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Wanting To Escape..


Dunkelheit1349

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Hello everybody! Let me start off by saying I am completely new at this. I've never posted on a forum website so I am kind of clueless haha. Thank you all for reading this and helping EVERYBODY out. Well here goes nothing.

So, I am a twenty year old male at the moment, just turned twenty in December. I am a type 1 Diabetic and have been since I was six.

Now my depression and anxiety started to kick in heavily around the age of 18. I have always been an anxious person, but never in my life have I had a legit panic attack before. My very first one was down right terrifying to say the least. And they lasted about every other day and I haven't had one for about 8 months.

However, since the anxiety quit I started having some depression. I actually think the anxiety was masking the depression. It's an everyday thing now and I don't want to take medicine. I used to take Prozac for anxiety and it didn't help so I turned to more exercise, which seemed to do the trick.

So currently I am living at home still. I quit my last job and I am now working with my father. The last job had a pretty big impact on the depression I believe. However I still encounter it everyday. The depression is getting very bad. I'm constantly sad and down on myself. I also am VERY nostalgic, and most of the time it's the sad kind of nostalgia if you know what I'm talking about.

So here is the deal, I am wanting to COMPLETELY start my life over. I feel like these twenty years of living in this small town has led me to a dead end. I abandoned my "friends" because all anyone wants to do in this town is drink and party. And I am not about that lifestyle one bit. That's all anyone here does, the people are all the same and very bland. Nothing exciting really happened/happens and it feels like my twenty years have been wasted and they weren't productive. My biggest hobbies are riding my motorcycle, I have a sport bike, and playing the guitar. I feel like I need to seriously just leave this place and the twenty wasted years behind me and start with a clean slate elsewhere.

Now not only do I want to move out, I literally want to move out of the country. I am currently residing in the USA. Northern Pennsylvania to be exact. I am pretty determined to move out of the country, I want to go to either Sweden, or Norway. I pick these two because I absolutely love anything to do with Scandinavia. I am part Swedish as well. It's just a very beautiful and peaceful region I believe.

The reason behind going there being tied in with my depression is because it's an escape. An escape to a place where I can almost be reborn. Not knowing anyone will be kind of difficult but that's how it is for me right now in Pennsylvania. I also feel starting somewhere brand new will help me forget about the depression I am in while in Pennsylvania.

Now I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but I feel like there is hope, and a better future. As of right now I do not see a future in front of me, just a big black never ending hole. If anybody is reading this and is from either Sweden or Norway, could you please message me or give me some good information on what to expect or give me some pros and cons of living here? I would really appreciate it!

So that's about it guys... I'm pretty down on myself and I need to escape physically this time. Not only do I think I need to, I want to. I want to get out of here, because all this place is doing is reminding me of bad times and thoughts. Thank you everyone so much and take care☺?❤

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I am not able to give you any advice on a move outside the country as I live in the US as well but will say it is important you learn how to not get down on yourself. if you get down on yourself now you will continue to do so no matter where you live. So set some goals for what you want to do and add learning how to have better self talk as one of them. Find a good therapist to help you learn new self care tools or even just see what kind of books you can find online. It does sound like the limited opportunities in your town are getting you down but you do want to learn how to lift yourself up when the going gets tough if you want to make the best of such a big change. Best of luck.

Edited by Michelle38
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