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Dragging Myself Out Of Bed....


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I'm new here and looking for support. I have been suffering from depression since 2005 when my husband left. He's the love of my life and I just cannot move on. I live with my best friend and my daughter....she's 24. No one wants to hear about my depression anymore. My therapist doesn't know what to say to me anymore....everyone tells me at this point,I need to learn to live with it. I'm 50 years old and I feel like I'm 90. I never go out because I'm always broke. I work 2 jobs, ten hours a day just to make ends meet. I need to have work done on my teeth, glasses and I cannot afford any of these things. I've trie every combo of anti depressents. This sounds so sick, but because I'm afraid to take my own life, I often wish I would get diagnosed with terminal cancer. I have no future. Just dragging myself out of bed and working day in and day out to pay the bills....rent, car....has anyone ever felt this way?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Wait? We're supposed to get up? Everyday? I read your post because it hits home with me. I am not sure what's wrong with me. I have the exact same feelings you do about wanting to just die. I'm not suicidal but I feel like a weight on my family. Every night I tell myself tomorrow will be different. I can make those changes. But the morning comes and I sleep right through. I should say I want to live for my children. I should be happy I have a good life, but I'm just tired right down to the core of my soul. Thanks for sharing your post.

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Thank you everyone who responded. I can't stand to see others going through this, but I am comforted that others understand. How do people that are responsible for taking care of everything get out of bed in the morning? My baby, my dog is 17 and can't walk anymore. I need to put her to sleep. I feel like I'm living outside my body. I do try hard to make my life better but it's 3 steps forward and 5 steps back. I hate it.

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Hello - just wanted to say that I'm sorry for the loss of your marriage. I was close to your daughter's age when my father left my mother. She was absolutely a mess and it was really hard to see her that way. It was difficult to deal with her feelings of loss on top of my own so I kind of pushed her away. I never meant to hurt her by making her feel like I was annoyed by her depression. It was just hard for me to process the loss of my father (he never kept in touch with me either after he left) while helping my mother cope. It's a sticky situation that I'm not sure there's a "right" way to do it. Of course I don't know what your loved ones are thinking. Just wanted to throw out that maybe they aren't dismkssing you on purpose. I'm very sorry you feel this way and I offer lots of love.

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What you said about getting up every day to go to work, to pay the bills, to struggle to find a way to get what you need....that strikes a cord with me. I feel angry about money worries...a big part of the burdens of life that weigh us down. When you describe how you're feeling it gives me something to relate to, and I feel a little less alone. I'm sorry you have this illness; I'm sorry things are so hard. I hope you find some comfort with others who understand.

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Hey All,

I did finally get a decent job. How I'm going to drag myself out of bed at 6am should be interesting. I don't have a choice. I feel like I always sound so negative. I just keep thinking of my future and It feels hopeless....nothing good there.

I'm very lonely and I think that's why.

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Hey All,

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope It's a good one. Money is a huge issue Suzz...you are right. It's so hard to get up every day to go to work, make barely enough to meet your bills, then go to sleep. When the weekends come....there isn't any money to do anything fun and that includes gas. It really bothers me that people think that depression is not an illness. If one more person tells me to "snap out of it," I'm going to scream.

Be well,

Kd

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Kdhurd11,

I just read your initial post, and then found that you have a better job now! That is fantastic! It is also a big step in the right direction. More steps will follow, and eventually your life will open up into more interesting and valuable vistas. I remember 2005--you mentioned that year in your first post--and that was a horrible year for me, too. What is strange, though, is that it was due to all the trauma I was forced to go through that year, that led me into a place where something great could happen, something totally unexpected that changed my view of life forever.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Nopawn

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Kdhurd11, great news about the job!

I'd not be one to tell anybody to simply snap out of it. Otherwise, there wouldn't be a tenth the psychiatrists, psychologists, or antidepressants out there.

But attitude can help some of us. I don't think a lot of us were born depressed. We were thrust into it by poor parenting, mean siblings, bullying, and/or some serious psychological traumas - abuse, the loss of people close to us. Things severe enough to etch into our psyche the notion that we're not meant to be happy. We're not good enough. We start using the classic terms "always", "never", "can't", "ever".

Forgetting that we're just like everyone else. Same hopes and dreams. More or less the same capabilities. We've just not been properly encouraged. Nurtured.

So you've gotta take that first step. You've got to go get that treatment. And if the therapy or meds aren't working, change 'em up. Do the right things for yourself - diet/exercise. Focus on that job while you're there so you don't lose it. Cling to your friends like grim death.

This stuff is hard, and seems pointless at times. But we're all capable and deserving of "happiness" and "normalcy" - at least more of it than many of us on DF have got. But it's not going to just pop into our heads. It's not going to visit us in our beds with the covers pulled up over our heads. Gotta want it.

Hey... I'm rambling. But Kdhurd11's getting that job is proof that good things can happen. Build on that!

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Kdhurd11, Thank you for sharing your initial post that so many of us can relate to AND for your update that you got a better job. WAY TO HANG IN THERE DESPITE HOW HARD IT IS. It matters. You matter. Best to you.

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Dear ID 50223,

I want to change my attitude. I really really do, but I'm In the habit of thinking negative about most everything. It's been 8 years since my separation and I cannot move on. I'm 52 and I feel like I'm 100. I am terrified of my future because I have nothing....no money, no credit, no retirement, 401k....nothing. Once my car goes; I have no means of getting another one. I cannot live in the moment. I am always thinking about the future and what I am going to do. I feel like I never have peace of mind and I'm aching for it. My Mom died of breast cancer in March and she was my best friend. She fought It for 9 years. I have not gotten a mammo or gone to the Doctor because I just don't care. I wouldn't hurt myself.....on purpose, but If something happens to me; I wouldn't care.

I go on FB and I see that 98% of my friends from High School are still married, traveling, their children have graduated from great colleges and their biggest worries are how to redo their bathrooms. I'm not jealous and I wish them the best, but I am envious.

I'm crying. I'm scared. I don't want to feel this way, and I have tried to change the way I think, but It lasts for 5 minutes and then I start thinking again.

I'm sorry If I have made anyone feel bad. It's not my intention.

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