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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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I'm feeling okay, but a little frustrated with myself.  I like to get up early.  I always feel better when I get up early, but I haven't been doing it lately.  I've been staying up too late for no good reason and then I wind up sleeping later than I want.  I don't have a regular schedule at work, but usually I wind up doing closing shifts until 9:30, and I don't really get home till 10:30.  But instead of eating something then going to bed, I stay up doing other things.  If I got up earlier I'd have more time to prepare myself for work.  I don't know why its so hard for me to have a routine.

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Happy Birthday, havehope.

 

My day was starting off okay. Now I'm feeling pretty crappy because I got my hopes up about a job opportunity and it didn't work out. (long sigh) I'm just at a loss for words and keep wondering how did I end up here.. Unemployed and unworthy. :( ****. 

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Ditto. I wish I could be happy too.

 

It's my birthday today and I have tears streaming down my face. I am nowhere near where I wish to be in life. I'm throwing a pity birthday party. :party:

 

I am going to try and suck it up and celebrate and will try to feel better, but right now it's hard. Plus it's raining cats and dogs.

 

A pity party's still a party :Coopwink: Be kind to yourself today, and don't worry too much about whether you're not celebrating or being happy enough. Do what feels good and right for you today.

 

I'll have a piece of cake today in honor of your birthday :smilingteeth:

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I'm exhausted, as usual.  Hosted a conference today - always stressful for me.  Have that apres conference feeling, sort of like apres skiing but ducking dittier.

 

Lamenting the past a bit.  All the thoughts that come in when I'm tired.  Feels like my life is an economy car and I haven't been able to locate the keys for 51 years.  Can't even play the crappy radio.

 

Emailed a friend after a party on the weekend - she's going through a tough time and I offered to catch a play with her - have heard nothing (3 days).  I hope she wasn't thinking I was coming on to her - which, to be honest, has crossed my mind, but, not now, she's only two months into a separation and she's crushed and fragile and that is NOT the thing to do. It was friendship I was offering, and I offered it because of her response to me the other night.  Anyway, she probably took it the wrong way.  It's the story of my life when dealing with humanoids.

 

I've also sort of brushed off the lady I took to the party on the weekend - I am ignoring her, a little, because I want her to know that I am moving on and not at all pleased that she has me parked in the friend zone. Childish behaviour, perhaps, but sometimes you have to pull away to make them think it through - that's what I am thinking now, anyway.  Hard to get LOL.  If she doesn't get back to me, then, so be it. I probably can't keep her as a friend anyway because of the terrible urge I have to kiss every inch of her when she's around.

 

I have a date this Friday with someone who seems interesting, but, we'll see.  And we'll see what she thinks of me LOL.  My expectations in this area are at rock bottom.

 

I have started the ball rolling at work to get out of my current job with my boss.  I just can't take it anymore.  I have survived 10 years with this guy - Churchill should present me a Victoria Cross for all I've been through but they'll probably give me an ultimatum instead.  And Churchill's dead.  And I don't think Canadians can receive the Victoria Cross anymore.  And I'm not even in the military.  Can you see all the strikes against me LOL.

 

Finishing my novel seems like climbing Everest to me right now.

 

Just taking my kids out to dinner tonight feels like K2.

 

Perhaps a nap during the Blue Jays division clinching game that starts in 5 minutes will do the trick.  Go Jays! (And bring on the Royals, Dolphin :)   )

 

Hugs to all who need them. And thanks for being here for me!

 

Bri

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I feel exhausted but that is nothing new for me, that is just the depression I think. Although I do think I am going through a Major Depressive Episode, but for right this minute I feel relatively calm, just having the effects of my disability(chronic migraines). I seem to feel more depressed at night when everything stops and I have time to think about everything. I appreciate this thread since we all feel bad alot of the time so we can all talk about it together.

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Have been crying, off and on, for about 4 hours today.  At work.  I had asked for Friday off, as my husband took the day off, and we have plans Thursday night, and my car needs to have work done on it.  And of course, because I seem to be experiencing a lapse into deeper depression.

 

However, my boss isn't letting me take the day off because one other person in our group already has the day off, and another person is "too new."  Nevermind that I had initially had last Friday scheduled as a day off, and gave it up because I had people who needed to meet with me for work, and that I can't take another day off later this month because of work, when it would have been my last chance to see one of my uncles while he's still alive (he's 91 and lives across the country from me).  

 

I feel like she's not giving me the day off because I have been out sick a lot -- last week she had an "investigative meeting" about my absences.  In the meeting, it was brought up that I had been directed to have a doctor's note for an absence that stated I was unable to work, and they indicated that I had not done so.  I had brought in a note for each absence, and I believe the notes stated that I was released to return to work as of x date (the day after the absence).  I sincerely thought that those noted fulfilled the requirement -- my understanding of the notes was that if the doctor is releasing me to return to work on x date, that means that the x-1 date (day I was absent), I was not to be at work.  I did not know the note had to use the specific wording of "unable to work."  I was making a good faith effort to comply.

 
Regarding requesting FMLA, I will be doing so, but part of the reason I had not before was that at least some of my FMLA will be for depression.  I have been treated for this in the past with counseling and medication, and currently with medication only, but am suffering a recurrence.  I have been hesitant to request FMLA for this because my supervisor is the FMLA and leave coordinator, and would, obviously, see my FMLA paperwork and know the reason for the FMLA.  There have been remarks made in the past, not about any one person in particular, but in general, how "people seem to request mental health FMLA when they don't want to work."  I am wary of being seen like that, especially with the absenteeism issue already in play.  
 
I haven't told my husband about the meeting, because I feel like I am a failure and that he would be disappointed and mad at me. I still haven't heard any decision from the meeting, and the anxiety is tremendous.  
 
Between that meeting and not getting the time off, and the car needing work, and not being able to see my uncle, I feel like I am breaking apart.
 
I have a call in to a therapist I was referred to by our employee assistance program.  Hope to be able to see her soon.
 
Thanks for letting me vent!
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Thank you all again for the lovely b-day wishes, & to all that I haven't been able to address yet individually, thank you!!! :) It's been a rough day full of gloomy skies & tough feelings, but it helps a lot to receive all of your thoughtful & kind messages. I also got some nice messages on Facebook which helped at least temporarily.. I even heard from an old high school teacher of mine, Lol.

 

So very sorry for all those in pain.... my heart goes out to you --- much love :icon12: to all of you.

 

Heading out for music tonight so I won't be around.... back tomorrow...

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so what you dont know about me is i am pagan... specifically i follow the asatru path of paganism..... which is the norse path...

in a month is samhain... it is the time when we honor the 3rd harvest and we honor our family and ancestors.....

well there is a local celebration happening in about a week or 2... and i would like to go... but i dont know... i feel weird just talking about it...

 

i know if i go ill be with friends some of them are like family...

 

i know if i go... ill feel weird because it will be the first time in 2-3 years since i last went....

i know if i go... ill be sad depressed lonely.... because he wont be with me....

just go and get what you can out of it, for yourself. not everything is about other people.

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Emailed a friend after a party on the weekend - she's going through a tough time and I offered to catch a play with her - have heard nothing (3 days).  I hope she wasn't thinking I was coming on to her - which, to be honest, has crossed my mind, but, not now, she's only two months into a separation and she's crushed and fragile and that is NOT the thing to do. It was friendship I was offering, and I offered it because of her response to me the other night.  Anyway, she probably took it the wrong way.  It's the story of my life when dealing with humanoids.

 

I've also sort of brushed off the lady I took to the party on the weekend - I am ignoring her, a little, because I want her to know that I am moving on and not at all pleased that she has me parked in the friend zone. Childish behaviour, perhaps, but sometimes you have to pull away to make them think it through - that's what I am thinking now, anyway.  Hard to get LOL.  If she doesn't get back to me, then, so be it. I probably can't keep her as a friend anyway because of the terrible urge I have to kiss every inch of her when she's around.

there is something i would like you to consider.

a lot of times guys use the term "friend zone" to describe a perceived negative condition where a woman will not sleep with them. but i think a lot of men don't realize how this comes across, when they keep complaining about the so-called "friend zone". basically, getting upset over the "friend zone" over and over again comes across as the idea that a man feels entitled to sleep with any woman he goes out with, as soon as he wants to. and that if she is not so inclined, or she is not ready yet, that she is bad or she is wrong, because she is not giving him what he is entitled to when he wants it. this is really, really how it comes across. i want you to think about this concept. every person has a right to decide who they want to sleep with and when... it is their prerogative, it is their choice to do so or not. so although you would like to be with the woman intimately, and so it is a less than good situation for you if you don't get to, the woman is not inherently wrong or bad for not saying yes. (and vice versa, if a woman wants to be with a man sexually and he doesn't want to, the man is not bad or wrong for saying no either.)

in reality, i don't think anything like the "friend zone" really exists. there are just people, who are having interactions. sometimes there is chemistry and good compatibility, and sex may occur, while other interactions are platonic, and those may be very satisfying in other ways that are not about sex. instead of seeing everything as being in the "friend zone" or not, maybe just consider it to be an open arena of interaction. there may be lots of interactions that you could have, if you stop seeing it in a binary manner.

 

this is not just a point of view held by me only. if you search "friend zone" and "entitlement" you will find some articles on the subject.

Edited by stardreamer
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Emailed a friend after a party on the weekend - she's going through a tough time and I offered to catch a play with her - have heard nothing (3 days).  I hope she wasn't thinking I was coming on to her - which, to be honest, has crossed my mind, but, not now, she's only two months into a separation and she's crushed and fragile and that is NOT the thing to do. It was friendship I was offering, and I offered it because of her response to me the other night.  Anyway, she probably took it the wrong way.  It's the story of my life when dealing with humanoids.

 

I've also sort of brushed off the lady I took to the party on the weekend - I am ignoring her, a little, because I want her to know that I am moving on and not at all pleased that she has me parked in the friend zone. Childish behaviour, perhaps, but sometimes you have to pull away to make them think it through - that's what I am thinking now, anyway.  Hard to get LOL.  If she doesn't get back to me, then, so be it. I probably can't keep her as a friend anyway because of the terrible urge I have to kiss every inch of her when she's around.

there is something i would like you to consider.

a lot of times guys use the term "friend zone" to describe a perceived negative condition where a woman will not sleep with them. but i think a lot of men don't realize how this comes across, when they keep complaining about the so-called "friend zone". basically, getting upset over the "friend zone" over and over again comes across as the idea that a man feels entitled to sleep with any woman he goes out with, as soon as he wants to. and that if she is not so inclined, or she is not ready yet, that she is bad or she is wrong, because she is not giving him what he is entitled to when he wants it. this is really, really how it comes across. i want you to think about this concept. every person has a right to decide who they want to sleep with and when... it is their prerogative, it is their choice to do so or not. so although you would like to be with the woman intimately, and so it is a less than good situation for you if you don't get to, the woman is not inherently wrong or bad for not saying yes. (and vice versa, if a woman wants to be with a man sexually and he doesn't want to, the man is not bad or wrong for saying no either.)

in reality, i don't think anything like the "friend zone" really exists. there are just people, who are having interactions. sometimes there is chemistry and good compatibility, and sex may occur, while other interactions are platonic, and those may be very satisfying in other ways that are not about sex. instead of seeing everything as being in the "friend zone" or not, maybe just consider it to be an open arena of interaction. there may be lots of interactions that you could have, if you stop seeing it in a binary manner.

 

this is not just a point of view held by me only. if you search "friend zone" and "entitlement" you will find some articles on the subject.

 

 

I really don't think I deserve to be accused like this on this Forum.  I also don't feel I need to explain myself to you.  I'm not accusing these ladies of anything.  They have told me they are not interested, period.  But they like me as a friend.  There is no man more respectful of a woman's wishes that I.  If you have some hangups about others using this term differently, don't paint me with the same brush - and deal with your own issues in private.

 

I resent being treated this way on this Forum..  Thanks very much.

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Emailed a friend after a party on the weekend - she's going through a tough time and I offered to catch a play with her - have heard nothing (3 days).  I hope she wasn't thinking I was coming on to her - which, to be honest, has crossed my mind, but, not now, she's only two months into a separation and she's crushed and fragile and that is NOT the thing to do. It was friendship I was offering, and I offered it because of her response to me the other night.  Anyway, she probably took it the wrong way.  It's the story of my life when dealing with humanoids.

 

I've also sort of brushed off the lady I took to the party on the weekend - I am ignoring her, a little, because I want her to know that I am moving on and not at all pleased that she has me parked in the friend zone. Childish behaviour, perhaps, but sometimes you have to pull away to make them think it through - that's what I am thinking now, anyway.  Hard to get LOL.  If she doesn't get back to me, then, so be it. I probably can't keep her as a friend anyway because of the terrible urge I have to kiss every inch of her when she's around.

there is something i would like you to consider.

a lot of times guys use the term "friend zone" to describe a perceived negative condition where a woman will not sleep with them. but i think a lot of men don't realize how this comes across, when they keep complaining about the so-called "friend zone". basically, getting upset over the "friend zone" over and over again comes across as the idea that a man feels entitled to sleep with any woman he goes out with, as soon as he wants to. and that if she is not so inclined, or she is not ready yet, that she is bad or she is wrong, because she is not giving him what he is entitled to when he wants it. this is really, really how it comes across. i want you to think about this concept. every person has a right to decide who they want to sleep with and when... it is their prerogative, it is their choice to do so or not. so although you would like to be with the woman intimately, and so it is a less than good situation for you if you don't get to, the woman is not inherently wrong or bad for not saying yes. (and vice versa, if a woman wants to be with a man sexually and he doesn't want to, the man is not bad or wrong for saying no either.)

in reality, i don't think anything like the "friend zone" really exists. there are just people, who are having interactions. sometimes there is chemistry and good compatibility, and sex may occur, while other interactions are platonic, and those may be very satisfying in other ways that are not about sex. instead of seeing everything as being in the "friend zone" or not, maybe just consider it to be an open arena of interaction. there may be lots of interactions that you could have, if you stop seeing it in a binary manner.

 

this is not just a point of view held by me only. if you search "friend zone" and "entitlement" you will find some articles on the subject.

 

 

I really don't think I deserve to be accused like this on this Forum.  I also don't feel I need to explain myself to you.  I'm not accusing these ladies of anything.  They have told me they are not interested, period.  But they like me as a friend.  There is no man more respectful of a woman's wishes that I.  If you have some hangups about others using this term differently, don't paint me with the same brush - and deal with your own issues in private.

 

I resent being treated this way on this Forum..  Thanks very much.

 

 

Stardreamer, I'm not trying to cause problems here but when I read this via my email on my phone I was also extremely upset because 1. I knew this would upset Brian and rightfully so.

2. If you knew and read his posts, you would never have wrote this to him.

 

I know it's difficult for some people to not read another persons words and to be objective about it but you should gather information before writing such stuff, especially on a depression site and with a subject as sensitive as this.

 

Brian, You are in my thoughts. ((((Hugs)))

Edited by freckledface
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