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Recent Major Worsening Of Depression


kariwe

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Hello,

This is my first post, but I didn't want to use it as an introduction because I have a semi-urgent need for answers. I'm not quite sure what's going on with me right now, and I could really use any insight/help/advice I can get.

So I started college in 2009 after dealing with some mild to moderate depression/anxiety episodes off and on my whole life. Second year of college I started to feel really depressed. I also started having a lot of trouble sleeping due to schedule fluctuation so I started taking benadryl to help me sleep and developed a habit. Went to the doctor and was put on sertraline which didn't help much and made my insomnia worse, then lexapro which made me too drowsy, and finally celexa which helped pretty well seemingly until recently. I have been on it for about 2-3 years and wonder if it might be pooping out on me.

Last March I dropped out of college because I was having trouble at home. My dad became dangerously addicted to alcohol, detoxed 13 times in the last few years. He lost his job and is making half of what he did before at his new job, both of my parents cars have been repossessed, and now our house is being foreclosed on. I'm almost 24 but this is all affecting me greatly as I am still mostly financially and emotionally dependent on my parents. When I started working full time a year ago, I started to feel a lot better. I was also put on adderall for add and trazodone for sleep. I was mostly happy for a while in spite of the circumstances. But in the last few months things have gotten worse than they've ever been. I hurt my back at work about a month ago and for whatever reason during that first week, I had two of the worst anxiety attacks ( and the first in many years) that I had ever had. I'm not sure if being in pain could have provoked this or if the two or unrelated.

We're in the middle of the foreclosure right now. My parents are fighting a lot. I'm working 40+ hours a week right now, which until lately I have loved to do. I find myself getting short with everyone, I'm having trouble sleeping again despite taking tizanidine and seroquel, which I started two weeks ago. Last sunday my parents were fighting and I cut my arm with a knife probably over a hundred times. I'm not even completely sure why I did it. I'm still in some pain and taking hydrocodone regularly, which probably isn't helping.

Sorry for the long, scattered post, I just don't know what is happening to me. Could this be a combination of stressors, or mental illness or what? I almost feel hopeless. I'm being sued for medical debt and student loans right now, I'm depressed, I don't know what to do...

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Hi kariwe,

Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry you and your family are going through very hard times and I would think this is contributing your personal situation. You have a lot of things going on in your family and you can get easily overwhelmed. Try and make a list in priority order of what needs to be done first like getting on a repayment plan for your student loans and other debts. Getting this part of your situation going in the right direction should take a little of the edge off for you. I'm sure your parents are extremely stressed out over losing their home and foreclosure is really hard to go through. Take care of your mental health so your family situation doesn't overtake you. Let your doctor know the medications you're on now are not bringing you enough relief for you to focus on your tough situation. Please don't harm yourself anymore, your family's situation will get resolved.

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That's an immense amount of stuff for anyone to deal with. I'm not surprised it's a struggle.

Working 40 hours a week might be a pleasure under normal circumstances, but normal circumstances assume your energy, willpower, and peace of mind isn't being drained elsewhere. If you can find the time, take up something like jogging, meditation, or journaling to try to ease your mind depending on your preferences. I used to live in a noisy, dysfunctional household and headphones (good ones, like earbuds that block outside sounds) pretty much saved my life. I'd always have some shows on hand that I could watch, or when I was too young to have my own computer it was a CD player.

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