Relationship Ocd

[Versi]

I've grown tired of trying to blend my OCD into a healthy relationship.

It's incredibly difficult to explain, and frustrating for not only me, but the other person. It breeds resentment and distrust, and my OCD creates nightmare like fantasies that feel real. It's impossible to explain to someone who's never felt that how realistic it feels.

It's gotten to the point where I feel I should accept the idea of being celibate and single the rest of my life. It's like having to choose between a mundane grey area, or a black and white life.

Has anyone else experienced this frustration?

[Siegfried]

What is your is your OCD? Once I know I might be able to respond!

[Versi]

I can't really sum it up specifically, as I've had it for over 20 years and it's progressed and changed throughout all that time period.

Right now, my main focus is on distrusting people (mainly males, but I've run into issues with female friends as well), associating everyone together in the world and assuming that if someone has a similar trait (They both play guitar, raised by one parent, etc.), that they have everything in common, and if one person is bad, or negative, the other is as well. I also have parasitic thoughts and have trouble differentiating between reality and logic. I ask my partners several times a day if they are bad people, ******ers, pedophiles, cheaters, etc. Even the most patient of them grow weary and feel frustrated.

I'm starting to resent myself and resent them as well.

[Siegfried]

Is this a relationship issue? I'm in a lousy relationship with my wife. We live apart. This has been going on for 5 years. I can't divorce her because I'm retired military. The Biotch, excuse me; would get 1/2 of my retired military pay. One thing that keeps me going. I have girlfriend that I've known longer than my wife. She's lives in another state. But it's an interesting relationship! I keep in contact with her weekly. We both know each other intimately. We know each other's positive and negative feelings. I haven't seen her in 12 years. But we carried on quite a sexual relationship. My wife never knew. When I got orders to Italy; we all had dinner and breakfast together. Amazing how my wife and my mistress sat across from each other and never knew what was going on!!!! I must be classified as an adulterer. But what's the problem with having a mistress? She gave me more attention physically with sex and more mental needs. I have no regrets. She's a ray of sunshine in my troubled life!!! All I have left now is to ********* and dream about my girlfriend. Such is life. You might think you have problems! But there's a lot more people that have more serious ones!!! My answer to you would be; do you like him so much. And can't live without him!! Or just dump him!! There's a lot of fish in the sea. So go and catch one.

[Els1e]

Hey Versi,

I don't really know (I'm no shrink) but your paranoia/neurosis sounds to me like more than OCD. It sounds like it might be bordering on paranoid personality disorder.

I have OCD & OCPD (a perfectionist/control personality disorder). My OCPD wasn't picked up until after I'd been in therapy for over 20 years. I clearly had much more going on than OCD but shrinks aren't good at diagnosing personality disorders (PDs). My PD wasn't identified until I was sent to a guy who was a, sort of, diagnostic expert.

I think it helps you deal with things if you can nail down exactly what's wrong. Again, I could be totally wrong but it might be something worth looking to into.

I'm sorry you're going through that, it sounds exhausting. I have terrible problems with obsessive thinking & I know how difficult it is to overcome them, although they don't manifest in the way you describe (I'm probably overly trusting of others). Sorry, that's not much help. Hopefully someone else will identify more closely with what you're going through.

[Versi]

Elsie,

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, but I had never looked into this one. I almost cried reading the synopsis, as it sounds like my personality, to a "t". I'm not proud in saying that, but I plan to look into this with my Doctor.

[funkytown]

I wish I could offer some help, but all I can say is that I know how much OCD sucks when you are in a relationship. Especially when you have other things going on.

I didn't have the paranoid thoughts to that extreme (so I do recommend looking into differential diagnoses) , but I would constantly think I was those bad things you listed and would have to get reassurance. It was not just that though, and upwards of 8 hours of my day would be devoted to those thoughts...and I would doubt people constantly...so it took a toll on every single one of my relationships. My romantic one getting hit the hardest.

I hope you can find some answers and get some help dealing with this. If you need to talk or need some support I am up for it.

[Versi]

I wish I could offer some help, but all I can say is that I know how much OCD sucks when you are in a relationship. Especially when you have other things going on.

I didn't have the paranoid thoughts to that extreme (so I do recommend looking into differential diagnoses) , but I would constantly think I was those bad things you listed and would have to get reassurance. It was not just that though, and upwards of 8 hours of my day would be devoted to those thoughts...and I would doubt people constantly...so it took a toll on every single one of my relationships. My romantic one getting hit the hardest.

I hope you can find some answers and get some help dealing with this. If you need to talk or need some support I am up for it.

Thank you. Sometime simply venting in here takes the edge off.

I agree that this is the joint effort of OCD and, possible, more than one aspect of a personality disorder. These things never come by themselves, do they?

[funkytown]

I'm glad it helped a bit.

Nope. At least, not for me or anyone I know. Which really sucks, but c'est la vie! We can still do our best to conquer it.