Waning Sunshine Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 (edited) How is it possible to get along with others when it's always in the back of my mind that they find me to be a nuisance. An annoying nuisance. People want me to talk because I shut myself up but then once they do get me to talk they want me to shut up. I don't even try to open up anymore with people in real-life but online I still open up to people. Yet I feel like I shouldn't. Every time I open myself up I get hurt. Anything I say they can use against me.I think I am realizing that I can't be friends with others. I guess people expect one thing from me but get something else. I feel angry at these people for feeling this way about me. Whether they do or they don't. A hidden hate that ends up showing through perhaps. Maybe that is what they are detecting. I don't know. Either way. I will always be alone. Edited September 19, 2014 by Waning Sunshine 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duck Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I can relate. Can't stand people.....sometimes. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paint Pastel Princess Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Sometimes it's just a matter of finding out your own crowd. Believe me, it was hard for me as well. I only have two real life friends (well, one, the other one went abroad), so i can relate to that. Making real friends is really hard, it's not like in the movies. vut hey, at least you can open up online :) Maybe a real life friendship can grow out of it? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waning Sunshine Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 Sometimes it's just a matter of finding out your own crowd. Believe me, it was hard for me as well. I only have two real life friends (well, one, the other one went abroad), so i can relate to that. Making real friends is really hard, it's not like in the movies. vut hey, at least you can open up online :) Maybe a real life friendship can grow out of it? I don't think anything can come from online friendships. I usually only talk to someone online at most a few days. Then it becomes just a vast nothingness. I know I've been trying and it just- I scare people away or I remove them myself when I get a hint of something I don't like or even I just get uncomfortable. Of course the feeling that I get from people that they don't like me doesn't help. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paint Pastel Princess Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Online friendships are just like the real ones. You gotta start it slow. Dont show all your talents or what brings you down at first. That will make you less interest over the time. Also, don't always say hi first :) Let them go after you ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandithetortie Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Online friendships are just like the real ones. You gotta start it slow. Dont show all your talents or what brings you down at first. That will make you less interest over the time. Also, don't always say hi first :) Let them go after you ;)someone has to say hi first though.be it you or them.one of you is saying hi first. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paint Pastel Princess Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 what i'm saying, sandithetortie, is not ALWAYS say hi to the same person always. Let them come after you too. :) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waning Sunshine Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 (edited) Online friendships are just like the real ones. You gotta start it slow. Dont show all your talents or what brings you down at first. That will make you less interest over the time. Also, don't always say hi first :) Let them go after you ;)I usually say hi after they say hi though. I don't act desperate I think. Maybe I say too much about myself at first. Though I think perhaps it's better to not tell anyone your story and leave it as a secret. I don't really know what I am doing wrong. I shouldn't have to act like someone I am not. At least that is what I have always thought when it comes to friendship. Better to act completely distant. Edited September 20, 2014 by Waning Sunshine 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fizzle Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I really do think you need to look at things like projection, protective identification , mind reading etc. Do a little reading about them. The second is a little like self fulfilling prophecies. Our reactions can sometimes almost force people to respond in the way we fear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigmike092 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Our reactions can sometimes almost force people to respond in the way we fear. and onwards the vicious cycle goes...yea difficult to break out of but i think learning about the things fizzle wrote and trying to notice when you use them is a good step to working with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waning Sunshine Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 I really do think you need to look at things like projection, protective identification , mind reading etc. Do a little reading about them. The second is a little like self fulfilling prophecies. Our reactions can sometimes almost force people to respond in the way we fear. It has happened many times before actually. I know about projecting myself onto others and have thought of it as a possibility a lot. Recognizing it; it's more like a deep feeling I can't rid myself of through sheer thought. I try to tell myself, "no they don't hate me." Then things just reinforce it and it just ends up spiraling downwards. Taking actions upon my thoughts and yes fulfilling the prophecy I had feared with my own actions. Or more like I feel like I am fulfilling it before they get the chance to. Protecting myself from being hurt. Abandoned. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quarkygurl Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Hey!I don't want you to take this the wrong way. I am in no way trying to be rude or anything. But do you think maybe you are over thinking it? I do that sometimes where I am hyper-sensitive and tend to be negative thinking that people are saying this or thinking that, when really they aren't. I find if I make a real effort to be positive or try positive thinking that I have a better time with things because when I am constantly thinking negatively I always think people hate me or can't stand to be around me etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fizzle Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 (edited) Exactly waning sunshine. When the main feeling or problem comes from inside ourselves then that is where the solution lies. There is a possible solution but it will take hard work to get it right. From our previous conversation you internally you are probably also experiencing emotions about relationships you had way back with your family. If you however, continue to just believe those feelings without working on really getting to know others then you will continue this pattern and keep reinforcing your sense of abandonment. Group therapy with a good t is the best way to help this. Edited September 20, 2014 by Fizzle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waning Sunshine Posted October 16, 2014 Author Share Posted October 16, 2014 (edited) Hey!I don't want you to take this the wrong way. I am in no way trying to be rude or anything. But do you think maybe you are over thinking it? I do that sometimes where I am hyper-sensitive and tend to be negative thinking that people are saying this or thinking that, when really they aren't. I find if I make a real effort to be positive or try positive thinking that I have a better time with things because when I am constantly thinking negatively I always think people hate me or can't stand to be around me etc.Possibly. Though I would think being hypersensitive would mean you are sensitive to the subtle cues people give off. Sure it could be over-thinking. Or is it. I'm not sure anymore. I don't really think about it. I just feel it. Edited October 16, 2014 by Waning Sunshine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Licorice Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Sometimes I wonder if there's something about some people that just attracts problem people. I know in the past the problem was me, but no matter the changes I make my results don't change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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