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Finding A Job


nocturnesky

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Hi everyone. So...I have chronic depression, very horrible social anxiety, and I am trying to find a job in the teaching field (I have my bachelors in education). I somehow got through school even though I was miserable and even had some professors ask me if I was sure that getting this degree would work out for me. To be completely honest, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for some of the amazing teachers I had in school. I have always respected what they do and wanted so badly to be one too so that I could help others and bring joy to other students lives like they did for me.

Now I even just surprised myself because lately I have been feeling the opposite. I have no confidence anymore and the thought of working terrifies me. I worked at a store for a year with horrible bosses and finally had to quit because I started to have crying breakdowns there. I have been on like 7 interviews and no go. Yeah I've been getting better at them but still no where near where I should be. Honestly I feel like I don't know what the hell I am doing anymore and maybe my teachers were right and I'm a total ***** for even trying. I really don't know what to do. I just feel completely lost.

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I didn't work (or come outside) for 10 years because of disabling social anxiety and depression. I only started working recently as a peer support for a state-funded behavioral health agency. It was the only job I could think of where my employer would be understanding of my issues. It's the only thing I can do. The social anxiety won't allow me to do anything in a more public place. So I just do that part time. I'm terrible at it, but I needed an income and it is all I can do.

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I'm not in the education area, but have had great difficulty finding another job. I lost the one I had right out of college partly for the same reasons you describe above and I worked for a toxic boss. How I lasted so long, I'll never know, but at the end of my employment, I could not function at all. I do believe, the current economic environment is very difficult and while your depression and anxiety may play a role, not having found a job yet, may have a lot to do with something you can't control (namely, there aren't enough jobs). I wish you the best of luck and hope you find something soon. 7 interviews is good!

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I was a teacher at our community college on per diem, I would teach off campus. This worked great for me because there wasn't the pressure of being around a great number of people therefore less possibility of anxiety.

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RockoBoy: Yeah you are totally right about there not being enough jobs. Actually by me there are practically none. I guess I should have said this in the first post, I'm not even trying to find a full time job. Just subbing work. EVERYONE I graduated with is subbing. It isn't hard to get subbing work. I can't interview well. Even after going on that 7 I am still horrible. I have gotten "better" in my eyes but for everyone else I look like someone with severe issues.

Being realistic with just what "should have happened" after I graduated, my situation right now and how I can't even get subbing work is completely pathetic. I know I shouldn't "go there" but most of the time I can't stand myself because of how pathetic all of this is. I feel like I wasted four years of my life at school and wasted all of that money. I don't know if it is even realistic for me to be a teacher. I taught part time for a summer school last summer and everyone there said I did fantastic and the kids and teachers loved me... but I was hiding how horrible I was feeling and I was so stressed and upset that I did start to have suicidal thoughts. Now I am on medicine and I don't have those anymore but I am worried about working and them coming back.

I'm just so lost and I'm not sure what I should do.

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I had a difficult time finding a job not to long ago. I found one that I am not sure how I feel about yet. What I have started doing at this job is keeping track of things I have done well. I work in retail and the other day I signed someone up for an estimate on getting a new a/c unit. I added that to my list of things I have done well. The next time I go on an interview I hope to have a good list.

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Have you considered online tutoring jobs? It's still education, but in an environment you control more, plus comfort and setting your own terms. Teaching in a classroom is very difficult for me, but workshops with small groups is a lot easier, so I gradually moved everything to that style. It might be a good thing to try, and it might help build your confidence to try getting back into the classroom, if that's your goal.

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MarshaMarshaMarsha: That is such a great idea to make a list of everything you have accomplished! I should really do that too because usually I'll think "wow I actually did that.... but it's really not good enough". I beat myself up too much. I think I'll make a list on my phone because then I have no excuse not to do it right? :)

radiohead: I have considered it but I wasn't really sure how to go about looking for something like that... I teach music so thats a bit different than english or math... but I guess general music or music theory is different.. I actually never even thought of that. I will have to try and look into it.

Thank you so much everyone for your ideas and input... I was always too afraid to post on a site like this. I knew that there were obviously others out there that felt like I did, or could relate to how I feel... but it is comforting to see everyone on these forums that have similar circumstances, and can support each other.

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Where i am work is getting harder to find. Was employed a year ago buy got released (not going into details), did enjoy what i was doing at the time though, wished that i stayed there though.

I did send off 8 job applications last friday (4 in the mail and 4 online) but i reckon its best to go into work places in person with your Resume/CV and tell them that your looking for work. Even breakout the phone book and talk to them on the phone and ask if they have anything going around.

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RockoBoy: Yeah you are totally right about there not being enough jobs. Actually by me there are practically none. I guess I should have said this in the first post, I'm not even trying to find a full time job. Just subbing work. EVERYONE I graduated with is subbing. It isn't hard to get subbing work. I can't interview well. Even after going on that 7 I am still horrible. I have gotten "better" in my eyes but for everyone else I look like someone with severe issues.

Being realistic with just what "should have happened" after I graduated, my situation right now and how I can't even get subbing work is completely pathetic. I know I shouldn't "go there" but most of the time I can't stand myself because of how pathetic all of this is. I feel like I wasted four years of my life at school and wasted all of that money. I don't know if it is even realistic for me to be a teacher. I taught part time for a summer school last summer and everyone there said I did fantastic and the kids and teachers loved me... but I was hiding how horrible I was feeling and I was so stressed and upset that I did start to have suicidal thoughts. Now I am on medicine and I don't have those anymore but I am worried about working and them coming back.

I'm just so lost and I'm not sure what I should do.

I hope you feel better. I can relate to feeling pathetic; keep on going forward, best wishes to you!

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