Am I Holding On For The Wrong Reasons?

[jr41911 0]

Hi I am new to the forums. I am really looking for some help. I have been in a relationship with my my wife for almost 5 years. We have been married for 7 months. We have 2 lovely children together. Our kids are 3 1/2 and 20 months. Our relationship has been going downhill the last 6 months. She falls asleep on the couch every night after we put the kids to bed around 9. We hardly ever have time for each other. I have addressed this issue on numerous occasions. We struggle with money issues. I work 2 jobs, usually 70-80 hours a week so we can get by. She works in a doctors office Monday-Friday. She never seems to find time to clean or do laundry around the house. I realize this is a shared duty and when I get a day off, I try and do those tasks and cook dinner and go grocery shopping. Her weight also has become an issue. I recently addressed this issue along with telling her I wasn't happy. To top things off today, she was fired from her job. This just puts me over the edge. I don't want to leave but all signs are pointing for me to go. Can someone put some light on the situation?

[RatBoy 3,106]

Gad!

I'd rush to a counselor if I were you - BOTH of you. These sound like issues that are pretty common.

I can see where these stressors are probably affecting both of you. The workloads of finances, managing a household, and raising children can be overwhelming, and it seems to me that the two of you need to both be on board with goals and plans and wants and needs, no?

[Nopawn 563]

Totally agree with RatBoy's suggestions. The bind you are in seems typical of the lives many people have today. You can fix this together, if you both wan to make your marriage work. At least try with an open heart and mind.

Your wife sounds very depressed, too, as well as probably simply being tired. If she's gained weight, and is tired, perhaps she needs to have her thyroid checked. That might be part of her fatigue and weight gain.

You've got two little children who love and need you. I'd pull out all the stops to make things work. If they don't, after all your efforts, then at least you'll have a clear conscience that you gave it 100%. But don't abandon your family, just because things get tough for a while.

Good luck!

Nopawn

[Fides 677]

i agree with the two statements above. Counseling. It will help.

[poppiseed 14]

Yes, I agree. I wonder if it is the life stressors that are pulling you apart. You may find out more about what the root cause is with counselling and having an open talk with your wife.

[blackandblue 27]

Don't leave them! Remember your marriage vows, remember how you feel/felt about this poor woman who you have 2 lovely children with! Surely you knew marriage and children would be big committments?? This is the time when you have to actively commit yourself because family is the best cause of all! Do you want your children to become victims of yet another broken family?? You CAN get through this, people all over the world face the same problems and there is no reason why you can't. Even if it means getting a temporary prescription (you and/or your wife) in the end does that really matter if it means you can get up in the morning and feel proud of how much you do, and how much you're going to keep doing for your family? Of course it doesn't! There are always solutions to problems, and sometimes the difficult one gives the best results. Imagine how you'll feel in 50 years when you're children are the ones looking after you and your wife, you will be able to look back in such pride, you will be such a strong person and your children will be successful due to your loving care!
I am speaking from the experience of having a dad who left and didn't look back. I can tell you, you do not want to do that to anyone you love.

[moonstruckdelight 0]

Sounds like normal marriage problems. You two need to help each other out. Your wife seems depressed also. Don't leave your kids because you're not happy. Marriage is not an easy thing.