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The Ways I Try To Avoid Things


Licorice

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This is something that always plagues me: the natural downs.


I suspect it may just have something to do with the seasons or the natural ups and downs, but every time I find myself questioning my recent life choices and wondering if I've made all the wrong ones. The wrong pastimes, the wrong company, the wrong home decor...


Usually this comes after a high period, such as being infatuated with someone and then parting ways, but I'm so eager to keep my head above the water that I'm always looking for something. More time working, more time procrastinating, more meditation, more splurging, a change in outfit. Just trying to find that spot that doesn't have me worried about my ability to handle things and feeling a sense of dullness inside, holding on to feeling like things are okay. It was only this spring that I was considering myself lucky to have two days a week where I legitimately felt good at all, and it hasn't been that way all summer.


I feel like this can sabotage friendships and new relationships, because eventually the scrutiny turns to them. Do I just not like them very much that I still feel this way around them? Should I be looking for someone who really ignites my passion, even knowing that passion is fleeting? Am I short-changing them by not being as enthusiastic?

Edited by Licorice
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