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afflicted

Monogamy

Love, sex, and all of those things  

57 members have voted

  1. 1. What best describes you?

    • Monogamous
      48
    • Polyamorous
      6
    • Open relationship, but strictly for casual
      0
    • Not interested
      3


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I only have had casual sex when I was drunk, I don't know what I was thinking. I had a friend with benefits, I picked him because he was nice. That's a good question! ha ha

Well, that's interesting. Since like chaku said, that men don't really have standards for casual sex. They just get with who they can. While women tend to do it with the guys they find really attractive. Most women aren't going to sleep with a guy they don't find that attractive for casual sex since their options are almost unlimited. Most women could literally go to a bar every night of the week, and go home with a new guy every time if they wanted. While a man has to put in the work to make it happen & has limited options besides.

That's true, it's no fun feeling like you are being used though. It's hard not to feel disgusted by drunk men also. Men should care about a woman's pleasure more and less about their own pleasure!

Well, how exactly would it be like you're being used if both are agreeing to the casual sex? Unless the guy is a pick up artist type of person where they lie & sleep with you. Than you never hear from them again & you thought they wanted something more out of it. But besides that, if both parties are agreeing to meet up for sex, that's not exactly being someone that's used is it?

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If all a woman wants is to use a penis, mouth, fingers for a short time, then, yes, there would be more availability. That doesn't at all mean her options are unlimited. I seriously want to know where this place is where women only have to snap fingers, and dream men fall from the sky.

lol come on seriously? You're telling me a reasonably attractive woman can't sleep with multiple guys per week if she wanted to? Or even if she's seen as average, she still could get casual sex anytime she wanted. Online dating is a fairly easy place for a woman to have as much sex as she wants.

Maybe you're mistaken & think I meant actual relationship wise? I was talking about casual sex. In terms of casual sex, a woman could **** as many guys as she wants easily. While a guy has it much harder. There's a reason why there's so many men that are in their 20s & 30s that are still virgins while it's severely rare for a woman to be a virgin past 21 unless it's a personal choice.

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I only have had casual sex when I was drunk, I don't know what I was thinking. I had a friend with benefits, I picked him because he was nice. That's a good question! ha ha

Well, that's interesting. Since like chaku said, that men don't really have standards for casual sex. They just get with who they can. While women tend to do it with the guys they find really attractive. Most women aren't going to sleep with a guy they don't find that attractive for casual sex since their options are almost unlimited. Most women could literally go to a bar every night of the week, and go home with a new guy every time if they wanted. While a man has to put in the work to make it happen & has limited options besides.

That's true, it's no fun feeling like you are being used though. It's hard not to feel disgusted by drunk men also. Men should care about a woman's pleasure more and less about their own pleasure!

Well, how exactly would it be like you're being used if both are agreeing to the casual sex? Unless the guy is a pick up artist type of person where they lie & sleep with you. Than you never hear from them again & you thought they wanted something more out of it. But besides that, if both parties are agreeing to meet up for sex, that's not exactly being someone that's used is it?

Because I didn't get as much pleasure as the man did and then he leaves. I hate when they say" sorry to *** and run"

Well, I don't understand that. That's still technically not being used though since you both agreed to it. Even though those guys are still jerks. Being used to me would be where the man pretends he wants something more, even if it's a FWB, and than you have sex once with him, than they disappear afterwards when you expected something more out of it.

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If all a woman wants is to use a penis, mouth, fingers for a short time, then, yes, there would be more availability. That doesn't at all mean her options are unlimited. I seriously want to know where this place is where women only have to snap fingers, and dream men fall from the sky.

lol come on seriously? You're telling me a reasonably attractive woman can't sleep with multiple guys per week if she wanted to? Or even if she's seen as average, she still could get casual sex anytime she wanted. Online dating is a fairly easy place for a woman to have as much sex as she wants.

Maybe you're mistaken & think I meant actual relationship wise? I was talking about casual sex. In terms of casual sex, a woman could **** as many guys as she wants easily. While a guy has it much harder. There's a reason why there's so many men that are in their 20s & 30s that are still virgins while it's severely rare for a woman to be a virgin past 21 unless it's a personal choice.

Would you be with a girl you don't find attractive? I'm sure you could be with as many girls you don't find attractive as you want.

I already went over this in the other thread I made lol. And I got bashed by so many people on here for it. I said I wouldn't be with a woman that I don't find attractive. There has to be at least some attraction. A woman doesn't have that problem though in terms of casual sex. They could get the "hot" guys easily. But most men can't get the "hot" women for casual sex since those women's standards are insane in terms of that. They use their casual sexual encounters for the guys that have all the physical features they want in a guy.

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I can't seem to quote people, so...
GAJ, it suits individual agendas to fall back on people being hard-wired. Human beings have the ability to think, reason, and change tropes and questionable cemented beliefs. Why is a woman not being a virgin, a cause for red flags to wave ? Many men don't care, not because they are also " promiscuous " ( a word that has been geared toward scolding women ), but because they see the person in front of them as they also want to be viewed. You talk about wishing you had been able to go ahead with casual experiences, but how would you really be viewing that woman ? How many men is a woman allowed to have before she has been deemed damaged. I realize there are many men who say one is too many, but what about men who know their own pain that revolves around this very human of issues ?

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I can't seem to quote people, so...

GAJ, it suits individual agendas to fall back on people being hard-wired. Human beings have the ability to think, reason, and change tropes and questionable cemented beliefs. Why is a woman not being a virgin, a cause for red flags to wave ? Many men don't care, not because they are also " promiscuous " ( a word that has been geared toward scolding women ), but because they see the person in front of them as they also want to be viewed. You talk about wishing you had been able to go ahead with casual experiences, but how would you really be viewing that woman ? How many men is a woman allowed to have before she has been deemed damaged. I realize there are many men who say one is too many, but what about men who know their own pain that revolves around this very human of issues ?

I didn't say a woman not being a virgin is a red flag. Not at all. But just when they've had past abusive relationships where they talk about hating all their exes. Or something similar. A woman having a lot of sex in the past, but lying about it, only to admit it later on, is a red flag. It likely means their ashamed of it, and their number is really high. And why would a guy want to be with a woman that's likely done sexual things with guys in the past, that she wouldn't with you? I've heard that plenty of times. Where they go wild in the bedroom with previous guys, but because the guy there with now is a "good" guy, she won't do it.

And with that woman we wouldn't have gotten into a relationship. She just wanted something casual or a FWB. I wouldn't have gotten into a relationship with her. It would have been a mutual thing between us. So no using on either side. And part of the reason I didn't go through with it at the time was because she was sleeping with her ex & someone else. And I never said women that have high sex numbers are bad people. They just wouldn't be compatible with me at all. Because let's face it, a woman that's had sex a lot doesn't want to have sex with a virgin anyway.

Edited by GAJ123

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GAJ, you kind of keep moving the goal posts. You state " women ", and then say, ' well, women who are attractive, or even those average women can get any man she chooses '.

Well, of course an attractive woman has even more options than an average looking woman. But average looking women still have a huge amount of options. Let me put it this way, an average looking woman has way more options than an attractive guy does.

Edited by GAJ123

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If all a woman wants is to use a penis, mouth, fingers for a short time, then, yes, there would be more availability. That doesn't at all mean her options are unlimited. I seriously want to know where this place is where women only have to snap fingers, and dream men fall from the sky.

lol come on seriously? You're telling me a reasonably attractive woman can't sleep with multiple guys per week if she wanted to? Or even if she's seen as average, she still could get casual sex anytime she wanted. Online dating is a fairly easy place for a woman to have as much sex as she wants.

Maybe you're mistaken & think I meant actual relationship wise? I was talking about casual sex. In terms of casual sex, a woman could **** as many guys as she wants easily. While a guy has it much harder. There's a reason why there's so many men that are in their 20s & 30s that are still virgins while it's severely rare for a woman to be a virgin past 21 unless it's a personal choice.

Would you be with a girl you don't find attractive? I'm sure you could be with as many girls you don't find attractive as you want.

I already went over this in the other thread I made lol. And I got bashed by so many people on here for it. I said I wouldn't be with a woman that I don't find attractive. There has to be at least some attraction. A woman doesn't have that problem though in terms of casual sex. They could get the "hot" guys easily. But most men can't get the "hot" women for casual sex since those women's standards are insane in terms of that. They use their casual sexual encounters for the guys that have all the physical features they want in a guy.

The reason women make it hard for men to be with them is because that's how they are wired. Before birth control being with a man meant that they would probably get pregnant. Men never had to deal with getting pregnant so they are wired to spread their DNA to every healthy and fertile looking woman possible.

Another funny fact is that in areas like The U.S. where there is a lot of food men like fit looking women. In areas where there is little food men like bigger women. :)

Well, this is true. But this new generation of women are having sex way more than ever before compared to previous generations of women. So it's not exactly a way women are wired thing anymore. Women today seem to be as sexual as guys now.

And I never heard that before.

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I feel like you just want to argue. Women have more options but they don't want them anyway, the end.

Not at all. How exactly am I wrong to say a woman has way more options than a guy does in terms of sex?

Who said they don't want them? In terms of relationships, fair enough. But just to ****, some women still do it with guys they find attractive but aren't dating material.

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I feel like you just want to argue. Women have more options but they don't want them anyway, the end.

Not at all. How exactly am I wrong to say a woman has way more options than a guy does in terms of sex?

Who said they don't want them? In terms of relationships, fair enough. But just to ****, some women still do it with guys they find attractive but aren't dating material.

what does this argument have to do with what you were saying before? You keep saying how women's standards are high. I think your standards are also high and that's why you are having problems.

If all a woman wants is to use a penis, mouth, fingers for a short time, then, yes, there would be more availability. That doesn't at all mean her options are unlimited. I seriously want to know where this place is where women only have to snap fingers, and dream men fall from the sky.

lol come on seriously? You're telling me a reasonably attractive woman can't sleep with multiple guys per week if she wanted to? Or even if she's seen as average, she still could get casual sex anytime she wanted. Online dating is a fairly easy place for a woman to have as much sex as she wants.

Maybe you're mistaken & think I meant actual relationship wise? I was talking about casual sex. In terms of casual sex, a woman could **** as many guys as she wants easily. While a guy has it much harder. There's a reason why there's so many men that are in their 20s & 30s that are still virgins while it's severely rare for a woman to be a virgin past 21 unless it's a personal choice.

Would you be with a girl you don't find attractive? I'm sure you could be with as many girls you don't find attractive as you want.

I already went over this in the other thread I made lol. And I got bashed by so many people on here for it. I said I wouldn't be with a woman that I don't find attractive. There has to be at least some attraction. A woman doesn't have that problem though in terms of casual sex. They could get the "hot" guys easily. But most men can't get the "hot" women for casual sex since those women's standards are insane in terms of that. They use their casual sexual encounters for the guys that have all the physical features they want in a guy.

The reason women make it hard for men to be with them is because that's how they are wired. Before birth control being with a man meant that they would probably get pregnant. Men never had to deal with getting pregnant so they are wired to spread their DNA to every healthy and fertile looking woman possible.

Another funny fact is that in areas like The U.S. where there is a lot of food men like fit looking women. In areas where there is little food men like bigger women. :)

Well, this is true. But this new generation of women are having sex way more than ever before compared to previous generations of women. So it's not exactly a way women are wired thing anymore. Women today seem to be as sexual as guys now.

And I never heard that before.

it still seems to be true by the things you are saying. Scientists say that men want virgins so they know they are the one to impregnate the woman. I don't think it has anything to do with compatibility.

I don't know about that. Who knows, but I think it's a psychological thing partially with men where they just don't feel right being with a woman that's had a lot of sex unless they've had a lot of sex themselves. And guys also find it a turnoff because women get sex easier than men, so if the woman has had a lot of sex they feel she's too "easy" & isn't seen as a relationship material woman.

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I feel like you just want to argue. Women have more options but they don't want them anyway, the end.

Not at all. How exactly am I wrong to say a woman has way more options than a guy does in terms of sex?

Who said they don't want them? In terms of relationships, fair enough. But just to ****, some women still do it with guys they find attractive but aren't dating material.

what does this argument have to do with what you were saying before? You keep saying how women's standards are high. I think your standards are also high and that's why you are having problems.

No, I'm not even trying to find anyone at the moment due to my health issues. But physical attraction is important to me, regardless of how limited my options will be.

And women do have high standards with casual sex. Why are they going to **** the guy they don't find attractive, when they could easily **** the guy that is attractive to them? In terms of relationships, some do have high standards. While some don't.

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GAJ, a woman might lie not because she is ashamed ( that is a very patriarchal view ), but because she knows the history of how views of female sexuality has placed women in a no win situation. As for not wanting to do something with one man that she did with another, I honestly just don't get your upset over that. Women ( any person ) don't owe others some kind of marks on a score sheet. That is veering very close to the idea that a woman should be ' fair-game ' once she has done X, Y, or Z. It is up to you to find women you are compatible with. That's how it is for everybody.

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I feel like you just want to argue. Women have more options but they don't want them anyway, the end.

Not at all. How exactly am I wrong to say a woman has way more options than a guy does in terms of sex?

Who said they don't want them? In terms of relationships, fair enough. But just to ****, some women still do it with guys they find attractive but aren't dating material.

what does this argument have to do with what you were saying before? You keep saying how women's standards are high. I think your standards are also high and that's why you are having problems.

For me, as a brass tax issue, as a reproductive animal, it's objectively a more successful bet to be a human woman. Relationships are easier to obtain (men pursue more), and sex is way easier (men pursue, way way, more).

Does that always equate to a woman finding the man of her dreams to commit for a lifetime? Nope. But that's a pretty 'extreme case' of a scenario given the really broad spectrum of reproductive situations that exist in the species. A lot of marriage end in divorce, and many don't even go that route.

Does that extend to women as human beings always being objectively better off in all aspects of human existence? No. It doesn't mean she would be subjectively happier with her reproductive lot in life, either. Some people have billions of dollars, masses of reproductive opportunities, and are still depressed. So having more 'reproductive value to leverage' in interactions doesn't guarantee happiness.

Given the average disposition of men and women, long term relationships can facilitate with multiple motivations. The first is supply and demand: out of necessity, lower genetic value men likely invested time, energy, and resources into nurturing women, which is how many low status male ancestors likely exist in our ancestry. Supply and demand still exists today. It wasn't suddenly removed as soon as birth control was invested.

The second way one can faciliate is that with higher conscience over other mammals our evolved minds gained ability to try to understand each other as human beings and not only ourselves. Sometimes when people understand each other more deeply, they can learn to invest in each other more mutually, Rather than having a man waiting on a woman on his hands and knees, which is probably how things originally got started, 'paying genetic deficit,' women can learn to invest back in men. Which means respecting and nurturing each other as best as we can while also acknowledging we are different people.

I've made the decision to not allow the first situation to facilitate a long term relationship if I can help it. If a woman wants me on my hands and knees laboring over her, and has no sympathy for my plight as a man of lower genetic value, I'll use my higher conscience to leave her alone. I evolved the higher conscience for a reason. With birth control and modern civilization, things have changed a lot. At bare minimum the second way is a requirement for me given the current state of my brain and my understandings.

Edited by chaku

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GAJ, a woman might lie not because she is ashamed ( that is a very patriarchal view ), but because she knows the history of how views of female sexuality has placed women in a no win situation. As for not wanting to do something with one man that she did with another, I honestly just don't get your upset over that. Women ( any person ) don't owe others some kind of marks on a score sheet. That is veering very close to the idea that a woman should be ' fair-game ' once she has done X, Y, or Z. It is up to you to find women you are compatible with. That's how it is for everybody.

But how would that make a guy feel if she's been willing to do more with another guy than she does with you?

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I've never had a man wait on me hands and feet, that sounds nice. To me it seems like men want way too much from women now. Men have expected me to have a well paying job , do all the cleaning, all the cooking, take care of kids look perfect... All they have to do is go to work.

I haven't been able to work effectively in my life. It is indeed probably the most universal requirement amongst women, and it was the one thing I'm not effective at. I'm hugely capable of a lot of other tasks. But work life was extremely traumatic and distressing for me. I planned suicide from about 14 onward, when I realized social pressures were distressing me immensely and everyone was dead set on forcing me to assimilate as a square peg into a round hole.

My family learned about 'emotional disabilities' and I got signed up. I'd be dead without a doubt if that didn't exist. I know exactly the emotions I was experiencing at the time. I'm not wired the way other people are wired, to seek out strangers and follow their orders. Not long after, I got additional health problems compounding this. My genetic quality is completely useless in this society. I think I would have functioned a lot better in a hunter gatherer society that wasn't based on 'the eternal job.'

Sometimes it's just 'one' thing that damns a person. I'm very blessed to meet a woman in my life (my friend) who values me for the other things. She likes my kindness, intellect, art, creations, demeanor, pretty much everything about me. But like you said, that's the thing for a man. If you experience disability from the 'work force' then there you go. It's a giant uphill battle. Good luck to any guys in my position.

Edited by chaku

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GAJ, I can honestly say I have never dated a man with such views. I never WOULD date a such a man. Seems I give men more credit.

Oh well. fair enough. We all have our own view on things. Just like how most women view guys that are virgins past a certain age as undesirable.

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GAJ, how would it make a man feel if the woman he is with doesn't do something she did with another man ? If the man doesn't get that it's probably not about him and more about that the woman just doesn't want to do something she has done...then, like I said, that man believes that women owe them in this way. People do things, and then they might never want to do it again. Or they find that one day they want to ...etc...etc. I mean, isn't this just common sense ? If a man gets upset over it, then he needs to step back and look at why...and not include the other person in the process. It's his issue.

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GAJ, I can honestly say I have never dated a man with such views. I never WOULD date a such a man. Seems I give men more credit.

Oh well. fair enough. We all have our own view on things. Just like how most women view guys that are virgins past a certain age as undesirable.

GAJ, I can honestly say I have never dated a man with such views. I never WOULD date a such a man. Seems I give men more credit.

Oh well. fair enough. We all have our own view on things. Just like how most women view guys that are virgins past a certain age as undesirable.

As a man I never really had any negative attitudes towards promiscuous women or an instinct to shame them. I never paricipated in slut shaming or anything like that, but I heard girls calling other girls '*****' a lot in my school. At the time, I found it distasteful. I remember even asking one girl directly about her former friend, and she was like, 'we don't hang out anymore. She's a slut now.'

I knew a guy growing up who was hugely successful with women. He told me a story about how a girl straight up asked him if he thought she was one after they had sex, and he just said 'yes' and she was in tears. So I've encountered like huge negativity from various sources, but it was almost always the most negative people were either women or successful guys in person growing up.

But I do recall earlier in my life, feeling pretty much monogamous and highly romantic. The monogamy may have been social programming that was lifted as I aged or it may have simply changed naturally through life experiences. Even though I had no ill will towards these women, I wasn't very comfortable with the idea of committing to a promiscuous woman. I think it's partly instinct, and partly ethics.

My ethical platform is the most objectional part of me having casual sex, and it is still a major objection, is the idea of is sociopaths giving and receiving enormous pleasure, stimulating huge reward sensations in the most primitive parts of their brains.. One or more participants could be a ******er and the one thing they are being rewarded with most is having no conscience. They could be 'anything' and casually you'll never know..

It's still my biggest objection to casual sex. After researching various civilizations and human history, I also realized it wasn't realy something for guys like me. It was for guys like the guy I knew growing up who would do it, then call her a slut afterward. He was a stud, women loved him and still do. He's married with children so he got to have loads of casual sex to sow his wild seeds and then got marriage. He gets it all and he get to call them ***** too. He was always the best fighter at the parties, violent, all that stuff. It was pure alpha male attraction. They couldn't help themselves.

Regardless, sex is not a plentiful resource for me. So choosing a 'decent friend with benefits' scenario may never be an option. My friend loves me, but I had to invest in her a very long time before she was open to the idea of being with me, and those opportunities may never happen again where I could invest in someone that much and have her be receptive. I can spend most of my money, try to get through all of the other obstacles, and see my friend maybe one time. But that would hurt us both maybe more, to be together one time, lose it forever, and have to compare for the rest of our lives our love in person and at a distance.

But anyway, it's a bit weird to me that women get angry at low status guys for the slut shaming thing. It is true, that monogamy as a social structure is the closet thing to a 1 to 1 pairing for most human beings, but I was never consciously aware of that intellectually until much later. Even after intellectually realizing the benefits to humanity of people being more likely to have a father and mother, less harems, and probably ultimately more stability for civilization (both genders get something), I'm still not really one to pass much judgment. But I still do feel the concern and fear of entering into a relationship where I'm basically worth astronomicaly less and knowing it's very possible she slept with lots of people people like that guy I knew growing up once upon a time, and is now is approaching me with a life sentence.

Edited by chaku

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If you don't want to be with someone for life then don't get married to them.

Whether I can spend a lifetime (or most of it) with someone depends entirely on the other person. My friend? Yes. I could commit to her without psychological trauma. What I gain (a truly good person) is worth what I lose in sexual freedom.

The women who slept with that guy I knew growing up though? No. He was a pig. He curb stomped someone's face in. Incredibly violent, rampant drug use, women swarmed to him more than almost anyone I've ever met.

So it does matter to me who and why people choose. More what was going through their minds. If women have the power to have sex with most men, can't they do a tiny background check? To make sure somoene isn't a complete sociopath? I don't have the power to sleep with most women. I'd love to have the power to be able to safely do background checks and proceed afterward, right?

But by the time I do one, she'll have done the same on me, and will likely reject me for not being 'manly enough' like that guy who would go for it and call them names afterward. Once they learn about my low status, it's like shooting myself in the foot. I don't know if it is better to keep shooting myself in the foot and keep my ethics, or just accept that I don't have the same power that women have, and if a woman misguidely thinks I'm a sexy rock star, just go with it, don't bother correcting her with background checks.

Edited by chaku

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That's horrible, yuck. I usually pick men that have the same interests as me. I don't care what they look like that much. Mostly inexperienced guys.

Please GAJ123 don't start arguing with me about how looks and experience matters.

Yeah, I think the 'why' is more important than a number. I think that's what matters much more so than the other factors.

Even your honesty of "I was drunk, it was a mistake I don't want to repeat" is better to me than the ideas that enter my head in a vacuum, which is.... "It could have been that guy I knew, and she could have loved every minute of it."

If I were to throw a rock at a lot of the girls I knew back in school, there was a surprisingly good chance one of them had been with him. I knew him as a child, before he became horrific. I knew him as an adult and he actually did settle down and improve as a human being after getting married. But his glory days with women, I can't believe he isn't dead.

Every woman he ever slept with was automatically crossed off my list. Some seemed like maybe an option before, but not after.

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