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Recently (Finally) Decided To Get Help


LegoLady

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Hi I'm new here. I realized last year that I definitely suffer from depression and have been suffering from it off and on for probably about 15 years. I just didn't really know what it was, and didn't want to admit to myself that I have a mental disease. I can remember being in high school and coming home and just sleeping for hours because I was so worried and anxious all the time. Then in college it got worse. I've always had social problems, feelings of being isolated, etc. I would say prior to about 8 years ago it was fairly mild, but then the first death came around.

My friend committed suicide in college, followed by a lot of other deaths in my life, a lot of them family members. 10 in the last 8 years, plus a lot of stress added to my life due to changes I had no control over. I think before those outside factors hit, I was mildly depressed, but it has been going downhill since then and now I'm in the moderate to severe range. I used to be able to work and be productive. The last 4 years not so much. I feel like I can't do anything.

Last year I realized that there was something seriously wrong with me and that I needed to really try to pull myself out. I felt like my hands were tied all the time, and I either felt sad most of the time or like a robot with no emotions, like an empty feeling of nothing. I couldn't enjoy anything. I forced myself to do normal things every day, I worked so hard on making myself exercise and eat right, forced myself to go out and do social things. It was very, very difficult, but it seemed like it was helping. I was actually excited in April for summer time, feeling the best I had felt in years. I made all these plans of what I was going to do, then some terrible things happened and now I feel like I am at the lowest I've ever been. It sucks, I feel so cheated. All that hard work just went right down the drain because of random events. I feel like the universe hates me and I feel helpless. I don't want to hurt myself, but sometimes I feel like if I went to sleep forever, that would be okay with me.

I was sad all the time after these recent events that I wasn't eating or sleeping well. I was practically living on Gatorade and the occasional snack for a while and I lost 10 lbs pretty rapidly. I couldn't really do anything other that veg out and sleep. My mom and my husband were totally freaked out, so I finally agreed to see a therapist. When I told her my symptoms, she was like "You need to see a doctor right away." So I saw a doctor and did the preliminary physical and questionnaire and I now have a prescription for Zoloft starting with 25 mg to see how that goes. So far I haven't noticed any side effects, but I just started 2 days ago.

I just thought I would look for a forum because I really don't know what to expect and I realize that most mentally healthy people are not really going to understand what this is like. But I think it is something I have to talk about because I mostly either denied to myself that I was sick or hid that I was sick from everyone for years, and that's really not good.

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Congrats on going public with it - a sense of shame can be a big hurdle.

I think you'll find a lot of people have had similar experiences, so you're not alone in with these things.

At this point, you may need a lot of patience. Finding a med (or meds) that works for you can take a lot of trial and error, and each trial and error can take months. And there are many different meds that might be apprproriate to try. You might want to check out of the zoloft subforum and see what kind of person has been helped by it, and how, but keep in mind every person iss different.

If someone has been experiencing depression for years, it's going to be be more difficult to pull out of it. A good psychiatrist (if you want to be on meds) or psychologist can help you with therapy. Therapy can be just talking about things, indentifying behaviors you can add or change, modifying your expectations or perceptions, or something else. It would be great if zoloft completely turns your life around, but for many, managing depression includes a learning process that takes much more investment.

Good luck for now.

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Kudos for having the courage to start the journey!! It may sound cliché but that really is the place to start. You have a lot to process and work through. I agree that a therapist along with the meds is a great combo. Its not magic and can take a while but it is a good place to start. Just to know you are proactively doing something to identify and begin to deal with things take so much courage!

There are some pretty awesome and supportive people here too!

Welcome!

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Thanks for your encouragement guys, I feel like this is a pretty good forum. I appreciate the support. Starting on anti depressants for the first time is scary, I think I'll check out that Zoloft forum.

I didn't cry at all today, which is better than yesterday. I guess I'll take that as a step in the right direction.

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So glad you realised there was something wrong with you after 15 years. I can relate to your experience since I had suffered from depression since a very young age (around 5, yes, 5) and only just recently started to get it properly treated. I was on Prozac for two years (and why I don't know) and it actually did nothing to help me. Hopefully Zoloft should work alright with you. Like, seriously, I hope it will work for you.

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I did get better sleep last night, which is good because I have to go to work today.

My friend sent me a link to something that was absolutely hilarious last night, and I was able to laugh, so that put me in a little better spirits before I went to bed. I seem to be the most down between 4 and 7 for some reason, and sometimes when I first wake up.

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I did get better sleep last night, which is good because I have to go to work today.

My friend sent me a link to something that was absolutely hilarious last night, and I was able to laugh, so that put me in a little better spirits before I went to bed. I seem to be the most down between 4 and 7 for some reason, and sometimes when I first wake up.

Between 4 and 7? and you feel stressy a bit too?

I have the exact same problem! IT's always been at that time I start to feel more depressed. I tend to be more stressed out for no reason too. Same with when I wake up.

What is it about that particular time frame that worsens the symptoms?

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Yeah, for some reason I start feeling overwhelmed around 4. Like 5 or 6 is when I'm most likely to have a crying spell. Or sometimes when I'm having breakfast. I don't know why it always seems to be one of those two times during the day (or sometimes both).

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