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My Bullies Aren't Sorry For What They Did


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Like the title says. I came back to where I used to live after some years of being away from home, and since then I've bumped into a number of different people who once contributed to making my life hell.

With all of us being in our early 20's now, you would think they'd be sorry for what they did, or at least have a bit of mature decency about them? Think again. They constantly give me smirks, stares, and every now and then say something flat-out rude. It's hardly even like a day's gone by since we were in school, even though there was such a long gap where we had 0 contact. They almost give off the message that I'm the one who owes them something, rather than the other way round. Being trapped in a s***hole with these ***** is driving me insane, and I've very nearly attacked some of them. But getting away from them is a separate problem I'm working on.

In the meantime, I don't know how to handle the shame. I have better knowledge of how to deal with them and stand up to them, I hate them and in no way think they deserve respect, but what I can't shake off is how determined and persistent they are. I read stories about bullies who reformed and at least left their victims alone. I don't understand why mine think differently? What did I do to deserve these ******* sociopaths over some bullies who were a bit more "human", and got on with their life when they realised their underlying issue wasn't worth making other people miserable over anymore? Why is it so hard for them to at least just ignore me? It adds to my critically low lack of faith in people, and makes me feel like I'll never get the peace I always wanted. I'm being made to live in the shadow of my past mistakes. I pretty much feel that same sickly feeling you get when you're being stalked, you're never left to get along with YOUR life.

Edited by Gloomy Times
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It was at its worst about 4-9 years ago. It was the work of a lot of different people from my school at different times, not just one particular group. However, they mostly knew each other.

Do you mean how I encounter them, or the nature of when they confront me? If it's the former, usually in the streets when I'm going somewhere, minding my own business. If it's the latter, as I said above, it's normally either staring or smirking at me. Sometimes they hold the stare for a long time, as if they're trying overly hard to observe my every move and find something to make fun out of, or Biotch about. Sometimes the stare is mixed with some kind of anger. This particularly infuriates me, because I can assure you some of these people were disgusting, and I did nothing to them.

The times its been more blatant and rude, it's saying hello to me in a blatantly patronizing tone, or doing something stupid like making a sarcastic comment in a way as if I'm too stupid to understand what they mean, or shouting my name and running away (yes, seriously, this is from people who are ****ing 20 years old now).

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Hi Gloomy times,I don't think it is in any way a given that bullies regret their actions. Not without intervention and the ability to introspect. Esepcially when they are still in their "pack". Its always a reflection of issues they have or the need to protect themselves in a group by deflecting it onto someone else and so these things to stay unless those underlying issues change. In fact I think they are often bullies in adulthood as well. They often change the behavior slightly so that they can get away with it more easily.

The best solution in your situation is what you are already planning - moving away. Unfortunately.

This is not not not about you and is about them. Hard to hold onto but true.

Edited by Fizzle
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In the meantime, I don't know how to handle the shame.

Maybe it's easy for me to say this, but please, don't feel ashamed of what they did to you! They should be the one to feel shame!

You are perfect the way you are, they are the one who have a problem. Like Fizzle said, it's not about you it's about them!

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I normally wouldn't recommend this as a way to treat other people, but it sounds like you need to learn to ignore there people. You know how when you're in a crowd or walking down that same street and you see someone you don't recognize? How you may give them a cursory glimpse and then go your way? Well, seems to me that's what you need to do. Not lock eyes with them. Not give them any more opportunities than you have to to help them help you antagonize yourself.

Fact of the matter is, it sounds like, practically speaking, you've moved on. You have a life. Get on with it. And act like it. You've got places to go, things to do, people to see. You don't have time for this silliness. If you DO run into one of them, and they give you a sarcastic "hello" or whatever, say hi politely and walk on.

They've obviously not matured. You can. They're still getting off on having this power over you. Don't give it to 'em!

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