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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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Left out, neglected.

Not neglected here, Twilight Sky! What's making you feel left out?

FWIW, I get a physical reaction when I experience being left out, and have since I was a child. There were many times when my mom used to cuddle and play with my younger brother, I remember, and I would be sitting in an armchair, only able to look on--like there wasn't enough room for me. I would get a cold pain in the middle of my chest. And at school when no one wanted to play with me, and in other situations.

I still feel it sometimes when I want to be included, but don't know how and think that people don't care.

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So it's Sunday night. Another weekend gone. Despite feeling exhausted and anxious over the past 3 days however I managed to get through it and thankfully have an ace time at my local Japanese convention. Was a load of fun, to cosplay, socialise, buy goodies, and join in with events. Played my first game of Magic and partook in a Smash Bros Melee tournament. Now I'm once again worried about my future - relationships and unemployment as per usual - but oh well it's been great and I have an interesting week ahead. I might even be dying my hair for the first time too lol. All the best to everyone :)

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Weirdly hopeful.  A little frustrated with lack of response from people and the amazingly long slog it has been and will still be for me to accomplish my goals.

 

I should just enjoy the journey and not think about the end. That would be the zen thing to do - but it's hard.

 

Best to all!!!

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I seem to have more than one problem; and I've gone to a shrink and a counselor and nothing there helps!

 Not only do I have chronic pain(had a broken hip) and am on opiods(Percocet and Morphine) which I want to STOP!!. I have been tapering off (LOL) of it. It's extremely difficult to do and I am such a wus! As soon as I "think" I'm having w/drawal I have to take a pill.

 I feel panicky, paranoid etc. for NO apparent reason. So I'm taking Serequel, Clonipin, Flexiril. 

  I'm so panicky about the w/drawal even though I've done it before and I had nothing to fall back on, and now I do.  I just don't have enough Clonipin to see me through..... I have a refill but I'll be out of them before the Percocet runs out. I go to a pain clinic that prescribe these drugs. I don't know, but I wish I'd quit a week after the hip break surgery! Now I feel GREAT anxiety because one minute I'm cold, next; hot. It's SSSOOOO miserable.....it's mental and physical....and all I have to do is let myself feel like crap for 3-4 days and just get OVER IT!

  I am  extremely sensitive which makes every little tweak I feel a BIG deal and then I panic, pacing, etc.

I'm going to try to write here every day so I have ALL of y'all  to keep me honest. I have NO one here that's my friend and my BF thinks I'm crazy, on top of it all. It ALL comes from my ADHD &depression & Dyslexia.

 

OK I am hoping to find some solace here.

Isn't there a forum on here for drugs?....legal drugs....prescribed by a doctor?

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Sad, empty, lonely and anxious. And not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow :(

I feel like my life is going nowhere, that I'm rapidly running out of time to do anything about it, and that numerous bad decisions over the years have brought me to this point.

I've made my own bed, I suppose..no one to blame but myself for the poor sleep I am getting..

*sigh* :(

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I have been kind of an emotional train wreck this weekend.  My left foot really hurts due to atrophy, and some circulation issues.  It goes away after awhile, but you know when your feet hurt, it seems to make everything hurt.  My foot doctor does not seem too concerned, but my primary gave me painkillers thank god 

 

Highlight of the day was seeing our city's home team "Seahawks" shut out Chicago 26-0.  We already have lost two games, so this win we really needed.  Plus one the key players finally returned today.  Football takes my mind off stuff and I really get into it.  So that was my positive today.   Watching Donald Trump on CBS "60 minutes" which I am recording right now might be my downer.  I try and try but I just don't get him.

 

Been having some intermittent crying spells.  Tears seem to pool over the least little thing.  I don't know, maybe it is because my Dad and I used to watch sports together all the time, and now that he has passed on, watching sports doesn't feel the same.  I really miss him.

 

Hope you all had a good weekend.

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I had a good pro-active week-end all by myself, watching some shows I enjoy and doing some weights. But I can't help think about all these countless people that should be close to me being cold and soulless to me.

 

My brother never contacts me on his own by phone, by text message, e-mail, and almost not at all in person. He wouldn't even notice if I never see him again because this just goes on eternally. I don't understand why he even buys me stuff for Christmas or gives me lifts home. Why bother wasting all that money on someone he doesn't care about like me? That's the only part I don't understand.

 

My so-called friend feels like one of the biggest scumbags on this planet. I made fun of him for his neverending desire to keep saying he'll do this and that, and always push everything back forever. This guy seems focused on material possessions in such a compulsive way. He cares alot about money, but does a lot by himself, does a number of trashy things to me, complains about women which seems like just for the sake of complaning at anything (probably has nothing to do with the girl), and is so intolerent towards so many types of social stuff that he's willing to deprive himself of satisfying his own natural needs just to avoid contact with those groups of people. I only see him because I have no one else to see. When we go to restaurant, it actually goes well enough and he sometimes acts like a decent friend. But I'm no fool, I know how trashy of a person he is.

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I am having a difficult time making plans and trying to take the next step in my career.

I have always been afraid of being made fun of, being misunderstood, and being rejected.

I think writing about my fears here will help me, I hope.

I get so anxious and go through a bunch of "what ifs" in my head. I also need better sleep at night. My bed is so uncomfortable. The last bed I had a good night's sleep in was over 2 years ago in a hotel in NY. All the bedding was new and there were a ton of pillows--foam pillows, so I could prop myself up if I needed (like if I began snoring & my friend with whom I was traveling was a light sleeper).

I need some quiet time, that's also alone time.

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I'm tired, but I didn't have too bad of a day today.  I really wasn't sure how things were going to go since the drama between two of my employees came to light.  But everything was fine.  I even did a really difficult phone call I almost chickened out of, so I'm pretty proud of myself.  Looking forward to my day off on Tuesday though.

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Well, here it goes. Into the fire of work and my boss. Yay!

 

Feeling slightly sick, like a cold, but I never know if it's my anxiety and depression thinking me into feeling sick. I am convinced that this sometimes happens to me.

 

Really not looking forward to this week.  I've been chatting on-line with a lovely lady with whom I seem to have a lot in common, and yet, one of her musts is a financially stable guy who can travel. I am going to have to tell her in my next email that she should probably move along.

 

Therapist appointment tomorrow, in which we have to prepare a case for my requested move to a new job in the company, and away from my big boss man.

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In a lot of pain from my tooth still.  I hope I can make it through the night and get some medication tomorrow.

JJ

 

Are there any Urgent Care's near you? They are great for when you aren't sick enough for the ER but don't/can't wait to see your regular Dr. I know it's Monday morning now, but for future reference I strongly recommend an Urgent Care facility. I've used one myself when out of town and had a bad earache.

 

Hope you feel better soon. 

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I didn't sleep a wink last night so the inside of my eyes feel like sandpaper on the upside of that, my kitchen is cleaner than it has been in... uhmmmm... .a....a long time.

 

Still stressing and obsessing about finding a job and feeling really incompetent. I'm very thankful to friends that I've made here because I'm not getting any support anywhere else.

 

I promised a friend I'd go with her to an appointment this morning. After that, more follow up calls, more resume submitting.

 

Hope everyone finds something in their day that makes them smile.

 

(((Hugs)))

Edited by freckledface
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I feel like doing nothing. I didn't do anything this weekend. I laid on the couch and didn't have the motivation to do anything. I don't want to do my job anymore. I don't want to live here anymore. I did spend a little time looking on the internet for other jobs and places to move to. I'm not in the position right now to make those big changes. I'm tired of the responsibilities, the chaos, the worrying, the guilt. I'm tired of feeling like crap and having no motivation. I now have family issues that are adding to it. I have an adult son living with us who is going down the wrong path. He wont respond to my advice and gets p***** off when I try to talk to him. He's worse off than I am.  It just adds to it because its just one more thing to make me feel like a failure. I'm really having a difficult keeping myself together. I want to quit everything

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I feel like doing nothing. I didn't do anything this weekend. I laid on the couch and didn't have the motivation to do anything. I don't want to do my job anymore. I don't want to live here anymore. I did spend a little time looking on the internet for other jobs and places to move to. I'm not in the position right now to make those big changes. I'm tired of the responsibilities, the chaos, the worrying, the guilt. I'm tired of feeling like crap and having no motivation. I now have family issues that are adding to it. I have an adult son living with us who is going down the wrong path. He wont respond to my advice and gets p***** off when I try to talk to him. He's worse off than I am.  It just adds to it because its just one more thing to make me feel like a failure. I'm really having a difficult keeping myself together. I want to quit everything

 

Hey Shane, I can really relate to a lot of what you said. I want to quit everything too. I don't have any advise but wanted to say, "I get it." :hugs:

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