Anhedonia And Ruminating Back With A Vengeance

[smithci]

Hi

I have not been on the forum for a while as I truly believed my depression had lifted, infact I didn't even think about

I had a nightmare with depression the first 6 months this year , trying different meds , battling suicidal thoughts etc. I then in June decided to give up on meds and treat the depression though diet and amino acids. I used to the book 'The way up from down' by Patricia Slagle. It worked!!! My sleeping was still bad but everything else was great... I mean really great and the sleep did not bother me at all.

I then got talking to an absolutely amazing girl online. We spoke none stop for 2 months but we only met up twice, Our interests and sense of humour were so much a like. This was a massive spring in my step. Other little flings I've had random feelings of guilt about my ex but never with her. I was just so happy.

Unfortunately she said she couldn't be in a dating situation because she had guilt about her ex, they were together for over 10 years. I was OK at first but then I noticed she was still on the dating website. I eventually lost it with her and said she should forget about me. Maybe I was trying play her a little. She claimed she was just laughing at the idiots on there messaging her, but the low self esteem negative side of my didn't believe it. She was always so nice to me and I threw it back in her face.. I even deleted her off my facebook. I immediately apologized the following day, she was OK and we were talking again as normal.

A week later I posted some photos of a vacation I'd recently been on. I told her about the facebook delete during my rage. Then I got no replies, like at all. She ignored me on whatsapp and ignored my calls. I said look if you do not want to talk just say and I'll sadly be on my way. But no ackowledgement at all.

I said look I'm tempted to call round to your house please just talk to me. So I did call round but no answer, I know it was wrong now but the jetlag and hangover I was in a really bad way. She then appeared to have blocked me on facebook, dating site and whatsapp. I tried sending her a little thing from my holidays but she just returned it.

Since then i cannot stop ruminating about it and cant get any feelings of pleasure anymore : ( I am not going on meds but i have started IPT therapy. I'm waking earlier and earlier in the mornings too , I'm still exercising etc but i'm getting really exhausted.

How do I stop the ruminating and get over an amazing person that wont talk to me and hates me??

[smithci]

Ok so I know it is my fault but No change

Just getting worse. She's not in my life yet she is ******* me everyday

How do I get rid of the anger pent up inside?

I just want her out of my mind

[Icarus21]

She seems like a such a nasty person. It looks like she was playing you and loves getting a reaction from you. That isn't fair. I guess the goal would be to find something more exciting or more fulfilling than her. That is hard especially if you have Anhedonia. Every task is a chore. Looks like you are now numb and the brief bits of happiness you did have seem all gone in a flash. I can understand how painful that must feel. You obviously were doing things right and were able to provide yourself some happiness in that brief moment. Maybe you can achieve it again. I hope you can!

I'm trying to find ways to release my anger and pent up resentments and they hold me prisoner. Just about everything leaves me frustrated. Is there anything to distract your mind, even for a little bit? I hope you get through this!

Icarus

[smithci]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply

Boxerfit helps and I try to think of this stuff as I'm hitting the bag. I just wish I could stop other times

She did tell me once that if people wrong her she turns totally passive aggressive on them. But I was so upset at the time and didn't see what she was doing, and then when I noticed she had blocked me I cried my eyes out and was nearly sick.

I am dating someone at the moment but I'm not sure where it's going. She seems to like me and I fancy her I just wish I could clear my mind and actually enjoy things

[Icarus21]

No problem. It is so easy to turn passive aggressive on people. I feel she grew up like I did. Not being able to share or say what you need to without being yelled at for it so you resort to dishing back without saying anything but passively. It is like a double edged sword. She probably hurt so she hurt you, now you hurt and it creates a chain of hurt people. I haven't dated anyone since 8th grade and I'm 23 now. No one was ever interested in me so I have moot experiences with relationships. I know though that for me, I wouldn't be in a relationship since I'm unwell and can't provide for my partner. I hope the relationship you are in right now fares you better. Hopefully you guys can be really open with each other. Does she know about your past relationship or your depression? It is always hard to tell people who are close these things. I'm glad I don't have to deal with the whole "blocking" things since I deleted my Facebook. It pretty much promotes a passively aggressive way to cut ties with someone without making the effort. It is a good tool though for harassment or anything that makes the other person extremely uncomfortable. Sorry. I ramble way too much. I could really hit a bag or two right now. I never took boxing but I feel like even breaking something fragile like an old plate would help a little with my psyche.