of me. I try to put into words what it's like to be alone with my mind, but I am always disappointed with concrete, human definitions. I have found no explanation. There are no walls for nurture, just an endless expanse of grandeur. There is no connection to the body or comfortable stand-still acceptance of what is known in the moment, but only a constant uncontrollable evolution and need for more understanding. There are endless thought trails, sometimes lasting for years. They intertwine and bleed all over each other, falling apart and continually wrecking havoc on my body. There is no identity, no conclusion, just an endless yearning. My head is a gaping hole in the dirt, and my body has searched all ends of the earth to fill it, but there is no shovel. It feels like there are hundreds of people living inside of my mind. It's perhaps comparable to the old angel and devil on the shoulder scenario, except not so black and white. It's more like one hundred people to every grey tone on the spectrum and they're so loud that I can't remember where my original voice is in all of this. I'm lost in the wall of sound, yet I can still feel a lingering presence that keeps me going. A vague memory, like walking on the surface of a forgotten dream. I'm floating in space with no convincing attachment to the words or motions my body puts out into the world, just the people they effect. Every attempt at finding myself or trying to dig myself out of this hole has just gotten me more lost. I sometimes have conversations out loud with the various 'people' living inside my brain. Talking to them used to help me feel closer to something truly convincing, but now they're just a lost cause like everything else.

That's what's on my mind right now. That times infinity, squared with shut up and topped off with a slight hint of, "I wonder what I should eat for dinner?" This now ends my probably off-putting attempt at describing my brain. It's no wonder why I have to listen to music at every waking moment.

Do you write? Writing helps… it helps me tremendously… when I am not listening to music, or watching an inspiring documentary about music or some other artist, I am usually writing; constructing poems and/or lyrics to work out with my guitar or sometime ukelele (Ukelele's are fun to play) writing is my voice… I have lived with depression all my life and what I know is that you have to stand for something… or you will fall for anything those various people inside your brain are saying… please just settle on your one true voice…and make sure that one is your mojo rising...

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Posted · Report post  

"What's On Your Mind Right Now?"

Everything. Everything is always on my mind and it's driving me absolutely insane. I'm not sure why, but I analyze everything to the point that it's torturous to be awake. I'm starting to really hate myself, or whatever is inside of me. I try to put into words what it's like to be alone with my mind, but I am always disappointed with concrete, human definitions. I have found no explanation. There are no walls for nurture, just an endless expanse of grandeur. There is no connection to the body or comfortable stand-still acceptance of what is known in the moment, but only a constant uncontrollable evolution and need for more understanding. There are endless thought trails, sometimes lasting for years. They intertwine and bleed all over each other, falling apart and continually wrecking havoc on my body. There is no identity, no conclusion, just an endless yearning. My head is a gaping hole in the dirt, and my body has searched all ends of the earth to fill it, but there is no shovel. It feels like there are hundreds of people living inside of my mind. It's perhaps comparable to the old angel and devil on the shoulder scenario, except not so black and white. It's more like one hundred people to every grey tone on the spectrum and they're so loud that I can't remember where my original voice is in all of this. I'm lost in the wall of sound, yet I can still feel a lingering presence that keeps me going. A vague memory, like walking on the surface of a forgotten dream. I'm floating in space with no convincing attachment to the words or motions my body puts out into the world, just the people they effect. Every attempt at finding myself or trying to dig myself out of this hole has just gotten me more lost. I sometimes have conversations out loud with the various 'people' living inside my brain. Talking to them used to help me feel closer to something truly convincing, but now they're just a lost cause like everything else.

That's what's on my mind right now. That times infinity, squared with shut up and topped off with a slight hint of, "I wonder what I should eat for dinner?" This now ends my probably off-putting attempt at describing my brain. It's no wonder why I have to listen to music at every waking moment.

Do you write? Writing helps… it helps me tremendously… when I am not listening to music, or watching an inspiring documentary about music or some other artist, I am usually writing; constructing poems and/or lyrics to work out with my guitar or sometime ukelele (Ukelele's are fun to play) writing is my voice… I have lived with depression all my life and what I know is that you have to stand for something… or you will fall for anything those various people inside your brain are saying… please just settle on your one true voice…and make sure that one is your mojo rising...

I used to. Every time I try to write now it just brings out bad unwanted feelings and such. My goal is to start writing songs soon... not sure how that'll go.

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Posted (edited) · Report post  

"What's On Your Mind Right Now?"

Everything. Everything is always on my mind and it's driving me absolutely insane. I'm not sure why, but I analyze everything to the point that it's torturous to be awake. I'm starting to really hate myself, or whatever is inside of me. I try to put into words what it's like to be alone with my mind, but I am always disappointed with concrete, human definitions. I have found no explanation. There are no walls for nurture, just an endless expanse of grandeur. There is no connection to the body or comfortable stand-still acceptance of what is known in the moment, but only a constant uncontrollable evolution and need for more understanding. There are endless thought trails, sometimes lasting for years. They intertwine and bleed all over each other, falling apart and continually wrecking havoc on my body. There is no identity, no conclusion, just an endless yearning. My head is a gaping hole in the dirt, and my body has searched all ends of the earth to fill it, but there is no shovel. It feels like there are hundreds of people living inside of my mind. It's perhaps comparable to the old angel and devil on the shoulder scenario, except not so black and white. It's more like one hundred people to every grey tone on the spectrum and they're so loud that I can't remember where my original voice is in all of this. I'm lost in the wall of sound, yet I can still feel a lingering presence that keeps me going. A vague memory, like walking on the surface of a forgotten dream. I'm floating in space with no convincing attachment to the words or motions my body puts out into the world, just the people they effect. Every attempt at finding myself or trying to dig myself out of this hole has just gotten me more lost. I sometimes have conversations out loud with the various 'people' living inside my brain. Talking to them used to help me feel closer to something truly convincing, but now they're just a lost cause like everything else.

That's what's on my mind right now. That times infinity, squared with shut up and topped off with a slight hint of, "I wonder what I should eat for dinner?" This now ends my probably off-putting attempt at describing my brain. It's no wonder why I have to listen to music at every waking moment.

Do you write? Writing helps… it helps me tremendously… when I am not listening to music, or watching an inspiring documentary about music or some other artist, I am usually writing; constructing poems and/or lyrics to work out with my guitar or sometime ukelele (Ukelele's are fun to play) writing is my voice… I have lived with depression all my life and what I know is that you have to stand for something… or you will fall for anything those various people inside your brain are saying… please just settle on your one true voice…and make sure that one is your mojo rising...

I used to. Every time I try to write now it just brings out bad unwanted feelings and such. My goal is to start writing songs soon... not sure how that'll go.

One way to get started writing again is to pick a subject.. and/or "listen" to what is going on around you… when I am out shopping…or waiting in line at a store or wherever, people around me can say things that catch my ear… i'll write it down as soon as I hear it on a scratch of paper and then I put it in my "poetry box" at home.. I do this for about a month or so.. throwing little bits of words I hear from people here or there.. after a while, I look through to see it a have a poem or song I can start

Edited by SoulSurvivor

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i am thinking again about the medical condition i have, wondering if these meds will work, and wondering what will i do if they don't, i cant help being angry at myself for having this happen, even though it is not my fault really, it is so frustrating

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I'm really disappointed. I love music and I enjoy playing it, but I hate the way my voice sounds. My mind is telling me to give up and stick to listening. That would serve some relief from my self-hatred, so I guess I will.

:console:

I am 56 years old, and haven't played catch nearly enough in my life. I wish I had someone to play catch with.

:console:

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