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Can't Get Along With Others.


Waning Sunshine

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How is it possible to get along with others when it's always in the back of my mind that they find me to be a nuisance. An annoying nuisance. People want me to talk because I shut myself up but then once they do get me to talk they want me to shut up. I don't even try to open up anymore with people in real-life but online I still open up to people. Yet I feel like I shouldn't. Every time I open myself up I get hurt. Anything I say they can use against me.

I think I am realizing that I can't be friends with others. I guess people expect one thing from me but get something else. I feel angry at these people for feeling this way about me. Whether they do or they don't. A hidden hate that ends up showing through perhaps. Maybe that is what they are detecting. I don't know. Either way. I will always be alone.

Edited by Waning Sunshine
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Sometimes it's just a matter of finding out your own crowd. Believe me, it was hard for me as well. I only have two real life friends (well, one, the other one went abroad), so i can relate to that. Making real friends is really hard, it's not like in the movies. vut hey, at least you can open up online :) Maybe a real life friendship can grow out of it?

:hugs:

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Sometimes it's just a matter of finding out your own crowd. Believe me, it was hard for me as well. I only have two real life friends (well, one, the other one went abroad), so i can relate to that. Making real friends is really hard, it's not like in the movies. vut hey, at least you can open up online :) Maybe a real life friendship can grow out of it?

:hugs:

I don't think anything can come from online friendships. I usually only talk to someone online at most a few days. Then it becomes just a vast nothingness. I know I've been trying and it just- I scare people away or I remove them myself when I get a hint of something I don't like or even I just get uncomfortable. Of course the feeling that I get from people that they don't like me doesn't help.

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Online friendships are just like the real ones. You gotta start it slow. Dont show all your talents or what brings you down at first. That will make you less interest over the time. Also, don't always say hi first :) Let them go after you ;)

someone has to say hi first though.

be it you or them.

one of you is saying hi first.

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Online friendships are just like the real ones. You gotta start it slow. Dont show all your talents or what brings you down at first. That will make you less interest over the time. Also, don't always say hi first :) Let them go after you ;)

I usually say hi after they say hi though. I don't act desperate I think. Maybe I say too much about myself at first. Though I think perhaps it's better to not tell anyone your story and leave it as a secret. I don't really know what I am doing wrong. I shouldn't have to act like someone I am not. At least that is what I have always thought when it comes to friendship. Better to act completely distant.

Edited by Waning Sunshine
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I really do think you need to look at things like projection, protective identification , mind reading etc. Do a little reading about them. The second is a little like self fulfilling prophecies. Our reactions can sometimes almost force people to respond in the way we fear.

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I really do think you need to look at things like projection, protective identification , mind reading etc. Do a little reading about them. The second is a little like self fulfilling prophecies. Our reactions can sometimes almost force people to respond in the way we fear.

It has happened many times before actually. I know about projecting myself onto others and have thought of it as a possibility a lot. Recognizing it; it's more like a deep feeling I can't rid myself of through sheer thought. I try to tell myself, "no they don't hate me." Then things just reinforce it and it just ends up spiraling downwards. Taking actions upon my thoughts and yes fulfilling the prophecy I had feared with my own actions. Or more like I feel like I am fulfilling it before they get the chance to. Protecting myself from being hurt. Abandoned.

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Hey!

I don't want you to take this the wrong way. I am in no way trying to be rude or anything. But do you think maybe you are over thinking it? I do that sometimes where I am hyper-sensitive and tend to be negative thinking that people are saying this or thinking that, when really they aren't.

I find if I make a real effort to be positive or try positive thinking that I have a better time with things because when I am constantly thinking negatively I always think people hate me or can't stand to be around me etc.

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Exactly waning sunshine. When the main feeling or problem comes from inside ourselves then that is where the solution lies. There is a possible solution but it will take hard work to get it right. From our previous conversation you internally you are probably also experiencing emotions about relationships you had way back with your family.

If you however, continue to just believe those feelings without working on really getting to know others then you will continue this pattern and keep reinforcing your sense of abandonment. Group therapy with a good t is the best way to help this.

Edited by Fizzle
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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey!

I don't want you to take this the wrong way. I am in no way trying to be rude or anything. But do you think maybe you are over thinking it? I do that sometimes where I am hyper-sensitive and tend to be negative thinking that people are saying this or thinking that, when really they aren't.

I find if I make a real effort to be positive or try positive thinking that I have a better time with things because when I am constantly thinking negatively I always think people hate me or can't stand to be around me etc.

Possibly. Though I would think being hypersensitive would mean you are sensitive to the subtle cues people give off. Sure it could be over-thinking. Or is it. I'm not sure anymore. I don't really think about it. I just feel it.

Edited by Waning Sunshine
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