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jaiho

Does Anyone Have An Obsession With Finding A Cure?

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Only a few years ago, i knew nothing of depression. I was ignorant, i just thought it was all in people's heads, snap out of it! You're faking it!

Yes i was horrible.

My sister had depression as young as 14, when her godfather died, and has always dealt with it to this day, age 23.

I dont know what caused it, but i got it too. And only now, i fully understand it's terrors.

I have completely changed, become more empathetic towards mental illness. It's kinda sad that i had to get the disease, to actually empathise, but that's me i guess.

Since then i have researched savagely, and become kinda obsessed with pharmacology and neurochemistry. It's become a hobby somewhat. I get home from work and im straight on the net, reading about depression all night.

This could be unhealthy, as a doctor told me, but hey.. better that, than to fall into the depths of it and lose hope. Somehow with this condition i remain hopeful, because i know how many treatment methods there are.

I'm now looking at signing up for Ketamine treatment, and this seems to be the big daddy of depression treatment right now.

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Good luck with ketamine jaiho. How did it go with nsi? It didnt work or you had placebo effect? I am also obssessed with finding a cure and i think it is normal, but too much obssession cant be good. Right now, I am involved in many projects which does gives me things to do and distraction, anhedonia is still there tho.

I think at this point I prefer to be distracted and busy then to try to find a cure obssessively and be disappointed again, like always. I do have some temporary escape with kratom which I allow myself to take for a few days every 2 weeks and alcool once in a while.

Of course I will always be looking for the permanent ideal solution, if such thing does even exist. But for now, all I can do is distract myself and have a little escape with kratom once in a while....

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I'd say I'm quite obsessed but I know it's counter productive. I also believe that my condition is psychological not physical.

Early last year I had a deep and dark depression.. Trying different meds.. Therapy.. I ended up ringing local crisis team once and checking myself into hospital due to extreme suicidal thoughts. I missed going on a holiday with friends because I was so ill

I flushed meds, therapy was useless and took the supplements and exercise route. This gave me energy.. Then from out of no where I met an amazing girl. I felt alive again and the world had colour. Long story short there were misunderstandings, I hurt her a little and she hurt me back 10 fold.

My depression never fully returned but anhedonia certainly has (this how I know it's a psychological problem)

I've had a brief relationship since that and moments where I felt sexual desire and actually enjoyed the sex too. But we both knew it's was going no where.

I still ruminate a lot about the great girl.

Mindfulness seems to be helping the more I practice. Sometimes a little frustrating, but better than staring at the wall or endless negative stories about anhedonia

I have windows, Tuesday I felt very positive but yesterday was full of rumination. Took a sleeping pill and just went to bed

Funny things make me smile but not laugh and I try to see that more or a building block than a problem

I could go on all day but it's best not to obsess

Edited by smithci

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Good luck with ketamine jaiho. How did it go with nsi? It didnt work or you had placebo effect? I am also obssessed with finding a cure and i think it is normal, but too much obssession cant be good. Right now, I am involved in many projects which does gives me things to do and distraction, anhedonia is still there tho.

I think at this point I prefer to be distracted and busy then to try to find a cure obssessively and be disappointed again, like always. I do have some temporary escape with kratom which I allow myself to take for a few days every 2 weeks and alcool once in a while.

Of course I will always be looking for the permanent ideal solution, if such thing does even exist. But for now, all I can do is distract myself and have a little escape with kratom once in a while....

NSI definitely wasn't placebo. I stopped because i ran out, and wanted to try other things before buying more.

I'm already into the dumps after running out of NSI, and using other things to perk me back up until i try ketamine / psilocybin

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jaiho could you elaborate. If NSI was defiantly not placebo then tell us exactly how much and what ways you got relief. I have been holding on to the hope it will be a breakthrough drug (cant get my hands on it here to try.) The logical side of me is reading that and thinking "if was properly relieving him, he wouldn't be looking to try other things."

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I like to experiment. It's silly i know.

NSI provided me with a great amount of relief. But it was not a cure. Reading about Ketamine as being able to obliterate depression with only a few doses, i want to try that before i order more NSI.

The benefits from NSI:

Less melancholy (Grey / fog feeling)

More emotions - chills from music & events that should give an emotional response

Much more upbeat mood.

More intelligent, better memory.

My verbal fluency increases drastically.

There were no side effects for me. Some people get more anxiety, but i never get anxiety anyway.

Edited by jaiho

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Is NSI-189 clinically available or is it still in testing phases? I've experienced occasional bouts of major depression throughout my life but the one constant is one level or another of anhedonia. I just want to break out of this box, like all of those fighting it, I see people enjoying life and wish I could do that too. Anything physical, yardwork, cycling, gym time, surfing allows me time outside of anhedonia but that glimpse doesn't last long. I've tried Wellbutrin to no effect. If NSI is available please let me know.

Thanks

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these days i find it impossible to be obsessed with anything..you should be tthankful u have enough passion to be obsessed in the first place tbh..as for finding a cure for anhedonia, from everything i have read and experienced, i highly doubt i will be cured of it..

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