Jump to content

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

Recommended Posts

 

 

Emailed a friend after a party on the weekend - she's going through a tough time and I offered to catch a play with her - have heard nothing (3 days).  I hope she wasn't thinking I was coming on to her - which, to be honest, has crossed my mind, but, not now, she's only two months into a separation and she's crushed and fragile and that is NOT the thing to do. It was friendship I was offering, and I offered it because of her response to me the other night.  Anyway, she probably took it the wrong way.  It's the story of my life when dealing with humanoids.

 

I've also sort of brushed off the lady I took to the party on the weekend - I am ignoring her, a little, because I want her to know that I am moving on and not at all pleased that she has me parked in the friend zone. Childish behaviour, perhaps, but sometimes you have to pull away to make them think it through - that's what I am thinking now, anyway.  Hard to get LOL.  If she doesn't get back to me, then, so be it. I probably can't keep her as a friend anyway because of the terrible urge I have to kiss every inch of her when she's around.

there is something i would like you to consider.

a lot of times guys use the term "friend zone" to describe a perceived negative condition where a woman will not sleep with them. but i think a lot of men don't realize how this comes across, when they keep complaining about the so-called "friend zone". basically, getting upset over the "friend zone" over and over again comes across as the idea that a man feels entitled to sleep with any woman he goes out with, as soon as he wants to. and that if she is not so inclined, or she is not ready yet, that she is bad or she is wrong, because she is not giving him what he is entitled to when he wants it. this is really, really how it comes across. i want you to think about this concept. every person has a right to decide who they want to sleep with and when... it is their prerogative, it is their choice to do so or not. so although you would like to be with the woman intimately, and so it is a less than good situation for you if you don't get to, the woman is not inherently wrong or bad for not saying yes. (and vice versa, if a woman wants to be with a man sexually and he doesn't want to, the man is not bad or wrong for saying no either.)

in reality, i don't think anything like the "friend zone" really exists. there are just people, who are having interactions. sometimes there is chemistry and good compatibility, and sex may occur, while other interactions are platonic, and those may be very satisfying in other ways that are not about sex. instead of seeing everything as being in the "friend zone" or not, maybe just consider it to be an open arena of interaction. there may be lots of interactions that you could have, if you stop seeing it in a binary manner.

 

this is not just a point of view held by me only. if you search "friend zone" and "entitlement" you will find some articles on the subject.

 

 

I really don't think I deserve to be accused like this on this Forum.  I also don't feel I need to explain myself to you.  I'm not accusing these ladies of anything.  They have told me they are not interested, period.  But they like me as a friend.  There is no man more respectful of a woman's wishes that I.  If you have some hangups about others using this term differently, don't paint me with the same brush - and deal with your own issues in private.

 

I resent being treated this way on this Forum..  Thanks very much.

 

Noone should be attacking ANYONE in these forums, we are here For eachother, not against eachother. Brian, don't sweat it. I support you 100%

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Trying to get adjusted to Fall.  Fall is my favorite season, but watching the amount of daylight diminish reminds me soon it will be only grey skies, cold, and alot of rain or snow.  I've been kind of down the past week because of a foot issue.  Can't get around too much without a lot of pain.  I have been living in flip flops for the summer, so getting back into my regular tennis shoes, or clogs in which I can use my Orthotic (sp) should help I hope.

 

See a new therapist tomorrow so excited about that.  Have done a lot of preparation for the meeting and he already has had his assistant do a very detailed intake.  So a pretty good baseline and background of the case has been established so we can start working sooner than later.

 

Lately I have been kind of avoiding people.  Except for when at doctor appointments and such.  And occasional conversations with people in my building and the village.  My friends seem to have so many problems I just can't take any more on right now.  I am kind of the go to person when people have problems.  My go to is really this forum for which I am thankful.  Sometimes being completely alone but keeping busy, or kicking back and watching a movie or listening to music is a nice temporary escape.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm afraid of going to therapy tomorrow because my self-injuring has gotten worse and they don't even know that I do it. I feel like I will only make my situation worse for them to find out and it is very noticeable. I also had another emotional breakdown tonight and everything is feeling hopeless like everyday.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My emotions and nerves are shot right now.  I have my root canal treatment appointment tomorrow at 11:00 am.  I have to leave the house at 9:00 am to get gas in the car and then drive an hour there.  I want to make sure I'm there early, because I've never been there before and I don't want to get lost and be late.

 

JJ

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Stardreamer. I do not present the following as an attack by any means but rather another point of view and an opportunity to introduce you to Brian. I can understand your position with regard to those few of our sex with an entitlement attitude toward women and sex, but one, I've never ever heard anyone that I know indicate being parked in the friend zone as an entitlement to sex. I've alaways heard and viewed that term as the exact opposite. I've heard of FWB but that is a mutual agreement. Two, you obviously do not know Brian in the least. He goes above and beyond to be a gentleman to all genders...and I mean all genders. Perhaps you didn't intend your post to come across the way it did...but regardless of your position on the terminology, you completely missed the mark with Brian.

Best regards to all, sincerely.

PO

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel confused. I'm going to visit my older sibling soon. Sibling was diagnosed with bipolar perhaps 2 years ago now after a very rough period, and kind of fluctuates between taking medication and seeing a professional and not doing that.

 

The last time I saw them they were okay for the most part, but not necessarily doing well. I'm going on this visit along with another family member who's concerned. The rest of the family seems to want us to convince the sibling to leave and move in with family immediately.

 

I think this could be beneficial since they have trouble holding jobs in an expensive city, and there aren't many family member, but my sibling is the type to just make excuses or say it won't work. I also feel like my parents have partially made this goal harder by trying to push it on sibling. I don't see how I can convince them to leave, especially since it seems like the rest of my family has tried all these other approaches...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Aggression.

I don't know if there's something in the water, a full moon or what but I'm in one of those moods to where I can turn volatile on a dime. No, I don't have PMS I just get like this from time to time. Sometimes I think I'm a little bit crazy in this aspect.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have had some really tough couple of work shifts. Nothing that really involved me but more stuff for us all to deal with. So, I am really happy to have the next couple of days off. Today is my son's birthday. I can't believe he's thirty. He has to work today so tomorrow I'm taking him dinner and a turtle pie to celebrate. I am looking forward to spending time with him and my grandkids.

I think the increase in celexa is helping. I am still trying to adjust to the fact that I have to take medication. I try to be grateful that there's chemical help for me but having spent many years working on recovery and not wanting to take medicine at all makes it kind of hard. I go back and forth thinking if I would just work out more or take better care of myself I wouldn't need it, but then I get frightened thinking I'll go back down the rabbit hole without it.

Well, for today I think I'll just try to enjoy the fact that I have some time off and some things I actually want to do. Some of the people I work with have so much drama in their lives. Though I have empathy for them, when I'm feeling that my life is boring, I think of that and can get some gratitude that I'm not dealing with such issues anymore. My life may seem boring to some, and it does to me at times too, but it sure is calm in comparison. I don't mean problem free and I can see where I once believed that living well meant no issues, I just mean I don't have a lot of self-inflicted, unnecessary problems right now. The car still breaks down, I still get anxious and depressed, the dishes still pile up, my family still has problems of their own, but I'm not in an abusive relationship, not dealing with active addiction, and I'm not causing harm to others. This is good.

May today bless us all with a little peace and enjoyment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Emailed a friend after a party on the weekend - she's going through a tough time and I offered to catch a play with her - have heard nothing (3 days). I hope she wasn't thinking I was coming on to her - which, to be honest, has crossed my mind, but, not now, she's only two months into a separation and she's crushed and fragile and that is NOT the thing to do. It was friendship I was offering, and I offered it because of her response to me the other night. Anyway, she probably took it the wrong way. It's the story of my life when dealing with humanoids.

I've also sort of brushed off the lady I took to the party on the weekend - I am ignoring her, a little, because I want her to know that I am moving on and not at all pleased that she has me parked in the friend zone. Childish behaviour, perhaps, but sometimes you have to pull away to make them think it through - that's what I am thinking now, anyway. Hard to get LOL. If she doesn't get back to me, then, so be it. I probably can't keep her as a friend anyway because of the terrible urge I have to kiss every inch of her when she's around.

there is something i would like you to consider.

a lot of times guys use the term "friend zone" to describe a perceived negative condition where a woman will not sleep with them. but i think a lot of men don't realize how this comes across, when they keep complaining about the so-called "friend zone". basically, getting upset over the "friend zone" over and over again comes across as the idea that a man feels entitled to sleep with any woman he goes out with, as soon as he wants to. and that if she is not so inclined, or she is not ready yet, that she is bad or she is wrong, because she is not giving him what he is entitled to when he wants it. this is really, really how it comes across. i want you to think about this concept. every person has a right to decide who they want to sleep with and when... it is their prerogative, it is their choice to do so or not. so although you would like to be with the woman intimately, and so it is a less than good situation for you if you don't get to, the woman is not inherently wrong or bad for not saying yes. (and vice versa, if a woman wants to be with a man sexually and he doesn't want to, the man is not bad or wrong for saying no either.)

in reality, i don't think anything like the "friend zone" really exists. there are just people, who are having interactions. sometimes there is chemistry and good compatibility, and sex may occur, while other interactions are platonic, and those may be very satisfying in other ways that are not about sex. instead of seeing everything as being in the "friend zone" or not, maybe just consider it to be an open arena of interaction. there may be lots of interactions that you could have, if you stop seeing it in a binary manner.

this is not just a point of view held by me only. if you search "friend zone" and "entitlement" you will find some articles on the subject.

I really don't think I deserve to be accused like this on this Forum. I also don't feel I need to explain myself to you. I'm not accusing these ladies of anything. They have told me they are not interested, period. But they like me as a friend. There is no man more respectful of a woman's wishes that I. If you have some hangups about others using this term differently, don't paint me with the same brush - and deal with your own issues in private.

I resent being treated this way on this Forum.. Thanks very much.

Stardreamer, I'm not trying to cause problems here but when I read this via my email on my phone I was also extremely upset because 1. I knew this would upset Brian and rightfully so.

2. If you knew and read his posts, you would never have wrote this to him.

I know it's difficult for some people to not read another persons words and to be objective about it but you should gather information before writing such stuff, especially on a depression site and with a subject as sensitive as this.

Brian, You are in my thoughts. ((((Hugs)))

Wow, wow, Stardreamer, you have just so totally missed the mark on that one.

Aw this really upset me. Not just that this is a support thread, but you've had a go at one of the kindest, nicest, most empathetic & respectful person I know :'-(. Someone who's never shown anything but respect for (yep) both genders.

And I agree with Freckled & the others. I really don't wanna create or add to any antagonism (I'm sorry), but I can't understand how you interpreted what Brian said (distancing himself with the goal of not getting hurt or working out if a potential partner is interested), as his not accepting a girl wouldn't sleep with him. He didn't say anything about what she was doing being inherently wrong or bad.

And...this is a support thread. That sort of thing wouldn't be appropriate anyway, I don't think. Even if it hadn't been levelled it at an absolute gentleman like Brian.

Sorry. Just, you're in my thoughts also B ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Edited by Els1e
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

 

 

Emailed a friend after a party on the weekend - she's going through a tough time and I offered to catch a play with her - have heard nothing (3 days). I hope she wasn't thinking I was coming on to her - which, to be honest, has crossed my mind, but, not now, she's only two months into a separation and she's crushed and fragile and that is NOT the thing to do. It was friendship I was offering, and I offered it because of her response to me the other night. Anyway, she probably took it the wrong way. It's the story of my life when dealing with humanoids.

I've also sort of brushed off the lady I took to the party on the weekend - I am ignoring her, a little, because I want her to know that I am moving on and not at all pleased that she has me parked in the friend zone. Childish behaviour, perhaps, but sometimes you have to pull away to make them think it through - that's what I am thinking now, anyway. Hard to get LOL. If she doesn't get back to me, then, so be it. I probably can't keep her as a friend anyway because of the terrible urge I have to kiss every inch of her when she's around.

there is something i would like you to consider.

a lot of times guys use the term "friend zone" to describe a perceived negative condition where a woman will not sleep with them. but i think a lot of men don't realize how this comes across, when they keep complaining about the so-called "friend zone". basically, getting upset over the "friend zone" over and over again comes across as the idea that a man feels entitled to sleep with any woman he goes out with, as soon as he wants to. and that if she is not so inclined, or she is not ready yet, that she is bad or she is wrong, because she is not giving him what he is entitled to when he wants it. this is really, really how it comes across. i want you to think about this concept. every person has a right to decide who they want to sleep with and when... it is their prerogative, it is their choice to do so or not. so although you would like to be with the woman intimately, and so it is a less than good situation for you if you don't get to, the woman is not inherently wrong or bad for not saying yes. (and vice versa, if a woman wants to be with a man sexually and he doesn't want to, the man is not bad or wrong for saying no either.)

in reality, i don't think anything like the "friend zone" really exists. there are just people, who are having interactions. sometimes there is chemistry and good compatibility, and sex may occur, while other interactions are platonic, and those may be very satisfying in other ways that are not about sex. instead of seeing everything as being in the "friend zone" or not, maybe just consider it to be an open arena of interaction. there may be lots of interactions that you could have, if you stop seeing it in a binary manner.

this is not just a point of view held by me only. if you search "friend zone" and "entitlement" you will find some articles on the subject.

I really don't think I deserve to be accused like this on this Forum. I also don't feel I need to explain myself to you. I'm not accusing these ladies of anything. They have told me they are not interested, period. But they like me as a friend. There is no man more respectful of a woman's wishes that I. If you have some hangups about others using this term differently, don't paint me with the same brush - and deal with your own issues in private.

I resent being treated this way on this Forum.. Thanks very much.

Stardreamer, I'm not trying to cause problems here but when I read this via my email on my phone I was also extremely upset because 1. I knew this would upset Brian and rightfully so.

2. If you knew and read his posts, you would never have wrote this to him.

I know it's difficult for some people to not read another persons words and to be objective about it but you should gather information before writing such stuff, especially on a depression site and with a subject as sensitive as this.

Brian, You are in my thoughts. ((((Hugs)))

Wow, wow, Stardreamer, you have just so totally missed the mark on that one.

Aw this really upset me. Not just that this is a support thread, but you've had a go at one of the kindest, nicest, most empathetic & respectful person I know :'-(. Someone who's never shown anything but respect for (yep) both genders.

And I agree with Freckled & the others. I really don't wanna create or add to any antagonism (I'm sorry), but I can't understand how you interpreted what Brian said (distancing himself with the goal of not getting hurt or working out if a potential partner is interested), as his not accepting a girl wouldn't sleep with him. He didn't say anything about what she was doing being inherently wrong or bad.

And...this is a support thread. That sort of thing wouldn't be appropriate anyway, I don't think. Even if it hadn't been levelled it at an absolute gentleman like Brian.

Sorry. Just, you're in my thoughts also B ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

 

 

To play the devil's advocate I don't think she was attacking him as a person, but the term's meaning and asking for it not to be used and thought about. Of course that comes across as very awkward in a thread like this and wasn't the best way to go about it. It's a harmless term as used here but in certain circles it causes offense. Not saying we should ban words, in fact I'm all for it being used, I don't think she meant to be hostile though.

 

 

Thanks Freckled :) very much!!!

 

I am quite upset about this. 

 

Don't feel bad, there wasn't anything wrong with what you said. Looks like a misunderstanding to me, or a misjudgement.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the support everyone.  Let's move on.  I have.

 

I would just say that language is important.  I will research the term and see if it has those negative connotations and then decide if I will continue to use it. But equally important in language is employing it in a tactful, unassuming manner, especially with people one doesn't know on a depression forum (but anywhere in public, really).

 

I am a life long learner. I would invite a private message asking me if I "have considered that maybe I am thinking/being..." and I would consider it.  It's the way I roll.  I think we can all see that a public post that can potentially harm my standing within this lovely community is very hurtful and, dare I say, dangerous.

 

For the record, my frustrated use of that term comes from internal feelings only - no expectations of others.  I am wondering my I am always considered the "friend" but not the "heat" if you know what I mean LOL.  I feel I must be doing something wrong.

 

Let's move on.

 

Today, I am my usual tired and anxious and a little down - in other words, normal.

 

Seeing a friend tonight: (a lady LOL) and we're going to a benefit where we pay to learn how to Salsa dance.  I hope nobody has their camera out - it's going to be ugly (my dancing, not my friend's) :)

 

Cheers, all!!!

 

Brian

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

Seeing a friend tonight: (a lady LOL) and we're going to a benefit where we pay to learn how to Salsa dance.  I hope nobody has their camera out - it's going to be ugly (my dancing, not my friend's) :)

 

 

ahhhh that sounds really fun! hope you enjoy yourself!!! :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

anyways, i'm just exhausted but so far so good. a short question for everyone!

when you guys call someone older, do you call them by their name? Because to me, i call the older people (strangers, relatives or anyone who isnt related to me) uncle or aunty (auntie?)

and i dont call my siblings by their name because in my society (or my family) we have to call them "brother' or "sister" if they're older or it'll be deemed as rude. Well, we don't literally call them "brother" cause there's a term for that, and its not in english. To any asians out there too, do you guys do the same?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am tired and lonely... Spent almost all of yesterday and the hospital for my mom... We got a call last night from some bastage at the hospital stating my mom was being rushed for emergency heart surgery... And we rush to the hospital and not a single person knew what was going on... The whole time I am thinking.. I just lost my fiancee I can not loose my mom too... I would be shattered if I'm not already!!! Did not recieve a call overnight so I believe that it was a cruel joke... Tho my sister did stay with my mom.....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm afraid of going to therapy tomorrow because my self-injuring has gotten worse and they don't even know that I do it. I feel like I will only make my situation worse for them to find out and it is very noticeable. I also had another emotional breakdown tonight and everything is feeling hopeless like everyday.

I hope you go to therapy for your own benefit. If your SI has gotten worse, but people don't know about it, please don't think you need to take care of them by hiding it.

The worse you feel, the better opportunity for therapy to help you.

I hope that today you have some healing and peace, Adventurer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Brian, I just saw the post that made you so unhappy. And I agree, it was an unfair assessment of you and your struggles to have a loving, romantic and sexually rewarding relationship.

I am happy you're going Salsa dancing! There is nothing like dance to make your body feel like a fun body when you're moving to music!

Big big hugs and hope today is a good one.

Freckled, I too am off today. I blame it on lack of sleep, but your post is inspiring me to do what I always do on Thursdays: drag my sorry butt to the gym for exercise class. After that, maybe I can nap lol. And hoping that today is a good one for you, no matter what.

sairyss, I hope your mom is okay. It would be a cruel joke for someone to play on you. I am wishing you a day full of peace.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...