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Can't Stop Having Thoughts Of Not Caring If I Die


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I have wrestled with thought of suicide and not caring about living since my teens. I have times even years where I get past those thoughts and seem to be ok but I seem to all ways slide back to them. Right now I have not intent to harm myself yet I still catch myself thinking I would not care if I were to die or I will just think to myself "**** me". I hate I am like this and it is not like I have some terrible life. In fact I think I am pretty fortunate yet I am still depressed with my life. I have been on/off meds since my 20's and currently on them yet not really happy.

Do any others have or had this same feeling? Any suggestions on how to get past these feelings?

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Yeah, I feel the same way. At this point I want to off myself less because of my depression and more because of the fact that I've spent 3 years thinking it over and would genuinely welcome it with open arms, I even built myself the euthanasia kit that is used professionally in The Netherlands. I believe that what I'm going through can be likened to a terminally ill patient deciding to have the doctor check them out, except in my situation I have until the end of my life to choose when to do it. As for fixing it: if you've been on these meds for a long time and they still aren't doing anything then you may wanna look into other med options. And you said you don't care if you die, well the simplest thing to combat that is to care about/for something; it doesn't have to be something like getting a pet, but animals do seem to help most depressed people.

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Yes, I have felt that way too. I don't have any big glaring tragedy in my life to point to for why I get depressed and over emotional so I wind up blaming myself for all of it. I must be flawed then it proves to me. But coming here I have learned that some of us are just wired to have stronger emotional reactions to life than others and as such our brains are taking over. I agree with the other poster. If your meds are not helping maybe think about changing or adding another, as well consider talk therapy if you can. Books on cognitive thinking have helped me. The idea is to try and catch the negative thoughts about our self and our world and turn them around to something more positive and encouraging. Sort of learning to be our own best coach.

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I feel the same way. I do not want to hurt myself but when it comes to the idea of just not being alive anymore I am indifferent. I am new to this forum and I imagine that a supportful/positive reply might be better than just agreeing with things like in the OP but I guess we are all suffering a little to even be here in the first place so it can't hurt too much to be honest.

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I am new to this forum and I imagine that a supportful/positive reply might be better than just agreeing with things like in the OP but I guess we are all suffering a little to even be here in the first place so it can't hurt too much to be honest.

Sometimes that's actually all people want, is to be agreed with so they know its not just them. If you can give some good advice that's great, but like you said "we are all suffering", so I don't think anyone is expecting every one response to be positive/supportful.

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These thoughts tend to creep into my mind from time to time. I think about how I would react to a situation where I'm about to die, and I welcome it. "Oh well, I never enjoyed my time here anyway, its not that much of a big deal..."

When I get these thoughts, its very concerning and I frighten myself. Its not a healthy way to view life, and I subsequently don't make the most out of it.

I want to feel alive again! Be at one with the world, and everyone around me.

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I wanted to say thanks for all of you responding. It is in an odd way sort of good knowing I am not the on,y person to feel like this. At times I so want to tell my family or close friends how I feel but am afraid to cause I don't want to see me as weak. I know that is stupid but I have always been so co de red what people think of me even since childhood.

The thing I think is like who thinks about death and not caring I all ways feel I am freak to feel like this. I mesn to me it is not normal to think like this. As for meds I am so tired of them to be honest. I still take mine though at time I have stopped on my own and just tried recently. However I am now on cymbalta and did not know about the issues of stoping it so when I tried I had major issues so went back not it. Sorry to ramble but just so much on my mind.

Again thanks for the responses.

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Thank you all for sharing. I feel that way myself sometimes. I too am working on catching the negative thoughts and trying to replace them with more positive thoughts. I've had a few successes today...and for those I am very grateful.

Thanks for sharing, this has really helped me to not feel so alone.

Trilher

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