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Emotional Scars?


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I need your input to see if I'm minimizing what happened or if it was really a big deal.

I'm 43 now and lately, I'm reading a lot about children emotional trauma. And that brings me back to what happened to me when I was 10-11 years old. I am not blaming my parents, because I know they did what they could do with their own emotional problems.

My dad left my mom when I was around 11 years old. Yes, I know that all children from divorced family have to go through a lot of abandonment pain. And I guess I was no different (don't remember).

1 or 2 years later, my mom left me so I had to live with my dad, because she met a guy and was moving with him. They were moving in a small village, so my mom didn't want to take me with her because it was too far. And anyway her boyfriend didn't really like kids. I got to see her once or twice a month.

Living with my dad was a challenge because my stepmother was very controlling and critisized me a lot.

But my question is this: When "both" parents leave the kid at one point, do you think it can leave emotionals scars? I had people asking me if I had a hard time coping with all this, and I honestly don't know what to say. I don't remember feeling any pain about all that.

Thanks for you input!

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Agreed. I don't think you need to feel that you should have been traumatised. Many things can buffer that from happening including internal factors. Some people are very resilient. And some other influences or relationships can be very protective. But its certainly very legitimately could cause emotional wounds. Remember too that our mind map of what relationships and interpersonal interactions look like can be damaged, as can our trust patterns. There are many different types of emotional wounds. Some are traumatic in the more stringent sense with flashbacks etc, some cause intense emotional reactions to occur when we hit on reminders, some result in changes in our mind maps or the way we perceive ourselves, others and relationships.

I also know from experience that I have felt unaffected by things only to have them loom decades later. I think many times that is due to coping mechanisms at the time and the truth surfaces years on for one reason or the other. I find that is particularly true of very intense things.

What do you think is the case for you?

Edited by Fizzle
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