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Wrenn84

People's Inappropriate Responses

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I am only 18 and have been dealing with depression for about 4 years now.

When I was 16 I completely broke down and told my parents I needed help and that I was suicidal, my father said to my mother "It's all just for attention."

How do I respond to that..? my own father, who has also dealt with depression as well as my mother.

Now I'm in college and my roommate/bestfriend tells me "You just need to think positive" and "You choose to be like this"

WHAT? She really thought I CHOSE this.. I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy.

She wasn't even aware that this is a chemical imbalance in my brain! she has no knowledge of what I deal with everyday.

In addition:

"You're pretty, you have no reason to be sad"

"You'll get over it."

"It could be worse"

"I get depressed sometimes"

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Told my mom she was being rude she said "you need to take a pill"

Ohhhh >:/ i really hate that! If theres one thing that can drive me insane, it's when people throw that in your face.

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At a deeply suicidal moment of my life my husband told me I was "just playing a game." While I was going through this horribly suicidal phase he became upset with me that I was not interested in discussing our retirement savings plans. I'm still trying to make him understand that someone considering suicide isn't interested in retirement savings.

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Told my mom she was being rude she said "you need to take a pill"

Ohhhh >:/ i really hate that! If theres one thing that can drive me insane, it's when people throw that in your face.

the funny thing is my parents have no idea about my mental health struggles. their attitudes towards mental health is completely backwards and also I just cant bear the constant recommendations for improvement that would surely follow so I tell them virtually nothing.

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the funny thing is my parents have no idea about my mental health struggles. their attitudes towards mental health is completely backwards and also I just cant bear the constant recommendations for improvement that would surely follow so I tell them virtually nothing.

Wrenn84,

Same thing for me. I told my mom about the good grades I had just made on a test in college. She replied, "See, you're doing fine. You were worrying for nothing. I know you, it's just a phase. You just need to have more trust in yourself. You don't need to see a therapist because I really know you and know that it was just a phase. Remember that one time...." As in, you don't really have a problem, you were just worried about that one test.

So now, I avoid talking about grades or anything that's related to my depression. As far as she knows, my depression magically disappeared on it's own.

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My dad, literally, I'm not exaggerating :

"Quit being such a baby"

"Be tougher"

"Don't be such an emotional wreck"

"Crying is for babies"

And the ever simple "you,re an *****"

Like, seriously, on what ****ing galaxy are these statements anything but rude.

And also, thanks dad, great pep talk,

Lol

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This is such a good topic. I want people to know that if I liked your post, it was because I liked that you posted, not that I like the inappropriate and way out stuff people have said to you.

I have a relative who is a therapist who thinks drugs are overprescribed. And has told me so, when I've mentioned my diagnoses and treatments to her.

And I've heard, "You'll bounce back." Really? From where and where to?

And, "You're too sensitive." That was probably the refrain I heard most as a child.

Thanks for the vent!

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I get a lot of ignorant comments from lay people, but often I take them kindly because they were kindly meant. However what really stews my prunes is the ignorance of some doctors and so-called counsellors.

I've had doctors tell me that I should nolonger be on ADs (as if I should be cured) and the age-old crock "you just need to exercise."

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"People like you just need to learn to appreciate life more!" - dude on a gamer forum

"She's on pills..." - guy murmuring next to me on way to religious retreat

"Doctors just like to prescribe pills to you so that they'll get paid more." - ex boyfriend

"You're just faking to get out of this!" - religious group I was a part of

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I've had people tell me I should **** myself, I've been called a miserable Barsteward, that I'm feeling sorry for myself,that I'm lazy ( when I couldn't get out of bed because of depression) and also just a general lack of acceptance in society. It's got to the point that I don't bother with these people any more and I want them to have depression and go through what I go through so it will teach them to have empathy instead of kicking people when they're down.

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"People in Africa have it way worse then you do" Well yes I know but that doesn't mean I can't be in pain too.

"Antidepressants are toxic, just have a drink or smoke some w**d! "Are you kiddin me?

"Just pray to God and he will cure you" From my deeply religious friend.

"It seems like you actually like being depressed" Oh sure, I love feeling miserable everyday.. Of course I don't!

And last but not least; "Just get over it" Well if it was that easy I would have done it yesterday already.

Edited by Cupcake_girl

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Feeling desperate that someone understand and so you reduce yourself by tap dancing, explaining, and revealing things that are very, very, difficult and embarrassing...then hearing, " I don't buy it ".

" I have seen you do well at XYZ, so don't tell me you are not capable ".

" I know people who have mental illness worse than you and they get out there and do things ".

" Your therapist is not doing right by you. Why haven't they fixed you ".

" Wouldn't you feel better if your house was clean ?? ".

" While it's good for you that you get XYZ assistance, it makes me angry that people get help when they haven't done anything to deserve it ".

" Everybody gets anxious, so don't give me bull*hit and tell me you can't talk on the phone about this ".

Oh, the very long list...

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Heard someone in the social work/mental health field talk about client-

" she's not really depressed, she just likes the attention"

...........um, WHAT. Seriously this is YOUR JOB u should KNOW BETTER. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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"You're too pretty to be depressed" and "What have YOU got to be depressed about?!" are two of the more inane things I have heard.

It isn't that I mind much. There are fewer effective therapies for crass stupidity :)

The worst things I hear about my illness are the things I say to myself. Sometimes I really don't hold back.

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Could you at least try? - My mother says this all the time. I don't have the words to describe how much it hurts.


You're inducing depression to yourself. -- What?? Sure, this is fun. I'm having a blast!

You're just lazy!

You should find a boyfriend. -- Yeah right, that should solve everything.

Stop crying. Crying doesn't help. -- I can't help it.

You're just looking for attention. -- After so many years I finally mustered up the courage to admit I'm not okay and to ask for help and they tell me this ?!


The last 5 were actually said by therapists.


And one I've recently heard from a doctor: "I don't believe in depression". Fortunately, she's not a psychiatrist.


The worst part is that I often say these things to myself.

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"It's just 'the devil' 'Satan' 'Demons...and 'the devil.'"

"Stop making excuses."

"Stop complaining and come up with some solutions."

"But you don't LOOK like anything's wrong with you."

"You just need to pray about it."

And this was from my old therapist...

Me: I don't know if I'm ready to return to work. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it.

Incompetent therapist: Well, everybody works.

Me: I'm really sensitive and I cry easily and used to cry at my jobs and got fired for it but I want to be a therapist.

Her: Well, what are you gonna do? Cry in front of your clients?

(After confronting her about what she said in the next session)

Incompetent therapist: I don't remember saying that...

Then the next session came and she claimed she still couldn't remember saying it and denied again, in essence, that she said it.

Finally after some pressure and basically telling her what would be the most beneficial thing to do and why it doesn't matter if she remembered or not because I remembered it and the emotional response to it, she apologized (only because I told her to).

I agree with the opinion of a former therapist I saw online. Most therapists are incompetent and don't know what the f*** they're doing...

Edited by CloudsInMyChamomile11

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Wow I'm so glad I stumbled on this topic. I've also heard many of the insensitive comments being mentioned on here.

From my husband: "you are to needy" "you are the most selfish person I have ever met" "you just need to find a hobby" "how long is this going to last?" "Anyone else would have left you a long time ago" and my favourite "just do something instead of sitting around dwelling on your problems"

I know it sounds horrible but sometimes I wish these insensitive people would suffer from depression so they would see what it's like.

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Wow I'm so glad I stumbled on this topic. I've also heard many of the insensitive comments being mentioned on here.

From my husband: "you are to needy" "you are the most selfish person I have ever met" "you just need to find a hobby" "how long is this going to last?" "Anyone else would have left you a long time ago" and my favourite "just do something instead of sitting around dwelling on your problems"

I know it sounds horrible but sometimes I wish these insensitive people would suffer from depression so they would see what it's like.

I've heard the hobby one too. It's difficult to really engage in a new hobby when your mind is all over the place and convinces you everything that you say/do/make/write/etc is sh*t. Or nothing brings passion any more.

I've heard:

- "I've been depressed too, sometimes just being out in the world and having a routine makes it go away." (Yes, for more mild depression, having some structure and getting out did help but was of course no cure. Anything more severe and....no).

- "You seem like you're crazy, and not in the fun way." (After I had a panic attack and needed to go home after a date with a "friend").

- "If I could get through MY hard time, YOU should be able to get through yours, because MINE was REALLY bad." (Ex)

- "You've been taking your Xanax every day? That basically makes you an addict, it might as well be illegal drug. I'm taking the pills away from you." (I am prescribed to take them daily if needed. Same ex.)

- "You never want to go out and party. You're just not fun to be around. It's like dating a librarian." (I LOVE librarians, and books in general, by the way!)

- (After carefully explaining why, due to health issues and briefly describing those issues I will not be able to make it to an event) "I think you should come talk, because I REALLY think you should GO." <-- This would be absurd if the health problem was purely physical, why is it different because it's psychiatric?

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I get this at least once a week..

'what's wrong?'........ 'if I knew I could start to try and do something about it'

My friends fiancee turned to me after I told him I my med's made me sleepy and I couldn't party with them and their response was - ' whatever that's f**king bull s**t' That's not the first time those words have been said either..

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I am in the same position as most of you are.

I have had doctors tell me that I don't need anti-depressants, and that I just need to do yoga, relax, and it will be all fine.

One time I reported a doctor because they made a really nasty comment to me about being depressed and I ended up going home and crying.

Sadly, I have had family members, friends, co-workers, and many people throughout my life call me "Weak" . People tell me that it's all in my head, and that I should stop being so selfish and start exercise and everything will be OK. Well like someone else mentioned those people need to see me when I am not on the medications.

Don't pay attention to ignorant people. I hope that someday they find a cure for depression, but I keep reading that it's going to increase by 2020 as the #1 illness in the world. I don't wish this illness upon anyone!

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