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lonesomecowboy

Cursed With Bad Luck

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Bad luck is following me like a black cloud over my head for all my life. It's true that I'm not a starving child somewhere in a third world country or a prisoner in a concentration camp, I'm not in a wheelchair and I'm not dying of aids, I'm aware that milions of people have it much worse than me. I had a good family and upbringing and all the needed things for a normal life, I was never starving or something. I guess you will say that I should be grateful, but what is happening to me is unbearable! And no whataboutism will solve this problem ("you say you are unlucky? what about the starving children in..." etc. you get my point)

No matter what I do, it always ends badly, no matter how much I invest myself into something. It happens in every field of my life: work, personal, health, friendships, relationships etc. You try to build something, be it some business project, art creation, a friendship or a relationship, it does not matter, it will always end badly. Some invisible hand will destroy all your achievements in a split second and it will collapse as if it is a house of cards.

I wasn't raised in a religious family and I have never been a superstitious person, but there were so many crazy things happening in my life, strange coincidences, negative synchronicities or how should I call them, that I started to beleive that there are some supernatural forces controling my life. Some may call that god, devil, demons, curses, evil eyes, bad karma, I don't know, but there is something.

Psychiatrists would probably call that external locust of control. I have absolutely no control over my life and I learned to predict the negative outcome. There's nothing you can do to stop it. I never lived my life "my way" as Frank Sinatra says in his song. I never had a real choice, it was always like "this is what you can have, take it or leave it". That's why I often have to be in a company of people, whom I don't really like (they are the only ones who would accept me), or sometimes I choose a partner whom I don't like, or a job that is not really for me.

I posses certain qualities and talents, which to some extent have been recognized in the area in which I live. I don't want to show off, but let's say that I'm a arty / creative person and that I'm a sort of intellectual. However, note that I'm not a native english speaker, excuse me in advance for the mistakes that I will make during my writing. I had some successes in my life, but they were shortlived and they were always sort of "Pyrrhic victories". I would receive a pat on my shoulder like "you did good work" and then people would just leave and forget about me. It never led anywhere and I got nothing useful from it. My talents and personal qualities remained underestimated.

First I was looking for the problem within myself, but not everything can be explained rationally. Beleive me, I do everything properly, I do everything the best I can and I have realistic ambitions, but still, everything it's futile. I feel like the biblical Job or Sisyphus. I tried to understand this demonic system or how to call it and to avoid it's traps, it's impossible. You can even move to a new place, even to a new country, it will not help.

Businesses that I worked for collapsed, got bankrupt or got sold. It was never my fault. I lost all my friends, almost all of them scattered around the world in search for better opportunities. All of them had bad luck, which is probably the reason why we unknowingly attracted each other and became friends. We were not like complete losers, there were some great guys among us, who looked decently, had brains and certain talents etc. but nothing ever worked for us.

Sure, everyone has some faults, we all make mistakes sometimes and I'm not an exclusion. But this is simply not normal. Beleive me, I'm doing everyhting the best I can. I see people who are succesful with much less effort. They are bad, but they live great and get everything undeserved.

I have several health issues, I mean not a cancer or hiv or something extreme, but still they are annoying and there's no cure for them. For example occasional migraines, skin issues (especially when the weather changes abruptly). It's nothing extreme, but still, it's annoying and it ruins my life and my self-esteem. I also have a general feeling of tiredness and insomnia as well. I went to many doctors and no one ever helped me. I began to really hate them. Also many people who were dear to me suffered from ill health, even pets that I had suffered. If I buy let's say an electronic device, I know in advance that it will probably be faulty. It's always something wrong.

I'm not Brad Pitt of course, but I wouldn't say that I'm totally ugly and unattractive. I have some sense of self-respect, I'm not that bad. I had some quite attractive girls in my life, but it took a lot of effort to start those relationships and they were very easy to lose. All these relationships ended badly without exceptions, no matter how I tried. I'm trying to make new friends, I'm a communicative person and I liked clubbing, concerts, dancing etc., but it didn't go well. People keep a distance from me. They promise to call and never do.

When we sit together for a drink, they always criticise me, they rarely say a good thing about me and they are not interested how I really feel. Note here that I'm not bothering anyone with my problems. I'm always trying to keep it inside, but I cannot do it anymore. Once I found a friend, who seemed to understand me, but when I had some really bad time and I needed his moral support, he just left me because "he was busy". People don't care about me, they always betray me. I had many lonely holidays: birthdays, New Year's Eves. I started to really hate holidays. People are often ungrateful to me.

Instead of attracting good people, I offten attract all kinds of weirdos, losers, junkies, small time criminals, people with issues, people who went through all kinds of problems in life, wars, prisons etc. and other colorful characters. It's not cool, belive me, it's tiring. Also many women that I'm trying to build a communication with, prove to be unstable. They don't know what they want, they say one thing and they'll do exactly the opposite. This also happens with people, with whom I'd like to have a friendship or a business / artistic cooperation. It happened to me that many people offered me cooperation (I never asked them, they initiated it) or they expressed romantic interest, but then they stop communicating with me for absolutely no reason.

It happened to me that people, who are completely unrelated to eachother told me completely same things, used same phrases. It's scary. When I find someone nice, I know in advance that sooner or later, this relationship or friendship will end badly. I know that they will say something bad even before they open their mouths. You can only laugh like crazy, how is this possible? It's like someone is controling them against me or I don't know. Sometimes I ask myself, why they are so weak? Why they don't resist these "dark forces" ?

Now I know that this will sound stupid, but really, it often happens to me that the clock shows 13 minutes, I get hotel rooms number 13 or flight / train / bus seats with that number. If I'm in a queue waiting to buy some product or a service, I know that everything will go wrong when my turn will come. It always happens, things get sold out exactly when it's my turn, or there's always something wrong at a check-in counter on airports, it always rains when I'm on picnic etc. I see signs on billboards, on tv or on the internet, which seem to be written exactly about the situation that I'm in at that moment. These are impossible coincidences. I began to write down / photograph / film these strange things, so I can have a proof, but who would belive me? People don't care anyway.

I know that this is not a forum about religion or superstitions, karmas, demons and such stuff, but believe me, even the hardcore atheists, rationalists and materialists would belive me about this, if it happens to them. I never wanted to wish anyone harm, but sometimes you just lose your nerves and you wish that everyone tastes this, at least for a short time, so they can understand how it is. This is very real.

A guy I know noticed that I'm becoming more and more socialy isolated, I stopped going to bars and clubs and I'm also not active on the social networks. He suggested me to see a psychiatrist. I don't want that, because I belive the psychiatrist will tell me that "everything is in my head" and that bad things never happened to me. It was just my illusion or my perception. That hurts me. Everything I told you really happened. It hurts me to pretend that it never did. It was my f**** life.

This is a serious issue that affects milions of people around the world. I tried to find forums about this "bad luck syndrome" or how we should call it? There are not many, but I notice that many people complain about these problems. All kinds of people: white, black, yellow, rich, poor, middle class, educated, not educated etc. Is there a name for this thing? Will the scientific community ever recognize it? That's my dream. I know that you cannot help me, but the only thing that I would really like is someone to beleive me.

P.S. Knowing that everything will go bad one way or another, I made a backup of my post in a text file on my computer. And I did good, because when I tried to preview this post I got the following error messsage:

"www.depressionforums.org Driver Error
There appears to be an error with the database.
If you are seeing this page, it means there was a problem communicating with our database. Sometimes this error is temporary and will go away when you refresh the page. Sometimes the error will need to be fixed by an administrator before the site will become accessible again.
You can try to refresh the page by clicking here"

So you see, my bad luck taught me to be cautious. Otherwise, this text could be lost. When you are aware that you are cursed, you try to find a way to avoid these demonic traps and to fool that system. For example, you make plan B, backups, you prepare for the worst, you avoid too ambitious projects or investments that can easily turn into ashes etc. It's very tiring to live your life like that. You develop hypervigilance.

Thank you for your kind attention.

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I'm so sorry youre having so many struggles. I have to agree with LaurynJcat on the risk of self fulfilling prophecy. Mind over matter.

Im keeping you in my thoughts and hoping your luck changes for the better, which i suspect it can and will.

Dont lose hope.

You seem to be a very intelligent person and your english is better than mine and im a born and raised American. Hehe :)

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LaurynJcat and Elicia, thank you very much to both of you for your warm words, I really appreciatte that.

My greatest wish would be that the scientific community recognizes this problem. Will they call it a "bad luck syndrome" or something, I don't know, but it does exist. If scientists and doctors can't help me, at least, they should aknowledge it's existence, they should give it a name and explore it as far as they can. Like they can make some tests with volunteers or monitor their lives and document everything in text, photos or videos. There are many people who go through these problems as me. I beg all the scientists, psychiatrists and other people to become interested in this phenomenon. It cannot be ignored anymore. I'm not making this up just to get sympathy or pitty.

Thank you for your kind wishes, but I'm sure that nothing will change to better in my life. This is going for years and years, it's not just a bad period, believe me. I tried to find out when this bad luck exactly started, like: was there any special reason, am I paying for some sins or something. I must admit that I had some sins and mistakes in my life, well, who doesn't? But it wasn't something extreme like I wasn't a serial killer or a drug dealer or something. And as far as I can see, bad people ussually get away with m*****, they enjoy great lives and get all the power and money. Rarely they get punished in this world, ussually it's the good people that suffer. Let's be realistic.

I was digging through my past looking for answers. Finally, my parents admitted to me that I could almost die at birth. So, my problems started in the very beginning of my life, in the first second of my existence. They never told me about this before, I guess they didn't want to upset me or something. They're good people, I love them and respect them, but we often argue about my problem. I'm desperately trying to tell them that all this really happens and it's not just in my head, while they try to explain it rationally like: maybe I'm too sensitive, maybe I'm exagerating, maybe I should see a psychiatrists etc. This hurts me a lot. I cannot even explain to you how much it hurts.

And yeah, there's always WHATABOUTISM. You complain to your parents that your life is terrible and they say "Oh really? Look who's talking! What about the starving children in Africa? What about that disabled boy in a wheelchair in our neighbourhood? What about this, what about that" and so on. After hearing these examples, you feel ashamed and ungrateful for what you have and you just stop arguing. But this does not solve the problem! All my life they were giving me examples of misfortunate people, disabled people, starving people, mute and deaf people etc. I don't want to offend anyone, please don't get me wrong, but the world is not only filled with such misfortunate people. Around me I see some completely happy and healthy people, who live good lives and they don't give a damn that someone is suffering in this world, while I'm like obliged to take all the burden of this world as if I'm guilty for all that. It's not right. I do feel compassion for other people, but hey, my life must go on!

I'm aware that I have it much better than milions of other people in this cruel world, but at least their problems are easily explainable and the enemy that torments them has a face, a name and a surname. Please let me explain this: a child is starving in a 3rd world country. It's heartbreaking, yes, but at least it can be explained. Maybe the government there is corrupted or the economy is poor or maybe there is a war going on over there or the climate is harsh. Or let's say, someone lives under a dictatorship, he ends in a nazi concentration camp or in a stalinist gulag, where he is tortured and he goes through a real hell. It's terrible, yes, but at least, his tormentor has a name: Hitler, Stalin etc. Or let's say that some soldier lost his leg in a war. The war started when the country X invaded the country Y due to some political disputes, so it has some logical explanation. This misfortunate soldier has a visible enemy, i.e. the enemy shooting at him from the opposite trench. You get my point. In my case, my enemy is invisible.

Is my enemy god, devil, demons, karma, curses, evil eyes, what is it? Whom I should be angry at? Who is my enemy and how should I fight against him, her or it, or I don't know? There's nothing worse than having an invisible enemy. I know people who are very arrogant, they think that they are in control of everything, they have a high self-esteem. I'm telling them that if they face an enemy like I have, they would break under that pressure like a used toothpick and they'll end in an ashtray. Yeah, it's very easy to pretend that you are "strong", until your strenght is challenged. I repeat, I never wish anyone harm, but some people ask for it. They deserve a little bit of suffering, so they can understand how it really is. Maybe that would make them better persons.

I noticed that both of you mentioned the phenomenon of self-fullfiling prophecy. With all due respect, I don't beleive in that. I will tell you a funny thing: some people first say something like: "Oh c'mon how can you believe in supernatural entities and dark forces?! It's childish and ridiculous!". But then they advice me: "You can control your life by using your thoughts, think positively, predict positive outcomes and everything will be okay". What's this? A religion or something? :)) They want me to believe that I can control this world by using my mind? Am I god or something? Can I move mountains with my thoughts and control people's actions as well? This is ridiculous and it's a totally oppossed to the materialistic point of view expressed in their first sentence. It's like: "Don't belive in magic, but you can do magic yourself". It's a total contradiction.

Yeah, I tried that "positive thinking" thing. Like "yeah, I can do it, everything will be fine" etc. I was always trying to be positive with people, to smile at them, to make them happy, to make good conversation and jokes, I really tried to socialize, to work hard etc. But it never worked out. All my business achievments collapse in front of my eyes, my creativity is underestimated, people shun me and then I get depressed. After a period of isolation and depression, I become active again, thinking "now things will work for sure", and then again a disaster happens and depression comes again and so on. It's a vicious circle. Better to be a pessimist (here I mean realist) and be prepared for the worst than to be pretend that everything is alright. If i don't make backups of my work in my computer, positive thinking will not save them, you get my point. For me, positive thinking is a bunch of nonsense. I mean, if it works for you, then fine, I'm really glad. But it never worked for me personally, so I gave up using that approach very long time ago.

I don't wanna die. But I ain't keen on living either like Robbie Williams says in his song. I don't really care about my life. I'm not afraid of death, it would be a good riddance. However, I'm not thinking about suicide because I care about my parents and relatives and their feelings. Also, I don't want to give my enemies this pleasure. They would be happy to hear that I gave up. Also, most people will not care if I die anyway. They will not think of me and how I felt. They don't care. And of course, there are philosophical questions such as: What will happen to me after I **** myself? Maybe hell really exists? Or maybe I will reincarnate into some stupid animal? I just want my life to end naturally as soon as possible. I wish I had some fast forward button >> like on a videotape / dvd player and skip all this nonsense all the way till the end.

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Hi lonesomecowboy

I'm not sure what advice I can give but I found your post fascinating. I believe you, but I don't think you're 'cursed', so you are bound to have good luck episodes in your life as well. If it doesn't drive you crazy in the meantime!

You need to write a book about your life. I'm certain it would be a best seller, and possibly be optioned for a film screenplay.. I'm totally serious. It would also serve to keep your mind focused and perhaps see some humor in the situation. I don't need to remind you about the importance of backups, obviously. ;)

Keep us posted.

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I believe that 13 is the whole number between 12 and 14.

I believe that when we start to believe we're dogged by bad luck or are jinxed, we tend to forget to do the things that got us to the places we got to when we had advantages.

I believe that when we achieve a certain mindset, we choose to see what we want to see and ignore everything else. It's called confirmation bias. If something goes wrong for us once or twice, we disregard the umpteen times that it went right.

I believe that if I'd had businesses, some "quite attractive girls in my life", and was considered arty, creative, and an intellectual, I'd consider myself fortunate and would look forward to whatever life had in store for me next.

I believe that depressed persons tend to use 'always' and 'never' a lot.

I think a therapist or psychiatrist would be a good visit.

All my best, my friend.

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Hi

we are all individuals and I agree that it is very hard when others raise the thing about other people in abject poverty, or otherwise supposedly worse off. no one else has thee knowledge of what's going on in your head and how painful it is.

Personally I don't believe in curses. However whatever happens everyone has to face bad things at some point, some people maybe more than others, or maybe that's just on the outside. As many of us know depression is a very serious illness but it is not visible and often not obvious. I wonder whether some of the people who seem to be having a lo t more luck then I do have depression or some other hidden issue to deal with.

i can't stop what other people do, whether they ignore my talents or they dismiss me. All I can do is look at how I deal with my own feelings. In my case for example I can't stop my mother telling me what to do. What I can influence if how I react immediately and deal with feelings. I'm doing a meditation course which is helping me to get to a place where I notice I am angry and just accept I am angry and that the emotion is acceptable. I don't try to wish away the anger or tell myself off for being angry. I try to accept anger then decide what a healthy response is for me - could be just seeing how the situation develops, being assertive, walking away from the situation...

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Vivian2014, thanks a lot :) Yeah I do write from time to time and I think I'm good at it, but as i already explained, it's pointless, it doesn't lead anywhere. Please read the following chapter for Ratboy and you'll understand what I mean.

RatBoy, thanks for your reply. There's no "next level" unfortunatelly. I'm stucked. This demon or whatever it is does not allow me to go up to my maximum. I feel like an eagle in a cage, I'm not allowed to spread my wings. I often dream that I'm flying, it's so beautiful, I can't even describe, but in the end comes the rude awakening. I'm succesful only to a certain extent, my abilities are not fully realized (I don't know how to say this in english properly).

Success in my life happens extremely rarely, it requires TOO MUCH effort to be achieved and the happiness is very shortlived. It's a hollow victory or Pyrrhic victory, as I mentioned before. Let's say that you are an emperor who leads an army. You won the battle, but all your soldiers are dead and your kingdom is devastated by the war. Can you really call that a victory? The invested nerves, emotions, time and money are much larger than the fruits earned from my labour. My english is not perfect, but you get the picture.

It's totally pointless, it doesn't lead anywhere and I earn nothing from such "victories". I just receive an occasional pat on my shoulder from some people like "yeah, you did a good job, now excuse me, I have much better things to do than be with you" and they leave and forget me. As I said, some offer cooperation (I never force them to do so) and they never call again. Yeah there were some pretty women in my life, but it took too much work to get them and these relationships were ussualy pain in the a$$: lots of problems, arguments etc. and they always end badly (for me, of course). It was always a pure hell, believe me, you won't like it. Good moments are shortlived and I can never really enjoy them, knowing that very soon everything will be back to "normal" (meaning: my standard bad luck).

I'm not denying that I had some really crazy moments of luck. For example, on several occassions some strange "force" or something saved my a$$ from some real troubles. I'm grateful for that. But my life is not changed to better, it continues as it is. This force or god or whatever it is, says something like "yeah you will survive in this trouble, you will continue to live, but I won't allow that life to be happy". That entity or whatever it is needs me alive to torment me or something, I don't know. Sometimes I ask that entity like what the f*** do you want from me? Why me? There're are like 6 bilion people on this planet. Leave me alone, I'm not a saint like the biblical Job to be tempted like that. Nothing changes, of course.

Marie241, thank you too for your reply. You said it very well "no one else has thee knowledge of what's going on in your head and how painful it is". You ask yourself, do people who look lucky actually pretend, while having some hidden issues, because depression is not always so obvious? Hmm tough question. I don't know, but still they look happy and healthy to me. You can fake a smile, but I'm not sure if you can fake a healthy appearance. I look more and more tired with pale face and black circles around my eyes, I'm not smiling anymore, I have sleeping problems, I lose apetite which all affects my appearance. Also people notice that I'm absent from certain places that I attended frequently (e.g. bars, clubs) and when they meet me on the street they notice that something is wrong, that I'm in a bad shape, bad mood etc. So maybe depression is visible.

Maybe it's different for different people, maybe some of them know how to hide it. But anyway, my impression is that most of the people around me are generaly happy. Sure they have some problems, everyone has them, but those problems are ussualy explainable (and in most cases solvable) and they happen only occassionaly. Well, death is not a solvable problem, but at least it's explainable. For example, the cause was some virus (which has a name and can be seen under a microscope) or the cause of death was a bullet fired from a ******er who has a name, surname and a face or it was caused by a drunk driver named XY and so on. Can you explain and solve my problem? No, that is simply not possible. You have no enemy, no case, nothing. I have impossible problems. It's true that they are not fatal, but they're unexplainable and unsolvable.

Look people, this is pointless, we cannot do much. But at least I wish that the science recognizes this syndrome. OK, I'm not saying that the science must recognize the existence of supernatural entities, but science CAN and science MUST accept that there're milions of people who feel like I do and who suffer same or similar problems like me. Why were are not recognized as a group? Why we don't have our sites and forums? Why no one is interested in this phenomenon?

C'mon you must admit it is interesting. Take for example that married couple, who was in NYC on 9/11, then in London when there were terrorist attacks in 2004, then in Madrid or I don't know how it was exactly. Please google for the story. Now, I don't know if it was made up by the media, but if it's true it's totally crazy. Why no one is interested to investigate this phenomenon more deeply? People just say to us: "oh you are just lazy and want pitty, there's nothing wrong with you", while they treat other groups with respect and compassion. It's not right. Let's make a political party :)

Edited by lonesomecowboy

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If you believe this to be "demonic" or some kind of super natural phenomenon, have you tried praying about it? Going to church or becoming more religious?

What are your thoughts on religion?

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Thank you for the suggestion Elicia, but it doesn't work. I did try. I have no problem with religion and I have no problem with atheists, I don't know how to explain this really, I know it sounds contradictional. I'm opened to all kinds of interpretations and viewpoints. I'm easy going and I try to understand all the viewpoints, be they religious or atheistic. I can sit for a drink with everyone (be they theologists or atheist intellectuals) and talk. Especialy if it's a "philosophical" type of a conversation. Like "which one was the first, the chicken or the egg?" and stuff like that.

I'm not a conservative, puritan or something, but on the other hand, I do not reject the possibility that there's a god or something like that. There must be something. I mean c'mon how all this started, the big boom, the dinousauruses, the evolution, those Darwin's monkeys and all that. There must be some "system" that someone created. Water falls from the sky as a rain, then the sun shines and it turns it into steam which again becomes rain in the sky and so on. Everything is perfectly designed. This system could not start of it's own, I think. There must be some logic in this universe. We, the humans, are too small to understand all the secrets of the universe. Maybe god really exist and he's is testing me, but then, why exactly me? :) I have no problem with god, but I'm not really a saint. I'm just a human with all my good and bad sides. Why he decided to test me? I have never applied for a job as a monk.

You see, the funny things is that religion mentions these problems that I have. The biblical Job is a great example of a cursed man. He was a good guy, he respected god, he had a big family, businesses and stuff, but god decided to test him and took everything away from him. Job lost everything, his family, his health and his fortune, but he didn't give up his faith.

As far as I understood Job's case, though he was a tough and he did not give up, he did question god. He was asking like" why me, why are you doing this to me", but in the end the conclusion was that everything is god's will and you can't do s*** about it :) And god, as we know, has some strange sense of humour.

Shortly speaking, religion did not help me. It even made things worse. Religion is not a magic stick that will make all your wishes come true. Like "I want a car, okay here's your car". Jesus is not Santa Claus. Actually, religion means being tested, tempted and all that sufferance, patience, fasting, abstinence, avoiding the world's values and pleasures and waiting for the death and the reward that will come after it (heaven and such things). I respect those people who are into that, I have no problem with religion, but why me? I just want a normal life :) But someone does not allow me that...

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Wow, it's like I'm reading about my exact experience. Some of what you said is wildly accurate. And I can even relate to everything you have tried.

 

The most frustrating part I think, is the insane feeling of no one believing you or understanding most of the time. The loneliness of that. But some people who know me well, will admit that its uncanny how bad my luck has been consistently throughout my life. Some say "yes its a little weird and you don't deserve this at all, etc etc". Or sometimes they just become quiet with disbelief and shock. I'm not going to start listing things, because i'm tired of crying (been crying for two days) and recounting the incidents is depressing. It does include deaths and somewhat freak occurrences, I'll say that. But also more mundane stuff.

 

And the thing is, it doesn't matter how responsible or hard working I am, or how much i try to do the right thing, or make the most considerate choice, or believe the worst outcome just can't possibly occur this time - things have a way of not working out or going terribly wrong. And it's quite clear that the law of averages doesn't apply to me, because the bad outcome always has its way.

 

I am positive, I am strong. I do make smart choices, and I do work hard. It's things completely outside my control. That's the crazy part. It doesn't matter how 'at choice' I am. I'm the one bad stuff happens to, and everyone just says 'oh youre so strong". When I really have no choice.

 

And it's tiring. It's tiring to live this way. And no, positive thinking / prayer / crystals / whatever do not work. Someone/something obviously has greater control than I do, and I'm tired of trying all the time - when nothing I do really matters at all. I clearly have no control over the events that happen to me. And Im a very persistent driven person. Doesn't matter. 

 

And although it seems stupid, I can't help but begin to believe in curses now that I've strung together this series of unfortunate life long coincidences. Particularly when I look at the sequence of events that have taken place in my nuclear family alone. Most of my friends have told me at one point or another that thy cant believe it.

 

I don't know. People tell me I'm wonderful, and deserve so much goodness. That I have made an impact on their lives, etc etc. But I guess life is unfair. Or maybe I was a horrible person in a past life, who knows. Not me.

 

I'm tired of being an example of strength to people. I'd rather be normal and average than some magnet for sorrow and tragedy. **** that. I deserve way better than the garbage I keep getting dealt.

 

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This is a fascinating discussion. My life has been one long display of Murphy's Law in action, along with all of its corollaries. If anything can go wrong, it does in my life. Whichever checkout lane I stand in at the grocery store will be the one that moves the slowest. If there's a sharp piece of metal on the pavement, the tire of my car will pick it up--in the sidewall, so it can't be repaired. And, of course you have to buy two new tires, not just one.

 

I've got a genetic disease that is eating up my kidneys and lungs. I've had one kidney completely removed and the other has a tumor on it. I'm going in for another MRI soon to see how big the tumor is. I have about 55% of normal lung capacity, so I get winded more easily than most people. I walk or bike everywhere to keep myself in as good shape as possible, but I'm still losing capacity slowly because of growing cavities inside my lungs.

 

I don't win at stuff. When lotteries first came out, I bought 25 tickets, thinking I'd at least break even. Hahaha. I had one $2 win, and the rest of the tickets were a bust.

 

My self confidence is dismal because I'm afraid to make decisions, knowing that no matter what I decide, it will be wrong. Just yesterday, I bought a pair of shoes for my daughter. Spent a load of money on them. She got home and showed them to my ex, who decided to take them back because they were somehow not right for our daughter. Chalk up another bad decision.

 

I'm divorced and broke. The monthly maintenance (alimony) I pay out empties my account. I'm sure glad I can walk or bike to work because there's no way I could afford to put gas in my rusty old car for commuting.

 

I want to visit my girlfriend, who lives 1500 miles away. I will have to take out a loan to do this. And you can damned well expect my car will break down along the way. I'll at least pick up that sharp piece of metal with a tire.

 

Even when I was a kid, I knew that the universe hated me. Everything would go wrong. I constantly got beat up for my red hair and freckles. When I was 8, my parents divorced and decided to sell the house. Right before the realtor was going to have a showing, I opened a can of root alcohol and it shot all over the kitchen. I thought my dad was going to k!ll me. I wouldn't have blamed him.

 

It's been one long battle just to keep living. Some days I don't want to. Most days I don't want to have any responsibility. I'm tired of making wrong decisions, though you'd think I'd be used to them after all these decades.

 

Oh, by the way, you mentioned almost dying at birth. Same happened to me. I was several weeks premature (5, I think) and couldn't breathe on my own. They had me on a ventilator for weeks. I darned near didn't make it. I sometimes wonder if I was actually meant to die then. Interesting coincidence with yours, eh?

Edited by JD4010

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I wasn't raised in a religious family and I have never been a superstitious person, but there were so many crazy things happening in my life, strange coincidences, negative synchronicities or how should I call them, that I started to beleive that there are some supernatural forces controling my life. Some may call that god, devil, demons, curses, evil eyes, bad karma, I don't know, but there is something.

 

I'm sure there is something. I don't think it's paranormal though.

 

 

Instead of attracting good people, I offten attract all kinds of weirdos, losers, junkies, small time criminals, people with issues, people who went through all kinds of problems in life, wars, prisons etc. and other colorful characters. It's not cool, belive me, it's tiring. Also many women that I'm trying to build a communication with, prove to be unstable.

 

 

 What is a "good" person to you?

 

 

 

but then they stop communicating with me for absolutely no reason.

 

You might want to review your actions leading up to that.

 

 

 

people, who are completely unrelated to eachother told me completely same things, used same phrases

 

Did you listen rather than attribute it to the curse? If a lot of people tell you the same, it's worth taking into consideration.

 

 

 

it often happens to me that the clock shows 13 minutes

 

Yeah, it happens 24 times a day. Hotel rooms, buses etc, I would attribute to coincidence.

 

 

 

I belive the psychiatrist will tell me that "everything is in my head" and that bad things never happened to me.

 

I'm sure bad things have happened to you, but I would be very cautious with attributing it to the supernatural.

 

 

 

They want me to believe that I can control this world by using my mind?  Am I god or something?

 

Of your own brain, kind of. Your brain can rewire itself. Your future actions often depend on what you expect the outcome to be, and you can influence the actual outcomes and how people react to you by displaying a more positive and humble attitude.

 

I may be wrong and this might not be how you actually feel but something I get the impression of from your posts is that you don't take any responsibility yourself, and blame everything on other people. "they stop communicating with me for no reason", "It was never my fault" etc. And the way you talk like you are better than the people you encounter, they're "weirdos", "losers" etc. This makes you come across as arrogant. Arrogance, narcissism pushes people away.

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Instead of attracting good people, I offten attract all kinds of weirdos, losers, junkies, small time criminals, people with issues, people who went through all kinds of problems in life, wars, prisons etc. and other colorful characters. It's not cool, belive me, it's tiring. Also many women that I'm trying to build a communication with, prove to be unstable.

 

 

 What is a "good" person to you?

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I'm user: lonesomecowboy, who started this topic, but I lost an access to my email adress which I have used for registering, so I had re-register with a new one. I don't know if the admin would accept this, but there's nothing else I can do. Bad luck hehe.

 

SenorDomino, you have a wrong impression about me. No, I'm not narcistic or arrogant. It's just: Maybe I'm not perfect, I do have problems, but I'm not a total piece of sh. I'm a loser, but not a 100% loser, I still have a sense of pride. And I believe that I can achieve something better, but without this "evil force" that sabotages me all the time. That's an unfair fight, I can't see my enemy. You will never understand how I feel unless it happens to you, but I would never wish you that.

 

Now try to understand me, I'm absolutely sick and tired to be a magnet for all kinds of misfortunate people. I guess my SHIELD is weak and I somehow attract them, it is a great burden. I feel myself misfortunate and I can't put my own life in order, let alone to help someone else. I don't want it. I am sorry.

 

And let me correct you about one thing. It is absolutely not true that humbleness and goodness are necesarily appreciated in this world. I'm afraid that is not always the case. From what I see around me (I don't know how it is in your area), the succesful people are ussually those who are selfish, greedy, evil, and who do not give a f. about other people. I'm not saying that's good (no, it's not!), I'm just pointing to you how things really are. That's the harsh reality. It hurts me, but that's it.

 

Let me tell you something honestly. I was very tolerant and emphatic during my life. I really tried to understand and help everyone, as much as I could. At least with a warm word and in some cases with much more. As I already said, my parents were educating me that I should not complain, because there are always people who have it much worse than me. I was always given examples such as: starving children in Africa, beggars, mentally or physically challenged people, people who suffered in wars etc. I somehow started to feel guilty for that. Well, I'm sick of it. I'm not guilty for those misfortunes! I do not want to be burdened by the whole world's suffering, I don't want to be a "sponge" for all that misfortune. While I was thinking about all those problems, other people didn't care about anyone and had great lives.

 

And what happened? Because of my empathy and tolerance, I found myself surrounded by all kinds of weirdos, psychopaths, losers, junkies, criminals and other colorful characters, who just sucked my energy, they were embarassing me by making "scenes" in public, they pushed me into troubles etc. Believe me, I was trying to understand them, I really wished I could help them. I believe that some of them may improve and start to live normal lives, but I can't do that anymore. I'm sorry, I don't want to be Jesus or Blessed Teresa of Calcutta. I'm not their saviour. Those misfortunate people should be helped by people who are lucky, I mean by people who have energy, resources and knowledge for that, not by a loser like myself! I'm not Bono Vox or something to save the world!

 

Now, I must apologize that I was not politicaly correct and that I used some wrong words that maybe hurt some people and they have a wrong impression about me now that I'm arrogant. I'm just so angry and frustrated, otherwise I wouldn't be here on this forum. And I'm sorry that english is not my native language, sometimes I pick wrong words.

 

Now, SenorDomino and TopekaK, what is "good person" for me? Hmm tough question. What I need is people who have strong energy, who can give me a a push, who can motivate me. I respect sobber, hardworking, responsible and punctual people, who stick to their words and promises. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some "nazi" who wants everyone to be perfect and to be like a robot! Actually, I already said that I'm a sort of unussuall / arty person myself, I understand that people are not perfect and everyone has his/her own flaws. But I'm tired of unstable people! I like reliable and loyal people. People who will not lie and who will not sell me / desert me in times of trouble. I mean that's the very definition of a true friend, isn't it??

 

I wish I can find people who will understand me and believe me and motivate me. I'm sick of people who are like a stone tied to my leg and who will pull me deeper in the mud. Such surrounding is unhealthy, it's toxic. I just want a normal life, so I'm forced to socially isolate myself not to attract wrong people ("wrong" for me, maybe they're not wrong for someone else, that's relative).

 

Now, I do believe that even drug addicts or criminals may have been very good people, who have strayed (maybe due to the harsh circumstances in which they lived) and I believe that some of them can reform and get back into normal life, if they really want and if they're given a proper chance and support. Perhaps such people are present in this forum. I have nothing against them, I do not underestimate them, I wish them luck! But I can't help them! I wish I could, but I can't, I am sorry!

 

I know former addicts, who got therapy, then got jobs, got married with children and I'm very happy about them! I know people who have certain psychological or physical issues, but they're very interesting persons and posses certain talents. I wish them to find their place under the sun and to realise their talents and potentials 100%! I'm aware that even a homeless person can have a heart of gold in comparison with some selfish and greedy tycoon. Don't get me wrong, I don't have prejudices as you think, But personally, I can't help all those misfortunate people, I am very sorry!

 

I'm sorry that I became such a cynical and bitter person, but that wasn't really me. I wasn't like this from the beginning, I wasn't raised like this, it is just a result of what was happening to me during my life. Time is running mercilesly, I have no time to save the world, I want justice for myself first and if I can get out of this mud, I can think about helping others.

Edited by Lonesome Cowboy

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And SenorDomino, I forgot to add this in my previous reply to you: where is my fault in cases such as the following ones?

 

- Almost all of the businesses that I have worked for collapsed, got bankrupt or were sold. Where is my fault in this? I should have rewired my brain to stop that? I wanted things to go wrong like that?

 

- Some people call me to offer cooperation (I DO NOT force them to do so, they initiate it and they say: you are doing a good work etc.). They pat me on the shoulder and promise me the moon and the stars, I accept their proposals and then nothing happens. They just forget me and never call. Where is my fault in this? If I meet them somewhere and if I point out to their irresponsible behaviour, they don't feel any guilt or responsibility in front of me. They don't even say that they're sorry. They don't give a f.

 

- Some people call or write to offer me friendship (I DO NOT force them to do so, they initiate it, like: let's meet for a drink sometimes). I accept it. And then nothing happens. They just forget me and never call. If I call, they find various excuses. Where is my fault in this?  If I meet them somewhere and if I point out to their irresponsible behaviour, they don't feel any guilt or responsibility in front of me. They don't even say that they're sorry. They don't give a f.

 

- Some women express interest in me (it doesn't happen often, but it happens sometimes and I DO NOT force them to do so). I accept it and then nothing happens. They just forget me and never call or if I call them, they find various excuses. Where is my fault in this?  If I meet them somewhere and if I point out to their irresponsible behaviour, they don't feel any guilt or responsibility in front of me. They don't even say that they're sorry. They don't give a f. Some of them are quite rude.

 

- As I said, I have certain health issues. Not extreme and fatal, oh not at all. But although I should not complain, still, they're annoying. Doctors were promising that they will help me and never did. Some made wrong diagnosis, some gave me wrong medications or made small operations that didn't help me much etc... etc... And they don't feel any guilt or responsibility in front of me. They don't even say that they're sorry. They don't give a f. Where is my fault in this?

 

- Almost all of my closest friends left my country to live / work / study abroad, because of better opportunities. They never write or very rarely. When I write them, there's no answer for a too long time or there's no answer at all. Often, one of them suggests that we talk on skype, I always accept it and he never calls. I'm trying to excuse him like: maybe he's busy and so on, but this goes for years and it's not normal. Where is my fault in this?

 

- I was into the rock scene in the past and I helped a young band to start it's career. I also helped some of it's members to get part time jobs, because they needed that. After a certain period, they released their first album and made a promotion gig at a rock club. They became famous. I was invited to attend, but at the door I was stopped by the bouncers, because I was not in the list of "special guests". Or maybe my name was mispelled there or something, dunno. I left humiliated. I met the band after a certain period, but they didn't even know what happened to me, so they didn't even say sorry or something. They don't give a f.

 

- When I was a kid, I got a present: a german shepherd dog (I liked animals). However, a veterinarian told us that we have been scammed, because the dog had an issue (rickets, legs shaped like the letter X when you look at it from behind). My family loves animals and we accepted the dog as it is and we loved it. Later, I got a new dog, and this one had epilepsy! It had seizures, it was falling on the ground, shaking, with foam coming out of it's mouth. I know that there are much worse things in life, but still, this was a traumatic sight for a kid. Who would like such "presents" and where was my fault in this?

 

- I communicate with people from various countries. I'm friendly with all of them, sometimes I'm even welcoming them to my country and to my home to spend a holiday, I'm showing them around, I feed them, accomodate them etc. I'm always here to listen to their problems etc. But then, for no reason, they just forget me or they are treating me bad. Once, one of them invited me to be his guest and he was treating me there like sh. Sometimes people who are totally not connected, from totally different places (e.g. one in the US, another one in Germany) they start to talk same things. This is not normal, man. I get your point, like: I should listen to them, maybe they want to point out to wrong things that I do, but no, no! This is not normal! It cannot be like totally same word order and so on. I simply cannot explain this. Such weird coincidences. You can only understand if it happens to you. And I'm sure that if it happens to you, you would freak out!

 

- One of my closest friends got mentally ill (he was never into drugs, it just happened). Another friend lived in a poor family, with jobless parents and a psycho-physically challenged younger brother. Plus grandparents. Three generations lived under a same roof in a small flat. The friend worked hard, got married and tried to build a normal independent life, but he cannot have kids and that hurts him a lot. Then, another friend was living poorly with a father in a wheelchair, who died. That friend continued to live even more poorly with his single mother (who also had some physical issues). He went into crime and later in some shady businesses. He spent some time in a jail, lost his house due to mortgage and finally left the country to look for happiness elsewhere. His mum died forgotten in some cheap geriatric institution. My parents encouraged our friendship because they didn't know that he was problematic. They were like: oh, poor kid, he lost his dad, he's living poor with his single mum, we must help him. They even invited him to spend summer holidays with us etc. You'll say that's noble, but this guy negatively influenced me. He pushed me into crime. I could die like 100 times when I was in "action" with him! And I could never tell my parents about that. He somehow got a handgun and once he pointed it to my face and pulled the trigger. It's good that it was empty. Once we were in an "action" and we had to jump from a high building to save our a$$es. How we survived, I have no clue! Once he broke into our country house, the same one where we previously invited him to spend the holidays with us. Then there was a friend who had pectus excavatum, then another one who was convinced that he had parapsychological abilities, then one who was stuttering, then one who was a total misantrope and who caused fights and "scenes", then some drug addicts, then... etc... etc...

 

Man, it was all crazy and depressing! I'm absolutely sick of it all! I cannot even tell you everything that was happening, because someone can get in jail. Or he's already there. Where is my fault in all this? Did I wanted everything to be like this? Why the f. I have always attracted misfortunate or wrong people?? I made wrong choices? I had no choice, that's what I got!

 

- After all this, you feel destroyed and you go out to some bar to have a drink and forget about everything. I choosed a bar that looked friendly for types like me. Still, no one wants to talk to me there, people shun me, or they just say hi and go on (and they claim that they're arty and liberal and that they have no prejudices blah-blah). Anyway, I sit by the bar, I order a drink and mind my own business. Suddenly, for absolutely no reason, the barman (whom I do not know so much) starts to pick on me. He says like: you are a "spoiled brat", you're just having fun here, while I work my a$$ off to feed my family, you are this, you are that blah-blah... I'm like what the f. now? But I decide to "understand his pain" and I remain quiet. This happens once, then twice, then three times, finally I explode and I say get the f. out of my face, what did I do wrong to you? Other people just have fun here, they do not give a f. about you and now you pick on me as if I'm guilty for all your troubles? Why you don't pick on the other people, who now have fun and who will leave the bar now with their girlfriends to have sex somewhere, while I'm sitting here with you?! The owner of the bar comes and says like c'mon guys, stop those drunk arguments blah-blah. Where is my fault in this?

 

- Or alternatively: I go to a bar, meet some girl, we talk, I'm relaxed, everything is nice, suddenly, some weirdo comes in, he jumps on me, hugging me, saying to the girl: we are OLD PALS, I know him for 100 years blah-blah. I'm all embarased, the girl is shocked and doesn't want to meet me again. You know, in outdoor caffes sometimes beggars terrorize the guests. Once I was sitting with some women and some deaf-mute street character comes in (he leaves leaflets on every table like "I'm mute and deaf give me some charity please"). From the whole bar, he comes to me first and then he litteraly jumps from joy, he hugs me like an old friend and "shouts" (some sounds, cause he's mute) like: AAAAAAA AAAAA. Everyone looks at me, like: what is wrong with this guy, look what kind of friends he has.

 

SenorDomino, I can give you thousands of various examples, all this was just a small percent. Where is my fault in all this? I wanted everything to be wrong like this? And when I want to share my thoughts with someone, they have no time for that (I always have time for them) or they judge me like you do: you are this, you are that, it's all your fault etc. Even on forums people turn against me. Everywhere I go, I'm hated. Well sorry, SenorDomino, I'm not the worst person in this universe! Sure, I have my flaws like everyone else, and sure, I have some sins and I do make mistakes, but I'm not the most evil, ugly, stupid or incompetent piece of sh.

 

I'm so tired of all this...

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The universe is malevolent. I knew that when I was a little kid. And the ensuing 50 years have done nothing but reinforce that observation.

 

JD4010, we're writting, but no one's listening. I said once and I'll repeat it again: why people like us do not organize themselves? I doubt that we can help eachother, but at least we can share experiences or something. Maybe someone will appear who succesfuly got out of this and he or she will give some advices. Why there're no websites / forums specificaly dedicated to this "bad luck syndrome" or how should I call it? It doesn't even have a name! Why no one bothers to investigate it and to define it? Why there's no team of psychiatrists or psychics who will give us some tasks and monitor what would happen as a test, for example?

 

If there're no demons or karma or gods or whatever and if it's a purely psychological issue, which can be explained rationally, then fine! Why they don't just say it: this is a psychological issue called X and the treatment is Y? No one says anything. No one has a clue what is it. If it's god / devil / karma / whatever, then some spiritualy-oriented people or priests should say: yes, this is god/ devil/ karma / whatever, and the solution is this-and-this (prayers, rituals, whatever). Or maybe it's a weak shield to negative energies, low immunity to such things, I have no clue what is it. I do a google search, I find similar stories scattered on various forums, and there's no definition of that.

 

What is wrong with all the people? Why they abandon us? If I was some scientist, I'd be very interested in this, this is a weird phenomenon worth investigating. Maybe one day the science will recognize it's existence. And look what happens? If I said that I was a illegal drug addict, I would be treated with compassion and respect, I'd receive support, like sterile needless, therapy, metadon, heptanon pills and what not. OK, that's good, but then, who will help me? Where are my rights? No one is even reading this. And those good people who replied previously in this thread can not do anything to help us (I really appreciate their warm responses, don't get me wrong, please, but how to solve this problem practically once and for all?).

Edited by Lonesome Cowboy

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Hi Lonesome,

I completely believe everything you say.

I identify with your situation.

You are not alone.

Thank you for sharing your truth.

This type of bad luck is very frightening and scary.

It isn't a case of self fulfilling prophecy or negative thinking.

It feels beyond my control, bigger than me and more powerful than me, and very malevolent.

I have had 43 years of it.

It is a very destructive force and it blocks me from making any progress.

Edited by Chantal UK

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Firstly i just want to say that just because people have issues doesn't mean they aren't good people .

Often when we try things and it doesn't work out its because we are going in the wrong direction. if one door is closed try another and another. when you're going in the right direction things should flow more easily and not be such a battle.

Perhaps there is some bad karma. Perhaps you've done something and not really thought much of it.we can all be thoughtless at times. i don't know if this is the case and i could be wrong but just in case you could try doing good things. it might help a bit.

Give to reputable charities, help people and animals, give to food banks etc.

I think you should focus on the talent you have. it doesn't matter if people praise you for it or not. sometimes people quietly appreciate things. i think sometimes things like migraines etc are a way of telling you to stop what you're doing and i think they can happen when creativity is blocked as well. even if your talent isn't openly acknowledged it could still benefit you to use it.

All the best.

Edited by Lacewing

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Hi Lonesome,

I completely believe everything you say.

I identify with your situation.

You are not alone.

Thank you for sharing your truth.

This type of bad luck is very frightening and scary.

It isn't a case of self fulfilling prophecy or negative thinking.

It feels beyond my control, bigger than me and more powerful than me, and very malevolent.

I have had 43 years of it.

It is a very destructive force and it blocks me from making any progress.

 

Chantal UK (and all the others who suffer from this strange "bad luck syndrome"), thank you for your responses. How to organize ourselves? Perhaps you can all collect money and send it to me so I can form a political party (I will escape with the money to Tahiti). Just kidding!  :smilingteeth: Sorry for the bad joke, I'm in an extremely bad mood on the verge of suicide, I just don't know what to do to forget about it. Btw may I at least patent the copyright to the name "bad luck syndrome", please?

 

I doubt that we can help each other to solve the problem, but is there, for example, some scientific institution that we can write to? Is there someone who is not blind and deaf for people like us? Someone who will recognize us as a separate group? Man, there are millions of us! Is there some serious institute that deals with some strange phenomenons?

 

And fine, if we are all mad, will someone finally diagnose the problem? Is there a NAME for it? Once I shared my problems with a person whom I thought was my true friend and his reaction was rude like: "Go to a bookstore, find the most basic and the cheapest book about psychiatry and you will find your 'bad luck problem' there!". I went to a bookstore, I got a such book and I DIDN'T FIND AN EXPLANATION FOR MY PROBLEM THERE.

 

There were separate chapters for schizophrenia, paranoia, bi-polar disorder and so on, but I didn't find anything about "people-who-think-that-they-have-a-bad-luck". Nothing even close to it. This is beyond science and cannot be explained rationally. It is not possible that all this is my fault and just a product of my sick mind. I've presented in front of all of you what was happening in my life, c'mon one cannot invent all this. I mean what would be the purpose of inventing such weird things? Getting pitty? No one pitties me even if I want that. No gives a f. even if I die!

 

C'mon people think of something. Do we deserve at least to have a forum or a website which will specificaly deal with this subject? Anything?

 

Firstly i just want to say that just because people have issues doesn't mean they aren't good people .

Often when we try things and it doesn't work out its because we are going in the wrong direction. if one door is closed try another and another. when you're going in the right direction things should flow more easily and not be such a battle.

Perhaps there is some bad karma. Perhaps you've done something and not really thought much of it.we can all be thoughtless at times. i don't know if this is the case and i could be wrong but just in case you could try doing good things. it might help a bit.

Give to reputable charities, help people and animals, give to food banks etc.

I think you should focus on the talent you have. it doesn't matter if people praise you for it or not. sometimes people quietly appreciate things. i think sometimes things like migraines etc are a way of telling you to stop what you're doing and i think they can happen when creativity is blocked as well. even if your talent isn't openly acknowledged it could still benefit you to use it.

All the best.

 

Lacewing, thank you for the kind wishes. I knocked on many doors and people were knocking on my doors promising me this and that and nothing ever worked. This is going on for decades and it's going nowhere. It will not change and it is beyond my control. I'm tired of it.

 

As far as I could understand, are you saying that maybe I commited some sins or crimes and I'm like paying now for them? Look, it's true that I have some sins, I do not avoid the responsibility. HOWEVER, I think that things are the other way round, i.e. UPSIDE-DOWN. Let me explain, please:

 

It's not that I commited bad things and now I'm paying, but it's I was a good kid, but I had a bad luck to get involved with wrong people and to be pushed into wrong situations. I was trying to find out where all this bad luck started and I think that it started at the very moment of my birth. I could die by strangling with the umbilical cord - as my parents told me. I don't remember commiting any crimes in the womb, so I doubt that we can interpret this bad luck as some sort of punishment for some past crimes.

 

My life began with bad luck. You may say, well they saved your life, you survived that, you are lucky. I do not see it that way. I wish I have died back then. I wish I could die now, but I'm not commiting suicide so I would not make my enemies happy. They would make a party! The rest of the people will be just neutral and uninterested. Or they will say something pro-forma like: "oh, he was a great guy, what a pitty blah-blah" (though they do not care about me when I'm still alive). They don't give a f. basically.

 

Also, please note, that there are evil people in this world, who m*rder, rob and deceive other people, and who turn other people's lives into hell, but I do not see them paying for their crimes. I have an impression that those bad people live quite happily and get all the money and all the fun. This is not really a just world, I think.

 

Now, giving to charities is a noble thing. But, as I said, I can't save the world. I am very sorry. First of all, I must save myself. I'm becoming more preoccupied with myself than with the world problems. Only if I am in a good position and only if I have resources to help others, then yes, maybe I could do that.

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Lonesome Cowboy, I'm sorry if it sounded like i was calling you a bad person. i wasn't. I was just trying to offer possible explanations and suggestions.

About helping others, you don't have to save the world. just do a bit here and there. it may also help you as some of it may come back to you.

i often feel like there's forces at work in my life as I'm always blocked in some way when i try things, no matter what i do. I've blamed myself but i don't think it is me as I've tried everything. I‘ve started to think that i was going in the wrong direction and that's why it hasn't worked. i feel like i have some purpose because of the way everything has conspired in my life. I'm not sure what that purpose is or how to go about it but i think at some point it will become clear.

Instead of looking at failures as failures try thinking of them as finding a bunch of things that don't work. By process of elimination you should eventually find something that works.

As for bad people who thrive, I think there will come a time when they reap what they sow. Also things aren't always as they seem. they may look like they're happy but they might not be. i know a man who boasts and makes out his life is great but i think underneath he's unhappy but likes to look happy and successful.

Best Wishes.

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Lonesome Cowboy,

 

I've read everything you wrote and understand that you believe you have "bad luck". 

 

I personally don't think there is such thing as "luck" (good or bad).

 

I believe any perceived "bad" things that we experience in our lives, are a test to us, to make us stronger and to develop our soul. 

 

I was just reading a book on how our external world is created by our internal thoughts, so what we think about is projected into our lives. I know you said you tried thinking positive and "bad" things still happened. Maybe on a subconscious level you still believed they would have a negative outcome as that was what you really expected. Even if you don't believe in this theory, I'm sure you can think of positive things that have come out of these bad situations.

 

For example, due to these unfortunate circumstances you've experienced, you have come here to this forum and shared them with other people, many of whom can relate. You've probably helped them feel less alone, as well as starting an interesting topic which will inspire other people. So if these unfortunate things hadn't happened to you, you wouldn't have contributed this to the world. 

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Murphys Law. It follows me everywhere too.

The best thing to do is watch what you say and think. Negative talk brings negative results. It's hard to break this pattern of thought but when I change my thoughts to positive, no matter how bad things are going, I notice a change for the better.

Your English is perfect by the way.

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Lonesome Cowboy, I'm sorry if it sounded like i was calling you a bad person. i wasn't. I was just trying to offer possible explanations and suggestions.

About helping others, you don't have to save the world. just do a bit here and there. it may also help you as some of it may come back to you.

i often feel like there's forces at work in my life as I'm always blocked in some way when i try things, no matter what i do. I've blamed myself but i don't think it is me as I've tried everything. I‘ve started to think that i was going in the wrong direction and that's why it hasn't worked. i feel like i have some purpose because of the way everything has conspired in my life. I'm not sure what that purpose is or how to go about it but i think at some point it will become clear.

Instead of looking at failures as failures try thinking of them as finding a bunch of things that don't work. By process of elimination you should eventually find something that works.

As for bad people who thrive, I think there will come a time when they reap what they sow. Also things aren't always as they seem. they may look like they're happy but they might not be. i know a man who boasts and makes out his life is great but i think underneath he's unhappy but likes to look happy and successful.

Best Wishes.

 

Lacewing, no need to apologize. I DID admit that I have some mistakes, sins and crimes. But this problem began since my childhood. I was a good tender kid with a promising future and everything went wrong. Wrong people, wrong situations. And things go wrong even if I do everything right and even if I invest myself fully into something. This simply cannot be all my fault. Too many weird things happen beyond my control.

 

Speaking of our control on the events, at some moments, I thought that the psychiatric term "external locus of control" describes my situation well. It's the closest thing that I could find in mainstream psychology. But NO, I don't think that this is exactly it. Let me explain why:

 

I found a simple example: "Whenever he fails a test, the boy always has an excuse ready: the room was too hot, he wasn’t feeling well, the test was unfair. He never seems to feel culpable, even if he simply hasn’t studied enough".

 

I don't think this is exactly my problem. I do not always escape from personal responsibility and I do not always blame external factors for my failures (like supernatural entities or authorities, bosses, professors etc.). I honestly admit that I have certain sins or mistakes and flaws, of course.

 

Now, it all depends on the particular case. For example, soon I will have a test (in just a week, dammit). The questions are very hard and I'm forced to learn under this huge pressure. Mission impossible! HOWEVER, the professor gave us a list of 100 questions (of which like 15-20 will be on the test). So it is hard, but it's kinda fair. The professor may be strict, but he gave us a chance. Respect! If I don't learn the answers to those questions, then it's my fault and I will not blame the professor or God or Devil or karma or the government or whatever.

 

The conclusion is: I'm trying to be realistic, unbiased, fair or how to call that. But there are things in life that I simply do not control. All those weird things that have happened to me in my life (which I already presented to you), I couldn't stop them, or predict them, neither I asked for them or deserved them etc. Things always went wrong even when I REALLY did everything right.

 

And I don't have an impression that all these "bad luck syndrome" sufferers are lazy and irresponsible people or that they want too much without effort or that they always blame others. No, actually I find them to be good people, I respect them and I admire how they can live under such a pressure. They are heroes.

 

And, many of those people who were mean or irresponsible to me (be they friends, lovers, people whom I cooperated with), I see that they're basically good, hardworking and responsible in their lives, ONLY NOT WITH ME. So basically, I'm not blaming them, it's just like some dark forces are controling them against me. As if some devil enters their mind and they suddenly begin to act as someone else. They don't know what they're doing, they act irrationaly. Sounds weird I know, but that's how I perceive it.

 

If I know the person well, sometimes I joke with him or her, trying to wake him or her up, like: "Why do you allow those dwarfs in your head to control you against me? Oh c'mon, this is not YOU. I know that you are a good person. Show some strenght, be stable and responsible with me. Don't be weak, keep your promises, do not betray me in trouble etc.". But they don't get it, of course. At such moments they suddenly become unconcentrated, dizzy, they don't listen or something. You can't do anything except to laugh like a madman.

 

Sometimes I have an urge to arm myself with hidden mics, cams or such gadgets and to record everything that people say to me, so I can show them later how drastically they changed their attitude towards me for no reason. I really want to prove them that I'm right, that I'm not crazy and that I'm not inventing things.

 

 

Lonesome Cowboy,

 

I've read everything you wrote and understand that you believe you have "bad luck". 

 

I personally don't think there is such thing as "luck" (good or bad).

 

I believe any perceived "bad" things that we experience in our lives, are a test to us, to make us stronger and to develop our soul. 

 

I was just reading a book on how our external world is created by our internal thoughts, so what we think about is projected into our lives. I know you said you tried thinking positive and "bad" things still happened. Maybe on a subconscious level you still believed they would have a negative outcome as that was what you really expected. Even if you don't believe in this theory, I'm sure you can think of positive things that have come out of these bad situations.

 

For example, due to these unfortunate circumstances you've experienced, you have come here to this forum and shared them with other people, many of whom can relate. You've probably helped them feel less alone, as well as starting an interesting topic which will inspire other people. So if these unfortunate things hadn't happened to you, you wouldn't have contributed this to the world. 

 

 

Murphys Law. It follows me everywhere too.

The best thing to do is watch what you say and think. Negative talk brings negative results. It's hard to break this pattern of thought but when I change my thoughts to positive, no matter how bad things are going, I notice a change for the better.

Your English is perfect by the way.

 

If positive thinking works for you, I am honestly very glad. I've tried it many times, it doesn't work for me. Is life really what you make it? How realistic and rational is that? Can I influence the weather with my thoughts, so it would not rain when I want to go on a picnic? Can I move mountains or influence all the other people's behaviour? Can I be a God or something, a total master of my destiny? I wish I could do all that and make my life wonderful just by thinking. This is on the verge of magic or religion. I wonder how the rationally-oriented psychiatrists can advice this? And then I'm called irrational :)

 

About the subconcious pessimism. Maybe indeed it was deeply embeded in my mind (due to the bad experiences). But then, again, can I make everything wonderful just by switching to positive thinking (rewiring my brain)? It's kinda weak theory imho. Can the starving children in Africa think positively and then bread will magically appear in front of them? I apologize for this cruel example, but really, how realistic is this 'positive thinking'? Are we that powerful to materialize things or to make events happen (or not happen)? I don't know what to think about it.

 

P.S. SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD HAPPENED TO ME ON THE FORUM RIGHT NOW, but I can't tell you what is it, you will think I totally lost my mind. It's a very strange coincidence. This is so weird that it's ridicilous. is it called synchronicity or dunno. But it's weird.

Edited by Lonesome Cowboy

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