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Lovesick?


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Hi all, I haven't been on here in a while because I've been doing ok. Kind of in a holding pattern (on Paxil and Zyprexa) but generally feeling well. Eating and sleeping well (these are always the first things to go during a depressive episode for me) but still fragile. Which brings me to recent developments... a man from my past has come back into my life. He is the "one who got away" and I was deeply in love with him once upon a time. He recently told me he never stopped loving me and we are close to consummating an affair (don't judge, my marriage is miserable). As things heat up, so to speak, I am getting scared because the feelings I am having (butterflies, sleeplessness, lack of appetite, obsessing) are so similar to depression for me. They are coming from a *good* place this time - being in love. But I am wondering if I am heading into some kind of manic state. Has anyone fallen in love while still feeling quite fragile from a loooog episode of depression? How did you navigate the feelings? Any advice appreciated!

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I've been doing a lot of googling about this today and found this: http://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1027621/lovesick-is-an-actual-condition

"The condition contains elements of intrusive thoughts, obsession, impulsiveness and delusions that mimic mental illness."

Exactly. And with my history of depression and anxiety, I am second guessing everything. Do I actually feel awful? Or good-awful? Am I just chasing the "high" of a new relationship? Probably. I feel so cursed with depression - I would love to be able to enjoy this without living in fear of my feelings at every stage. It sucks. :( I suppose I feel some guilt too...and "real" fear/anxiety about getting caught. I'm even considering going back to a low dose of klonopin for a while.

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navigating the feelings are difficult.

meds are good things in my case.

funny how feelings could be replicated or experienced this way.

under the influence of depression/anxiety/meds these days i don't know that i always think straight, or make the best choices for myself and others. i would just say be really careful.

it is kind of wild that someone this important has come back into your life - i think it would be hard to not pursue.

if i try to put myself in your shoes (which may be ridiculous) and think about this scenario of life and love i might consider the following for myself and others: i guess i would like to think if it happened to me (i also have a lost love person from the past bu it isn't going to happen) i would try to uncomplicate my current marriage and its commitments. it seems fair. i would also need to acknowledge the risk and the possible losses. i would like to think that the new rediscovery was going to head in the direction i hoped and see evidence that was reasonable. i imagine that i would want my married partner to have a real life, that i had some good feelings for them also, and not to leave them in the dark while i am pursuing being with someone else.

i don't know if that is any help to you.

you are asking some really important questions about something really important to you.

i hope you find your way.

love and the choices we make matter.

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Wow, this is a fascinating question! I never realized how many similar symptoms love and depression share. It would be easier to give an opinion if this was some random guy you only knew for a while, or if you were still deeply depressed. Were you feeling pretty good before he came back?

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Thanks for the replies. I was feeling pretty well before he came back...like I said, kind of in a holding pattern. He is someone that I knew for many years and we were just close friends. But there was always that strong chemistry. We drifted apart for a long time and recently were reunited on social media (as so many of these things go, it seems). Part of me is scared to pursue this...not only because of the physical symptoms I am having now...but I'm also afraid of when/if we part again. I am afraid I will go into another deep depression. It has taken me over a year to come out of this one and I still feel very fragile. The smart thing for me to do would probably go back into therapy (I've been slacking off) so that at least that is in place before things go any further.

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True to form, I am NOT handling this well. I'm getting so obsessive - constantly checking online to see if he is around, getting freaked out when he is not attentive. Totally second guessing myself and thinking I am more "into him" than he is into me. I've been weepy when I have not talked to him for a day. I find myself thinking about what it would be like to be rejected by him - and then I go there completely in my mind - and break down and cry. So, obviously I can't handle an affair or relationship of any kind in my present state. But I also can't handle not pursuing it...because I am in love...and the feelings are real... and we have gotten a second chance at it. But my chest is tight, my stomach is in knots. I feel like I might as well not be on any medication at all. I wish I could take a pill to stop obsessing. But maybe there is no pill for this - maybe these are just normal insecurities in a new, uncertain relationship. Everything is just so incredibly magnified when you've been through depression. The last few days I feel like I'm headed there again. :(

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You do realize if you go through with this, your life would be even more complicated as you're married. If your marriage is so miserable why are you still in it for? I never understand how people stay in a marriage their miserable in for years. It'll likely lead to an affair at some point & if there's kids involved & they find out later, it could really damage them.

You actually technically are having an affair already, an emotional one which sometimes is even worse than a physical one. You're obsessing about a guy that isn't your husband.

Edited by GAJ123
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I know all that. But "the heart wants what it wants." And there are many reasons why people stay in abusive marriages. In my case, too many to detail here. Obviously, I'm a mess on so many levels.

This just sounds like an excuse to me to cheat on your husband. "The heart wants what it wants" .... Then get a divorce before you break ur vows and put your husband through unneeded turmoil and pain. There's way too many women claiming their husbands are abusive but then they go do something just as abudive back... I don't buy it...

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I understand the sick feeling that goes along with a new "love interest". It's a roller coaster.

But... Have you ruled out the possibility you are looking for something to fill the void?

An affair sounds like an excuse to self destruct as much as new love is a powerful emotion to silence other ones.

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