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I Tried To Fix Things, But That Made It Worse


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I stopped going to school a while back, but recently I got a call telling me I was truant and had to come back. The reason I stopped going in the first place, was because I was having lapses in reality and hallucinations so frequently, I started "making scenes". I became afraid that someone would call the police and I would end up in a mental institution for yelling at people and things that don't exist, so I just stopped going. I was too sad to be there anyways. My depression has reached an all time low, and everyday its a struggle for me to even get out of bed. But anyways, they held a meeting and told me I could spend the entire day in study hall; that I wouldn't have to deal with other students, and I could come in at 10 everyday. I agreed to come, but when I got there, it was nothing like they promised me. They dropped me back into my classes as if nothing had ever happened. I have to participate in group work, and I was told that I could show up at 10, but it was an unexcused tardy. Everything just got worse. People treat me like I'm ********, and now if I have a hallucination, they'll notice; and more and more people will start making fun of the "crazy girl". And they wonder why I'm unhappy. They say they don't understand, and they ask me what they can do to make me like it there. How about not treating me like I'm some kind of freak? How about helping me instead of making my life a living hell? Or even better, don't lie to me and pretend like you care when you don't? I'm so tired of this happening to me. Maybe I'd just be better off in a mental institution.

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You need to be around someone positive, any family member. As much as we are naturally here for ourselves, we need positive human companionship and support. It's crazy how no one even teaches us how vital a positive surrounding is.

As for the doctor thing, it's funny because that's what seems to happen over and over again all the time.

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Is there another adult or relative not in your immediate family like a godparent or cousin you could talk to? In my experience guidance counselors weren't helpful.

It seems you are worried about losing control of your situation and want to protect yourself. Hopefully you can find someone willing to not take over your life but also help you.

Being stigmatized is why so many people don't get help before things get worse.

I feel for you.

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