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I'm Worried I'll Never Be Content At University


will59

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For quite a long time now (3 years) I've pretty much held academic performance as the only significant part of my identity. It is therefore far too important to me and when things go wrong I just feel stupid and generic. When people outperform me I feel completely beneath them in all aspects because there is nothing unique about me.

This has been okay and I do seem to do fairly well in exams (quite above average but nothing to shout about and mostly down to my pained determination) but I always feel like I'm running to achieve my goals and one day I'll just trip. I don't feel content such that I can just relax. I'm worried about the future a bit and how I'll perform at university.

I often procrastinate everything from getting out of bed to brushing my teeth, reading a book, watching a film, doing some work, looking up information online, etc which is a bit annoying but that's my fault.

I feel like I should be doing some work right now so that I don't forget all the maths I've learnt, ready for university, which I probably should be doing some but I haven't. I feel guilty quite often for not doing more.

I'm just asking if anyone can tell me how I'll cope best at university? So many people who have amazing hobbies will outperform me whilst trying less hard and I don't know how I'd feel about that. I'm beginning to feel quite squeezed and a little high strung at times to achieve what I want even though the feeling of achievement is mostly short lived.

Sorry to ramble. This makes me seem in a worst place than I am. I'm not trying to exaggerate. I'm not even close to any anxiety disorders, this is just a significant enough problem to me I guess. Not overwhelming usually, just stopping me from really living my life properly I guess.

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What I would strongly suggest is that you get some therapy now just to help you redefine who you are. I think you are pretty self aware. Having all your self esteem rely on one thing is never a good idea as life can throw many challenges in our path. Don't wait until that happens or hope it never happens and rather be proactive. Perfectionism can ruin our lives and ironically stop us achieving what we want to as we become paralysed by fear. Good luck!

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What I would strongly suggest is that you get some therapy now just to help you redefine who you are. I think you are pretty self aware. Having all your self esteem rely on one thing is never a good idea as life can throw many challenges in our path. Don't wait until that happens or hope it never happens and rather be proactive. Perfectionism can ruin our lives and ironically stop us achieving what we want to as we become paralysed by fear. Good luck!

Thank you for the thoughtful response, I really appreciate it. I might consider asking for a little bit of help at university; my future university does seem quite proactive itself in that respect which I suppose is reassuring.

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will59,

I was never content at my university even when I did very well. I was never a great student, but I was determined. If there is a subject that you want to study and it will get you a job upon graduation you should go for it.

Fizzle is right about therapy. I am starting therapy again once I get a job.

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