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Anyone Get Depressed Comparing Self To Other's


PsychT1987

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My cousin is getting married we are a year apart. He graduated college year after me has not been as athletic as me. He lived on his own for two year's prior to college. Met his fiance during that time as well. Moved. Back with his parent while in college. Then after graduating college his parents bought a summer home with a studio apartment attached to it. He moved in there with now fiance. Got a hob at a bank only had to pay for cable and heat. Thing's worked out for him got a raise and promotion. Still lives in the apartment next to the beach, but now has enough money to move to buy his own place.

I look at myself graduated college with a degree in business before him. I am more athletic as him, but after life took turns for the worse gained weight. Now people compare how fit he is and ask what happen to me all the time in the family. I lived on my own a year after college. However, was in a job with minimal growth and was laid off due to budget cuts. Went into debt, girlfriend broke up with me, and had to move out of apartment living in. Moved back in with my mom that has it's ups and downs. Could not find a job had to take a mediocre wage job again with poor growth unless receive advanced degree. I have no direction in life or career. I feel I am a 27 year old trapped in life and at home.

I just received the invitation for my cousin's wedding just feel bummed. Only good thing going for me is 7 month's ago met a beautiful and amazing partner. Our relationship has been great and she means so much to me.

Just I don't know.

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I don't think we should ever compare ourselves to another. They say into every life a little rain must fall. No one's life is a bed of roses, we all have to face challenges from time to time. Challenges none of us would wish on another. So though a person's life may seem all roses and fun it doesn't mean it is the case. I have a beautiful life and nice body and a good job. By all accounts I should be healthy and well adjusted but still waters run deep. On the surface all appears calm and fine to the outside world but underneath there is an incredible turmoil going on that is more challenging than I can handle at times. So you can't always judge a life by the surface details.

Your cousin at this point appears to have had a lot of things handed to them. Yes it all seems great from the outside and who knows maybe he will have a picture perfect life but you also don't know what is in store for him down the road so try not to compare. Set a goal for yourself for what you think will bring you happiness. Set your intentions towards achieving that goal and just start walking towards it. What life is like now does not necessarily dictate what life will be like years down the road. It is already turning around it sounds with finding the new lady in your life. Focus on that and let the rest drop. Take care.

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Your story sounds a lot like mine. I'm 26 and I've been in and out of my parents house several times, which has it's pros and cons. I'm about to get my own place for the 3rd time after going back to a job I originally left because I wasn't happy, but couldn't find anything that paid more. I don't know where my life or career is going either. Recently one of my best friends got engaged. Almost all of my friends are engaged, married or in serious relationships. Lol meanwhile I got dumped a few days before New Year's Eve and it sucks. Sometimes it just sucks. Gotta accept it. I try not to compare my situation to theirs. It's a bad habit and now that I know comparing my life to my friend's lives is one of my depression triggers, I try to stop myself before I go too far. And sometimes that does mean avoiding them or not logging into Facebook until I feel better. I think of it as self-care.

If you think about it, you probably have a lot of good things going on that your cousin doesn't have. I get jealous that my friends are in seemingly good relationships and stuff, but financially some of them are screwed. I have savings and the freedom to do what I want when I want. One of my closest friends doesn't have a really reliable family to depend on, while today I got a better car. And I feel really blessed that my parents were able to help me get it. Of course some people say, 'Once you're in your late 20s you should be married/Buying your own cars/Doing your own thing.' But it's different for everybody. We're all on very different paths. Your cousin doesn't have the same struggles you do. At least you have a great significant other! And you're still alive, so you have time to figure things out.

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I know people like that while I'm not envious of the life they have. I'm envious of their ability to let things go and move on to something else.

I hold myself back by fixating on mistakes and my past.

Your post reads to me as your couisin wasn't dwelling on not being fit, but living his life. He didn't wait to be perfect to get what he wanted. I realised about myself last summer that was what I was doing. You are a positive example actually,

You already know you have an amazing partner you love.

Take a cue from couisin and accept that leaning on those who love you is okay. He had help and made his way in life. There's no shame in letting your life come without being physically perfect.

Edited by Hoitytoity
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