Jump to content

Online Dating Is Demoralizing


Recommended Posts

Okcupid is not really bad... Especially if you are living in europe or USA...

In my own country (Turkey) Girls are ignoring your messages because they are getting like 100message/second... If I am lucky I get somethings... I only met 1 woman from turkey...

BUT! When I visited to Serbia - Belgrade, I used Okcupid too... I dated with 2 girls in 1 week and all of them ended up with happy end in the first date :))) I also couldn't date some others too due to the bad weather etc! The girls were even much more beautiful than turkish ones...

The moral of the story is more competition leads you less success... In Turkey, men are starving for girls comparing to Serbia; the competition is So Tight here :)))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi guys and gals. For the matter, I've only been into online dating since June. I've been on for dates since then. Just out for dinner and/or conversation. Nothing more. I'm not looking for a quick roll in the hay (actually that isn't entirely true. I would, it's just that I'm not really that attracted to any of the girls I've met).

But I am guilty of suddenly ending conversions after texting and emailing. There's one reason I do it. Here's why:

Of every thirty or so emails I send to people I'd love to meet or I think are really cool, I get zero responses. Then a random person, not someone I works pick, emails me. Since I want someone to talk to and hope maybe "the one" found me, I'm optimistic, but that doesn't last long. The frustration of not hearing back from someone I wanted to meet overwhelms the fact that I'm talking with someone I'm not really interested in. So I usually just let it die.

Would someone please take a look at my profile and let me know if I'm doing something wrong? I'd love top have some feedback/constructive criticism.

Edited by alex_shields
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, I just started trying online dating again. I had a nice number of interests but the guys suddenly stop talking. They are messaging me first. Sadly, none were interested in dating; only chatting. Any suggestions on what I'm doing wrong? Why do you guys do this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well I have the same thing happen when I message them first so it's not just guys. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong either.

Well I have the same thing happen when I message them first so it's not just guys. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong either.

When i was doing it the same thing would happen to me also. Even if there were multiple messages exchanged between us. Then NOTHING. That would get my head going in a bad direction.

"What did i say wrong?"

No real way to explain it i guess.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe there are just so many of us out there that it's too easy to get distracted. This seems to be a universal thing. We need a dating site for people who are tired of dating sites! Give incentives for those who keep a conversation going. If a guy can have more than three conversations with me, I'll gladly buy him coffee.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, I just started trying online dating again. I had a nice number of interests but the guys suddenly stop talking. They are messaging me first. Sadly, none were interested in dating; only chatting. Any suggestions on what I'm doing wrong? Why do you guys do this?

You guys just have to keep plugging away at it. Finding a good guy isn't going to happen overnight. Just be patient and don't take it personal if conversations get broken off for a bit, life gets in the way sometimes with these things.

Edited by Lioninwinter
Reference to hidden post
Link to comment
Share on other sites

i used online dating for a year and was never even got a single date and I must of sent hundreds of personalized message updated my profile 10 times,I paid for premium membership and boosted on some of them.I feel like its so hopeless for me,if I had friends I would just go out in real life but that never works either and people always cancel the plans I have with them,i was looking at my profile getting ready to delete it,it hurts me so much as im such a lonely person and I don't see a way out of my loneliness and isolation much anymore,it is simply incomprehensible what im doing wrong with people,and its incomprehensible to most people I meet,i haven't had a social life in 8 years,its so hard to go through life alone when I don't want to and when I try to connect with people in real life it fails.I see people with really obvious horrible social skills who have friends family,social support, etc.but im just a ghost every body likes but no one cares about,i appear I have everything going for me when im at work or school then always end up breaking down in tears by the time I get to my car.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I agree, it would be a bad idea. Thats like an alcoholic trying to date another alcoholic.

This already happens.. and in that same vain, smokers dating smokers, drug users dating drug users.. This all comes down to some folks not caring what is wrong with you. But what they see within you.

The mind isn't so crippled by depression where it cannot search for one of the things it needs to "feel good".

Even though this section is where I am most active at, I didn't come here looking for a partner. As I said in my one and only topic, those days, are done. Rather I like it or not.

I simply came here be around others fighting the good fight with the worlds most treacherous illness.

Edited by Twilight Sky
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, in some online communities it is possible to strike up friendships. I have and some of these people know my name and even my face. I know some stories where people have chatted, started relationships, then took it offline. It's rare but it also happened unintentionally. Besides, I bet some of the people here would feel really uncomfortable if we started hitting on each other.

If you strike up a friendship on your own then it progresses, that's great. I wouldn't go looking for love specifically on any online community.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was really hitting it off with two people I was conversing with from an online dating site. Was stuggling with who I liked more and was trying to narrow it down. One ended up having traits I couldn't find attractive so that helped me out.

The other guy was someone who enjoyed conversing with me and found me interesting. He made inital contact. There has yet to be any move to take things off line. I hear many guys say they wish a woman would speak up about her interest. Well, I did because I'm not really afriad to do that. I've done it many times before. Haven't heard anything back. I really liked this guy and we liked all the same things. He read my message but hasn't responded...I'm still holding on to a tiny bit of hope. I've initiated interest in men enough times to honestly tell others I've had a 50/50 chance of success. Half of them ran in opposite direction scared out of ther minds. The other half was flattered. At least I tried once again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have enough trouble with people in general. I tend to attract those who care more about what I can do for them than about me, such as people who need stuff fixed or someone to vent to. Several times in my life I've made a new friend, started listening to them about some personal problems... and then wound up doing it for hours a day, with the friendship faltering when I finally put my foot down. I can't imagine most men I meet online would have much better intentions for me, perhaps just wanting some woman to pay attention and be nice to them - without the specific woman mattering very much.

I feel like I'm the only person in my age group who doesn't like casual sex or casual dating, and who's waiting on someone who really fits into my life and can understand the things that are important to me. Thus, most people aren't really that compatible with me. People who "like reading", but don't make time for reading. People who are "nerds", but only care about video games and anime. People who "like writing", but haven't done any lately and don't know when they will again. I don't want one of those lukewarm relationships where people struggle to understand each other's vastly different perspectives, and eventually my friends understand my values and passions more than the person I'm living and raising children with.

But...

If I respond simply to tell someone I'm not interested, it's likely that I'll receive threats or insults in return and be argued with. If I don't respond, then I'm a stuck-up Biotch who's too good for everyone despite not being that pretty (as if that's what this is all about).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not only is online dating bad and depressing, it can be dangerous. Hell, even meeting up with people in real life can have the same risks.

I think we all know by now that online dating is mostly nothing but a load of needless trouble. But at this point, there are other things that I'm far more concerned about.

Edited by The_Unwanted
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think there are a few common reasons for "dying conversations".

1. The other person is talking to multiple people, and one of them worked out, so that person cuts off contact. Would the decent thing to do is to say "It was nice meeting you, but I found someone and it would be inappropriate to continue this. Good luck!"? Maybe, but it's easier to ignore people than to blow them off.

2. The other person got discouraged from online dating (bad date maybe?) in general and in a bout of "screw this" leaves their conversations hanging. See #1 as to why that person doesn't say anything.

3. The other party is not that interested. It's nothing personal, that person doesn't think you're a good match and it's easier to leave you hanging than blow you off.

4. Lack of participation. In my case, if a girl did not ask any questions, it gives me the feeling she's not that interested in me and I start losing my motivation to continue the conversation. I am ready to take a lead and pull the conversation a little initially, but I want a girl to participate and not simply react. Maybe I'm misreading and the girl is just shy and not very good at making conversation. It sucks, but that's the way it is.

You have to keep in mind that, on the internet, people are not invested in you. You are words on a screen and the common courtesy that is expected in real life barely applies here. If you meet at least once then you become a little more real, but the online dating scene seems to make people view other people as "products" on a shelf, like you're buying shoes. Like many have said, you gotta develop a tough hide for online dating. The process is cold!

People have to make snap judgments about words and a picture. We try to make these as representative as possible (well those among us who are honest anyway), but in the end, it's just a few words and images, it's not really us, it's what they imagine us to be by filling in the blanks. It's much more likely that many of us are just bad salespeople/profile writers/photographs than we are bad people.

If I respond simply to tell someone I'm not interested, it's likely that I'll receive threats or insults in return and be argued with. If I don't respond, then I'm a stuck-up Biotch who's too good for everyone despite not being that pretty (as if that's what this is all about).

I have received responses from girl who are not interested (1 response for about 20 ignores) and have made sure I thanked them for taking the time to do so, treating me like a person and wished them good luck.

These guys are insecure, immature idiots and I hope you don't let them discourage you from doing the right thing.

I've heard stories about guys becoming aggressive and threatening towards girls on dating sites... Does that work for them? "Oh I wasn't interested, but since you've insulted me, now I want you soooo baaad!"

Edited by lonesoul
Link to comment
Share on other sites

well, the worst thing when you date in the real life with the person you met on the net; she/he doesn't want to see you anymore after dating :)))

This pains a lot....

He/She likes you, but after meeting with you, he/she changes his/her mind... Terrible thing... Happened me only sometimes :D and I feel really bad because Im mostly talkative and social one...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

well, the worst thing when you date in the real life with the person you met on the net; she/he doesn't want to see you anymore after dating :)))

This pains a lot....

He/She likes you, but after meeting with you, he/she changes his/her mind... Terrible thing... Happened me only sometimes :D and I feel really bad because Im mostly talkative and social one...

Yeah, but can you really say you KNOW someone after one date? Some people have this ability to connect quickly with lots of people. They are good at making noticeable first impressions, engaging other people and pique their interest. It is not unlike salesmanship or being good at job interviews (which online dating somehow feels like).

One of the important thing is your picture I think. It needs to be good enough to attract a person's interest, but not too good that they will be disappointed when they see you.

No matter how good a product you have, if you're not good at selling it, it's going to stay on the shelves. And online dating is all about selling yourself fast, first impressions. If you're not good at that, pray you'll meet a person who sees things differently. I have met a few of those, that seem to see something different in people, like they're listening on a different channel than everyone else.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...