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Getting Over The Loss Of A Loved One?


IanHulett

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Not sure where this post goes so I apologize if it's in the wrong place.

On June 11th, my aunt audrey died of a stroke. I was in tears at the funeral, they were playing Be Not Afraid, and that was one of my favorite hymns. After about a week or two, I stopped crying over her loss. Now, when I thought I was over it, I played Be Not Afraid, just because I haven't heard it in a while and evidently it's a trigger, because I cannot stop crying.

Can someone tell me how I can get over the loss of a loved one? How do I take the trigger out of a song so I can enjoy it again? It's one of my favorite hymns and I don't want to have to avoid it the rest of my life. Thanks a bunch.

Edited by IanHulett
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Hi Ian,

I don't know that anyone ever fully gets over the loss of a loved one. We only get past the initial grief. My mom died 23 years ago and Amazing Grace can still bring me to tears.

When I lost each of my parents I went to grief support groups as a way to try to help myself. They offered me some comfort and support and ideas on how to carry on. Perhaps there is one in your area.

As for the song, it will take time and may remain a bittersweet trigger. There are times where when I listen to Amazing Grace to feel close again and there are times where it crops up unexpected and triggers my tears. I wish there were an easy answer or simple fix for you, but unfortunately the only thing that seems to help is time and processing our grief. Your grief is still fresh, so hopefully with time you will be able to enjoy your hymn again and perhaps associate it with happy memories of her.

Best Wishes.

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One learns to live with the loss, but it takes time. One needs to grieve. I've suffered many losses, including a husband and both my parents. It hurts so much. I, too, like the poster above my post, went to grief counseling groups and therapy. Grief is hard work. Give yourself time. I'm sorry for your loss.

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Hi IanHulett.

Your loss is still very recent. It takes time to grieve and venture through the 5 stages of death and dying ( Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance). I have been told that the first year is the very hardest because it is full of "firsts without your loved one." The only thing that helps is time and support from those who care about us. You will never stop missing your loved one, but your emotions will begin to adapt.

If listening to the song evokes sadness, my advice is to avoid it just for a while. It's like having a wound that is trying to heal. Give it a chance to heal before you start poking at it.

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As others have said, you don't just "get over" something like this. It takes time, that's the only thing for it. And while you will never get past it 100 percent, you will get to a place where you can live with the loss, laugh and smile at happy memories, and things like that. Give yourself time, it's such a recent loss. And while I wouldn't recommend listening to your favorite hymn at work, for example, if you are in a place where you can take the time and space to cry, it is good for you. If you push your grief down instead of feeling and processing it, it will cause you a lot of damage in the long run - I speak from personal experience on that.

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