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"if I Can You Can"


bellbottoms

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I think you've all seen those posts. People who have found success after struggle are convinced that if they can find love and happiness and work anybody can.

Maybe I am just the most cynical of all. I'm not here to rain on the positive thinking parade and I can only speak for my grumpy and bitter self, but I find extremely little comfort in such texts personally. I am simply far too self absorbed to take it to me, because all I can think is: if you were me none of that would have been possible .

I am all for positive thinking and optimism but I just think we should be a little careful and not be so quick to make such fluffy promises and statements. If our happiness depends on having this and that we will only be unhappy and disappointed as long as we don't have it and we will most likely not have the energy to turn our lives around when we are in an unhappy state.

Because when I read these posts all I see is all the ways the poster's life is different from mine and I attribute the success to those differences, it's in these parts that separates the poster from me that makes the poster succesful. Maybe it's just me but I try to avoid those posts because most of the time they make me feel worse. But I don't mind if people make them and I appreciate when they make the subject clear so I know not to click it.

The problem with the promises of better times is that there is no evidence and some people die alone. Anybody heard the song A Most Peculiar Man by Simon & Garfunkel? It's sad, it's unfortunate but it happens.

I, and many other's I'm sure, have been given mixed messages all my life: if you do what you want you will be succesful AND you can't do that because the competition is too hard stick to something safe.

If something seems too out of reach for whatever reason, don't try to force yourself to believe, just find something else to believe in.

I don't know if that makes any sense to anybody else but this is where I am righ now and it's what gives me more comfort than any fluffy promises.

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Yep. I know exactly what you mean.

As I've said elsewhere, some people have better luck than others. That what it always seems to come down to. Some people's lives do get better, and some don't.

I'll admit to a fair amount of envy for people who are healthy & happy. I try to not let it get to me, but sometimes it does.

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Yep. I know exactly what you mean.

As I've said elsewhere, some people have better luck than others. That what it always seems to come down to. Some people's lives do get better, and some don't.

I'll admit to a fair amount of envy for people who are healthy & happy. I try to not let it get to me, but sometimes it does.

Agree, some have it better, some have it worse.

Someone once said that luck is the intersection between skill/effort/determination and opportunity. Doesn't matter how much you try if that opportunity doesn't come.

On the other hand, if you stop trying, when the opportunity finally comes you will not be prepared...

Unfortunately we all need to swallow it up and keep trying, even though it's so hard and I still haven't found how to get results...

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Yep. I know exactly what you mean.

As I've said elsewhere, some people have better luck than others. That what it always seems to come down to. Some people's lives do get better, and some don't.

I'll admit to a fair amount of envy for people who are healthy & happy. I try to not let it get to me, but sometimes it does.

Agree, some have it better, some have it worse.

Someone once said that luck is the intersection between skill/effort/determination and opportunity. Doesn't matter how much you try if that opportunity doesn't come.

On the other hand, if you stop trying, when the opportunity finally comes you will not be prepared...

Unfortunately we all need to swallow it up and keep trying, even though it's so hard and I still haven't found how to get results...

THIS!!!

I agree with the OP that we're not all going to be going to fancy dress functions in our Bentleys any time soon. We're not going to have our faces on Wheaties boxes, or meeting the Swedish royal family when we pick up our Nobel prizes.

But we CAN try to improve our attitudes and our lots in life. We DO have a reasonable expectation of security, comfort, and the ability to participate in life. Some roads will be incredibly difficult - not those with "routine" depression, but for those with brain trauma or whose brain chemicals are sorely out-of-what and need serious chemical intervention and hospital time. For those of us with garden-variety depression the road is merely difficult. We've spent years - decades, in some instances - cultivating thoughts of inadequacy, living in prisons of our own making - gotta work to reverse that.

The hope is that we all recognize that we're capable of being much more well-adjusted - of being productive citizens, of good relationships with family, friends, and lovers, and of being satisfied with our own selves. And we're entitled to this. Our DNA is much the same as everyone else on the planet. Opportunity hasn't knocked. We've faced hard knocks. Poor parenting. Bullying. Abuse. And at some point we've accepted it.

So, YES. Be prepared if opportunity should knock. Stop destructive behaviors (Substance abuse.). Start productive ones (Work out. Eat right. Volunteer. Watch a sunrise. Listen to some music. Love a pet. Take a walk. Strive to excel at work.) What are your realistic goals? How are you working toward them today? What are your plans for tomorrow?

And if you don't encounter the opportunity for a better job, or love, or making more friends, or reconciliation with a parent that you are completely at odds with? Well, YOU were ready. YOU still contributed toward a better life for yourself and others.

Remember. YOU are in charge of your feelings. Nobody else can go to therapy for you. Nobody else can take an AD for you. Nobody else can work out this evening for you. Nobody else can smile for you.

Go. Do. That's all you can do.

Best regards to all.

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Everyone's pathway to happiness and recovery is different, but I do think it's a possibility for everyone - eventually. For some people it's very straightforward: see a doctor, take your meds, and whammo! you're better. Others have to spend much more time developing coping mechanisms and inner strength to power through the darker periods as well as prevent themselves from falling down again.

It's easy to oversimplify by pointing to individual pathways as the route to success when that can't be predicted. Really the only "if I can, you can" that I give out to people is that their emotions are to be managed primarily by themselves or their healthcare provider, not me.

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I think that true wisdom is being able to learn from other people's experiences as well as our own. Everyone's life is somewhat different, but our individual goals don't vary that much. We're not losers just because we've attained less than other people, but if we give up then we won't win anything or change our lives in any way, shape or form. I think when we read about people who enjoy success, the main message we should take from it is that they tried something and there was a positive outcome. The fine detail is less important because it usually won't apply to us. But that's no reason to dismiss the whole thing and put the blame for our predicament on bad luck. Besides which, if every story was about failure instead of success it would probably drag everyone else down. At times, there's a danger of that here.

Edited by FinallySeekingHelp
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I think that true wisdom is being able to learn from other people's experiences as well as our own. Everyone's life is somewhat different, but our individual goals don't vary that much. We're not losers just because we've attained less than other people, but if we give up then we won't win anything or change our lives in any way, shape or form. I think when we read about people who enjoy success, the main message we should take from it is that they tried something and there was a positive outcome. The fine detail is less important because it usually won't apply to us. But that's no reason to dismiss the whole thing and put the blame for our predicament on bad luck. Besides which, if every story was about failure instead of success it would probably drag everyone else down. At times, there's a danger of that here.

I'm sorry, but some of us eventually get tired of hearing so much success stories while we fail in everything we try.

I get it, people are trying to be positive, but I know enough success stories, if they worked as motivation then we would all be very happy and successful people. People love saying you that X was born in so bad conditions and managed to get out of it, so we can too, but that's all those people say.

No one comes and lends me a hand, gives practical help or at least hears what I have to say and then hugs me, no. They need to come with their amazing motivational stories and exceptional counseling. Give me a break.

I'm not saying we should all be negative and cry out loud everytime we fail. I'm all for trying as hard as you can. But sometimes you have to recognize it's just lack of opportunity. Sometimes, yes, it's just bad luck. You need to know when to recognize a fault of your own and a fault of things out of your control, whether it's an illness such as depression, anxiety or whatever.

And when we fail and someone comes with a happy story about some random determined person, this someone gives the impression we are not trying hard enough. And this hurts.

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I think that when people are you these success stories, it's less about you and more about them. They are trying to reaffirm to themselves that their own life is in order. One persons experiences is completely different from the next, and their success is not based upon a mathematical equation that applies to everyone.

One can give the illusion that their life is in order, but meanwhile have their mind full of strife and insecurities. And that no matter what they do, their life never seems to get as good as they want it to be.

We all fail. It's part of being human, but as the trusty butler, Alfred Pennyworth, of Bruce Wayne AKA Batman once said "Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves back up."

Pick OURSELVES back up. Not have someone pick us up instead. Only we ourselves truly know and understand how to cope with our problems, insecurities, and uncomfortable feelings through our own experiences and our own trials and errors.

The next time someone gives you a success story about themselves, perk up your ears and listen to their story, as it will make them feel a lot better about themselves. Meanwhile you figure out yourself how to make your own life better.

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I think we all use this forum in very different ways: I only tend to come here when I am very panicky about my future; extremely bogged down in my depression; feeling completely hopeless and want to feel less alone; or when I'm really making a huge effort with my recovery. I never seem to come here as a hang-out spot, or as a consistent thing.

The biggest factor for me that brings me here is isolation, and looking for a place to come in which I will be related to. - But I think a lot of people can get the wrong end of the stick when it comes to this, and get the impression that I want to just "bog myself down" by surrounding myself with people who will actually reinforce my depression, join in with some sort of depression orgy, or I just, you know, "want to be depressed", when that is simply not the case. There are no lack of inspirational stories of recovery, people who want to push me onto succeed, people who believe in me, etc. There is a lack of people I feel I can turn to when it comes to discussing the nitty gritty. I have one person in the world irl who I can talk to about depression, and I simply don't want to put all of the weight on him whenever I feel the need to talk about it. I don't feel like it's fair on him to listen to me talk about some of the things I want to talk about when he is trying to work, or eat, or be happy, or whatever.

Sometimes, I need to talk about poverty. I need to talk about dirty bed sheets that haven't been washed in months because I can't lift myself off the stains. I need to talk about the feelings I get when I feel like life is going to be nothing more than a relentless stream of suffering. I need to talk about how I can make a suggestion for something "fun", only to panic minutes into it because I had a pain in my side and therefore that means I have a terminal illness. I need to talk about how hard it is for me to eat, to make sure I'm drinking enough fluids, to make myself get outside, to wash myself. I need to talk about sleeping in the daytime, and waking up not knowing whether the sun is rising or setting, and having no idea what day it is. I need to talk about how my knees ache when I straighten my legs because I haven't used them in so long. I need to talk about duties and responsibilities piling up because my depression has meant that I have neglected them, and am getting into financial difficulties. I need to talk about how I feel when I've summoned enough strength to work, only to end up not working, only 30 minutes later because I feel like the happy front I put on for customers is ******* me and all I can do is stare blankly ahead.

And that brings me onto why there are people who are paid to listen to this stuff: There aren't many who have the patience to sit and hear about all that without either feeling worse themselves, or wanting to grab me by the shoulders and give me a strong SHAKE and give me a good wake-up call. At least not without being paid by the hour to, anyway.

It isn't that I don't know what to do, and that I need informational advice and some straight-talking: I know how to eat. I know how to drink. I know how to leave the house. I know how to keep track of time. I know what I need to do to put my finances right. I know how to wash myself. It's not that I don't know how to perform these things, it's that I can't do it. And there's even hotter water to get into there, with people deciding that I in fact can do it, and suddenly "no one's gonna help you!", "YOU are responsible for YOU", and "you need to pull yourself together!" and whatnot... (I know).

Inspirational stories can feel more like distant fairytales than possible realities I can have, even if I have fairytales of my own I've wanted to dish out to people. - They just don't necessarily have the intended effect on people that the authors hope. I will more often find myself just wanting to say something like, "Oh wow that is so awesome! I'm so happy that worked out so well for you in the end :) Just shows us that there IS hope!" But, in truth? That's not real. That isn't what I feel at all. I'm fluffing the fluffer. I don't mean any malice; I just don't feel it, and I don't want them to feel like they just wasted a bunch of their time telling me their story for nothing.

Edited by Rexxsi
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This was definitely an interesting thread.

A question though, one of you wrote; "some is simply more lucky than others".

Not sure I would count luck in as an actual factor, and definitely not when it comes to mental illness. I haven't been lucky. Every bit of progress I had came due to hard work. Really hard work. I have fallen and stumbled more times than I can count, and there isn't a single bit of my journey that has ever been easy or come for free. But I get it, I see how painting issues rose coloured can be frustrating for those who feel they are stuck. Truth though, the difference might indeed be in attitude, but attitude we can change! It's a certainty that believing something is possible, will make it far more likely than if you believe it isn't. If you have already decided there's no chance, then no, there isn't. You can't expect life to get better if you aren't prepared to work for it, and believe in that it is possible. Because as soon as you throw in the towel and go; ah, to heck with it, happiness is for the lucky and the brave, then you are in trouble.

I sometimes use the "If I can, then you can" phrase. I'll put some thought into it now that I know it can be ill received, but please don't assume that anything I have managed has been due to luck, or me somehow being different from you. Perhaps I have a different attitude, yes. But guess what? That didn't come for free either, neither was I lucky enough to get a good attitude dropped in my lap. I fought for that attitude, I worked for that attitude. It didn't appear out of nowhere, and to this date I have to fight for that attitude whenever that Bipolar wheel turns and I am back on the edge of a depression.

I am not trying to shoot down your opinion here. You are frustrated, and I get that. It might seem like life is suddenly easy for those who tell you they turned their lives around, but that is very unlikely. And people very rarely get anything for free in this world we live in. You see only the differences, but don't you also see that your own life and attitude isn't set in stone? You are depowering yourself and setting up limits by alienating yourself from others in this manner. Don't you think you deserve a bit better than that? Life's worth fighting for, and we deserve having good lives. You do too.

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I think you've all seen those posts. People who have found success after struggle are convinced that if they can find love and happiness and work anybody can.

Maybe I am just the most cynical of all. I'm not here to rain on the positive thinking parade and I can only speak for my grumpy and bitter self, but I find extremely little comfort in such texts personally. I am simply far too self absorbed to take it to me, because all I can think is: if you were me none of that would have been possible .

I am all for positive thinking and optimism but I just think we should be a little careful and not be so quick to make such fluffy promises and statements. If our happiness depends on having this and that we will only be unhappy and disappointed as long as we don't have it and we will most likely not have the energy to turn our lives around when we are in an unhappy state.

Because when I read these posts all I see is all the ways the poster's life is different from mine and I attribute the success to those differences, it's in these parts that separates the poster from me that makes the poster succesful. Maybe it's just me but I try to avoid those posts because most of the time they make me feel worse. But I don't mind if people make them and I appreciate when they make the subject clear so I know not to click it.

The problem with the promises of better times is that there is no evidence and some people die alone. Anybody heard the song A Most Peculiar Man by Simon & Garfunkel? It's sad, it's unfortunate but it happens.

I, and many other's I'm sure, have been given mixed messages all my life: if you do what you want you will be succesful AND you can't do that because the competition is too hard stick to something safe.

If something seems too out of reach for whatever reason, don't try to force yourself to believe, just find something else to believe in.

I don't know if that makes any sense to anybody else but this is where I am righ now and it's what gives me more comfort than any fluffy promises.

yes this makes sense to me..

Mixed messages? absolutely! I was told by the people around me that if I got that government job,, the next step would be to get married-- blah blah blah…. well, got the job, and long story short, I ran screaming out of there years later… never found my "soul mate" no matter how much I tried in the last 40 years, I have never had a real or loving relationship- I don't know what that is like… and talk about competition… I guess I never knew it .. but the relationship game is a contest,,, Now I feel at my age, it's too late to even consider… so I know in my heart, I will die alone so I don't believe in anything but what is before me… sometimes I need to see it,,,sometimes I don't- but I certainly must feel it… no real success/happiness story here… just day to day existence… however, this forum is for conversing with one another about our fleeting connection with some successes in our daily life.. or often times it's our connection with the dents in our brain called depression … well, that what I use this forum for anyway….maybe some people want to post "facts" or those fluffy promises of "Yes You Can!" mantras they find on the internet. In my opinion they are not helpful and some are so rude and discriminating - they need to be alerted to the moderators….

God is a concept

By which we measure our pain

I'll say it again

God is a concept

By which we measure our pain

I don't believe in magic

I don't believe in I-ching

I don't believe in Bible

I don't believe in tarot

I don't believe in Hitler

I don't believe in Jesus

I don't believe in Kennedy

I don't believe in Buddha

I don't believe in Mantra

I don't believe in Gita

I don't believe in Yoga

I don't believe in Kings

I don't believe in Elvis

I don't believe in Zimmerman

I don't believe in Beatles

I just believe in me

Yoko and me and that's reality

The dream is over

What can I say?

The dream is over yesterday

I was the Dreamweaver

But now I'm reborn

I was the Walrus

But now I'm John

And so dear friends

You'll just have to carry on

The dream is over

*John Lennon

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Yep. I know exactly what you mean.

As I've said elsewhere, some people have better luck than others. That what it always seems to come down to. Some people's lives do get better, and some don't.

I'll admit to a fair amount of envy for people who are healthy & happy. I try to not let it get to me, but sometimes it does.

Agree, some have it better, some have it worse.

Someone once said that luck is the intersection between skill/effort/determination and opportunity. Doesn't matter how much you try if that opportunity doesn't come.

On the other hand, if you stop trying, when the opportunity finally comes you will not be prepared...

Unfortunately we all need to swallow it up and keep trying, even though it's so hard and I still haven't found how to get results...

Humbly, here's my take on luck.

Bad luck is being born to a family in a rural area without access to or knowledge of good psychiatric care. To poor parents who can't afford mental health care. To ignorant (no offense - only meant to say people without knowledge) patents/siblings/families who think depression is a weakness, or something being faked, or something to "get over". Not being able to reach out to someone like DF. To living in a small town without a variety of friends and influences. To being bullied into submission to feelings of inadequacy and inferiority.

Those without benefit of intelligence and diversity in their lives - those are those with bad luck. They may carry depression for long periods of time without knowing. Without knowing that there ARE, in fact, success stories. That there are people who felt as they do now, but who overcame. Who realized that this is an illness for which treatment is available, and were able to obtain that treatment - or through sheer will lifted themselves to a place where they saw the world more clearly.

Not gonna throw out a panacea or say that we can all live in peace and harmony, but I AM going to say that once you realize that this thing can be fought and is worth fighting, you'll find your luck changing. That the odd setback doesn't mean that "I was right in the first place... I wasn't meant blah blah blah... ", but that we're all human and have bad days. That if our overall track is aggressive in getting out more, grasping at what we need, ignoring the naysayers - then you'll start making your own good luck. Nobody wants to go out with a downer. Facial expression, body language - they tell people a lot. They don't promote the disaffected loners. Friends and acquaintances may be there for you, and they may not. Folks just get tired of negative emotions. Ya gotta take some steps!

Is all.

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Except when you know you can't do it because they will have the one thing, which you do not have, that missing piece, that they always had, to jump start your life. A lot of them, are depressed but have people supporting them. Eventually they climb back to the top.

Do not forget the ones who have no one but themselves.

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Except when you know you can't do it because they will have the one thing, which you do not have, that missing piece, that they always had, to jump start your life. A lot of them, are depressed but have people supporting them. Eventually they climb back to the top.

Do not forget the ones who have no one but themselves.

I believe many those people who have someone to go home to… who have supportive family and such… do not realize that so many of us suffer alone … there is no one at home when we get here.. no one… I often wonder what that would be like…. if having a bad day.. to have someone sitting on the couch to watch TV with.. or even get up and make me a cup of tea.. take the garbage out… run to the store when I'm so sick to get me seven-up… so if you have someone in your life that will do that for you… that is a privilege

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Humbly, here's my take on luck.

Bad luck is being born to a family in a rural area without access to or knowledge of good psychiatric care. To poor parents who can't afford mental health care. To ignorant (no offense - only meant to say people without knowledge) patents/siblings/families who think depression is a weakness, or something being faked, or something to "get over". Not being able to reach out to someone like DF. To living in a small town without a variety of friends and influences. To being bullied into submission to feelings of inadequacy and inferiority.

Those without benefit of intelligence and diversity in their lives - those are those with bad luck. They may carry depression for long periods of time without knowing. Without knowing that there ARE, in fact, success stories. That there are people who felt as they do now, but who overcame. Who realized that this is an illness for which treatment is available, and were able to obtain that treatment - or through sheer will lifted themselves to a place where they saw the world more clearly.

Not gonna throw out a panacea or say that we can all live in peace and harmony, but I AM going to say that once you realize that this thing can be fought and is worth fighting, you'll find your luck changing. That the odd setback doesn't mean that "I was right in the first place... I wasn't meant blah blah blah... ", but that we're all human and have bad days. That if our overall track is aggressive in getting out more, grasping at what we need, ignoring the naysayers - then you'll start making your own good luck. Nobody wants to go out with a downer. Facial expression, body language - they tell people a lot. They don't promote the disaffected loners. Friends and acquaintances may be there for you, and they may not. Folks just get tired of negative emotions. Ya gotta take some steps!

Is all.

Fantastic post! I, too, was born into a rural family. Guys were expected to be tough and emotionless. If you had a "mental problem", you were an instant pariah. Everyone knew everything about you, too. I escaped to the city when I was 18. Even then, depression was eating at me. I managed to get through college and land a decent job. I'm now 55 and have been "successful" in some ways. Now that I'm being treated for depression, my outlook is improving. Dread and anxiety are no longer overwhelming me, and I've been able to shrug off a lot of stuff that would have pulverized me 2 or 3 years ago.

Never too late to start really living, eh?

Edited by JD4010
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I think I should add something here as I feel strongly about this topic. I feel like there is a time and place for success stories. I personally feel a lot worse afterwards when someone tells me they have done x, y, and z and it helped them so it should help me too. It ignores the fact that I have tried some of the things they have suggested. There is nothing more frustrating than someone telling you to try something that helped them that was a trigger to you and got you into the mess you are now. I have taken a lot of people's advice and suggestions and most of it made me a lot worse. That's why just listening goes a long way for me. On better days I don't mind hearing people's success stories as much. They still may not relate to their situation but I can listen to it without getting upset. To be honest, the last thing I want to hear when I am at rock bottom is how someone accomplished such a big task and then dump all of that guilt on you. It suggest "I did it so you have to as well" It makes others feel like you are saying they aren't trying those things or trying in general. When I do feel better, I do ask for such advice and I am more open to such stories. Unfortunately those days are kind of rare. I also suffer from PTSD and have had a horrifying childhood. It was terrible and it wasn't for some petty reason that average people face. I am also gay, black, raised by a white mom which causes me identity issues and I don't fit into my gay community so I have even more. I have cerebral palsy and a bunch of other misfortunes due from birth and my childhood. So sometimes It feels a little insulting hearing from people to force me to get better because they could. I don't surround myself with many people because I am a burden and all I do get is "just get better." But for the people who have found success, I admire you greatly and hope I can become as strong as to keep pushing through when things seem impossible. At the same time, I have avoided people like because it is just guilt trip after guilt trip. Maybe you guys aren't like that, but from my experience I am tired of being around people who constantly want to lecture and make me feel more s***ty than I already am. And I don't believe in luck. I believe a lot of it is due to the situation combined with a ton of other factors.

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I think I should add something here as I feel strongly about this topic. I feel like there is a time and place for success stories. I personally feel a lot worse afterwards when someone tells me they have done x, y, and z and it helped them so it should help me too. It ignores the fact that I have tried some of the things they have suggested. There is nothing more frustrating than someone telling you to try something that helped them that was a trigger to you and got you into the mess you are now. I have taken a lot of people's advice and suggestions and most of it made me a lot worse. That's why just listening goes a long way for me. On better days I don't mind hearing people's success stories as much. They still may not relate to their situation but I can listen to it without getting upset. To be honest, the last thing I want to hear when I am at rock bottom is how someone accomplished such a big task and then dump all of that guilt on you. It suggest "I did it so you have to as well" It makes others feel like you are saying they aren't trying those things or trying in general. When I do feel better, I do ask for such advice and I am more open to such stories. Unfortunately those days are kind of rare. I also suffer from PTSD and have had a horrifying childhood. It was terrible and it wasn't for some petty reason that average people face. I am also gay, black, raised by a white mom which causes me identity issues and I don't fit into my gay community so I have even more. I have cerebral palsy and a bunch of other misfortunes due from birth and my childhood. So sometimes It feels a little insulting hearing from people to force me to get better because they could. I don't surround myself with many people because I am a burden and all I do get is "just get better." But for the people who have found success, I admire you greatly and hope I can become as strong as to keep pushing through when things seem impossible. At the same time, I have avoided people like because it is just guilt trip after guilt trip. Maybe you guys aren't like that, but from my experience I am tired of being around people who constantly want to lecture and make me feel more s***ty than I already am. And I don't believe in luck. I believe a lot of it is due to the situation combined with a ton of other factors.

I completely agree with you.

Sometimes listening to someone's idea of a solution, based on their personal success story, can trigger painful memories for me of having attempted the same and it having majorly backfired. People telling me I need to "seek professional help" panics me, not because I haven't bothered trying, (so, so far from it) but that it reminds me of when I was hospitalized and placed on daily watch. I was told to "get a life" by one of the doctors, who rummaged through personal items in my bedroom, criticized me for them, and verbally shamed me for them. It reminds me of hearing loud conversations going on between people about me, as though I wasn't present. Not only did it make me feel much more ill, but it made me feel like a meaningless, invisible entity who deserves no privacy or respect. I was powerless, at a time I didn't need a feeling like that to be reinforced.

It could have been far worse, but my point is that it has scarred me, and it means that I cannot easily waltz into a doctors office. I deeply regret having placed myself in a situation in which I put myself under the care of people who had corrupt authority over me. It's just my personal choice that I try to keep fighting this without professional help for as long as I possibly can.

I'm not trying to discourage people from relaying their success stories, or from giving advice, but I do think some sensitivity is needed if the person being give the rejects it. It could be for very serious reasons that they don't want to take it.

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Yep. I know exactly what you mean.

As I've said elsewhere, some people have better luck than others. That what it always seems to come down to. Some people's lives do get better, and some don't.

I'll admit to a fair amount of envy for people who are healthy & happy. I try to not let it get to me, but sometimes it does.

Agree, some have it better, some have it worse.

Someone once said that luck is the intersection between skill/effort/determination and opportunity. Doesn't matter how much you try if that opportunity doesn't come.

On the other hand, if you stop trying, when the opportunity finally comes you will not be prepared...

Unfortunately we all need to swallow it up and keep trying, even though it's so hard and I still haven't found how to get results...

Humbly, here's my take on luck.

Bad luck is being born to a family in a rural area without access to or knowledge of good psychiatric care. To poor parents who can't afford mental health care. To ignorant (no offense - only meant to say people without knowledge) patents/siblings/families who think depression is a weakness, or something being faked, or something to "get over". Not being able to reach out to someone like DF. To living in a small town without a variety of friends and influences. To being bullied into submission to feelings of inadequacy and inferiority.

Those without benefit of intelligence and diversity in their lives - those are those with bad luck. They may carry depression for long periods of time without knowing. Without knowing that there ARE, in fact, success stories. That there are people who felt as they do now, but who overcame. Who realized that this is an illness for which treatment is available, and were able to obtain that treatment - or through sheer will lifted themselves to a place where they saw the world more clearly.

Not gonna throw out a panacea or say that we can all live in peace and harmony, but I AM going to say that once you realize that this thing can be fought and is worth fighting, you'll find your luck changing. That the odd setback doesn't mean that "I was right in the first place... I wasn't meant blah blah blah... ", but that we're all human and have bad days. That if our overall track is aggressive in getting out more, grasping at what we need, ignoring the naysayers - then you'll start making your own good luck. Nobody wants to go out with a downer. Facial expression, body language - they tell people a lot. They don't promote the disaffected loners. Friends and acquaintances may be there for you, and they may not. Folks just get tired of negative emotions. Ya gotta take some steps!

Is all.

Negatives, negatives are awful, I get that. It's hard to maintain a positive outlook though, and you should know this. Everyone needs to vent, and though I can vent in the internet, it's not the same as having a person by your said.

I've tried so much to tell my family how I can't function as well as I used to be, and it seems that this is an alien concept to them, they have their expectations, they have their frustrations, and some of them are linked to me. This is bad luck for me, someone "close" to you refusing to accept you have a problem for only God knows how long.

I have my own set of bad influences that I gathered all over the years. I've let down people. But I'm trying to get better.

There are a 2 or 3 people that said recently for me to go to a psych, and though only one of them is really close to me, I'll finally try to get some help and sort things out. Let's take a leap to see where we land.

Just stop with the stories, really, we are all different. I'm not saying we should all go to our clouds and lay down there cursing God and everything else for the situation I'm in. Just don't come with the sweet-candy, they don't taste good.

And sorry if I'm somewhat incoherent, too much information + not my native language, makes my brain fuzzy(ier).

Edited by 2ndSkth
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