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Addiction To Porn Is Possibly Ruining My Life And Worsening Depression.


shadow281

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I have been on a gluten free diet for around a week, so far my brain has cleared up and I no longer feel like I struggle to find the correct words to use in conversation...but my depression on the other hand...

I have been going through hell for the past few days. My emotions are fluctuating like never before and I have been having more urges to cry more so than ever as of late. But thanks to my clearer brain, I am finally realise why I am depressed. MY depression during childhood may have had something to do with gluten. But I am not sure yet.

I am addicted to porn and the internet, and I mean that. If I am away from either, I start to become anxious and more depressed. Since 2010 I have been addicted to porn, since then my emotions have become duller and due to taking an SSRI in early 2011, which is known to do that (Even after you stop), I have been confused as to what was causing my anhedonia. But the thing is, I can still feel pleasure when looking at porn to some extent...so perhaps what I have is a serious porn addiction. I have been looking at porn almost every hour of every day since 2010 (was looking at it earlier, but didn't become an addiction until towards the end of 2010) to the point that not looking at it makes me anxious and worried...I am dependant on it. I *********d too, which makes it worse. But everytime I tried to stop (since 2011 I have been trying to), I would always see these ignorant and frankly drone like people talking about how it's healthy and natural, no matter how much you do it. Let me tell you, it isn't healthy or natural when you are addicted to it! Since I *********d and looked at porn I have felt my ability to feel emotions become blunter and my energy levels have been affected. So much happened around this time too so I couldn't tell porn was actually having an effect on me!

Right now, my libido is low, and I have been abstaining from porn for around three days (this being my third day completely away from it). I have felt anxious, more depressed, sleeping has gotten worse, feel more lonely and isolated, angry at how my life situation has led me to becoming addicted to it, and from what I have read other porn addicts have had similar experiences. If this is healthy, then I don't know what is.

In the past, when my porn addiction was half way to this point, abstaining from ************* or orgasming made me feel better and restored my sex drive, hell, even earlier this year when I abstained from ************* alone my sex drive started to improve...before I ruined it again by indulging myself. I will always feel worse for a few days after I did *************.

I am angry at all those drones who are pro-porn right at this moment. They have prevented me from stopping this horrible habit ages ago. If this isn't an addiction, why am I having mental symptoms because of it since I started to totally abstain from Porn, ************* and Orgasms?

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I think plenty of people would agree with you that porn addiction is real. In fact, nearly anything that affects the pleasure centers can become addictive, given the right conditions. You seem to feel that other people contributed to the severity of your problem, but in the end, you are the only one who can help yourself. Why not focus that energy and anger on working through the withdrawal and recovering?

There are support groups for porn addiction, and psychologists who are very experienced in addiction recovery. If you are able to see a therapist about this, I would recommend it. The more support you have, the better.

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I think plenty of people would agree with you that porn addiction is real. In fact, nearly anything that affects the pleasure centers can become addictive, given the right conditions. You seem to feel that other people contributed to the severity of your problem, but in the end, you are the only one who can help yourself. Why not focus that energy and anger on working through the withdrawal and recovering?

There are support groups for porn addiction, and psychologists who are very experienced in addiction recovery. If you are able to see a therapist about this, I would recommend it. The more support you have, the better.

I bought this up to my therapist, she just said that I was getting bored of my usual fantasies (I have a very odd sexual fetish, it's harmless and unerotic to most so it isn't one of the illegal horrible ones) and that I just needed a break. Bulls***. If I am bored of it, why do I keep thinking about it? I ain't bored, I am addicted and my libido is damaged beyond hell. I can barely get morning wood these days!

And no, I won't elaborate on my sexual fetish, but let me tell you, sexual fetishes are terrible things to have for some people. Especially this really niche one that I have. It's so niche I don't try to look for more extreme forms of it, rather higher quality depictions of it. I would spend hours looking up new scenes involving this to the point I was obsessed. It's lucky that your usual bikini clad women won't really strike a cord with me as much due to this, which is actually useful considering my situation. But I still have to avoid since if I like the look of a woman...yeah, I will be stimulated.

I don't intend to give up porn permanently, I do want to write erotic stuff for the internet someday (mainly to practice my writing skills). But right now, I must reset my brain in order to prevent my mental state from declining further into hell. I have to abstain for at least 4+ months before I start to improve (I have only been doing this for around four years, so I don't think the recovery will take too long, but its hard to tell) back to my normal state. My normal state as in my abilities and energy prior to 2011, and with eliminating gluten from my diet (And the benefits I am having with clearer thinking), this may allow me to finally function again.

I am addicted to the internet too however, so I may need to sort that out too. But the porn addiction is the thing that over stimulates the brain.

And I blame others since I was around these very perverted people back in 2011 who were really into porn (they were also a part of the Brony fandom...very odd and unpleasant people despite what they claim. No, I am not like them anymore), my attempts to make friends were problematic due to my addiction taking a toll on my personality as well as the unavailability of people in my area, and of course the people defending porn saying that these erectile issues as well as emotion symptoms are never caused by porn addiction. After all, it's healthy and natural to ********* every day and look at sexually stimulating pictures every hour every day.

Since stopping, I have realised how problematic my life really is. The gluten free diet clearing up my brain helped me come to that conclusion. I had feelings it was this back in 2011 but now only just realised it truly was because I had addiction problems.

Edited by shadow281
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If you pleasure yourself multiple times a day, the act itself grows dull. Self-stimulation is kind of like cigarettes, in that it is enjoyable when far enough between but once you get dependent on it then it isn't all that pleasurable and you need it just to not feel anxious. The difference is that this won't give you cancer.

Porn addiction is real and quitting it would be beneficial. I don't think you have to quit pleasuring yourself altogether, that might not be healthy, although if the act necessitates porn then a long break would be advisable.

It's not easy. But the best thing to do is look at this as something you need to do for yourself. Don't resent yourself for your addiction, recognize these things happen to people and empower yourself to overcome it.

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If you pleasure yourself multiple times a day, the act itself grows dull. Self-stimulation is kind of like cigarettes, in that it is enjoyable when far enough between but once you get dependent on it then it isn't all that pleasurable and you need it just to not feel anxious. The difference is that this won't give you cancer.

Porn addiction is real and quitting it would be beneficial. I don't think you have to quit pleasuring yourself altogether, that might not be healthy, although if the act necessitates porn then a long break would be advisable.

It's not easy. But the best thing to do is look at this as something you need to do for yourself. Don't resent yourself for your addiction, recognize these things happen to people and empower yourself to overcome it.

It is just that since I started to look at porn more often, I have felt more dependant on it. Other things just don't give me the same buzz you know...

I wish I never took Prozac while I was addicted. If I wasn't I would know for sure my anhedonia (which, as I said, I still get joy out of looking at good porn) is a result of porn addiction, rather than a permanent SSRI effect.

It's scary, I felt joy and my erections did improve at times this year. So it can't be a permanent effect from Prozac, yet people say anhedonia sometimes lifts. It's so hard to tell and it confuses and frightens me to death.

I have felt some sort of anhedonia before the Prozac, and didn't always have it while I was taking it. So it's possibly the porn addiction?

Edited by shadow281
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I would think so. I truly don't think SSRI's can rewire someone's brain permanently. I think it's for some that depressive episodes can last for so long, especially the dysthymic type, that discontinuation of an unproductive antidepressant might give someone that impression. There is really no scientific backing for permanent damage from SSRI's though, not trying to say you haven't done your research but just trying to be reassuring.

I had three months or so of damage from one month of amphetamine abuse, but the brain finds its equilibrium in due time.

It sounds like you know the porn addiction is your main problem.

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I would think so. I truly don't think SSRI's can rewire someone's brain permanently. I think it's for some that depressive episodes can last for so long, especially the dysthymic type, that discontinuation of an unproductive antidepressant might give someone that impression. There is really no scientific backing for permanent damage from SSRI's though, not trying to say you haven't done your research but just trying to be reassuring.

I had three months or so of damage from one month of amphetamine abuse, but the brain finds its equilibrium in due time.

It sounds like you know the porn addiction is your main problem.

I have been begging my parents to allow me to go away from any source of internet for a while...but now I can see why. MY subconscious knew that I needed something to help me get out of this rut. Even back when I was 15 I was like this.

This fetish I have is rather...inbuilt into my personality. It didn't develop with the porn, rather it got me into the porn. I won't ever give it up, but rather I will aim to keep it in moderation, it's more important I obsess over my other creative sides rather than write silly fetish stories or look at pictures of it. In fact, if this is a porn addiction, this might actually do me good in the former.

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Alright, here is the plan.

Assuming it takes around 4 months for my brain to recover, I won't return to my porn addiction. But rather, I will ensure I only look at it for a certain amount of time when I feel the time is right (depending on what's going on in my life at the time, hopefully something other than the computer and myself) but without the intention to *********. Which...in itself, is kinda hard to do. But porn viewing does the most damage if done on a daily basis.

I actually do feel a bit tired and lethargic if I even look at something that may arouse me. I still can't really get an erection but I know that's just from overstimulating the pleasure part of my brain. This happened tonight but by accident (and thankfully was very minor). I have to be so freaking careful right now or I could relapse.

I know this thread will get removed soon, but I had to hear other's thoughts on this. So glad no one came and told me it was healthy and all that crap. It's not healthy if you are getting Erectile dysfunction from it.

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Why would you ever look at it again?

Unless I completely loose interest in it, which from what I read is possible for people doing similar things, it will control me still if that doesn't happen with me in a way (since I will probably be fearful of sexual stimulation, plus there are literally no females for me to really socialise with where I live, my area is actually partially responsible for my depression funnily enough). I may only look at it after my brain has rebooted but only under controlled and spaced out sessions. That is, maybe once/twice a week (and abstain on any other days which I don't allow myself to look at porn) and of course ignore the urges to *********. It will be good for my willpower to do that, especially since my willpower improved a hell of a lot since I cut gluten out from my diet (many of my depression symptoms have eased).

But hopefully the urges to look at it will go away too, but my life circumstances led to this point anyway. So the best way for me to give it up completely is to get my life to improve. Which if my depression symptoms were being worsened by the porn addiction, should be fairly easy for me to do after 5 months.

I ain't going to break this abstinence for at least 5-6 months. Since that's the average length of time it takes for a young porn addict to recover. And depending on what happens then, I will hopefully make some positive changes. If I do decide to go and look at porn again (but with renewed willpower and more awareness of what will happen if I look at it too much), it may be a while after I have recovered.

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I think plenty of people would agree with you that porn addiction is real. In fact, nearly anything that affects the pleasure centers can become addictive, given the right conditions. You seem to feel that other people contributed to the severity of your problem, but in the end, you are the only one who can help yourself. Why not focus that energy and anger on working through the withdrawal and recovering?

There are support groups for porn addiction, and psychologists who are very experienced in addiction recovery. If you are able to see a therapist about this, I would recommend it. The more support you have, the better.

Agreed. """""Why not focus that energy and anger on working through the withdrawal and recovering?""""

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I think plenty of people would agree with you that porn addiction is real. In fact, nearly anything that affects the pleasure centers can become addictive, given the right conditions. You seem to feel that other people contributed to the severity of your problem, but in the end, you are the only one who can help yourself. Why not focus that energy and anger on working through the withdrawal and recovering?

There are support groups for porn addiction, and psychologists who are very experienced in addiction recovery. If you are able to see a therapist about this, I would recommend it. The more support you have, the better.

Agreed. """""Why not focus that energy and anger on working through the withdrawal and recovering?""""

That is what I am doing.

Just that you know, lack other real life distractions, the numb emotions (possibly and most likely caused by the porn addiction) making computer based distractions more difficult, no way of making friends in my area (it's not impossible, but lack a car and my social skills were badly damaged by being forced to spend 6 years in special needs schools) and of course very negative thoughts and worries can make this a rather challenging situation. I don't intend to give up on it, but my willpower will be tested.

But it may be very possible that abstaining for 5 months will allow my brain to function better, which may allow for better social interaction and...and this can happen according to other recovering porn addicts, being able to attract girls more easily (no one knows why exactly either). But it's not my main goal in life to attract girls.

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