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PsychT1987

To Tell Or Not To Tell Is The Question

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My mom said a few disparaging words about my girlfriend to me after she stopped by where I live. I only remember one thing my mom said, but wondering better to let it go or tell my girlfriend?

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Hi PsychT1987,

If I was in your shoe I would definitely let it go, if you tell your girlfriend she might as well say disparaging words about your mother so... To keep it safe I would say zip it you wouldn't want to be in the middle of a cat fight sort of speak.

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I agree with GoldenEve. People rarely see others "as they really are." Most of the time, we view others through a kind of mental glass that is distorted by prejudices, emotions, unconscious needs and motivations, fears, and beliefs taken on from childhood and never questioned. Not that this is necessarily done maliciously. Often it is unconscious. But people can be really hurt by comments made by others. And part of that is that few people realize how distorted people's judgments can be, even if the distortions are innocent. It often happens that what we or other say about others says more about ourselves than about the others, if you know what I mean. So if I was in your shoes I would keep it to yourself and try not to let it get to you.

A person is a deep, complex and substantial being. Most judgments over-simplify this deepness and complexity of a real person and therefore do an injustice to the reality of that person. We can over-simplify someone with a label [lazy, weak, cowardly, dumb, ugly, bad] and then "believe" the label really "sums them up" and does them justice. Such labels are not only untrue, they are not even half-truths . . . not even 1/1000th of a truth. Most people have done literally trillions of strong, brave, intelligent, beautiful and good things in their lifetimes and will continue to do so.

Sorry this happened to you!

Edited by Epictetus

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I agree with everybody else that it would be best not to share it with your girlfriend. I'll go one step further---if your mother continues, you need to set up boundaries with her if you can. You chose to be with your girlfriend and you don't need anyone saying a bunch of negative stuff about her that isn't productive.

Best Wishes.

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I agree with everybody else that it would be best not to share it with your girlfriend. I'll go one step further---if your mother continues, you need to set up boundaries with her if you can. You chose to be with your girlfriend and you don't need anyone saying a bunch of negative stuff about her that isn't productive.

Best Wishes.

Don't tell her and i agree with the boundaries if you can. No need for her to continue on with something you do not want to hear.

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