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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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I am so mad at myself I'm trying not to beat myself up.

I just found out I missed a deadline for submissions to a magazine that likes my stuff!

Missed it by nearly a month.

stupid stupid stupid why do I do these things to myself?

Need a better way to keep track of stuff than by using my brain, which is not good at keeping track...arrrrgh!!!

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I'm feeling pretty good right now. I have been on DF since about 10A and am kind of tired, but it helps me focus on the positive and recovery and not the pain of my ailments.

I am having some physical pain and stiffness, primarily from sitting in the same position all day, so I set an alarm on my computer to remind me to get up and stretch at least every two hours, may need to switch it to one hour.

I'm beginning to be concerned with the large amount of time I'm spending on DF. I have to keep reminding myself that if I'm not on DF I'm probably doing nothing else very productive at this point in my recovery, and that it is much better to be HERE and feel good, productive and useful than to sit around watching TV, playing games, etc. and possibly going back to focusing on the negative.

I feel the same! It IS much better to be here than TV, at least I think so.

I am feeling okay, woke up anxious and a bit down. I was glad that one of my textbooks sold on Amazon, but NOT glad that there was a delay in Amazon letting me know. Luckily my deadline to ship is tomorrow, so I haven't missed it. But being an anxiety case and type A, I am frustrated that I didn't think to buy packing tape or a package in advance. Rationally, it is no big deal to pack the thing up at the post office tomorrow, but I like being prepared for everything (I am one of those people who has their coffee money out 10 minutes before getting to the drive through) and not being prepared causes me distress.

I get the physical pain and stiffness too, what a pain! Literally and figuratively. I don't have Fibro, but I do have arthritis that my doctor suspects is RA. Stretching and moving around helps a little. I made myself do cardio this afternoon, and it had been a while. Baby steps.

Thank you so much for your reply. It is comforting to know that someone else, especially a “Type A” (future lawyer?), feels the same way about DF vs. TV.

Sorry you have anxiety over preparation and deadline issues, so do I, at the same time, it drives me to be a better lawyer and never unprepared. Unfortunately, that’s not the only thing that my GAD covers, but I do try to put a good spin on it when I can! Regarding the delay, that was NOT your fault, as you know, so many things in life are beyond our control and at least for those, I learned to stopping beating myself up.

That’s great that you did cardio. I made myself stand up for 10 minutes straight, was going for 20, and that was progress for me! I also tried standing up at my computer during the 10 minutes and the shelf was a bit high so that may have something to do with the pain after only 10 minutes. I had forgotten about standing while working and hope that I remember to keep trying ways to arrange something at the right height; couch surfing, I have little room in another's home or the prerogative to construct some suitable desk.

I’m sorry to hear about your arthritis and possible RA. I have some arthritis too, but fortunately it has not been bad enough for me to even list. Or, as the doc said, I may have so much other pain from other sources that my brain can’t process it all, but that’s for another time. LOL

I’m so very much enjoying your posts and reaping the benefits of your support!

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Alone.

Thank you for your post and giving us the opportunity to support you. I am so sorry that you feel alone; it is a terrible feeling. One thing that has helped me feel less alone is my participation on this site; maybe I really am less alone. The reason that I italicized "feel" is because in the world offline, I have only one person in life that I can count on and who supports me. We understand feeling alone and are here for you.

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I admit it, I'm just a spoiled child who wants life to be simple and devoid of problems or work. Life doesn't have to be this way, society just chose to make life hell. I can't live this way, I just want my days to be quiet and slow instead of stressful and miserable. I'm just a lazy person, that's who I am.

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I admit it, I'm just a spoiled child who wants life to be simple and devoid of problems or work. Life doesn't have to be this way, society just chose to make life hell. I can't live this way, I just want my days to be quiet and slow instead of stressful and miserable. I'm just a lazy person, that's who I am.

I can identify with this, even though I am considered hardworking by my colleagues and friends. I'm actually lazy and stubborn in my refusal to live the proper way.

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I admit it, I'm just a spoiled child who wants life to be simple and devoid of problems or work. Life doesn't have to be this way, society just chose to make life hell. I can't live this way, I just want my days to be quiet and slow instead of stressful and miserable. I'm just a lazy person, that's who I am.

I can identify with this, even though I am considered hardworking by my colleagues and friends. I'm actually lazy and stubborn in my refusal to live the proper way.

I'm not even considered hardworking because I always forget to do things and put off tasks. My free time is usually spent watching television shows. I'm sure most of my adult life has been spent on Netflix or with my nose in a book. I'm barely even a thinker, I just like to take life easy too much. I'm essentially The Dude. I hate it.
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I admit it, I'm just a spoiled child who wants life to be simple and devoid of problems or work. Life doesn't have to be this way, society just chose to make life hell. I can't live this way, I just want my days to be quiet and slow instead of stressful and miserable. I'm just a lazy person, that's who I am.

I can totally relate, I've never understood the point of all of that. Why are we labeled loosers or lazy if we just want to be left in peace without the burden of work etc? I have never been able to keep a job for more than 3 months. And all the time I'm in I just cry whenever I have to leave the house.

I feel defeated. Every time I think of something I need to do, I find a way to postpone it, until I have a large list of tasks ahead and I feel overwhelmed and just curl up and feel like such a failure. I hate procrastinating but I find no motivation to do anything. =(

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Where to begin...........

It is Thursday and it seems like this week has lasted a month. Just long and stressful. I hate dealing with crap that was caused by other people and then dumped on my desk to "take care of it". I am pretty sure everyone around me has gotten an earful.

Slept like crap last night. For some reason i was up at 3am. Back to sleep by 4am. When my first alarm went off my dog was bugging me which is something he never does. So i had to get up.

There was no CoDependent meeting last night due to the weather, which stunk. I have therapy tonight so hopefully that will help a bit.

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After reviewing unread replies in this topic, I'm feeling a little better than I was when I first entered. I've been having trouble sleeping. This morning I did 't wake up until 9:00 and did not have the energy I've had recently; both of those things were depressing. I can't take my second dose of Wellbutrin today because I took my first dose late - would never get to sleep if I waited the required 6 hours to take it. Once I did get up, I felt jittery and had no motivation except to escape to DF. I took just too 10 mg Adderall to see if I can get motivated, wake up and maybe get rid of the jitters. I can't tell if my jitters are from Wellbutrin or Adderall withdrawal. I don't think that I've been back on Adderall long enough to have withdrawals and in the past, when crashing, almost daily, or taking Adderall holidays, I don't recall jitters. If anything, I recall the Adderall giving me the jitters, but it has not yet this course - go figure! :-)



More and more I am concerned that I might be developing an unhealthy escape even though it is to DF, which has recently saved my life. I've used the search feature to try to find topics relating to this but have not had any good search results. If anyone knows of such a topic, kindly let me know; if not, I'll start one soon.



By the end of this post, I'm starting to feel a little less sad.



Thanks for "listening."


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Very anxious. Guilty from having wasted most of the day.

Hi Mark,

I soooo understand, but try not to beat yourself up. I know that is easier said than done, but you have a disease. I can't imagine that you deliberately "wasted most of the day." It is very hard to be productive when one does not feel like it.

By the way, I love your signature.

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Down/depressed and intermittently anxious. Today I got an e-mail from a friend (who I love and used to be involved with romantically) who said it feels like we are drifting apart. It is not him personally, he lives far away now and I still stay in touch a few times a week, but not like I used to before the depression/anxiety worsened. I apologized and let him know that it isn't him personally at all, that I am very grateful for all he has done. But I CAN'T stand regularly e-mailing someone (on a daily basis) to let them know how I am still feeling terrible, not much is going on, and life feels hopeless. I would rather say nothing at all. I have gone into detail about my depression and anxiety, I'm not keeping it a secret, but I don't know what more to say to someone who doesn't understand.

I still feel shi**y, like I am letting someone down, and God knows I have already felt like enough of a failure the past couple of months to last a lifetime. But I know that if I can't magically can't get better for myself, I definitely can't magically get better for someone else. I tried to be honest and say that when I don't talk, it isn't intentionally to shut him out, I just don't know what more to say about my feelings. And that not much is going on in my life to talk about right now, because of how I feel.

:verysad3:

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I had a dream last night that I was 95 years old and dying alone and full of regrets. That scares me because as I get older, more and more opportunities get taken away from me. If I keep gping the way I'm going, my life will be empty and miserable.

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Just frustrated with everything. Just can't believe no one can find out what's wrong with me. Really don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I feel like my life is going to waste as every day passes. Why the **** am I still having all these symptoms when every test I have done comes back normal. My blood work was completely fine except my sugar was just a tad high by 1 point above the considered normal range but nothing to worry about at all. I just don't know what to do.

Edited by GAJ123
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Right now my sciatica is really, really bad.

I usually have 3 ibuprofen with breakfast (& my other meds). That helps, but by this afternoon after driving my son home from his job club, I was just miserable.

I went to exercise class this morning, it was fine. I don't think I'm doing anything very different in it than usual.

Anyway, this recent bout has been going on for about a week. It's better when I'm moving around, Getting up from seated positions really hurts. On the 1-10 pain scale, I'd put it at 10. Or higher.

Sitting doesn't hurt, but getting up does. And then I have to limp for a bit it hurts so much.

Anyway, that's all I'll say for now. My mood is fairly good, though.

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