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Dealing With Inferiority Complexes/jealousy?


Kabuto

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I think aside from my overall level of day to day apathy, inferiority complexes are one of my major depressive roots. Jealousy is a dangerous emotion.

First of all, I find myself jealous right off the bat of anyone who doesn't have a sleeping disorder. It's made my life more hellish than I'd like to admit.

I'm also overall jealous of people who have generally achieved their dreams, or made great achievements in their lives. I'm jealous of my brother for being universally liked and happy for instance. I'm jealous of people who have a naturally strong work ethic versus my tendency to want to slack off and do only fun things and waste time. A few people come to mind- especially talented musicians/artists.

Secondly, this girl I haven't been able to shut up about in other threads (will only briefly mention here). I found myself extremely jealous of her, which is 1/2 the reason she got me incredibly depressed. Yes, she worked hard and earned her place, but she also had a dream in arts/cosmetology, and found a way to make money off her dream at such a young age. She was able to move out and start establishing herself. It sounds silly, but I was even jealous of her femininity. (Maybe I'm slightly gender fluid, I don't know, but I was jealous that she was able to find an artsy dream because she was female).

So that's why when I remained unemployed and aimless, I was TOTALLY depressed.

And then I think of the people that don't have what I have. People who are born in foreign countries with little resources or freedom, people who are abused due to ethnicity/beliefs (or abused in general), people who are homeless, etc. It makes me feel really sorry for them, but I have so many of my own issues that I no longer want to try to change the world aside from my natural impact.

This overall level of unfairness grates me the most. All I ever want is to make my mark and feel happy.

Edited by Kabuto
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Hi Kabuto

I completely get what your saying, because I too sometime's feel the exact same way. (jealous of people who are in relationship's, people who have the job's that they wanted etc)

If you have a dream/passion you've just got to try and go get it...

I know that sounds so stupid like "oh yeah thats so easy isn't it"

But other than that, I don't really know what else to say, sorry. But if you ever want to talk, just p.m me ok. :Coopwink:

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These are pretty common complexes to have. We are human. We get jealous and envious. Even people without depression struggle with these nasty thoughts..

I think we should just try to focus on what we have and have accomplished, even the small things count.. And try to push the negative thoughts aside. I know its hard though, because i struggle with this as well.

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That is exactly what I'm going through. Jealousy and anger about the unfairness of life and the guilt for being selfish because there are people who have considerably more difficult lives.

This kind of goes with "look at all the good things you have in your life" comments that people will make to one suffering from depression. However, the problem is entirely situational. You don't get to choose where you are born and who your parents are. On top of that, our society has certain expectations about what is success that we grew up with and were drilled into our head. We live in a culture that reminds us everyday that the only ones who are successful at following their dreams are the ones who have made a lot of money. This adds a ton of stress. Yes, there are people suffering in other countries and in ours, but this should not diminish the valid feelings you have. Not to mention the obvious, but depression obscures your perception of reality. If you didn't have depression, you might take others' successes and turn them into motivators. The depression makes this difficult to see in a brighter light.

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I completely understand where you are coming from: I have dedicated my life to my education so that I can have the career of my dreams. When I see people (won't name anyone) who achieve things so much easier than I do, without the same amount of hard work, I become envious and have negative feelings toward them. However, I realized that some people are born with silver spoons in their mouths, and others have to fight tooth and nail for the things they want. Who do you think is truly happier? the person who works hard and gets the things they want, need and deserve, or the person who does nothing but gets everything, all the while never being satisfied?

I know that this is somewhat off topic but try and ignore the success that others have achieved, or at the least look at certain people as models for success. For me the success that Abraham Lincoln had in his life is very inspirational, and I try to do my best everyday because of it. Find your place in life, whatever you want to do go for it. Don't feel jealous of someone else or inadequate because they have something you feel that you don't, this will just reinforce the negativity and make you unlikely to follow your dreams.

Have you talked to a counselor or doctor about what your going through? If you are feeling down a lot because of these issues then a combination of cognitive behavior therapy and medication could help. I hope that this has helped, and that you will take steps to change your mindset on these issues.

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I'm working on it. I don't want to have an inferiority complex towards people anymore. For instance, one friend may be an amazing animator and talented programmer- a genius in so many ways at the young age of 22. But he's also balding and socially awkward. Not to say I want anything but the best for him, but I'm just saying, his issues reframe things a bit for me.

Then there's that girl- she has no visible flaws- she seems to have everything going for her, and I want that for her- she deserves a great life. But she did smoke- so maybe not everything is what it appears to be.

And me- I'm doing something very adventurous, even if not stable. The world should be my oyster. I wish I was more inspired to work hard on my hobbies instead of blowing SO much time away on the computer. I'm scared for the future. I'd rather not be an ex-pat forever.

And on a side note...I wish I was better with women, and could start having more fun/sex. Despite having what I consider to be good looks, I rarely cut it in the dating scene because I keep to myself and rarely want to go out in large numbers. That also makes me quite insecure, truly.

Edited by Kabuto
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I found this in a book and I think it goes s here. if you're always pushing toward greater success, achievement, control, perfection, and efficiency, you're overrating greatness-as well as your own human capacities. You're great because of who you are, not because of what you can do. It's okay to be you. In fact, being you is the only person you will be good at being.

I feel like we ultimately set ourselves up for failure by aiming to achieve perfection and be productive at every moment. We can get better at things, sure, and push our mind for greatness- but in the end we all deteriorate, and the cycle begins anew.

I'm looking for people that can impact me mentally- I feel like a lot of my human interaction has become shallow....I am a searcher of depth. I have so much love to give.

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I found this in a book and I think it goes s here. if you're always pushing toward greater success, achievement, control, perfection, and efficiency, you're overrating greatness-as well as your own human capacities. You're great because of who you are, not because of what you can do. It's okay to be you. In fact, being you is the only person you will be good at being.

I feel like we ultimately set ourselves up for failure by aiming to achieve perfection and be productive at every moment. We can get better at things, sure, and push our mind for greatness- but in the end we all deteriorate, and the cycle begins anew.

I'm looking for people that can impact me mentally- I feel like a lot of my human interaction has become shallow....I am a searcher of depth. I have so much love to give.

I don't think I can help you with that, lol. I look for people with the same morals and values as me. I don't know why that's so hard to find. I kind of gave up on looking for people for awhile. I feel like I need to fix somethings about myself first.

We can only fix so much about ourselves until we require something from the rest of humanity, as social beings. Ultimately, for me, it's probably a numbers game. If I meet 1000 new people, surely 1 of them might be at least 'pretty' good, no? Helps more if you meet people in a place where people have aligned values.

Easier said than done. Especially as an introvert.

But yes, I am often incredibly insecure, and wish I could be doing something else at any given moment. I am living a lot of people's dreams, and yet I still complain. Maybe it is the attitude....

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  • 2 weeks later...

I just want to be the best darn person possible.

About my "ex"....I can't believe I'm saying this, about someone that I once loved so much, with every fiber of my heart. But I hate her. For what she has done to me. I don't "hate" who she is. I hate what she has turned me into.

I hate her for not saying a word to me after one and a half years. I hate her for being the only woman in the world who actually meant anything to me. I hate her for finding a passion in cosmetology, for loving her job while I am continually lost and struggling.

I hate her for her success. I'm jealous of her for it.

That's no way to talk about someone I love. Of course I really do want the best for her. I just can't stand that I have been thrown so far behind in the dust.

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Maybe you already are the best darn person!

I hate my "ex"s now. Well all but one, he took breaking up with me pretty hard. I wish I could send the other ones to Antarctica or something. I think it's normal to hate them after. I usually take all the letters or dried flowers they gave me and burn them. The last one I took all his stuff and unceremoniously tossed his stuff in the dumpster.

One thing you did that I don't know what to do about is checked what she was doing with out you. As soon as someone breaks up with me they are dead to me. I have no idea what they have been doing without me.

Don't they say "you can only hate the ones you love". I loved them but I don't even think about them anymore.

I don't wish to be a resentful person, I don't. So I don't want to send her to Antarctica. I would send her to a more pleasant place because I don't "hate" her- I just want her far away from me. I hate her for what she has done.

Anyway, it just sucks, plain and simple. And everyone else I'm meeting right now is absurdly LAME. It's so depressing, I just want some more amazing experiences with women at 24. I'm so furious about it I can hardly see straight. I'm really becoming bitter.

Totally off topic. But sex/relationships are part of the inferiority, along with career.

Edited by Kabuto
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I found this in a book and I think it goes s here. if you're always pushing toward greater success, achievement, control, perfection, and efficiency, you're overrating greatness-as well as your own human capacities. You're great because of who you are, not because of what you can do. It's okay to be you. In fact, being you is the only person you will be good at being.

I feel like we ultimately set ourselves up for failure by aiming to achieve perfection and be productive at every moment. We can get better at things, sure, and push our mind for greatness- but in the end we all deteriorate, and the cycle begins anew.

I'm looking for people that can impact me mentally- I feel like a lot of my human interaction has become shallow....I am a searcher of depth. I have so much love to give.

I don't think I can help you with that, lol. I look for people with the same morals and values as me. I don't know why that's so hard to find. I kind of gave up on looking for people for awhile. I feel like I need to fix somethings about myself first.
There is nothing wrong that needs fixing.
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Part of the reason everyone is lame is that you're not over your ex. : (

If someone hurts you you don't think you're a good person for being resentful of that?

One thing that's good to keep in mind is that break ups have all of these painful emotions. When you let yourself feel the emotions they fade away. Otherwise the feelings are still there, when you don't feel them you just carry them with you and they don't fade away.

You're right- I really miss her. I just haven't met someone so smart, pretty, and soulful. I'm wondering, how can I break that image of perfection down?

Everyone else just seems so....lame in comparison. I need to find a sensitive girl who is somewhat of a sensation seeker. Who sees those qualities in a guy too.

Also, I feel inferiority complexes not just towards her. Which is really what this topic is about- the feeling of inferiority in general. Inferiority towards artists who are more successful than me, and towards successful people in general. Inferiority and the feeling of being not good enough are terrible to have.

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I think aside from my overall level of day to day apathy, inferiority complexes are one of my major depressive roots. Jealousy is a dangerous emotion.

First of all, I find myself jealous right off the bat of anyone who doesn't have a sleeping disorder. It's made my life more hellish than I'd like to admit.

I'm also overall jealous of people who have generally achieved their dreams, or made great achievements in their lives. I'm jealous of my brother for being universally liked and happy for instance. I'm jealous of people who have a naturally strong work ethic versus my tendency to want to slack off and do only fun things and waste time. A few people come to mind- especially talented musicians/artists.

Secondly, this girl I haven't been able to shut up about in other threads (will only briefly mention here). I found myself extremely jealous of her, which is 1/2 the reason she got me incredibly depressed. Yes, she worked hard and earned her place, but she also had a dream in arts/cosmetology, and found a way to make money off her dream at such a young age. She was able to move out and start establishing herself. It sounds silly, but I was even jealous of her femininity. (Maybe I'm slightly gender fluid, I don't know, but I was jealous that she was able to find an artsy dream because she was female).

So that's why when I remained unemployed and aimless, I was TOTALLY depressed.

And then I think of the people that don't have what I have. People who are born in foreign countries with little resources or freedom, people who are abused due to ethnicity/beliefs (or abused in general), people who are homeless, etc. It makes me feel really sorry for them, but I have so many of my own issues that I no longer want to try to change the world aside from my natural impact.

This overall level of unfairness grates me the most. All I ever want is to make my mark and feel happy.

STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP COMPARING!!!

Look. You are you. You're unique. No one else has your combination of genes and upbringing. Not even your siblings.

Your last sentence should be your guide... make your mark and feel happy. Be the best you that you can be.

Besides, you don't know what baggage anyone else is carrying. What they think of when they're drifting off to sleep at night. What debts they've incurred. Maybe some of them are jealous of you. Maybe some of them have incurred traumas in the past and are carrying wounds.

Figure out how you want/need to live life, and do it. I don't know about your sleep disorder or what cure may lay on the horizon - I hope there's help soon.

But comparing yourself with others isn't going to help you a bit. There are 7,000,000,000 of us on the planet, and we've all got issues. And we've all got things to offer. You, too.

Take care, friend - best wishes.

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I can relate with you so much. It sucks because envy is a truly fatal flaw. I find myself getting jealous of the people who 'have it good' or are rich and famous. I also get jealous of those who have gone far and gotten the attention they deserve.

A long time ago when I was in junior high (I think this was a bad move on the teacher's part) I would get failed in art class for my work not living up to her standards. Girl who sat next to me was a teacher's pet and spokesgirl for the art club passed with flying colors and was always singled out for this. Needless to say, I was jealous.

Over time I've realized that art is just one of those things that clicks for other people and just is a complete fallout for others. I prefer writing as opposed to visual art.

Along with the envy comes the hidden aspect of narcissism. This only comes into play when we're talking about smarts and GPAs (which are definitely worth more than someone's sketch in this day in age, I think)

I was always at the top of my class and people were horribly jealous. They thought I was a snob because the teachers were always rambling about how good I was. I'm not the smartest person, but my brain is half-logical, half-creative. Knowledge is power.

Long story short: experiment. Experiment all you can. Try piano, technologic stuff, or even rock climbing. You can't be completely useless as depression tricks us into thinking oh so often. More importantly, learn to stop comparing yourself to the others like I'm trying to. Best of luck.

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Thank you Kabuto for starting this thread.

I have been told many times I have an inferiority complex. More recently I have become jealous of an acquaintance. I love her for what she is doing but I am also jealous of her. She started her own business and she seems to have her life in order. She had a baby last month as well. She has a beautiful home and an expensive vehicle. She is an excellent swimmer and she is outstanding in all sports. I was never allowed by my parents to participate in sports so this makes me angry and sad. I am just a stupid loser without a purpose in this world. I am only taking up space here. Thank God I am only jealous of one person and not the whole world. I admire many rich successful people.

Edited by duck
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Thank you Kabuto for starting this thread.

I have been told many times I have an inferiority complex. More recently I have become jealous of an acquaintance. I love her for what she is doing but I am also jealous of her. She started her own business and she seems to have her life in order. She had a baby last month as well. She has a beautiful home and an expensive vehicle. She is an excellent swimmer and she is outstanding in all sports. I was never allowed by my parents to participate in sports so this makes me angry and sad. I am just a stupid loser without a purpose in this world. I am only taking up space here. Thank God I am only jealous of one person and not the whole world. I admire many rich successful people.

Same here with mine. I think it would have helped if I did some after school sport!!

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Thank you Kabuto for starting this thread.

I have been told many times I have an inferiority complex. More recently I have become jealous of an acquaintance. I love her for what she is doing but I am also jealous of her. She started her own business and she seems to have her life in order. She had a baby last month as well. She has a beautiful home and an expensive vehicle. She is an excellent swimmer and she is outstanding in all sports. I was never allowed by my parents to participate in sports so this makes me angry and sad. I am just a stupid loser without a purpose in this world. I am only taking up space here. Thank God I am only jealous of one person and not the whole world. I admire many rich successful people.

Don't let some silly little sport get you down. The confidence comes from within.

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Thank you Kabuto & Chucapabra. It's too late now for me. There is no way I can go on like this.

:(. The fight must continue. The journey of finding ourselves from within. It may take a lifetime before this happens, but darn it, I have to try. I encourage you to, as well.

If you want to swim, then swim! There's no such thing as "professional". That is only a label, unless you're making a living from it or something. If it's a hobby, what's the difference how good you are? Start now- this is your chance.

I'm telling myself this all the time. It often feels like life is this unfathomable void, and maybe sometimes it is. But we have to learn to close the door on the past no matter how much pain it brings- and open up to the future.

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Kabuto,

It is impossible to place everyone on a ladder in this world. There are so many dimensions to a person's life. For example, I suck at skipping rocks. I get jealous whenever we go to a lake and someone can skip a rock *five time* and I can't even make it skip once. But I mean, how ridiculous is that comparison???

Next time you feel bad about your sleeping problem, think about someone who has this genetic disease called Fatal Familial Insomnia. It is extremely extremely rare, but the symptom is that the person cannot fall asleep no matter what for 18 months and then goes crazy and dies....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatal_familial_insomnia

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Kabuto,

It is impossible to place everyone on a ladder in this world. There are so many dimensions to a person's life. For example, I suck at skipping rocks. I get jealous whenever we go to a lake and someone can skip a rock *five time* and I can't even make it skip once. But I mean, how ridiculous is that comparison???

Next time you feel bad about your sleeping problem, think about someone who has this genetic disease called Fatal Familial Insomnia. It is extremely extremely rare, but the symptom is that the person cannot fall asleep no matter what for 18 months and then goes crazy and dies....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatal_familial_insomnia

Yuck, that is a disgusting thing to exist, there truly are some horrible things out there. I count my blessings that despite the frustrations in my life, things can always be worse.

But what kind of way is that to live? Wishing things were better but praying they don't get worse? I just feel so bad about all of it. But....the world is quite cruel sometimes, and we all just have to cope with that.

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