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Would You Date Someone Who Has Depression?

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If you could step outside of yourself as someone who has depression for a moment. Would you consider dating someone whom you knew had depression?

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It's hard for me to step outside of myself. Honestly I kind of prefer people who have issues to some extent. Bad as it sounds, a totally well adjusted person is, I don't know - boring.

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I wouldn't mind, but it seems both people having mental health issues in a relationship would be very difficult most likely. Would prefer to be with a nice compassionate woman with no mental health issues if I'm being honest.

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Honestly, I would not. It's hard enough dealing with my own mental issues, dealing with mine plus someone else's would be near-impossible. And the same can be said for the other person, who will have to deal with my issues on top of their own. It'd be very difficult for both people involved, as they would require support I might not be able to give, and vice versa.

And to be fair, I would also not date a healthy person for the same reason. I would find it very unfair and selfish of me to make someone else have to deal with the mess my depression brings. It's too big a cross to force on someone else. That person deserves someone who would make them happy, not drag them down, and the feeling of guilt would be too much for me to handle.

It's a lose-lose situation for me either way.

Edited by Tacit Blue

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I wouldn't mind, but it seems both people having mental health issues in a relationship would be very difficult most likely. Would prefer to be with a nice compassionate woman with no mental health issues if I'm being honest.

Hi GAJ123

Quite a few years ago I dated and moved in with my exbf who also had a mental illness and you are right --- it was an incredibly difficult relationship At first it was great to have someone who understood how i felt and what i was going through. A great comfort at first but as the years went by when we were both on the verge of getting sick/crash ---- it didn't go well. If anything i became more and more sick with my depression and felt very oppressed as he had a jealous streak combined with paranoia and anxiety. Oh and little did i realise that he had been seeing another woman all the while we were together. I kicked him out the morning he came home with a big hicky on his neck.

TG and good riddance to rubbish is all i can say now lol

Compassion is the key word. I've been dating since and it's hard to find a man who is truly compassionate and would understand my depression. The moment my symptoms serges to the forefront they turn n run. I'm thinking stigma has a lot to do with it. Either that or their vanity to be with me soon dissipates once i start getting sick and wanting time to myself. But i haven't given up as there is a man out there who will like me for me.

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I don't think so.. no..

Even though I don't consider myself depressed anymore I'm still walking on thin ice and I find it very difficult to deal with another persons depression. It's very easy for two people to drag each other down. They might not do it intentionally but for me personally two people with depression are not a good match. I surround myself with positive people for a reason.

I do want to add that I would totally understand it too if someone would not want to date me because I am on antidepressants and still struggle sometimes. It would hurt but yeah, I would understand. Hopefully one day I'll find somebody though who will understand and wants to be with me, flaws and all haha.

Edited by Cupcake_girl

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Depends on how profound the depression. When I have been at my lowest, I would never think another person should take me on. That would feel too much like using. Being kind and wanting to help is one thing. Requiring someone to absorb all my issues, is another.

Edited by whatchagonnado

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I don't think so.. no..

Even though I don't consider myself depressed anymore I'm still walking on thin ice and I find it very difficult to deal with another persons depression. It's very easy for two people to drag each other down. They might not do it intentionally but for me personally two people with depression are not a good match. I surround myself with positive people for a reason.

I do want to add that I would totally understand it too if someone would not want to date me because I am on antidepressants and still struggle sometimes. It would hurt but yeah, I would understand. Hopefully one day I'll find somebody though who will understand and wants to be with me, flaws and all haha.

Hi Cupcake girl --- with my past dates not working out due to my depression. It does makes one think/believe no one man in the world would want to be with me.

I know it's very hard to overcome that thought as I've been there sooooo many times. But i now realise to stop beating myself with self defeating thoughts .Yes there's the odd time I'd fall but I'd get up n dust myself off, so to speak, as i know there is a kind compassionate man out there who would accept me for.

((((((cupcake girl)))))

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I don't think so.. no..

Even though I don't consider myself depressed anymore I'm still walking on thin ice and I find it very difficult to deal with another persons depression. It's very easy for two people to drag each other down. They might not do it intentionally but for me personally two people with depression are not a good match. I surround myself with positive people for a reason.

I do want to add that I would totally understand it too if someone would not want to date me because I am on antidepressants and still struggle sometimes. It would hurt but yeah, I would understand. Hopefully one day I'll find somebody though who will understand and wants to be with me, flaws and all haha.

Hi Cupcake girl --- with my past dates not working out due to my depression. It does makes one think/believe no one man in the world would want to be with me.

I know it's very hard to overcome that thought as I've been there sooooo many times. But i now realise to stop beating myself with self defeating thoughts .Yes there's the odd time I'd fall but I'd get up n dust myself off, so to speak, as i know there is a kind compassionate man out there who would accept me for.

((((((cupcake girl)))))

Yeah it is hard isn't it? Honestly I still don't truly believe I'll ever fine someone but then I think, I'm still young.. There must be someone out there. I just want what all my friends have. They've pretty much settled down and I'm still alone. But well I just try to have some faith in the future. There are plenty of people who struggle(ed) with mental illness who have found someone. Hopefully in a few years I'll be one of them.

Edited by Cupcake_girl

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I don't think so.. no..

Even though I don't consider myself depressed anymore I'm still walking on thin ice and I find it very difficult to deal with another persons depression. It's very easy for two people to drag each other down. They might not do it intentionally but for me personally two people with depression are not a good match. I surround myself with positive people for a reason.

I do want to add that I would totally understand it too if someone would not want to date me because I am on antidepressants and still struggle sometimes. It would hurt but yeah, I would understand. Hopefully one day I'll find somebody though who will understand and wants to be with me, flaws and all haha.

Hi Cupcake girl --- with my past dates not working out due to my depression. It does makes one think/believe no one man in the world would want to be with me.

I know it's very hard to overcome that thought as I've been there sooooo many times. But i now realise to stop beating myself with self defeating thoughts .Yes there's the odd time I'd fall but I'd get up n dust myself off, so to speak, as i know there is a kind compassionate man out there who would accept me for.

((((((cupcake girl)))))

Yeah it is hard isn't it? Honestly I still don't truly believe I'll ever fine someone but then I think, I'm still young.. There must be someone out there. I just want what all my friends have. They've pretty much settled down and I'm still alone. But well I just try to have some faith in the future. There are plenty of people who struggle(ed) with mental illness who have found someone. Hopefully in a few years I'll be one of them.

My dear friend, always walk to the beat of your own drum, so to speak. They have what we want but in due time will we get ours when the time is right....

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This would not be an issue for me because I understand the pain and frustration of both depression and anxiety. From my experience, having someone who is patient, kind, and understanding is important to me. It's not as simple as just taking pills to get over it. Having someone to turn to who understands and vice versa would be something I could accept. It's more about having that connection with someone who's been there as opposed to trying to have someone understand what I'm going through.

I'm also the type of partner who would be there at a moments notice in whatever form I could be whether it is text, phone, in person, etc. Even in the middle of the night, I would wake up to listen to a concern because I know how it feels. In the past, when it came to wanting to confide in my partner it was always the same thing: either I should go out and socialize more, told there is nothing to be upset over, or to go back on meds (which don't work for me). All suggestions were insulting and in the end, my feelings were discounted. So yes, I would definitely consider a partner with depression because we'd likely understand each other.

Edited by FallenStar

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Would I, as I depressed person, date another depressed person? I would and have. My second girlfriend was diagnosed as severely depressed. She took anti-depressants. She was probably more depressed than I was, but we helped each other. By merely loving each other, we gave each other reasons to hope that not everything in our world was bad.

Would I, if I had never been depressed, date a depressed person? Probably not, unless she were really and truly special. Only certain people can deal with depression on a regular basis. It takes a certain strength. I doubt I would have it if I were not depressed myself.

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If I didn't have depression, I probably couldnt' comprehend the issue at all so no.

With depression, I have such a strong preference I might only date someone with depression. I've had many years on this planet to study how I react psychologically to situations and have concluded that every society our species has ever built depresses me.

Some people assimilate emotionally to 'whatever circumstance' they are born into and find a culturally normative emotional state of 'happiness' in the process. It could be any culture, really. They simply do what they are told. They are happy enough to follow instructions of authority figures. The Milgram Experiment is a pretty good example of people willing to assimilate.

Still, some people react with such emotional distress to civilizations they are born into pulling the strings in their lives and manipulating their futures. They don't put on a happy face and follow instructions, or maybe they simply can't. Even if they can't diagnose exactly what the problem is, they know there is a problem. These people are often compassionate enough they'd rather off themselves than off others even if given a direct order from a superior.

I've found if I focus on the arts and create positive goals for myself outside the authoritarian structures of civilization, I'm a lot happier. I could probably only truly relate to someone who is uncomfortable with assimilating with a 'smile' into whatever their society expects them to do. Now if they can smile with freedom outside of society? If they are happy with art, math, science, self improvement we'd get along a lot better. But happy with being a cog of civilization? There's only so far we can relate. There's no way they could possibly understand the level of distress and discomfort I've felt when being demanded to 'assimilate' into whatever power structures exist around me.

It does make me suicidal. The only way I've found on this planet to survive is to not assimilate. Only someone who has experienced significant distress when asked to follow orders blindly "for the sake of your society," would understand me. Every society ultimately has a Jim Jones cult aspect to it, 'do like the others. It's the correct thing to do.' Group think your way, it's how society works. I don't want to be a part of one, they are all very painful to my state of mind. Finding others who would rather exist as well meaning, free thinking individuals is a huge relief. They can't be happy as cogs in a machine, but I know I've found some degree of happiness outside. I'd be glad to share it. An outsider needs an outsider.

Edited by chaku

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no i wouldnt tbh..if a girl i knew had depression id be her friend and try to help but to be in a relationship with her, it would be a nightmare..i cant even deal with my own problems much less if i get home from work and she is depressed too..it would almost be a recipe for suicide..u might be able to help each other a little bit but for the most part, i think it would be disastrous..

then again, if i dated someone normal and happy i cant 'keep up' with them socially or when it comes to other things..id hate to drag them down and it wouldnt be fair to them..in all honestly, i dont have much to offer a woman atm..thats me being as honest as i can be..

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I don't think so.. no..

Even though I don't consider myself depressed anymore I'm still walking on thin ice and I find it very difficult to deal with another persons depression. It's very easy for two people to drag each other down. They might not do it intentionally but for me personally two people with depression are not a good match. I surround myself with positive people for a reason.

I do want to add that I would totally understand it too if someone would not want to date me because I am on antidepressants and still struggle sometimes. It would hurt but yeah, I would understand. Hopefully one day I'll find somebody though who will understand and wants to be with me, flaws and all haha.

Hi Cupcake girl --- with my past dates not working out due to my depression. It does makes one think/believe no one man in the world would want to be with me.

I know it's very hard to overcome that thought as I've been there sooooo many times. But i now realise to stop beating myself with self defeating thoughts .Yes there's the odd time I'd fall but I'd get up n dust myself off, so to speak, as i know there is a kind compassionate man out there who would accept me for.

((((((cupcake girl)))))

Yeah it is hard isn't it? Honestly I still don't truly believe I'll ever fine someone but then I think, I'm still young.. There must be someone out there. I just want what all my friends have. They've pretty much settled down and I'm still alone. But well I just try to have some faith in the future. There are plenty of people who struggle(ed) with mental illness who have found someone. Hopefully in a few years I'll be one of them.

My dear friend, always walk to the beat of your own drum, so to speak. They have what we want but in due time will we get ours when the time is right....

umm i dont think my friends want what i have in terms of life or lifestyle..if they did, they would want to switch back within a week..

that is the thing, how can we expect someone to take us on and deal with our problems?

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I guess I would like to think that even though I deal with depression I have a lot of other qualities that would make someone lucky to have me. I think everyone has some issues, and communication and respect can help to work through it.

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I guess I would like to think that even though I deal with depression I have a lot of other qualities that would make someone lucky to have me. I think everyone has some issues, and communication and respect can help to work through it.

Absolutely!

In my case, opposites attract and my opposite is reason and sanity ;)

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This is something I have been thinking of much. I have been with my girlfriend for over 3 years. All this time I haven't been super healthy and it makes me feel so sorry for her. She sees me get frustrated that healthy people try to tell you how to "snap out of it" and think they are helping you... Basically it'd almost be better for me and her to have never met. I feel like she deserves much better than a 22yr old that is unmotivated, angry, sad and worried. I can't be everything for her and that makes me cry just to think about. I hate myself because of depression and all that it has done to me.

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I'm dating someone with depression and I've dated a few others before him that also had it. I find it nice to have someone who understands and empathizes when I'm feeling particularly low.

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I attempted to date a guy with depression a couple years back. He didn't want to go out - as in, he didn't want to meet me for a first date. He didn't want to go anywhere. When someone is severely depressed, I think that dating them would be crazy hard. I wasn't completely opposed to it however, I did think to myself after I stopped talking to him, 'Wow, is that how I am when I'm really depressed? I wouldn't date me if I were like that.'

So yes, I would date someone with depression. But it depends on how bad it is. Is it stopping them from functioning? Are they very much housebound? Are they making an effort to still do non-depressed people things? If they were in recovery or therapy or on meds or had mild depression like me, I could deal. Severe depression? Well, dating them just wouldn't work for either one of us.

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