Jump to content

Ldr Boyfriend Asked For Time


Recommended Posts

Hello

This is my very first time posting on a forum asking for help, ever. I usually just stick to reading other people's posts and comments and that usually gets me through and makes me feel a bit better. But this time I feel I'm really hitting the bottom of the abyss I'm in. I would appreciate any and all advice.

I feel I should give a little background. I am F turning 27 next week and I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I have been in several relationships but they mostly ended because of the guys cheating on me so I have some trust issues (or should I say a lot). Because of my depression I haven't been able to keep any job for long and I mostly keep to myself. I have a "business" which I started last april but it was taking a toll since I was doing it all alone and had an eyelid twitching for 4 months. I was advised by my doctor to slow down so I'm really not doing it anymore, since I can't do it all by myself and I can't get myself to ask for help (the only time I did everything turned out really bad). I live with my parents.

I am now in a LDR which has seriously been the best relationship I've ever had. I dunno if that's good or bad. He has been very supportive, never talked me down (on the contrary) and despite all my trust issues, I trust him. We met half a year ago and we said we would be meeting in april. Because of me not having a job we had to postpone it for the end of the year and he said it was ok, that he would wait for me to be able to go. We have talked everyday since we met. The idea was me going to live with him, since we live in different continents and as far as I could see everything was going ok... until last night. I sensed something was wrong but mostly attributed it to my paranoia of being cheated on and so forth, since he has given me no reason to think he would do something like that to me.

He told me that he felt suffocated by the relationship, that it was taking all his free time and that he actually felt glad that I was getting a job (so I can save up and move) because he would have more free time and that he felt it was wrong, that he shouldn't be feeling like that, and that he should be focused when he talks to me, which lately is not. He said he liked me very much but he needed some time to figure things out. He said that he felt as if i was building on top of him instead of building my own and just creating a road that would link us. I am his first girlfriend and he told me he doesn't know how he is supposed to feel or what he is supposed to do about this, that he has been feeling like this for months but he thought it was normal and he just needed to get used to it, but he can't do it like this anymore.

Now, the thing is I get what he is saying and I do understand how he feels. I am seeing a pattern here since other exes have told me the exact same thing. I really do have nothing besides him. I have no hobbies and I am really not interested in anything else. All I do is sit in my room all day. The good thing is the job I got actually allows me to continue doing that with no live interaction. The bad thing is that since I feel this will go to sh** I no longer have the motivation to keep it. Moving with him also required me to learn a new language which I have been doing with his help, but I dunno how to get inspired to just do it without him. I know I am a very incomplete person and have given him the burden and responsibility of completing me. I just don't know how to make myself whole. I feel very sad that I have managed to screw things up again and I'm afraid to lose him. I feel at a loss and I have no one to talk to...

What makes me so unlovable? How do I fix my broken self?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

LSATYD,

You are not unlovable! Don't ever think that about yourself. We shouldn't judge ourselves by our contexts or our relationships but by something greater than ourselves. You have an immense value and don't let anyone degrade or decrease that value. I respect that you have been so open here with your story and I hope I can help in some small way by reaching out to you. I'm not a counselor or therapist or anything to that effect but I have many friends who are in the same situation you are in. When things feel like they are collapsing on you and you have no safe haven to run to that's when you can begin to see the light. I'm not saying that being dragged through the mud is a catalyst to something better but it can certainly be a new perspective for you. Again, I'm sorry that you're going through the depths. I will keep you in my prayers and please let me know if there's anything further I can do to help. Hang in there and welcome to the forum, officially.

Edited by ICanSpellThornwell
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am in your exact situation right now. I know it hurts so so bad, and you know, if I could make it easier I would. *hugs*

The main advice I can give you is to remember you aren't unlovable and to focus on you. I know it is tough, I know you feel empty and hurt, but you are the most important person in your life now. Hopefully, you can work things out in the future, but it is much more likely if you have a life outside of the relationship. It will also make you feel better in the long run. Building up a life is a hill to climb with the depression, but once you get to the crest it's amazing.

Lots of support and hugs your way. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you both so much for your replies, it means a lot right now.

I am trying to hang in there but it is very difficult since it seems I just replay the same scenario, just with a different person each time. I try to do better to no avail. I don't know how to focus on myself, I've obviously never been good at taking care of myself, wouldn't know where to start.

@funkytown I am sorry you are going through the same as I am *hugs* but I see from your signature that you are doing better than a couple years ago. I'm happy for you in that sense and I hope you can work things out with your boyfriend. I feel ashamed to ask but, would you care to be my mentor/friend? (Or something like that) I would really like some pointers on how to start a life, and I don't think I can do it on my own. I don't know if I'd be of much help to you though...

Thank you both again...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...