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Does Anyone Work And Have Depression?


tormentedsoul

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I am 45 and currently on disability. I never was able to finish college when i was in my 20's. I bounced around for awhile doing temp work, i also had trouble holding a job. I was never satisfied with any job i had. I eventually got a job with a company and lasted a little over a year but it was just a job not a career. I got laid off in 2007 and haven't worked since. I have no interest in finding a job or going to school or even living for that matter. i just see everyone as having valuable skills and although i do know quite a lot about computers, i don't have any skills to offer. I also don't want to start my own business, i have no idea how to run a business and i don't want to learn, no thank you. i just want to be independently wealthy so i don't have to work. Like that a****** Mark Zuckerberg, I should be him. It seems like all i have to look forward to is death. like, i'm just waiting for death. I think i won't truly be happy until i am dead. is this normal to feel this way?

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Like that a****** Mark Zuckerberg, I should be him.

While it pains me that you're suffering (and so am I), I have to admit, I let out a small laugh at this line. I've had depression and anxiety for years. Right now I am not working either, no. I did manage to get my Bachelor's and start law school, but a 3-year-spell of moderate depression and apathy spiraled into another major depression so I am on a leave of absence until January 2016. I feel no joy and little motivation, and could offer nothing to an employer in this state. It is awful. What I will say, is that sometimes I miss working or being in school. I just couldn't be there -- not like this.

I know there are several members here who are very depressed and do work, though.

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I didn't work for 10 years up until several months ago. Severe general anxiety, social anxiety, and depression, and a still undiagnosed dizziness. I had to force myself to do something so that I could afford to live on my own, because if I had to stay where I was anyou longer, something bad was going to happen. I just ended up becoming a peer support for a behavioral health agency. Just a job, not a career. I'm living on my own between that and my disability check, but it's not much of a life. I work three days a week, then go home and don't speak to anyone until I get back to work the next week. So to me, yeah, it's very normal to feel that way.

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I work 12 hour days. It can be challenging when my anxiety is high, but I think not working would lead to anxiety in itself. It's better for me to focus on a task and push through it.

It's hard when my anxiety causes my heart to beat prematurely though. Once that happens I just have to lie down. I've started a thread on this problem in the anxiety forum. Someone made a good point it was a circular problem. Anxiety and pvcs make each other worse.

My depression has interfered with my education. I can't focus and talk myself into believing I'm too stupid to go back.

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Hi tormentedsoul.

I recognise a lot of what you mentioned in myself. Recently, I was on disability too but the powers that be took me off. College didn't work out for me - dropped out. I've had a lot of jobs, but struggling to find one now though. I've hated most of the jobs I've had; one or two were bearable. Like you, I bounced around. I've always liked the idea of having a proper career type of job, but never been that smart or confident to aim high.

The bit you said about wanting to be independently wealthy so you don't have to work, I get. Most of the time I feel the same way, but for me, it's not actually about not wanting to work, but rather a way to hide myself from the world - isolated but comfortable.

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I work 30 hrs a week. It used to be 40 but my pdoc and I were able to get my hrs reduced to 30. I have been working in IT for over 35 years. I am one of the lucky ones, I am able to work know matter how crappy I feel. I crashed last summer and was on medical leave while changing my meds. My team lead and mgr were very supportive. I have a daughter going to college next year so I will be working for a while.

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Usually I work cca 6 hours on weekdays (sometimes less) and 8.5 hours at the weekend ( sometimes only Sunday) I am having free weekend now cause I am extremely exhausted. I am on disability and cannot have normal job or well-paid job where it is necessary to focus because of my foggy brain. I have NEVER imagined such a life. But I am thankful that I can be useful.

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I suffer from depression and anxiety and I am currently working now as an interpreter from my home. I just started a couple of weeks ago and thought I could handle a full shift but my depression has proven me wrong and I am now asking to have a shift change for medical reasons, since at the end I'm extremely fatigued. I really don't want to work (or do anything else for that matter). I just wish I could lie down and let everything fade away... on the other side I feel really bad about letting my mom down (even though she doesn't ask for anything from me, just to stay alive) and sometimes feel the need to get better, so I start treatments and then I stop, like a vicious circle. I've never been able to keep a job longer than 3 months. I definitely know how you feel. =(

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I haven't had a full-time job for 3 years now. My part-time job in general (there are exceptions) would not be considered a stressful job; however, even the limited hours I work can wear me out very quickly with even the slightest uptick in anxiety. I really do need a full-time job to be able to live on my own, but firstly, it seems practically impossible to get one these days and secondly, if I did find one, there seems to be a good chance it would be high stress and wouldn't last long.

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I've worked at the same place for 20+ years. I'm scheduled for a 40 hour week, but sometimes work over that. It can be really tough some days. Sometimes I have to call in with a "migraine" or "nausea" because my anxiety/panic prevents me from leaving the house. I work in maximum security psych. I keep going back because helping others helps me.

Edited by Paddry
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I am grappling with this myself atm. I have worked part time since my depression got bad a couple of years ago. I've decided to try giving social work ago again (that's what I used to do fulltime) and have an interview as a triage worker at a youth counselling service on Monday. It's 3 days a week which is all I could handle but I'm hoping I'll be able to cope with the extra stress in the role. I already work for the organisation as a receptionist at a different site.

But yes I can relate... I get tired easily and 3-4 days seems to be my limit. The bonus of working if you can is less stress about money, a distraction and the feeling of being in a team and accomplishing something. I think it has to be the right time though and easing into it can help.

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I have left many jobs due to anxiety and depression - mostly from bullying and I think I have also developed ptsd from the negative employment experiences I have had in the past.

I have been suffering from another bout of debilitating depression and anxiety for a few months now and "broke down" from stress at work and emotional abuse at home.

I have been at my latest job for almost 5 years (2 years in a supervisory role) which is a miracle I have lasted this long. I have recently decided to seek a voluntary demotion to my previous role as I hate being a supervisor and it has greatly contributed to my source of stress.

Today has been a really bad day as I have been crying non stop and haven't felt like doing much all day. I also get really bad pms which doesn't help.

I have come so close to quitting this job also but am telling myself I cant because going through the stress of finding another job would be worse and if I'm able to step down to my previous position which was less stressful I am hoping it will help me somewhat.

It is extremely difficult to maintain employment with this illness and I feel utterly alone at times and deeply embarrassed. I'm running out of excuses at work and have exhausted my sick leave. My performance has dropped although my manager thinks otherwise and my anxiety and panic are at times unmanageable. Alas, I struggle on a daily basis but I have been getting there goodness knows how.

My memory, skills and concentration have all but left me. I dread leaving the house everyday. I look at others and they are normal or at least functional. I would just love to be that way.

This forum has been so comforting. I have had many people tell me that I am ill but in the throes of despair I feel as if I'm going crazy and will never recover.

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I have more recently felt that having a lot of depersonalisation and related types of dissociation has helped me through the years as I have brought these way down more recently and am struggling. Everything was in compartments and sectioned off from each other. I had an almost freakish ability to work regardless in the past. And was motivated because I was trying to fill my life to the brim and avoid myself and I was trying to feel better about myself by excelling (with the perfectionist monster behind me all the way telling me how it isnt good enough). And no care or connection to my wellbeing or pain levels. These negative drives were even stronger than the other stuff for periods of time. Big cost though and there would be cycles and I would collapse in a full breakdown periodically.

There have been phases when I havent been able to work at all and in truth the only way I could before was with a lot of self destructive behaviour. Like eating disorders, alcohol etc.

This last breakdown something cracked and I cant go back to how I was before it seems. And I can no longer section off my pain and self care. I work part time for myself but really I shouldnt be working and am struggling a lot. If I worked for someone else I would be fired. Most important I need to do some therapy and the type of t will mean I will get really bad whilst doing it and I cant do that and work. And yet I have to work so I am stuck.

Edited by Fizzle
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I was working up until a couple weeks ago. I worked at an animal shelter. I liked the job but the people there made it untolerable. Way too much drama for such a simple place. The last 6-8 weeks I was there, I would be fine until I walked in through the doors, then something silly would set me off, and I would be angry throughout the whole day. I almost had two psychological breakdowns, stopped only because I immediately doing whatever I was doing and walked off to go cry about it for a good half hour or more in the restroom. Thankfully my man helped me get the resolve to quit, after crying with him about it several times.

The year I spent there is well earned as it's my leg into the career field I want. But I don't regret quitting. Working there was difficult due to the other people.

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Fizzle I can relate about the dissociated state. I get into one of those every now and then and for me it is quite a good thing like a coping strategy although I hear it hasn't been very good for you recently. It's like my feelings become too much and I become focused only on the thing I have to do right then. Everything is simplified and I am kind of numb to anything else. I wish I could switch this on at will because it only happens sometimes.

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I haven't read all the responses, but yes I work full time. Days are generally 12 hour from very early start to finish around 5. While I truly need work, I would desperately love to only work part time. That is simply not an option for me.

I tend to escape into work, projects, service to others....ect.... to avoid thinking about anything at all. Working at the pace I currently do is not at all good for me. Not exactly sure where to get off this train however.

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I also work full-time, but in a competitive field in a tough environment. No mistakes or weakness is tolerated. No complaints against you are tolerated (if anyone complains about you, you're fired). It doesn't help my perfectionism or my self-esteem to feel like I have to constantly perform at 110% and never even annoy anybody else. Everyone acts like we're curing cancer, but we're actually doing something much more mundane, people's egos and self-importance are just unrestrained. The workplace culture rewards brash decision-makers, not patient follow-through.

My desk is in a hallway so there is constant traffic and interruptions. I can't concentrate and sometimes have tasks that involve days and weeks of research and intense concentration, but I can't focus and end up taking personal/sick days to work from home with fewer distractions. I'm regularly there 10-12 hours a day Monday-Friday, most Saturdays, some Sunday afternoons. I build up vacation-day balances and then lose them because I don't take them in time, but there's simply too much work to be done. I'm salaried, so there's no overtime pay, and we're all constantly asked (sometimes even required) to volunteer at company events on top of our regular duties.

I formally request help or another team member every opportunity I get, or changes to the workload, and am constantly denied, and even given more work. A few years ago, the economic situation hit and a lot of people lost their jobs here, and most of their duties were just doled out to other employees. My team used to be 6 full-time staff, now it's 3. They were unhappy with how certain things were being handled, so those duties became mine too. I'm covering the workload of 3-5 people most of the time. My supervisor used to be in my area/on my team, now my supervisor is from a totally different department and background, and knows very little about what I contribute. She asks ridiculous questions about how we allocate our resources and makes totally obtuse suggestions.

I stay because I'm pretty good at the job itself, and maybe someday I can find a new job in my field in a more supportive place or team.

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I have left many jobs due to anxiety and depression - mostly from bullying and I think I have also developed ptsd from the negative employment experiences I have had in the past.

I have been suffering from another bout of debilitating depression and anxiety for a few months now and "broke down" from stress at work and emotional abuse at home.

I have been at my latest job for almost 5 years (2 years in a supervisory role) which is a miracle I have lasted this long. I have recently decided to seek a voluntary demotion to my previous role as I hate being a supervisor and it has greatly contributed to my source of stress.

Today has been a really bad day as I have been crying non stop and haven't felt like doing much all day. I also get really bad pms which doesn't help.

I have come so close to quitting this job also but am telling myself I cant because going through the stress of finding another job would be worse and if I'm able to step down to my previous position which was less stressful I am hoping it will help me somewhat.

It is extremely difficult to maintain employment with this illness and I feel utterly alone at times and deeply embarrassed. I'm running out of excuses at work and have exhausted my sick leave. My performance has dropped although my manager thinks otherwise and my anxiety and panic are at times unmanageable. Alas, I struggle on a daily basis but I have been getting there goodness knows how.

My memory, skills and concentration have all but left me. I dread leaving the house everyday. I look at others and they are normal or at least functional. I would just love to be that way.

This forum has been so comforting. I have had many people tell me that I am ill but in the throes of despair I feel as if I'm going crazy and will never recover.

Hang in there Odie.

That's good that your boss has not seen a decline in the quality of your work. Remember that you are looking at things through depression-colored glasses and are likely to be extra hard on yourself. Good for you in being brave enough to go back to a less stressful position; I hope it helps.

Have you talked with your doc about the anxiety, inability to concentrate and other symptoms and/or side effects? I have meds for anxiety and concentration, in addition to my AD, Wellbutrin, that help me tremendously.

Are you seeing a therapist? I've been an abuse victim and it was critical for me to have extra support, in addition to my therapist. Many communities have centers that help support abuse victims; ours is great and I have utilized it extensively.

I hope that this helps, even if just a little. You are not alone.

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Thank you for the lovely words of encouragement Zen. I'm not seeing a therapist ATM - I have seen counsellors before but have never felt comfortable with them because I feel they are judging me. I'm also very introverted and find it very difficult to open up to strangers.

I am seeing a psychiatrist Atm and he has prescribed zoloft which I am taking at 100mg dosage. Last time I saw him he suggested I go into hospital but because it was private I couldn't afford to. I also find it hugely embarrassing to go to gps because when I tell them what's wrong some of them just look at me and say well what would you like me todo for you? I just feel like they can't be bothered with me and have "real" patients with "real" illnesses to see. I've been through the usual mh rollercoaster many times before and I know how it works. They just drug you up and expect you to get better and put you through the motions. I don't know how to handle life. Why was I born even to be like this? I don't want to exist.

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Thank you for the lovely words of encouragement Zen. I'm not seeing a therapist ATM - I have seen counsellors before but have never felt comfortable with them because I feel they are judging me. I'm also very introverted and find it very difficult to open up to strangers.

I am seeing a psychiatrist Atm and he has prescribed zoloft which I am taking at 100mg dosage. Last time I saw him he suggested I go into hospital but because it was private I couldn't afford to. I also find it hugely embarrassing to go to gps because when I tell them what's wrong some of them just look at me and say well what would you like me todo for you? I just feel like they can't be bothered with me and have "real" patients with "real" illnesses to see. I've been through the usual mh rollercoaster many times before and I know how it works. They just drug you up and expect you to get better and put you through the motions. I don't know how to handle life. Why was I born even to be like this? I don't want to exist.

I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time. :flowers:

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I work full time in retail management, not my chosen profession by any means, but I have rent and bills to pay and a young son I am trying to help raise. Some days it takes every bit of energy I can muster to make it to the "office". Some acquaintance have suggested I apply for SSDI, but honestly, as much as my job grates on me at times, not working would make me feel even worse. Despite the low pay and the headaches, I like my coworkers, and given my introverted nature and my tendency to want to isolate much of the time, work affords me some of the only socialization I experience these days, and it is vitally important to me right now. At the very least, it gets me out of the house.

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