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I Want To Hear Your Success Story.....the Moment You Felt There Was Hope Again.


bootstraps

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Feeling a little better today. I would love ❤ to hear a few positive stories of what works for you now or has worked for you in the past. I am trying to be more proactive in managing this depression, and part of that is interacting more with others on here. It has been such a comfort to learn that there are people like me and that people do care and want to help, period! Please share those moments with me.

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I'm really glad to hear that you feel a bit better.

It's the little things that make my days less sad. I feel a bit better when I get out of bed, get dressed and do little things like cooking dinner for my parents, cleaning my room, etc.

To me, the best feeling is knowing that others are proud of you / having a reason to be proud of yourself.

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Hi bootstraps,

I need to try to find some positive so maybe it will do me good to answer you. I hope this year brings you masses of healing.

On the depression front I am much more able to manage it actually. One of the most helpful things for it for me was building a different relationship with emotions. Understanding what they do, being able to identify them, connecting to them in situations, accepting them instead of fighting with them, tolerating intensity better and using them better. Journalling was one of the absolute key things that helped with my depression and I still find it essential to connect to what I am feel and why. Thats on a deeper level of course.

Also Radical Acceptance and Mindfulness have been key.

On a first stage and the basics of survival it was the work I did about SI. Knowing more what keeps me trapped in it and how to do things despite not having any hope.

And then self hatred. I still have absolute masses of it but it was even worse in the past. Learning to try to contain the self abuse and negative treatment of myself has been and still is important. Its a work in progress.

Edited by Fizzle
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I keep hearing about journaling. I think I am scared of this as I'm kind of afraid of what's going to come out? If that makes any sense. Maybe that means I am still burying painful things...

And if that is the case, is that ok? My anger has lessened considerably in the last several years to where I don't want to drudge up stuff.

Not sure if that is a healthy stance or not?!?

Anyway, thank you for your reply.

Bootstraps

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Hi,

I'm a believer that what works differs a lot from person to person if that makes sense.

The journalling I am talking about is what happened that day and how I felt. Im not sure if you mean past experiences when you mention fearing drudging feelings up. I think if you are fearing getting yourself angry about your day to day stuff then there are probably things you can do to help you process emotions differently. For people who have anger all the time then often it is either really fear and they are hiding in anger (they feel they need to be angry all the time to protect themselves). they have patterns of thinking that create anger, or they are feeling feelings about the past and they are just being triggered by present things. I dont know if that makes sense. Journalling should help with all those things if used properly.

But yes if you are afraid of bringing up feelings about the past then you probably still have things to work through about the past but I think that is best done in therapy.

I dont know your situation at all though so please discard anything that doesnt apply.

Edited by Fizzle
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I was always generally depressed but it was managable until something in my life triggered a very severe depression where I turned on myself quite profoundly. My emotions went completely out of control and I was bound and determined to destroy myelf. It has been really hard to come back from this but there are a few things that have helped me first of all survive and a few other things that are helping me understand and move past it. When I first crashed into the severe depression I just instinctually started to write in a journal. I think I have maybe 15 of them now spanning 3 and a half years. The journals are very dark but it felt like a good way to get out the upset and hear what my thoughts and emotions were trying to tell me and what was interesting was after a while, when I was done writing out one of my tirades about myself or life I noticed that I started to write a counter arguement as well. If I gave myself enough time to let it out and then sit quietly without acting my subconscious would break through and try to give me a pep talk. The second thing that happened and this may or may not seem odd but I got song lyrics that would pop up in my head. I probably should have sought out professional help but I was terrifed of this coming out and being institutionallized so the song lyrics actually helped inspire me to keep moving on. Whenever I was super troubled a lyric would pop into my head and I would try to embrace it to help me keep going. And finally I let myself have emotional breakdowns. I would isolate myself from everyone and just scream, cry and yell my head off until I wore myself out. I am not sure how healthy that was to do but I always supressed my emotions which just led to high anxiety on a regular basis. By allowing my emotions a safe enviornment to be let out I found myself less scared to have them. I actually spent most of my life fearing them so it was quite scary that they were so intense but I also learned that I could suvive them which in turn became liberating. And crying really does help me release the self hatred. I probably cried for 3 years straight but now I only cry when I feel stuck emotions and it really does help clear them out. I still surpress when I am around others because quite frankly to function in the world you have to but giving myself the permission to have an emotional metldown in a private setting helped me to learn how to walk through my emotions. I guess I had to allow them a voice for me to begin to start to learn how to manage them, something I was never taught as a child which I see now created a person very poor at coping with life.

Those were a few of the things that helped me survive myself. The things that have helped me move forward and give me hope that this will turn around one day is I first took dream work very seriously. As well in my journals are my dreams. I spend a lot of time interpreting them and seeing what my subconscious is trying to relay to me. I have found if I ask questions before bed I get the best dream recall and the most valuable insights from my dreams. I have been so persistent about it that I even now will just wake up saying something as a message to myself. I really do think our dreams help us to pinpoint what we are thinking and feeling but can't quite see in our waking life. This can take a lot of effort to get into the practice of writing them down and understanding our own personal symbolism but is well worth the effort. I also foud a place to talk online. As I said, I am trying to keep this from anyone I know so I found it invaluable that I had a place to bounce ideas and thoughts off of others. I didn't find this place until late and avoided it because I didn't want to get triggered but found talking to strangers really helped me to be honest with what I was feeling without the stigma or worry what the other person would think. I don't think it is a good replacement for sound professional help but it worked in my case. Finally what has always been a big help for me is reading. Finding any and all books I could on depression and emotions helped me to get a grasp on why I fell off the cliff emotionally. I haven't read them all and some only partially but one really good book I highly recommend is Choosing To Live by Thomas Ellis and Cory Newman. This book really helped me to separate my thoughts, feelings and emotions and see where my behavior and response to life came from. In my case my Dad. But the book really helped me to finally see that I can conquer my over the top emotional meltdowns. I really finally feel by following its guidance I will hopefully turn my response to life around permanantly to a much better way to cope with life. I am still having an emotional response to life and my triggers but I am doing a much better job reframing my internal dialogue and it is helping to lessen the severity of the emotional meltdowns. In time I will hopefully turn my thinking around for good. But I guess the biggest thing I found was that I let my instincts take me where they needed to go to do the things I needed to do to first suvive myself and second undestand myself. So as the other poster stated, what works for one may not work for all so just let you instincts guide you to what will help you sort through your troubles. Contrary to how we may feel our instincts know what is best for us. So follow them if you can.

Edited by Michelle38
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