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Ability To Fantisize Gone?


been_too_long

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yeah yeah.. now that you've stopped laughing Im actually serious. Im trying to look for symptom links and to do that we need to see how many symptoms are in common.

This symptom I did not catch on my own. It was pointed out to me pretty much accidently by some friends.

For many years I used to participate in pen an paper roleplaying games (never in LARPing.) One thing everyone used to remark on was when I "rolled" up a new character I always wrote out long and deeply detailed backgrounds for my character to properly place them in the fictional game world. Others in the group used to eagerly look forward to reading my back stories each time we was about to start a new campaign. It came very easy to me. I would do some reading on whatever world we was going use and usually just one tiny thing would inspire my imagination to build elaborate stories around. Years ago I relocated from my normal gaming group but would still write up stories then post them so that others would use for their characters. This eventually stopped.

I never thought about it till few days ago I was chatting with an old friend on facebook who remarked that the gaming group was just discussing how much they missed my "stories" and asked why I never did it any more. That is when it hit me... Im not capable of it any more. Even if I try, I can not come up with the fantasy in my head. Then came the kicked to the teeth... I realized that's not the only type of fantasizing Im no longer capable of...

I really hate to go down this road but maybe it is actually important. Come on guys admit it... the majority of us are quite adept and enjoy sexual fantasies. Its natural part of being a man (no ideas about for the ladies since have not had much experience being one :p ) At first I just thought maybe since loss of libido from the anhedonia I had to no reason to have a fantasy. So I turned to our friend the web... played a couple adult movies... and WTH!!!! no matter how hard I tried I couldnt even close my eyes and carry a fantasy about being a part of what had just watched. That is just not freaking normal. No matter how many times I tried; I could start one but not maintain it. It is as if m brain loses interest and wanders off to something else.

So this leads me back to the question... how many of you have loss this ability. And more importantly; if it is a significant number then what is the cause? Inability to carry the proper concentration? Loss of creativity? Brain says "Im not going to get rewarded for it so whats the point?"

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I write a bit and I often fantasize stuff that I end up writing. I have on occasion lost the mojo a bit the past year, can't remember if it's happened prior to registering on this forum. Sometimes the door to the Other World just feel shut... I even wrote a song about it because sometimes it's very distressing.

It's come back, 'though. With the loss of the inability to fantasize goes the ability to write with it, or the will/drive/motivation/words like that. Sometimes I feel this weird... thing whatever inside that just seems to block everything creative and just keeps me painfully restless.

I find I definitely lose the ability when I'm in a depressed state and when I am I think what's-the-point a lot. A depressed state can take joy from anything, even fantasizing up plots for stories (to me it's also part of the writing process after all, not purely escapism). I've lost interest in drawing, don't think I drew much at all last year. But I did other things but there was a time when drawing brought me great joy and now it feels like those days are gone. A little what's-the-point there, too. I'll never be as good as I want, as good as the pros, so what's the point? I think my creativity is intact, when I did draw I tried to keep it simple to not be put off and I tried some new designs, some of which I found cute. Inspiration is something else, that's where it all starts and that's what has suffered most in my artistic life. But I've also had bursts of inspiration, so....

To answer your questions: I have no answers. I think it's natural to go through periods of no-inspiration and then have bursts of it, that's how it's always been for me now that I think about it. It's just that when the periods of no-inspiration are very long it feels like a genuine loss.

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This was one of the first things I noticed, but I've never bought it up.

When I would close my eyes before going to sleep I used to play back all kinds of images through my head; either fantasies or replaying moments from the day. Now when I close my eyes it's just black and images don't come to my head naturally.

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  • 5 weeks later...

Hi, I'm new to this forum though I've been reading it for a while, I might introduce myself in another section of the forum, but the short story is I got full blown anhedonia from a supercocktail drug (containing amitriptiline perfecting and diazepam) they sell here in Mexico this part of not being able to picture things has been really troubling to me, I just don't seem to be able to do it , I wanted to ask : has your experience with reading novels and stuff changed drastically?, sometimes I find myself doing more abstract work, you know like analyzing how parts connect without caring about their meaning and of course this happen because I can't really perceive that flavor of words and images ,heck I can't even imagine images, I know flavor of words is a lame description but I hope you know what I mean, The point was that I never get a grasp of the essence of things , I might give just some quite abstract generalities, but when it comes to differentiate the details of elements inside the story I just have a hard time, does this happens to anyone?

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Yep, my ability to fantasize, and my whole imagination really, was probably one of the first things to go when I started developing anhedonia. By that logic, I'd expect it to be one of the last things to come back as the windows of anhedonia relief I've enjoyed don't feature a return of fantasy or whimsy.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I feel the same I use to enjoy role playing games, good books that I could picture the whole thing in my mind like a movies as I read, was sexual and such as a normal person is but now all that is gone. I don't play the games, interact with friends or read books. No I just go through the day at work cause we all have to work the come home and just lay down. I no longer thnk of a future or imagine my life as I feel I have no life. I miss it but don't know how to get it back. This misses up friendships and relations.

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Fantasizing is definitely an underrated activity, especially for depressives. I used to fantasize constantly. I think it kept me alive through the worst days of my depression as a child, imagining a better place and life. My depression is mostly gone now (after 25 years) but the crippling anhedonia I used to feel on occaion is now constant. I was an artist before but as the anhedonia became more severe over the last 10 years, I found it harder and harder to drum up enough emotion to create anything and now I cant even use my imagination for anything other than trying to visualize a map.

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i can still read books but it's not really as intense as before. kinda just going through the motions because i paid for the book and don't want my money wasted. i haven't written anything since i dropped out of college a few times and even then it was difficult to write. i can't really fantasize about stuff for fun or even sexually because i lost that interest awhile ago. i can't even read romance novels and get through the sex scenes because idgaf. oh man. everything just isn't fun anymore.

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