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So, I guess it's a loose tradition to introduce ones self here?

Well, ummmm... I'm a middle aged mom of four treasures, married for almost 20 years now to a loving man who probably saved my life by his kindness.

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, various stages of severity over the years, the past five years or so some of the worst.

Am learning through painful experience that what my neighbor once said about "there's just so much good help out there nowdays, there's just no reason for anyone to suffer" isn't entirely true. Not that I believed her when she said it, could have snorted water through my nose (she, not knowing I struggle with depression- it's kinda interesting but sad what people will say about depression when they don't know you are depressed). But I need and want help and keep trying as my strength allows.

Nothing suprising in my background- Divorced parents, bubble wrapped don't talk about it siblings, emotionally abusive and manipulative father and step-mom, oblivious/destructive/interferring/judgemental/hurtful grandparents, aunts whose husbands abused/caused them to be deceased and/or threatened to decease them, uncle who abused/molested their siblings... their children... their nieces/nephews... the neighbor girl down the street..... Twisted manipulation of relgious themes for personal gratification and justification throughout and lots of "la-la-la this never happened" (coupled with whispers by some here and there of, "well.. okay, this here happened") BUT "it's all okay cause forgiveness means we have to pretend like it never happened, la-la-la..." AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Maybe that's part of why I'm depressed??? :Coopwink:

Tired, tired me. Thankfully my hubby supports the avoidence of my family whenever possible. :sigh:

I'd like to add what I like (interests) but other than my kids and my hubby, and maybe genealogy, I don't know if I know what I like or don't like much anymore.

Am here cause I don't want to feel alone in this anymore, and even though my DH tries his best and is empethetic, when it comes to depression, I still feel so alone. The prevailing sentiment amoung the general population in the area where I live is: "there's a pill for that- take it and get over it". Not a lot of support around here....

Anyhow, hi, thanks and see ya around!

Edited by littlehomebody
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Welcome to DF, littlehomebody,

You have certainly carried around a lot of bad family history. No doubt that is part of your depression. Have you thought about therapy? I had some bad family history as a child and I dragged it around for 35 years. It really helped me to get a better perspective and release me from most of it.

Your hub sounds like a dream. He does give you a lot of support and tries to protect you from your dysfunctional family.

You may even want to consider seeing a psychiatrist for evaluation, diagnosis and treatment plan. ADs are not a cure all but they have helped many (myself included.) It doesn't hurt to seek all the help you can get. I'm glad you joined us. We listen, give you feedback and a lot of support. Keep talking to us.

Sheepwoman

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So, I guess it's a loose tradition to introduce ones self here?

Well, ummmm... I'm a middle aged mom of four treasures, married for almost 20 years now to a loving man who probably saved my life by his kindness.

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, various stages of severity over the years, the past five years or so some of the worst.

Am learning through painful experience that what my neighbor once said about "there's just so much good help out there nowdays, there's just no reason for anyone to suffer" isn't entirely true. Not that I believed her when she said it, could have snorted water through my nose (she, not knowing I struggle with depression- it's kinda interesting but sad what people will say about depression when they don't know you are depressed). But I need and want help and keep trying as my strength allows.

Nothing suprising in my background- Divorced parents, bubble wrapped don't talk about it siblings, emotionally abusive and manipulative father and step-mom, oblivious/destructive/interferring/judgemental/hurtful grandparents, aunts whose husbands abused/caused them to be deceased and/or threatened to decease them, uncle who abused/molested their siblings... their children... their nieces/nephews... the neighbor girl down the street..... Twisted manipulation of relgious themes for personal gratification and justification throughout and lots of "la-la-la this never happened" (coupled with whispers by some here and there of, "well.. okay, this here happened") BUT "it's all okay cause forgiveness means we have to pretend like it never happened, la-la-la..." AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Maybe that's part of why I'm depressed??? :Coopwink:

Tired, tired me. Thankfully my hubby supports the avoidence of my family whenever possible. :sigh:

I'd like to add what I like (interests) but other than my kids and my hubby, and maybe genealogy, I don't know if I know what I like or don't like much anymore.

Am here cause I don't want to feel alone in this anymore, and even though my DH tries his best and is empethetic, when it comes to depression, I still feel so alone. The prevailing sentiment amoung the general population in the area where I live is: "there's a pill for that- take it and get over it". Not a lot of support around here....

Anyhow, hi, thanks and see ya around!

It's great to hear your story! It sounds like you have a lot of positives in your life, especially family and a twenty year marriage. I have to say I don't follow you on your forgiveness statement. Forgiveness does not mean that we pretend it never happened. Forgiveness frees ourselves from the past, by establishing healthy boundaries to protect ourselves from the reality of what happened. I recently read an article that might be helpful; http://bit.ly/19SR7AH

~Ducktapetherapy77

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The forgiveness statement was made with a bit of intended sarcasm (which may of not been so clear, perhaps?). Yes, I know what forgiveness is, it is certain members of my extended family who do not. (Though thanks for the article link, I always like stuff like that.) They (extended family members) deal with things by (in part) acting like it never happend and/or being irriated at you accusing you of not being forgiving. Sorry, I'm not going to take my children to go hang out with my convicted child molesting uncle, even if he's getting really old now and spent his time in prison (never mind he's never actually expressed remorse for what he did, which was pretty bad and wide spread, and he acts like a selfish, manipulative jerk). I don't see embracing the presence of my aforementioned uncle and taking my kids around him as a requirement in the forgiveness department, but other family members, like my dad and my grandparents seem to believe otherwise. That's what I meant by pretending like it never happened as part of forgiving, cause it's like that's what they want me to do. Yes, they have major problems with the concept of healthy bounderies in sooo many ways. Thankfully, my DH is good about supporting me in the learning and striving for healthy bounderies department. :) He and the kids are my rays of sunshine in all this darkness and I am sooooo very grateful for them.

Sheepwoman, what's an "AD"?

I'm on search for therapist number four (long story, a topic for another thread, perhaps?). I refuse to do any prescription depression medications due to my family medical history background, but I am on stuff to try to help my recently discovered thyroid and vitamin D and B12 deficency issues. I've kinda avoided a psychiatrists so far- one because they are prescribers of various prescription medication, and as I've mentioned, I don't want to go that route or be pressured to so so and- two, they are harder to come by, trying to find one and one that takes my insurance to boot. So far, I've been trying phychologists/therapists... but not much luck there yet.

Anyhow, gotta go put a munchkin down for a nap.

Edited by littlehomebody
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Thank you for clarifying! It sounds like you and your husband are on track, it is very difficult to establish those boundaries. There are a couiple places that offer free initial counseling over the phone, and also give refferals in your area. You could google something like "Free focused family counseling" and look at a couple options. I hope you find the right therapists, it's okay to go through a couple until you find one that fits. Stay strong you can do this! HUGS!

~Ducktapetherapy77

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Hey, welcome!

You are by no means alone. Your story is similar to many here - poor childhood or bullying or mistreatment by those in charge.

Please realize that you are a worthy individual. No matter what anyone says, you are callable and deserving of happiness - and of spreading happiness. I'll certainly defer to you as to how to handle some of your family members, but you've got a supportive husband and now thousands of supportive friends here at DF.

All my best - take care!

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