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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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Thankful I had therapy today. My therapist told me some personal things about herself, and I was shocked. So much of what she said, I could relate to my current situation. I felt sheepish afterwards thinking about all the stuff I've talked to her about, and how she went through similar things. I have no one in my life that I can vent to, because I feel no one understands. But it turns out she understands way more than I thought, beyond her being a therapist. I usually think therapists are people who didn't experience much hardship in their life, but today found that was a terribly wrong mindset.

 

Lately have been worrying about my dad having early signs of dementia and been really depressed about that. Felt a little better talking to my therapist about it. Then I just happened to be listening to some stand-up comedy, and the comic did a whole bit about his mom forgetting words - which is the symptom I was worried about my dad in the first place. Listening to it, it made me feel like things would be maybe okay. I feel like I get these little drops of hope at times, that make me think I can keep going.

hugs, i am glad you had a good experience with your therapist

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Feeling the best I have in the morning all week.  Still wondering why its taking me so damn long to get awake though.  As long as I'm not doing opening shifts for the rest of the month, that's not really an issue.  It's just extremely annoying.  But someone's very existence is making me smile and that always makes me happy.

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I'm feeling slow, unsettled and sleepy.

I had another headache yesterday, but went to see my T in the afternoon. Good visit.

I did not sleep well last night. I'm blaming the moonlight coming in my window. And the fact that I may not have taken my mirtazapine. And the larger-than-usual-iced coffee mid afternoon.

For what it's worth, Mercury is retrograde, which, as I understand it makes it difficult to communicate clearly. And clearly my brain is not communicating with the rest of me to help me feel whole and well. I've heard that when Mercury goes retrograde, it's a good time to take stock, look back and not start anything new and major.

My brain, which is sleepy, wants to just sleep, not look at anything, neither start nor review. I'm like a cassette player that's worn out it little spinner things...

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Tired.  Just got back from a pretty decent workout.

 

But again, no silver lining exists without a dark cloud.  I have no idea why I work out.  I fantasize about finding someone, adopting their kids as my own, living a fun life filled with family and friends life until I'm 95 or so, then dying in my sleep.

 

I have NO IDEA how to make that happen.  I reckon if I'm lucky I'll make it to 63 before croaking in some brutal, Elvis-type way.  So why do I work out?  Why do I socialize?  Why do I eat a salad instead of burgers every day?

 

Some faint glimmer of hope, I guess.  And maybe my self-training of the past few years is "taking".  I dunno.

 

Y'all take care!

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Freckled --  thank you for the b-day wishes! :)

 

Brian --- glad you took a vacation day! Good for you! I hope it brings you some relief from your dreadful job, at least for a day.

 

Realreason ---  big ((((hugs)))) I know the feeling.. you're not alone in that. We're here for you!!

Dolphin ---  thank you for mentioning Retrograde! I had no idea. Ugh.. I hate these periods, and they last a long time. Definitely not a time to start new projects... hope you get some rest... maybe take a refreshing nap!

 

Ratboy,  great attitude to have :) it's good to have a dream... it's motivating.

 

And a big thank you to everyone for your support... I feel very supported here, & it's greatly appreciated!

Edited by havehope
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Hi all.

 

Still feeling horrible like I did last night.  Didn't sleep well again.

 

My right ear is throbbing right now.  Just another sign of some kind of infection.  It's amazing how much trouble one infected tooth can cause.

 

I could kick myself for not asking for an antibiotic or pain medication at my appointment later.  I really wish my dentist had done something besides examine me, but he's trying to be safe and take the 'watch and wait' approach.  I already know I'll be calling the office after the weekend.  They aren't open on Mondays or Fridays, but I should be able to get in on Tuesday.

 

JJ

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I'm in a food coma.  After following my meal plan to the letter today and drinking nothing but water...well today turned out to be the day our company celebrates birthdays for the month of September.  They order in the most incredible cakes from one of the best bakeries in the city.  So I indulged in two pieces of chocolate and one piece of caramel.  My brain has basically shut down completely.  Think I'll peruse DF for the last 45 mins of my work day and call it a week.  

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(((Havehope)))  :)

 

I am surfing right now, on a wave of guilt. Guilt for not being able to handle my father's visit earlier in the week and letting him push my buttons.  And guilty for letting my boss push my buttons, and taking so much time off (vacation today, sick day on Monday).  I feel like a failure for being 51 and still unable to get over people like that.  But at least I can see my parents sparingly. 10 years with my boss has left me literally exhausted.

 

Oh, well, dinner with my kids tonight. And tomorrow night a buddy is having a radio station come up and broadcast live from his back deck - 8 to midnight - spinning 70's, 80's and 90's vinyl from his collection of 5,000 albums. Hoping to hear some Corey Hart (or not). Big bash. I am bringing a "date" - yet another girl who has parked me in the friend zone.  Oh well, perhaps I'll get a handshake at the end of the night.

 

You know, I think I'll wear my vinyl pajamas tomorrow, in honour of the occasion.

 

Hope you all find a little peace tonight!!!

 

Brian

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ried .about finding a job. There must be something on my background check that says DONT HIRE THIS PERSON SHES CRAZY cause no ones calling about a job yet. I wish I hadn't made so many bad choices in my life cause im not going to make it alone.

((((((((watalife)))))))) Big hugs. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's an excruciating process finding a job, where you just want to throw things out of pure frustration (at least I did). You've just gotta hang in there through all the ups & downs, even though it's hard.  I remember feeling like I had no choice but to hang in there & keep plugging away at it until I succeeded while I was unemployed. I've been there three times so I truly feel your pain. Big hug. Stay strong!

Edited by havehope
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Tired.  Just got back from a pretty decent workout.

 

But again, no silver lining exists without a dark cloud.  I have no idea why I work out.  I fantasize about finding someone, adopting their kids as my own, living a fun life filled with family and friends life until I'm 95 or so, then dying in my sleep.

 

I have NO IDEA how to make that happen.  I reckon if I'm lucky I'll make it to 63 before croaking in some brutal, Elvis-type way.  So why do I work out?  Why do I socialize?  Why do I eat a salad instead of burgers every day?

 

Some faint glimmer of hope, I guess.  And maybe my self-training of the past few years is "taking".  I dunno.

 

Y'all take care!

 

I know this post wasn't meant to be funny but I had to lol at the Elvis part. I bust my butt in the gym too but I do it to run off the crazy. ;) Endorpihins work better than any medication I have ever taken. Nothing wrong with taking care of yourself for you and only you. Have a burger or pizza on Friday nights.

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Tired.  Just got back from a pretty decent workout.

 

But again, no silver lining exists without a dark cloud.  I have no idea why I work out.  I fantasize about finding someone, adopting their kids as my own, living a fun life filled with family and friends life until I'm 95 or so, then dying in my sleep.

 

I have NO IDEA how to make that happen.  I reckon if I'm lucky I'll make it to 63 before croaking in some brutal, Elvis-type way.  So why do I work out?  Why do I socialize?  Why do I eat a salad instead of burgers every day?

 

Some faint glimmer of hope, I guess.  And maybe my self-training of the past few years is "taking".  I dunno.

 

Y'all take care!

 

I know this post wasn't meant to be funny but I had to lol at the Elvis part. I bust my butt in the gym too but I do it to run off the crazy. ;) Endorpihins work better than any medication I have ever taken. Nothing wrong with taking care of yourself for you and only you. Have a burger or pizza on Friday nights.

 

 

It was pizza, my friend!   :smile:

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I wish I was compelled to work out RatBoy and novangel.  It is just not something that I have ever enjoyed.  I really thing people that work out are lucky, in a way, because you do it not only for health but because you like the feeling.  I wish I could get addicted to something good for a change.

 

Good on you!

 

Oh, and PIZZA!

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Tired.  Just got back from a pretty decent workout.

 

But again, no silver lining exists without a dark cloud.  I have no idea why I work out.  I fantasize about finding someone, adopting their kids as my own, living a fun life filled with family and friends life until I'm 95 or so, then dying in my sleep.

 

I have NO IDEA how to make that happen.  I reckon if I'm lucky I'll make it to 63 before croaking in some brutal, Elvis-type way.  So why do I work out?  Why do I socialize?  Why do I eat a salad instead of burgers every day?

 

Some faint glimmer of hope, I guess.  And maybe my self-training of the past few years is "taking".  I dunno.

 

Y'all take care!

 

I know this post wasn't meant to be funny but I had to lol at the Elvis part. I bust my butt in the gym too but I do it to run off the crazy. ;) Endorpihins work better than any medication I have ever taken. Nothing wrong with taking care of yourself for you and only you. Have a burger or pizza on Friday nights.

 

 

It was pizza, my friend!   :smile:

 

RatBoy and noangel,  I am really glad you guys are going to the gym.  I used to go at least four times a week.  Working out kind of put everything going on in my mind on hold.  And I miss it.  I had a foot injury about two years ago which has made going to the gym difficult.  But you guys gave me some inspiration to get back into it, just need to watch my foot.  Probably no cardio, just upper body and legs.  I am fortunate to have my gym fees paid at almost every club I choose through my insurance company, so figure I should take advantage of it.  I really need to get back into it for sure.

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Weird Day.  Went to my appointments but really  wanted to cancel them.  Just really tired today.  My own fault though because I stayed up late watching this amazing movie on HBO titled "Frida".  It's a movie filmed quite awhile ago, but got huge critical acclaim and I can see why

 

Had another moment while driving to my appointment listening to my favorite jazz station, a feeling of happiness, joy, and hope came over me.  And it felt so good..  And then like the other times, it vanishes and I'm back in the Twilight Zone.  I wish I could figure out a way to hang on to this feeling.  It is almost like my mind is kind is baiting me to look and feel the positive part of life.  But then some entity intrudes and destroys the feeling of elation.

 

This so called tug of war makes me even more sad, because there is suddenly hope, and then it vanishes in a second and I'm back where I started from.

 

I wish, I wish, we could all get better so we can get out in the world and really enjoy life to the fullest. And hopefully that wish will be fulfilled someday.

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You know... just reflecting here for a second, but as I read through everyone's posts, we're all struggling. It's excruciatingly painful sometimes, it sucks, it sucks big time and we're all trying to stay above water. Some days many of us want to just say F it and give up. And many times we do.. then we get up again somehow.

 

We cannot give up the fight to get better. It's worth it. WE are worth it. Our lives are worthwhile and each one of us has something unique and special to give to this world that only we can give, no matter what state we are in... 

We are all beautiful, strong, amazing beings... surviving through this crap. We are all survivors. Much love to all, :icon12: :icon12: :icon12: :icon12: :icon12:, HH

 

Oh, and on a lighthearted silly note, I just bought a pair of tall black buckled boots online that I am really happy about.. lol... it's the little things that can bring a ray of joy. These boots will bring me some sunshine. :)

Edited by havehope
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