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rhyl

Vent About Therapy And Therapists

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I really like my therapist, but he has become complacent. I spent nearly all of my session today telling him (in response to his question of how I was doing/feeling) that I noticed that underneath everything, I thought I was very depressed. That I'd been having very dark thoughts, even though I was managing my anxiety and worry pretty well, and certainly better than I did at this time last year.

He preceded to tell me, near the end of our session, that he had to be off the next two Mondays, to be with his daughter. Oh, he's also out of town the rest of this week because he's talking at the APA convention.

So I have an appointment in 3 weeks.

Why do I bother to go to therapy if, when I tell my therapist I want to d*e, or I'm thinking about k*lling myself, he responds by saying, "oh, by the way...I won't be able to see you for the next 2 weeks"?

Why do I bother with therapy if, every time I say I want to d*e, he says "and yet, you are handling things so much better"?

Why the **** am I spending money to go to therapy if it seems my therapist is just stringing me along, pretending to hear me, but not really...until next time, when hopefully I'll feel a little better.

I'M NEVER, EVER GOING TO FEEL BETTER AND HE KNOWS IT. HE'S "MAINTAINING" ME, WEEK TO WEEK, UNTIL I D*E. THAT'S ALL. THERAPY DOESN'T WORK WHEN THEY DON'T LISTEN AND THEY DON'T CARE.

I THINK THAT THE ONLY TIME HE'LL HEAR IS WHEN I'M GONE.

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I am so sorry to hear how much you are struggling and suffering at the moment. Does your therapist have an emergency line at all that you can call in the interim? Maybe in the future try discussing a game plan for when they are unavailable. As well as you need to be honest with them about how they make you feel. Especially if you feel that you aren't getting better, that you need support in the moment.

You will get better even if you feel like you are in a really dark place. You are not beyond help! Please PM me if you need any support.

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I am so sorry to hear how much you are struggling and suffering at the moment. Does your therapist have an emergency line at all that you can call in the interim? Maybe in the future try discussing a game plan for when they are unavailable. As well as you need to be honest with them about how they make you feel. Especially if you feel that you aren't getting better, that you need support in the moment.

You will get better even if you feel like you are in a really dark place. You are not beyond help! Please PM me if you need any support.

I can always email him, and he has a cell I can call. I'm just so mad, though. The thing is, I just feel like...disregarded. Like, "oh well, you're feeling suicidal. hope you work that out somehow. see ya in 3 weeks." It makes me mad because he takes for granted that I'll be there in 3 weeks. Even though I've told him I'm feeling really bad and this week I'm expecting to be extremely stressful for me at work.

I think he does it because he has trust in me that I won't hurt myself. Well, **** that.

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Hi Rhyl - I feel like I totally understand what you are saying - and have been there as well. You have so much vested in the therapy relationship and then the therapist can make a remark or do something or completely lack insight and you are like what the.....????? Not only are you trained in this field, but you have spent x amount of time with me and then you can do/say that??? It cuts deep ...for me anyway. The hurt, the pain at being so misunderstood by the one that means so much to you - that you thought was "there for you". That you are paying to help you on top of it all! The "how could you??" The "seriously?????" I am so sorry you experienced this. I am sorry you are hurting so much right now too, where the suicidal thoughts are back/so strong. And I am sorry your T is also going to be away for so long...not only did he not "hear" you during the session, but he hits you with his absence on top of it. I have had that happen and it is just overwhelming despair. I am glad you posted here and I hope the support of others on the forum and their hearing you helps a little. I think when your T returns you should bring up exactly what you mentioned here - I hope your T can help repair the hurt you experienced/are experiencing. You fully have my support and caring and empathy.

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Hi Rhyl - I feel like I totally understand what you are saying - and have been there as well. You have so much vested in the therapy relationship and then the therapist can make a remark or do something or completely lack insight and you are like what the.....????? Not only are you trained in this field, but you have spent x amount of time with me and then you can do/say that??? It cuts deep ...for me anyway. The hurt, the pain at being so misunderstood by the one that means so much to you - that you thought was "there for you". That you are paying to help you on top of it all! The "how could you??" The "seriously?????" I am so sorry you experienced this. I am sorry you are hurting so much right now too, where the suicidal thoughts are back/so strong. And I am sorry your T is also going to be away for so long...not only did he not "hear" you during the session, but he hits you with his absence on top of it. I have had that happen and it is just overwhelming despair. I am glad you posted here and I hope the support of others on the forum and their hearing you helps a little. I think when your T returns you should bring up exactly what you mentioned here - I hope your T can help repair the hurt you experienced/are experiencing. You fully have my support and caring and empathy.

Thank you, Thimble. One of my insiders (I have DID) sent my therapist a pretty nasty email this evening and let him know how she felt about his behavior. He wrote back and apologized, in a sense, saying that he was having some medical issues (that we have talked about before and are familiar with) and it was making it hard for him to pay attention. He also said some nice things about us, which he does a lot, and that makes it hard to stay mad at him. (But I still am)

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I'm having such a hard time and I don't know where to go. I feel completely abandoned and alone and the depression is just intense. It's been a different kind of feeling the last week or two - unable to cry, not many thoughts, heavy shallow breathing, and a sort of "vacantness" in my head and heart. I've written here about my pdoc - I wrote a letter to the Board of the facility where he works (to three separate members) on July 18 and have had no response. He also never acknowledged the letter I wrote to him. I emailed my therapist last week on Monday after therapy, then again on Tuesday and Wednesday, and got no reply. I finally emailed him again last night, and nothing. I talked to my ex-bf yesterday, and he told me it was "time to stop struggling" and to just get on with my life, basically.

I don't want to find a new therapist. I've invested too much in this one, and he's really helped me. Plus, I'm way beyond the point where I can do that now. I don't know what I want. I guess I just want to be able to say to somebody that I'm so tired and I'm so sad and I'm so scared and I'm so angry. And I don't understand why this keeps happening to me. I don't understand what's wrong with me that nobody believes me and nobody wants to help.

I'm sorry if I'm writing too much. I don't know what to do.

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Aw Rhyl - I am so sorry you feel so hurt. I would be too. I wish I could take away the pain and sense of abandonment. I really do not understand the Board non-response - that isn't very professional...to at least acknowledge receipt of your letter. I am so sorry.

Do you think your T might be offline because of the ongoing medical issues? Maybe he didn't get your emails? You have mentioned that he has come through for you and been there....not responding to your emails would be unusual (I think?) so maybe something is up where he hasn't been able to read and/or respond yet? It doesn't take away the hurt from reaching out and him not being there. I hope he responds soon.

I don't know if this will help or not. But for your ex-bf staying just get over it and get on with your life. My T gets his back up when people suggest this. His position is He would LOVE to do that!! Please tell him (us/you....whoever!) HOW exactly to do that, because we are trying really really really hard and haven't yet figured out how and if they know, please...WE REALLY DO want to get on with it and would honestly welcome that guidance and direction....I mean he says it with both sarcasm and sincerity....if that makes sense? He also follows it up with Do you think he/we...etc. enjoy being so unhappy - we would welcome the solution - we aren't having a ball with our suffering and would love a way out. For me...I agree with that - if someone can tell me how to "fix my life", I sincerely would love their help - the problem is, it isn't that simple - there is no set way to untangle our issues.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know I am sorry things are so rough and you are feeling so alone and that I was thinking about you.

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Thanks for your response, Thimble. It helps just to know that someone *heard* me. None of that going on in real life right now. :-(

I have considered that something is wrong with my t. Health issues, problems in the family, etc... Actually, that's the only thing that would explain his not responding. Unless he's just being a jerk, in which case, he's sort of starting to act like all the other ones I know.

If there is a problem, then I feel really bad for being impatient. Of course, I have no way of knowing. But still...

And yeah...I just don't even know what to say about the others. But I so appreciate your comments. Makes me feel not so alone.

rhyl

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This is why i chose a female shrink.

Hm...I don't think the problems I'm having have anything to do with gender. As a matter of fact, I had a female one time who, after I told her I was having fantasies about k*lling myself in front of my then supervisor upon return to work after medical leave replied, "well, I think it's important to entertain your fantasies." And another who stopped me mid-sentence when I was relaying a particularly traumatic experience and said, "Stop. You don't need to say another word. I know exactly how you feel." In my book, women are ******* lunatics and should *never* be in the mental health profession. But that's just from my perspective. This is definitely not a male/female thing.

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Was perusing this forum to make a rant about my therapist ..... Pretty much everything u said I can relate to, therapists have always been a disappointment to me. I'm sorry to hear about ur situation and hope u can find the support u need in other avenues.

It really bothers me that therapists expect us to open up and be honest and then blow us off for a few weeks . I was supposed to have an appointment on ties and she wasn't there and never even called me even tho I left two msgs since then.

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Was perusing this forum to make a rant about my therapist ..... Pretty much everything u said I can relate to, therapists have always been a disappointment to me. I'm sorry to hear about ur situation and hope u can find the support u need in other avenues.

It really bothers me that therapists expect us to open up and be honest and then blow us off for a few weeks . I was supposed to have an appointment on ties and she wasn't there and never even called me even tho I left two msgs since then.

Oh, I'm sorry Wrenn. I hope you can get it straightened out with her. I'm seeing mine again on Monday (a free session - I cancelled 'cause I didn't have the money, but he said to come anyway as his "guest") and I'm feeling better about the whole situation, but still need to talk about it with him 'cause I still don't trust him completely. What I've found is that when we are able to be honest with each other and talk these things out, I feel better and he is appreciative. He said he's learned a lot since he started seeing me. LOL Not sure he's always happy about that, but...

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I feel my therapist talks a lot about himself and shoots the breeze. Some good things he does listen, empathizes with struggles, and when things are bad I can call his cell or home phone after hours. So it is a mixed review.

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I tried three different therapists before giving up, each one telling me basically my personality was too difficult for them. I'm sorry, but if i was all together and perfect why would i need to be here? I really am alone when i cant pay someone to talk with me.

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I can totally relate to this and am sorry you had that happen. For some reason, I just kept trying more therapists though - some seemed all aboard but then hit the point of yea, well....yea....they didn't want in anymore - but this last one has been willing to work with me and hasn't given up - I hope you keep trying.

On another note, how are things with you Rhyl? Was Monday's appointment productive?

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Thanks for asking, Thimble. Hm...Monday. Such a long time ago. LOL I can't remember much of what we talked about, except towards the end I ranted in a very angry sort of way (not common for me) about my pdoc. Oh, and when I got there, he asked my permission for him to eat his lunch while we were talking. He is a professor at a university, and he was seeing me on his lunch break of a very busy teaching week during a residency. I totally didn't care, but that was funny.

The session went much, much better than previous and I felt less angry at him and more trusting. Interestingly, I had this very intriguing dream during this past week. I don't believe in dream interpretation like Freud did, but I do believe our dreams can be important to us. And this one was all about my therapist, and how he's been "asleep" to all of my needs and how he's been dealing with a lot of his own stuff but, if I pay close attention he's really, underneath it all, still caring and interested and full of the right kind of information and wisdom that will help me move forward.

It really helped me acknowledge where I am and see that I still believe, deep down, that he's the right therapist for me.

rhyl

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I just finished seeing a therapist. I'm disillusioned with the whole thing. I feel a lot worse now than when I started. The last few sessions my therapist was dropping heavy hints that I was beyond his knowledge to deal with and that he had a long waiting list to get through. I had to wait a year to see someone. Each session was like opening up old wounds or digging up corpses with no pay-off or reward. He really didn't seem to know anything about depression. I definitely feel closer to suicide now. Nothing helps. Everyday is hell.

Edited by Mark250

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I just finished seeing a therapist. I'm disillusioned with the whole thing. I feel a lot worse now than when I started. The last few sessions my therapist was dropping heavy hints that I was beyond his knowledge to deal with and that he had a long waiting list to get through. I had to wait a year to see someone. Each session was like opening up old wounds or digging up corpses with no pay-off or reward. He really didn't seem to know anything about depression. I definitely feel closer to suicide now. Nothing helps. Everyday is hell.

I'm so sorry that your sessions have not been going well. Sometimes when we are deeply entrenched in a depressive episode, everything feels wrong and bad and not helpful. And no matter what the therapist says or does, it goes against everything we think is going to help.

It's unusual, I think, for a therapist not to have any knowledge about depression. How long have you been seeing this therapist? And could you say a little more about the hints he was dropping?

I've been in therapy for quite awhile and it seems that just now I'm beginning to see major progress. I went for a long time and I felt worse a lot of the time. I finally had to ask my therapist to teach me ways to take care of myself while we were working on the hard stuff, so that I could get through all of that until things started to feel better.

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When I was getting over PTSD of being in an abusive relationship, my therapist helped me tremendously during the crisis time.

When I was finally a bit better and functioning normally, she basically "dismissed" me because I was functioning better than her other patients. I understand that this is a university funded program, and other students may require her services more but just to show me the door when I show improvements and having made connection with her, it felt like I couldn't consult for my problems anymore because they were not big enough....

I never really got to deal with the actual PTSD because we always just worked on compartmentalizing. Now I experienced something else in myself and all I do now is just shove things down and I am often confused and disoriented about what is going on because I have found a way to just dissociate and pretend that it isn't happening to me. I do not even retain what is happening anymore because it feels too negative.

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I just finished seeing a therapist. I'm disillusioned with the whole thing. I feel a lot worse now than when I started. The last few sessions my therapist was dropping heavy hints that I was beyond his knowledge to deal with and that he had a long waiting list to get through. I had to wait a year to see someone. Each session was like opening up old wounds or digging up corpses with no pay-off or reward. He really didn't seem to know anything about depression. I definitely feel closer to suicide now. Nothing helps. Everyday is hell.

I'm so sorry that your sessions have not been going well. Sometimes when we are deeply entrenched in a depressive episode, everything feels wrong and bad and not helpful. And no matter what the therapist says or does, it goes against everything we think is going to help.

It's unusual, I think, for a therapist not to have any knowledge about depression. How long have you been seeing this therapist? And could you say a little more about the hints he was dropping?

I've been in therapy for quite awhile and it seems that just now I'm beginning to see major progress. I went for a long time and I felt worse a lot of the time. I finally had to ask my therapist to teach me ways to take care of myself while we were working on the hard stuff, so that I could get through all of that until things started to feel better.

Hi ryhl.

Sorry for the late reply here. I saw this therapist about 10 times. I was supposed to be there for 18 sessions, but by my last session, things had come to such a grinding halt that, partially out of frustration, I stopped. It was clear things weren't working. Each week I'd come in and he would ask if I was any better than last time, and when I replied no he would say things like; "you know, you don't have to come here", or "I'm happy to keep seeing you, but if you're not getting anything out of this then I'm not sure we should carry on."

Every 2 or 3 sessions, he would give me a list of statements to score, ranging from 'not at all', to 'everyday', resulting in a total score that, the higher it was, the worse I was. My test score always came back high, and it's my belief he was intimidated by this. The over-paid, over-privileged arsehole. I'm the one who has to live this way every day.

At times, he seemed to be grasping at straws, saying hippie stuff like, "but what about when you look at the clear blue sky and the sunshine, doesn't that make you feel better?" For the record, the answer is no, I prefer rain over sun, and I firmly believe he wouldn't have even said that if there wasn't a window in his field of vision that he just happened to glance out of.

Edited by Mark250

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At times, he seemed to be grasping at straws, saying hippie stuff like, "but what about when you look at the clear blue sky and the sunshine, doesn't that make you feel better?" For the record, the answer is no, I prefer rain over sun, and I firmly believe he wouldn't have even said that if there wasn't a window in his field of vision that he just happened to glance out of.

Oh good grief. I can understand why you wouldn't want to go back and see him. Doesn't sound like he has/had a clue. I'm so sorry. You know, though, I'm discovering that many of them just don't. They are human, just like us, and it takes a lot of searching to find someone you really make a connection with. Please don't stop looking!

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At times, he seemed to be grasping at straws, saying hippie stuff like, "but what about when you look at the clear blue sky and the sunshine, doesn't that make you feel better?" For the record, the answer is no, I prefer rain over sun, and I firmly believe he wouldn't have even said that if there wasn't a window in his field of vision that he just happened to glance out of.

Oh good grief. I can understand why you wouldn't want to go back and see him. Doesn't sound like he has/had a clue. I'm so sorry. You know, though, I'm discovering that many of them just don't. They are human, just like us, and it takes a lot of searching to find someone you really make a connection with. Please don't stop looking!

Thanks. I won't stop looking. Depression is such a tricky, slippery thing to deal with though.

Edited by Mark250

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